On April 10, 2010, I was rushed to the hospital. It was almost sixteen months after I had completed chemotherapy for a diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and only ten months after being declared free of any signs of the cancer. I had symptoms of shortness of breath for several weeks and medical and health practitioners were unable to determine the cause. My husband rushed me off to the emergency room after contacting my cardiologist who planned to meet us in the emergency room. I remember nothing of that frightening day, but my husband still has the memories of what was happening to his new wife. Within minutes of arriving in the emergency room, I flat lined. Emergency medical staff came rushing to my side to immediately begin resuscitation. But my heart would not restart. A series of miracles then unfolded to enable me to still be here in physical form today.
It was during this time that I experienced one of the most incredible phenomenon that can be experienced in one's lifetime. I crossed over to the afterworld and came back to share my journey with the world.
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
I had flat lined. My heart had stopped and they were unable to re-start it. The medical staff was ready to declare my ‘time of death’ but my doctor would not give up. While resuscitation techniques were being applied, my doctor rushed to get some type of life support system in place to keep blood circulating to my organs. But my heart did not restart. It was no longer beating. All of my organs were failing. I was eventually transferred from one hospital to another where the medical tests showed there was no left or right ventricle or atrial movement in my heart. I had arrived at the new hospital with no heartbeat. From the moment my heart stopped, my spirit drifted off to another dimension. I was in a coma for the next six to eight weeks and no one knew if I would survive or have brain damage. During this time, a bionic heart pump had to be installed over a series of open heart surgeries to simulate the function of my heart.
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was extremely alert. I remember a heightened level of certain senses, such as telepathy, which once I was able to realize the ability, made me more aware of consciousness than I had ever experienced in normal every day.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was extremely alert during most of my experience in the other dimension. I was aware that I had crossed over, that I was not alone, that I had a life review, and that I was given a choice of whether or not I wanted to come back.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time did not seem to exist as we have defined it. Time was not linear as we know it. Sometimes the different dimensions I was in seemed to be happening at the same time. Some events I could feel made more sense than others could. There were events that appeared to happen extremely fast and others that seemed to drag on forever. The most interesting occurrence I noticed, in terms of time, was there was one event that seemed to replay repeatedly. It was a sequence of events that continued to repeat like in the movie Groundhog Day. It was extremely frustrating for me, and I remember the moment it finally stopped repeating.
I also remember a whole series of events that involved me being in a few different medical centers, but the medical staff had to keep me submerged underwater because I couldn’t breathe regular air. And the events that unfolded were extremely traumatic, because the doctors had to keep trying different methods to pull me out of the water so I could breathe on my own. It reminds me of when a baby is born and has to take their first breath of air. In short, my brother, who is a few years older than me, was the only one who could pull me out of the water where I was able to breathe. I do remember, at that moment I briefly came out of my coma for just a minute or two, enough to know that my brother had flown in to see me and was standing on my right side. I didn’t have enough time, but I remember that I was pointing to different letters on a sheet of paper to try to spell out, ‘I thought I had died.’ I was placed back into my induced coma before I was able to spell out the last two words, but my husband confirmed later that he knew what I was trying to say. I was in the coma again for another six to seven weeks where I drifted back and forth between other dimensions and this world.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was able to see, but the colors were so much richer and brighter. The depth perception seemed different. Everything was telepathic and all-knowing, so I didn’t have to ‘look’ and use my eyes the way we do normally. I was able to see form as well as non-form beings at the same time.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was able to hear certain sounds and conversations that were going on in my physical room, and outside of my room, while I was in my two month coma, even though I was in another dimension. I was also able to hear my conversations with other beings in the spiritual dimension. But that was telepathic hearing. So I heard conversations loudly, but I finally realized we had not been talking using out vocal chords but rather through thinking and mental telepathy.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I was never alone. I was always surrounded by many beings. Some were in form and others non-form. I always felt their love and protection. There were times during my life review where I was interacting with other beings in different lifetimes, or rather dimensions, where certain lessons or karmic experiences were being played out. But I could tell the difference and knew I was getting glimpses of past karmic energy that kept following me to different lifetimes. I saw beings that had passed over and I saw beings currently in my family or circle of friends who are still alive and in physical form. There were also beings I did not recognize but I felt their love.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
What emotions did you feel during the experience? So much love. More love than I had ever experienced. I no longer felt any sense of aloneness. I felt safe, extremely light as a feather, with none of the burdens of my normal life, and at peace.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I was made aware that my body would heal and that it was safe for me to return. I remember a series of events that took place in this large house with all white walls. There were other beings of form around me that I was communicating with. At a certain point, I found myself in a white room with no one around. Everything was pure white. I was in my form and seeing everything from that perspective. I had been placed on what felt like a bed, even though it didn’t seem to be a hospital.
