Experience Description

I had been complaining to my doctor for several months of severe period pain, a stabbing pain in my lower abdomen, night sweats, etc. He seemed to think it was only my entering 'the change' and told me to keep a record of my period dates. Two months later, I presented with pain that was doubling me up. The hospital found that I had a fallopian tube that was blocked on both ends and as soon as I could arrange emergency medical leave from work, I presented for this operation. I woke up to find my doctor standing at the foot of my bed, watching me.

The first thing he asked was what I had seen. I was pretty confused. He repeated the question. I realized I was trying to say something, but was prevented from speaking aloud. I finally managed to ask why. He told me I had gone into cardiac arrest as my surgery begun, but approximately fifty seconds later, as they prepared to 'shock' me, my heart had started again normally and they continued with the surgery. He again demanded to know what I had seen.

I had to think - I had fleeting images of intense colors, but was unable to express what I had seen. Finally, I was able to tell him: 'It wasn't my time to go.' That I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt. I was not supposed to die that day. In fact, I knew that I was, and am, to live to quite an advanced age.

I remember seeing a woman with long, long grey hair walking through the grass in a beautiful garden. She is so serene. She is kind and gentle. Her face glows. She is wearing a long skirt or dress - right down to the ground. I don't remember what she told me, but I was so happy in her presence. That's all I remember. It was not my time to go and I'm supposed to be very old when I do die.

When I tell people this, they treat me like I'm crazy. Some even start talking about me while I'm standing right there, as if I'm so crazy. I'm no longer capable of understanding English anymore. I think I'm supposed to tell certain people this, but I stop myself now.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: Jan 2000

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Surgery-related Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) I was undergoing emergency surgery for a condition which could have killed me. I was experiencing lower abdominal pain. The ultrasound revealed a fallopian tube that was blocked on both ends, with a large amount of fluid ready to split the tube. If it had split, I would have been gravely ill.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Only certain times, when I have 'recall', which is almost like having a wonderful memory. I see the grass - it's incredibly lush and green - and I know it is late spring or early summer. I know the air is full of pollen and the flowers are blooming. It's warm and the sun is brilliant. I see the skirt, all the way down to the ground, as the woman walks towards me. I look up very slowly and see her face. I see and feel nothing but love, peace and understanding.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I don't know. It seems to have taken longer than I was actually gone. But I will remind you I don't remember it like it actually happened. It's more a memory that I can access when I remember I have it.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Colors brighter. I could see clearly without my glasses - I can actually only see a few feet without them.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No All I can remember is being there. I feel there is more to the memory, but I can't access it.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes A thin old woman with long grey/silver hair flowing long past her hips. She was wearing blue, a faded blue, and I say it was a skirt, but I saw the bottom of her garment first. The garment flowed. I have a feeling the woman was me - a me that doesn't exist yet because I haven't become her, but will. But I feel she was full of God, if that makes sense to you.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes A bright light, like the summer sun shining in a garden on a cloudless day. Only it wasn't coming from just one spot in the sky, it was like a part of the place. It was all around and there was no shadow that I can recall.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm A beautiful garden

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love. Understanding, serenity, peace and love.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Just what I should be and not what I am.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future Only the age at which I was/am supposed to die.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Christian

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Although I feel quite conflicted, I can no longer believe in the 'Jesus is God' religion, as I know Jesus never claimed to be God, he was made into a God by certain Christian factions. I have the overwhelming feeling that Islam is the next world religion, though I do not like Muhammad's life. I feel there is a God, but it is not the God as seen by any current religion.

What is your religion now? Liberal 'Muslim, maybe more new age/Buddhist/mix'

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Although I feel quite conflicted, I can no longer believe in the 'Jesus is God' religion, as I know Jesus never claimed to be God, he was made into a God by certain Christian factions. I have the overwhelming feeling that Islam is the next world religion, though I do not like Muhammad's life. I feel there is a God, but it is not the God as seen by any current religion.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes The approximate age I am supposed to die.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I've become quite shy and reluctant to meet new people or attend any event where there are significant numbers of people gathered. At the same time, I can tell when and what I'm being lied to about and will call people on it when it's something important. That's led to people thinking of me as a troublemaker. I create waves instead of staying shut up and lumping it. Many think I'm just crazy. My mother and siblings tell everyone I'm nuts. My daughter tells people I'm manic/depressant. The shrinks I've seen say I'm melancholic, ha ha - wouldn't you be?? I did marry, at age forty-seven, and we are still very happily married after eight years together. Outside of my husband, I have no friends and have not made any.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Feel like most of the information I gained is actually unable to be expressed in words, or I am unable to do so except to certain others. I actually forget it sometimes, and then suddenly remember it when meeting a certain person or another for the first time - but not everyone or even most people.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I find I can pick up on things about twelve to eighteen months before they happen and I don't know how. Like trends - I knew the depression was coming a year before it hit. Colors - I can walk into a house and tell you what color it was originally painted. When something is not right - people can no longer lie to me because I know when and what they are lying about. Things like that.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The woman that came to me was ME. It was the me I am supposed to be and will be some day.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Only my husband, everything else acts like I'm crazy or just making it up for attention. Most things are about twelve to eighteen months from the time I first get the 'changing/wrong' feeling very strongly and the event happens. The depression - a good year. Even wrote my family and friends and told them what would happen during it - and so far everything I wrote has happened. Houses - I can walk through and just mention like 'Oh, this room would be lovely in lavender' - the particular owner of that house nearly passed out - his deceased mother had that room painted lavender the entire time she lived there. It hadn't been that color for nearly fifteen years he told me. Freaked him right out.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I know it's real, but part of me says maybe I'm remembering a part of a movie or something. But as I try to convince myself of that, I know I really saw it, even if I can't explain it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Because the memory is just that - a memory that never changes, never alters, and never fades. Always exactly the same, every time. In ten years, it has not altered. Then I have that little 'trick' of catching onto things that have been or are about to happen long before they happen. When I'm really conflicted about something, I've found there will be a period when it can happen but there's still time to stop it (if the right person acts), but my predominant feeling is the outcome.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Meeting people who appear outwardly to be devoutly religious, but are living a lie (even though I don't know it at the time) - will cause me to immediately remember my memory of the garden. It just comes, I remember it like daydreaming.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It has definitely changed my life. Sometimes I don't necessarily think it's for the better, but in other ways I think what it's done was actually open my eyes to what I refused to see before. The doctors obviously thought something had happened and wanted to hear about it. Everyone else thinks I'm crazy because something did happen and I told them about it.