At four a.m. in the morning, in a sleepy town in Canada, a vision of my grandfather who I called Papa awoke me from a sound sleep. Papa was calling my name, across time and space. Papa was safe in the hospital. I awoke as usual, got up, dressed, and went downstairs to eat breakfast. In the middle of breakfast my mother entered the dining room speaking with a hysterical tone in her voice, "change your clothes, we need to go to the hospital, Papa fell out of bed and broke his hip". In the car, my mother and I were silent. She drove faster than ever before. Papa needed hip surgery. After many hours of surgery, Papa was brought back to his hospital bed. I stayed with him and I was there with him when he died. He looked straight into my eyes and called out a name I had never heard him mention. That name was "Tilly"- it was the name of my deceased Grandmother whom I had never known. Papa was 16 days away from his 89th birthday and I would turn fourteen 23 days later.
I was fascinated with Papa's eyes seeing something I could not see, but I did see (hear) Papa call out to me; could death be such an extraordinary event that we have treated with ignorance and fear?
Two years later my mother died, funerals were such sad and maudlin events to me, I would miss Mother and my Papa but no one had any answers for me, and the world of adults shunned my questions. I wasn't asking any questions anyone was willing to answer, and I was even more irritated when I discovered we'd been staying safe within the parameters of the event. "Fled death by turning it over to the clergy", who all, as it turned out, had no idea what to tell me and would simply ignore my questions. No one dared allude to me that the psychic realm was bordering on Satanism. I was usually helping them more with insights or precognition than they helped me.
At the age of four-and-a-half, my mother and I were visiting friends. I went outside in their lovely back yard and I fell into their fishpond. Suddenly I was being lifted out of the pond and as I looked up I saw this blinding beam of light and there was a man with blue eyes in a suit with snow-white hair. I was dripping wet, I had a conversation with this man who I called Norman, and I always called our higher being Norman. Norman seemed to be an angel. Norman also told me I had a special mission.
Matters at hand were to go back inside the house, present myself to the owners. As I stood beside Fred Webster (who owned the local newspaper) it was obvious as the nose on my face, I fell into the fishpond. "I fell into the fish pond, Fred," said I as I stood beside him at the dining table, dripping wet.
"How did you get out of the fish pond? That fish pond is 5 feet deep."
"An angel came and rescued me, Fred".
With that remark, Fred excused himself from the table, went to his den, picked up the phone, and said this to his friend: I don't care if it is Sunday, I need someone to come over quickly and fill in my fish pond, one miracle is all I call take with that pond." Indeed the pond was filled in, I was dried off and no more was said.
My next event was in Lake Ontario, I was swimming at what was an outing for a 7th birthday party with cousins, and suddenly I was being swept out deeper; my life short as it was but erratic as it had been with divorced parents, flashed before my eyes. The next thing I knew I was not on earth, but flying around the amusement park, which was amusing, and then over the earth toward the U.S. As I seemed to re-enter my body I was being given artificial respiration and came to as if nothing had happened. I told a cousin, about my experience, she told my Aunt and I never talked about that again .
Years lapsed between the drowning event and my next NDE. I was now almost 30 and a tooth was getting a root canal. Today this is a common procedure but in 1973 it was fairly new. Upon returning from the dentist, I spoke to neighbors but was feeling woozy. So I went inside my townhouse, where I promptly collapsed. I was dying. My neighbor came over and apparently called an ambulance. I was out of my body, unconcerned about following that body, feeling a freedom of spirit that was just incredible. I flew from Lansing, Michigan to New York, then Chicago in record time. It was as if I thought about a place on earth, I could be there instantly, without taking trains, boats or planes. How long I was out of my body like this I do not know. Suddenly it was as if something alerted me in my whimsical mood of flight that I was being called back to my body.
I could see that this body in the hospital room as I flew in. It looked like a corpse.