Something had kept my ankles strapped down so I couldn’t get out of bed and leave my room to see where I was or what was going on. I felt like someone was preventing me from moving. It was later confirmed that when I came out of my coma that the ankle straps were part of the leg compression medical equipment that was helping to prevent blood clots from forming while I was bed-ridden. I was extremely frustrated. It was quiet and implied that I was supposed to stay there. It seemed to last forever. I didn’t have any medical equipment attached to me or next to me in this dimension. It was just a plain room. To this day, there have been certain events that I am still trying to understand their meaning. I do feel that I was in some grand place in another dimension where my body was allowed to rest. And that it needed plenty of time to rest before I could leave.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I was never raised religious and although I have always been curious about different religions and practices, I have never followed, nor do I now, any particular religion. However, this experience did confirm my belief that our soul never dies. And that we will not be alone even after our physical bodies cease to exist.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I was never raised religious and although I have always been curious about different religions and practices, I have never followed, nor do I now, any particular religion. However, this experience did confirm my belief that our soul never dies. And that we will not be alone even after our physical bodies cease to exist.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I was able to understand why I had become sick through my life review. And I was able to see exactly what energy or belief was held within my spiritual vibration that was being carried from lifetime to lifetime or dimension to dimension. It was very clear. I knew what it was I needed to do in this lifetime to clear that energy so my spirit no longer has to carry that suffering into another lifetime.
I was able to see that the universe consists of different dimensions occurring at different levels of what we call time or speed. Some are happening at the same time, some are in the past and some are in the future. It was fascinating. I’m still trying to find words to communicate in detail that this is real. I’m not a scientist but I know what I experienced was real. It was not a dream. If I could take a snap shot or movie reel of what I witnessed for everyone to see, researchers would truly see that the events that occurred, how they occurred, why they occurred, and how they relate to what is happening now in this world. They would see we are completely connected, without a doubt.
It was clarified that we are not alone. We are always surrounded by loving beings when we cross over and even now in this existing dimension. I know that we are always safe and protected. And I know that no matter what our circumstances, who we are perceived as or judged to be by the world, or what we have done in this lifetime, that we are all pure love. It’s as simple as that. And we are all here to remind each other of our pure essence and what we can create in this three-dimensional world through love and co-creating.
I learned that we are all one in the same sharing different experiences. And that because we are all one, we no longer need to communicate in the way we think we need to. Telepathy, for example is real. Not only did I experience it on the other side, but I’m experiencing it at a heightened level now that I have returned. I was shown that the concept of heaven and hell only exists in this world. It’s a term we have created using an agreed upon vocabulary. But the truth is heaven or hell exists right now, not in the afterlife. The afterlife is beautiful, pure, loving, and safe. The struggles and heartaches we put on ourselves in this world is the hell that we have defined. And what I learned is that no matter what, we can change things to create heaven on earth here right now.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes It has incredibly enhanced my relationship with my three best friends from junior high, high school, and college, which feels so amazing. I feel like they know the real me. They ‘see’ me. They ‘see’ my spirit, my soul, the deepest part of my heart. Which is such a beautiful, rich feeling of unconditional love. I think because I experienced such an intense feeling of love when I crossed over, I know now that I don’t deserve anything less! I deserve to be ‘seen’ in this world for the beautiful soul that I am. And spending time giving my power over to anyone else or any other situation is just a waste of the time. We have to play in this dimension. It’s time to have fun!
