Cyanrose J NDE

Experience Description

I had been very hungry being without food and in an abusive relationship with my child's father. My pregnancy was not cared for well, I had no food and was being bullied/abused by the father. At that time, I had another child who was mine only and months older, than the one born as I had the NDE. One day while reluctantly driving to my unborn child's father to his drinking friends, I experienced intense hunger and the father denied us food. He instead bought himself a beer and forced me to drive. My young daughter sat beside me, asleep as I drove. There were no children's seats in those days.

Suddenly, there was terrible pain. I could barely drive. I stopped the car. I was in fear as the father of my unborn child snarled for me to drive. I begged to go to the hospital only twenty minutes from where we were. He denied me, until he saw the blood covering my seat. I arrived at a clinic first, and then to the hospital where they took my daughter from me. I begged her not to be left with the unborn baby's father. The nurses assured me and kept watch over her. In the delivery room where I had never been before, was a table. I was placed there and given oxygen as they removed clothes. My baby was coming too early. I fearfully fought the mask. It was explained to me later that this was 'only oxygen, nothing more.'

I instantly floated above my body. Confused and in fear, I considered floating out the window, but turned and saw my infant daughter. The doctor and nurses were working to save her life. I floated toward her, reaching as I neared. My baby was beautiful. My arm and hand seemed extended in length, longer than normal. My extended hand went right through them all. I started to feel panicky. I tried to speak but the doctors/nurses couldn't hear me. I watched my baby kicking her feet and moving her arms. I could hear her crying. My heart ached because I felt she was dying.

In tremendous emotional pain and anguish, I floated outside the room to see a red phone in the hallway. A nurse was calling for special equipment. I'd never been there before and thought it was a payphone. I learned from Doctors later that it was the hospital phone.

Then I felt a very black mass, pulling me like a huge magnet, toward it. I moved faster as I neared it. I felt pure terror. I felt it was evil. It was off to the right side of me. I turned to the left and upward screaming in my head without voice, ‘Please God, help me! Please let me go back, I'll change, give me another chance, PLEASE? I need to go to my other daughter,’ pleading to return. The light enveloped me. I only sensed goodness within the light and returned to my body.

The Doctors began to explain but I hushed them before they spoke. I explained all I'd seen and knew happened. The Doctor said, my baby died and presented her body to me. He pointed out clinical reasons she had died. Then he sent in another Doctor who ‘would want to document my outer body experience.’ During the funeral for my infant, it had poured for a couple days prior. Once my baby was lowered into the grave, the most incredible rainbow appeared and it touched down directly into the grave with my child! The colors were incredible. All witnessing this, looked in awe and said, ‘It was a sign from God.’

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: May 8th 1972

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth. Life threatening event, but not clinical death. Hunger/abuse.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Everything happening incidentally (noises) and everyone could be clearly heard speaking. I verified the phone in the hallway, the nurse’s words to order a special incubator, and the Doctor pronouncing my infant dead. My daughter lived for 15 minutes total time. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal When I realized I was headed into that black magnetic hole, I had a sense of no return. It wasn't a good feeling. My awareness was peaked with mental torment beyond words to describe. In my heart, I already knew my baby had gone to a better place. When I floated away from my body, I saw my infant and then meeting the other forces.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From the start of my experience, I became more aware that I wasn't in the same dimension.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It seemed to be going quickly, yet time seemed in conflict and suspended too.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I had not given thought to such things. Although, after telling my mother of my experience afterward, my mother described having a similar experience when my eldest sister died at birth. She assured me ‘my baby was in heaven.’ My mother was in a coma for three weeks when, ‘Her baby girl’ (my sister) was full term but stillborn. She described her own deceased mother to be smiling, dressed in pure white robes as she took the infant into her arms and walked away into what my mother felt was heaven. She had always referred to her mother as ‘an Angel on earth, when living.’

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My senses were all hyper-senses.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No There was a huge, totally black magnetic mass.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I felt, I was about to meet the devil himself or hell. But I was saved by God or the circle-light spirit.