"She has a heartbeat, I guess we'll see if she stays stable, and then we will see how she is, then she can be released,” the voice of a male doctor I had never seen before was saying. Now I was back in my body in a hospital setting, lying on a gurney, wondering what had happened.
Prior to this experience I had a dreadful fear of dying; that fear included dying too young, just dying, because I was too perplexed and too upset with the current way that dying was being dealt with in life - I'd never heard of NDE. It just didn't seem to be an appropriate term for the actual event I call the dying phenomenon.
On July 6, 1976 , I had left E. Lansing, Michigan, and was living in San Francisco, Ca. I died on the street. I hovered over my body. I had no tunnel of light, no reuniting with relatives, just a 105 degree fever and no heartbeat. I was on the corner of Valencia and Market streets. Flipped backwards down I went. I simply hovered over me, and then came back to life. I was taken to San Francisco General Hospital having died again en-route and was referred to as the body...
As the dead body, there were stirrings, I pulled off the sheet, got off the gurney in this extremely cold room. I was still wearing my Givenchy shoes with a lot of money tucked in them, I had been leaving home to get an antibiotic. I was walking around in the hall way when a nurse came up to me and thought I needed my temperature taken, she couldn't believe I was walking around if my temp was indeed 105 so she got one of those electronic thermometers. I decided to leave, get a cab and go to Presbyterian Hospital.
Now transported to Presbyterian Hospital, I wanted my own doctor. I collapsed again. I recall being in the room being given a shot in my heart and the next thing I know I was back in the new wing at San Francisco General hearing I was going to be given a spinal tap without my consent. I came to in a delirious sort of way. I was alone in the new wing, but I could hear music, calliope music. I could see Burgess Meredith playing this huge calliope. I drifted off again, only to awaken again and again seeing Burgess Meredith playing the same calliope, but without a couple occupying the bed at the end of the ward who had been making love on duty.
I awoke screaming with a headache and was quickly pushed down by one very strong bossy nurse, this was the worst headache I ever had. I used to get migraine headaches as a kid, then get very psychic, eat grapefruit and the headache would go away. I had lost control of my bike at age 8, ran smack into the side of a truck, emerging unscathed. Not quite as dramatic an emergency as totaling my yellow Vega wagon was in E. Lansing Michigan.
The fever subsided, I did not have spinal meningitis. I was released but the following month I had a fever again. The fever subsided. I began to have fevers for 12 months out of 14 months, missing February and August. My fevers would peak to 103 - I'd call a cab, get a room at UCSC, be observed, perplex every physician on staff. I would get a rash, starting on my face, the whites of my eyes would get red and I would dehydrate.
Somewhere between my July 6, 1976 ordeal and 1978 I was given a medication with alcohol in it for asthma. I was an alcoholic. I took a sauna, could feel something dreadful happening, my blood pressure was sky high. I got to Presbyterian hospital, I began to hear voices, felt really weird and the next thing I knew I was above me watching docs give me another shot in the heart.
I was detoxed from the asthma meds with the usual anti-seizure meds, released but something happened. I may have had another fever spell, but this one would be so vastly different from any other fever spell, and from any of the near death experiences I have ever had.
I had flown through a tunnel, I had seen light before, I had entered into a field of great beauty, had seen and felt a peace of mind, body and spirit not ever felt before.
I was in UCSC in, a room with a view, I was in a sort of coma, I had died again.
I looked up, a doctor was drawing my blood slowly, and this blood was going into a very large container. The blood was the color of rust. He kept drawing blood; I left my body quickly, not because I faint at the sight of blood. As I watched the doctor, I felt at peace.
When I got back into my body and was out of the apparent 'danger zone' I'd been in on the earth plane, my heart's erratic beats from arrhythmia had hospital employees humming. I was not ever going to be the same person.