Most of my other friendships seemed to have drifted away effortlessly and many close family members still seem to be struggling with what I think is accepting that they almost lost me. I can understand the fear of ‘letting me in’ to their hearts again not knowing whether I’ll still be here tomorrow. It’s hard for me emotionally, but I totally get it. I just focus on the energy of love that fills my heart every day. A few new friendships in my life are amazing too. They are extremely open and curious to what I experienced when I crossed over. Many of them were with me during my journey crossing over, even though they are still in physical form. So we have that connection too. They understand that we are all loving beings and that we are not separate. And so I have a special bond with them too. And it’s fun because I get to play with them telepathically in the spiritual dimension, even though we are all in physical form. It’s so comforting and anytime I begin to feel alone, I am instantly reminded that I am never alone.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes What I experienced was beyond any words I can use to describe any part of it. What it looked like, what I felt, and what I experienced. Our vocabulary is not vast enough to describe the totality of what I experienced.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes First let me say that we all have these special gifts, whether we are aware of them or not. And there are varying degrees of awareness of these gifts. So I cannot actually say that I did not have any of these gifts prior to my near death experience. Although I have always been extremely tuned into my intuition, from spiritual practice over the years, my near death experience has taken it to a whole new level. My near death experience confirmed already existing phenomenon I had experienced growing up but didn’t really understand. My degrees of telepathy, clairessence, clairvoyance, clairsentience, and so on have all been heightened dramatically. I also feel the presence of many other dimensions at once, which I had never previously experienced. This was quite confusing when I first came out of the hospital, but now quite comforting. I can still experience the heightened feeling of love that I felt when I crossed over. It is unlike anything I have ever previously experienced.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? There were many parts that stood out for me. Some of which make sense to me and others which I’m still trying to understand. As previously explained I remember instantly knowing I had crossed over. It was a little bizarre because I was surrounded by a circle of beings deep within the ocean waters. I kept asking them to please take me to the light. And I remember this long silence and wondering why are they just looking at me and not answering me? Then I realized they were communicating with me but not verbally. They were communicating with me telepathically.
There was another event, which kept repeating itself, as referred to previously as being similar to the movie Groundhog Day. I had made the decision not to come back and so the nurses in the institution I was in kept saying I had to hang on long enough so they could prepare my body for when my friends and family would arrive to say their last goodbyes. I remember specifically trying to hold on long enough for my brother, who lives thousands of miles away. Once my body was all prepared, I was wheeled through this room in a big loop. I couldn’t see anyone but I could hear and recognize family and longtime family friends. Everyone was crying. I felt so bad but I wanted to speed things up so they all got a chance to say goodbye and then let me go in peace. I didn’t want any more struggles. When I finished going through the viewing the reclining chair that I was being wheeled in stopped and I remember counting down from five. In my head, I said ‘five, four, three, two,’ and then I would get this gentle kick to the back of my leg. I couldn’t see who it was but I was annoyed that my countdown had been interrupted. Then I found the entire series of events repeating themselves from the very beginning when my body was being prepared for my viewing. This repeated several times until I finally turned around to see who was gently kicking the back of my leg and not letting me go. It was my husband.
I remember another incident where I must have been some type of dolphin, or whale that had been captured by some ship. And I remember being driven in a car somewhere high up in the mountains. Nothing else was around except the most magnificent glistening mansion that I ever could imagine. It was on a large compound and I remember wondering where I was. So many events occurred that I would have to take the time to sit down and write out all of the details. But I would say they were all incredible. Nothing I had ever experienced in my life.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I was unable to speak during most of my four months at the hospital due to being on a respirator for long. I had to transition over the last two months stay in the hospital off both the ventilator and the tracheal tube, which I had been placed on after my initial open heart surgery because both of my lungs had collapsed. But there were times in my third month that they were able to begin strengthening my lungs and I was able to occasionally use a tracheal attachment to allow me to say a few words.
At this time, I began sharing a few of the events I experienced with others. Because at this time I still was unsure of which dimension I was in, I was mostly asking questions to help me figure out what was of this world and what was not. It was a very confusing time for me. And I didn’t understand why I had returned from such a beautiful space to be living the nightmare of the intensive care unit. The heart pump, ventilator, all of the pain. I felt like, ‘What kind of life is this to return to?’ I didn’t fully share with anyone in detail a few of the accounts until toward the end of my stay in the hospital. It took a very long time for me to understand what world I was in and what I had just experienced. It was so real. After I returned home from the hospital, I was afraid to go to sleep at night, not because I feared my dreams, but I feared the feeling that I would get each morning when I awoke to my new nightmare in this world. This eased over time but has taken almost two years to really grasp what I experienced. I have now been able to share the full details of my experience safely with my best friend from high school. Others can’t quite comprehend the magnitude and the love of what I experienced and so most people think I was just dreaming. But over time, I have been able to confirm and or make sense of how all of these dimensions relate to one another.