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes To the upper left and after begging not to enter into the black mass.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I only had a ‘knowing’ of my guilty, sinful life.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Sadness, despair (I knew my child would die), worry for my living infant daughter waiting for me during this time. Fear that I had not lived properly and hoped to redeem myself from all that by being granted to return to my life. *I was granted to return to have a second chance at my life by the bright glowing light, which I couldn't at look directly, or spirit of that light which I believe was either God or a representative of his. Relieved to return, but saddened by the loss of my baby.*

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others Yes, that I lost my daughter to death, that I had lived a terrible life, needed to change if I were to return. I was granted ‘a second chance.’

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was granted, a second chance at my personal life.

God, Spiritual and Religion:


What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian Believing in God, but little religious experiences.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Later on, but yes, I pray every day, I have tried to live to my promise to God.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated I raised myself in religion from a very early age. My mother was raised a Roman Catholic, My natural father was an Atheist, my Stepfather was a Polygamous Mormon. I felt strongly of my higher power as a young child, but strayed from all as a teenager. I'm currently a believer in God, with strong ideas of Jesus. I've home self educated without schooling since the second grade. I write books and have had (spiritual) experiences when my daughter was missing/ murdered in 1991. I mention this in my dedicational book written for my daughter.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I believed in God, but didn't practice as if I did, my life was indeed changed when I returned to my body that day.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Stronger beliefs.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The communications were not with spoken words, rather telepathically or a sense of knowing.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Good & Evil forces.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Good and Evil.

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Definitely GOD exists. There are good & evil powerful forces.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:


During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes To understand the special chance I was granted, and to share the knowledge of my experience.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes That my personal life should be lived morally, understanding my inner spirit for guidance (knowing right from wrong. A renewed knowledge that is born within each of us. It is a total instinctive understanding of life the same as the birds know build nests

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes There is definitely another kind of life after death. It was a knowledge opened to my consciousness. And I was granted another opportunity to change my life.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes It is a long complicated story of my daughter who went missing for three months. She was pregnant. Her brief boyfriend murdered her, shot her three times while claiming to be wildly overdosed on drugs (he still claims he never took) and then he buried her in his parents empty mansion garage hiding her body beneath the dirt stairwell in a shallow grave. During the trial, my daughter came to me and spared his life.... another long story. Fast-forward to today. I've forgiven the killers flawed humanity, because if not for my daughters intervention I would've been his executioner.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I felt I was to share this experience. And I have. I've experienced more over the years that has been unexplainable according to most here in our world. IE: When my first daughter was missing / murdered.

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I learned God gives love and second chances.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. My life wasn't changed by me as I had promised God during the NDE. I continued to live carelessly if my life. I suffered many times over, in many different and permanent ways. God granted me wonders beyond my deserving and has humbled me to the lowest of ground. I believe God kept trying to make me see my commitment wasn't being fulfilled as promised to him. Now in later years, I've learned to be humbled, learned physical & emotional pain, learned how to forgive, and not to repeat my previous life's challenging behaviors.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I'm careful not to live close to those who have chosen a different path. I pray endlessly for forgiveness from those I love and strangers, too.

After the NDE:


Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was all very clear and dramatic, but the intensity of mental agony was beyond words.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience The experience continued to the actual burial of my daughter. Where the rainbow touched our souls and showed we the living, baby Katie's deliverance to heaven was sealed.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I had experienced other spiritual things prior, but not out of body. I was mysteriously saved from drowning where no persons were there. I predicted my infant nieces drowning when she was 2 years old. My mother spiritually came to me when she died. I couldn't see any forms: I just felt them and knew. More: My daughter visited me in spirit, when she went missing, I FELT her death.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? My God-given opportunity to change my life's path.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes With many people, over many years.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I'm not certain that my mother shared her NDE story with me before mine, but it is possible.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Evidence that others verified when I related my experience.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was undeniably real. My reality to present is: there is still time to make more positive changes.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes The murder of my daughter: my spiritual experiences.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Only that I believe. I continue to share this whenever people listen and take me seriously. There are many who snuff at the story as not real.