Little did I know I was going to be called another name. I was alert, unable to speak, I thought the moaning I was making made perfect sense. Not one person could understand me. I went to write and hold this pen in my right hand and stared at it blankly, and then watched as it dropped to the floor where it made a ping sound. I tried to move my neck, I seemed paralyzed. I didn't know where in 'L" I was or who I was, I was all set to get up and dance around with joy Instead I really knew what the star of the "Life Of Riley" T.V. show meant when he'd say "What a revoltin' development this is." He wasn't kidding!
Coming back to life was not easy; learning to walk, talk, read and write was quite a chore. It was also an ordeal. Those right-handed writing lessons were awful. Well, one out of four tasks was better than none at all. But it just wasn't my speed. I was a quick study and this just wasn't up to my speed. Progress was slow, methodical and sometimes miserable. My mind was racing and nothing else could keep up or cooperate or perform properly.
I was a ravenously hungry re-learner. Slowly things began to return not exactly to "normal" but I didn't know there was a normal. I had humor; lots of it, in fact it was my best suit, in fact maybe it's been my only suit since I returned. My humor seems to irritate everyone. I learned in my journey that you must laugh; only the most highly intelligent of the people species are endowed with humor. They are also the most highly evolved.
I'd lost everything, but it turned out it was others who were so upset and full of anger. These others were also judgmental, rigid, greedy, and about as unchristian as charging wild rhinos.
What a wonderful welcome back to planet earth.
I was sent to see a psychiatrist, a woman doctor in San Francisco.
The call was my emergency call. I suggested she answer her phone, exclaiming it was an emergency, adding think it over if you want to see me, I know you don't and I am not certain I want to work with you. It was no trick. It worked, she realized I had "something" from the time I was a child. I thought everyone had these abilities, seeing visions, extraordinary hearing, a knowing, all understanding, instead I learned that I was the odd ball. I am still skeptical of the scientific ones, who cannot believe if they cannot prove something exists on the material plane.
Humor is the greatest gift, the ability to laugh is the ability to forgive and live in a better world.
I cannot stand offices. They are humorless, devoid of sound; no one sitting waiting for a doctor speaks to anyone else. Whose rule is that? Concentrate on the sick self, now. Loretta scheduled no one in her office waiting room but me; I'd say I know you have more patients, Loretta, afraid I'll heal them? Out day I actually got her to laugh. How? I said, "You will be leaving here, shortly." She claimed she'd never leave San Francisco. Good-bye Loretta. I did not find work, I did not solve my problems, I was alone in this cold as stone city, with 40 degree weather, getting locked on buses, have to use my booted feet to boot doors open, and get to know more cable car drivers than bus drivers. I survived. How? I had little money, no work, and met this woman who was about to retire from Real Estate- I became her arms, legs, and driver, she put roofs over my head. To this day, my Dad still talks about the number of addresses I had, and doesn't get it.
I did not know about social security, taxes, unemployment benefits, and workman’s compensation.
One time as I was sales demonstrating products, I was to do a fraction. "What's a fraction?" I asked. The mail I asked, said, "Gems, did you just land on this planet, girly or what?" Of course, I said, yeah, to having just landed on the planet.
I almost had an opportunity to take a script-writing course in L.A. to work on the Mork and Mindy show. I was in the hospital, I did talk to Robin Williams, paid my money for the class, $100.00 never took it, but I guess the show was successful without me. I lost the $100.00.
Frightening as any NDE is it seems the experience is to provide an impetus for spiritual transformation. It was not until my 5th NDE experience with the incredible experience with the butterfly that the full implication of NDEs was made clearer to me.
Upon my arrival at this crystal powered city I called Paralandra the city of celestial light, where I was introduced to "mind speak". Mind speak is a communication without using words; it is an etheric passing of information through energy from one being to another as if by osmosis. One has an instant understanding and sense of ideas, concepts and thoughts of any other being. Upon return to planet earth I realized that a science fiction writer C. S. Lewis had referred to Paralandra in one of his books, so I changed the name to Pseudolandra. Pseudolandra was like a land of enchantment, but not an amusement park, it was gloriously colored and aura-ed in lively pastel hues.