To this day, all of the doctors and medical teams that had been following my case cannot believe how much my body has recovered - especially my heart. Even loved ones who saw me in the hospital still have a hard time grasping that I survived my experience. It’s been really hard for those around me. I’ve been trying to give everyone their own space to heal from this experience as well, because I was not the only one affected. Many life-threatening complications went on during my months on life-support. When I start to hear the details, I have to stop listening. It’s as if everyone is talking about someone else. I still can’t believe the devastation that was happening to my physical body while I was living this completely different life in another dimension. It’s amazing.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes But I never really took much interest. Paranormal events always terrified me. Probably because I was already experiencing them and didn’t know what they were! I had heard about people seeing their life flash before their eyes before they had some type of accident, and maybe a few incidences of someone generally explaining life after death. But nothing I can remember that I really took full interest in learning the details of.
I was aware at the time that I had crossed over because the day before, a friend of mine, who is also an intuitive teacher, told me that sometimes we are given a choice of whether or not we want to stay in this reality. I had no idea what she was even referring to. So when my heart stopped and I crossed over the next day, I immediately found myself in this other dimension and I remember saying, ‘Oh, this is what you meant by making a decision of whether or not to come back! I think I want to stay, it’s beautiful here!’ So, I don’t remember a time where I didn’t know that I was in the afterworld. I was aware the whole time.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I had no doubts that what I experienced crossing over was real. I knew I was on the other side and experiencing multiple different dimensions. I knew there were messages to be learned and events that would eventually unfold to have better understanding with time.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I know everything I experienced was real. The biggest impact was the series of events, which showed me why I had struggled so much in this lifetime. What patterns I had been carrying in my energy field from lifetime to lifetime. It was incredible. I really felt it and still do in all of my cells. I can see how disease and wellness really do begin at the energy level. But most importantly, I learned that I did not create my illness on purpose, but I allowed my body to continuously carry certain energy patterns throughout many lifetimes. And that now that I was being shown this, I had an opportunity to return and clear this energy pattern so my spirit could then be at peace, no matter which dimension it traveled to.
Many of those close to me have told me they have noticed a change in my energy. That I’m a lot calmer now than I used to be. I find myself now able to let go of issues, dramas etc. a lot faster now, within minutes. In crossing over, I learned how to let go of issues almost immediately. I was never able to do that before. Someone would do something to hurt me, or say something that offended me and I would hold onto it for decades, literally! I also learned how to immediately read my energy levels and tell whether I was depleting myself, what was depleting me, and how to rejuvenate my spirit so the negative heavy energy did not implant itself into my cells, which could create future disease in my physical body. The key message for me was that in this physical reality, we are human, we are form, we do have an ego, and we do have the illusion that we are all separate.
Instead of fighting that and feeling guilty and shameful for not preventing issues that come up, I can now allow myself to be ‘human,’ recognize what energy patters feel heavy and negative, immediately do something or go somewhere to release and transmute the energy, and keep myself connected to the true loving being that I know I am. It makes life much more enjoyable and much more fun! I experienced what it was like, on the other side, to not have the heavy stresses of everyday life. And what’s amazing, is that I see now that I can create that same feeling of being light as a feather here in this physical reality.
That is our heaven on earth.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I am always in multiple dimensions at once. It sounds bizarre, but it’s true. But not in a way that prevents me from functioning in this reality. I know the difference between all of them. At first, it confused me. But now, I enjoy it so much. It’s hard to explain. For example, I just don’t see the reason to allow trivial issues to bother me when this is not the only dimension that exists. It feels claustrophobic for me when I temporarily forget the expansiveness of this world and are caught up in something trivial. I feel like I can’t breathe. And so I go sit by the water because it’s the fastest way I can reconnect with the magnitude of all that is. When I reconnect with that feeling, anything trivial just melts away. It’s so beautiful.
There are also currently three people in my life right now with whom I can reproduce that expansive feeling of love again. It’s not something I can explain very well in words how this happens. There is just this energetic connection that I have with each of them that requires no words. Our hearts can just instantly connect on the same level as what I experienced crossing over.