It was after my initial introduction to ZAR when I was both sent and led down the non- hallway where there were rooms with light illuminating from within the room only. The first room was the room of forgiveness. In here one had to cast off all aspersions done to the self or done to others by the self. Before one could leave they were required to feel self-love, be cleansed, healed, and let go of all concepts pertaining to earthly tenants "sins". Once in this room one stayed until all the necessary vibrational tune-ups to the soul were accomplished.
Since there was no way to measure the concept of time by earth standards, the events happen as if one is getting dry cleaning, or a vibrational air bath.
One does not actually walk into these rooms, one is led as if one is floating in space, and yet one seems so solid in space. One simply moves from room to room when it is deemed appropriate to move on.
The concept of left-brain dominance in our earth society came out of this experience. The right brain concept becomes dominant upon return to the, earth. Evidently, right brain use has become most commonly associated with the drawing on the right side of the brain concept. I assure you, the right brain concept is the most important aspect of an NDE. It was here in the realm where I was shown how schools, banks, governments and most "systems" are based on left-brain concepts, it is also the principle in which the "material sciences" are entrenched. These left brained concepts have a strong foothold in the "material world". Those of the material world are the Scrooge's, who are rigid, unloving, uncaring, unkind and seem to operate at robotic or automaton levels in life.
There is a room to show future events. After entering and being exited from this chamber room when one returns to this earth planet one usually connects with others who have had NDE's or others who are naturally tuned into the vibrational frequency levels of similar humans.
There is not a sense that this is just one room, one concept, and others are present in these rooms, but they are not noticed by perfumes, apparel, or other ego centered characteristics or traits. One 's energy level is as subtle as a whisper, as gentle as a sigh, and as quiet as a flower.
I had always had numbers happen in threes, for instance three one's and so on happen to me without problems, that was, until I lived at a street address of three 5's. This was my 5th NDE and prior to this I had zeroed out on computers, lost everything, I mean everything, my house, car, and child and almost lost myself. I have not seen my child in 25 years.
Personally I believe it took more than the room of forgiveness to tune me up to a high level of consciousness.
Room after room provided an area of cleansing for the soul. It was akin to a university of knowledge concept, it was a job or work while there, it was not just a duty it was more like a desire to become a better person in every way was the way of the way, as opposed to the way things were. As my soul lifted out of my body I felt these incredible wings envelop me, it was as if I was being taken in my own private rocket into space, at an incredible speed. I had no time to think about looking back to the earth and saying good-bye. I could hear the soft voice of what seemed like a female, assuring me I would be ok. Suddenly the wings opened and I was deposited on a path. The butterfly vanished, before me was the crystal city with it's pale pastel colors but of very bright shimmering hues of pinks, blues, yellows, purple, white, and green. I was moving forward, as if I was being pulled, or magnetized toward a destination. There were no doors, but I seemed to have arrived. I looked around, I saw a male figure that seemed faceless but in charge, his name was ZAR. I was called QUASAR. I was given no actual papers, but I was to take these invisible papers (liquid crystal sheets) to a room. There were rooms; I went from one to another, floating.
I seemed to have a body that was bodiless, mass that was mass-less, shape and form, but no weight, I could see that I had a typical body, but it just didn't feel like my earth body. I was aware of the fact I was going to return to earth. I made the circle of chambers which I was informed through mind speak for programming and a tune-up vibrationally. I could hear faint music that was soft and almost unnoticeable. It was faint to the ears, it seemed to have a resonance that was tuning me up. I saw files, chambers, and doors that were not doors. I was given a tour in the invisible limo. I sat, another faceless person sat and we toured the city. I called it Paralandra. Later I called it Pseudolandra.
There was no time but there was a feeling of being able to absorb time as if it was a stellar beam of its own frequency. I was relaxed, not afraid. I wanted very much to see my Papa, but he was not around. I heard a voice, from the void speak to my mind; "she is ready for return or take off" is how I translated it.