Experience Description

I was a wild teenager. I had done a dangerous amount of cocaine mixed with alcohol. My friends who witnessed this occurring said I had a violent seizure and my heartbeat was erratic, then finally ceased. They thought I was dead because my heart had stopped. Since we were in the middle of nowhere, they were unable to contact any medical personnel in time. Now I lead a very healthy and drug free lifestyle.

At the time, I remember my heartbeat going out of control. I realized that I was having all the symptoms of a heart attack and it occurred to me that I might have done too many drugs. I didn't want to alarm anyone, and thought I could just rest it off. I remember struggling to get back to my tent and then falling asleep. The odd thing is that when I awoke I was standing up on a hillside far away from the tent. I felt totally revitalized, and at the time I could not remember what had happened. I just assumed I had fallen asleep for a while. Then, I noticed that my things were missing and that something felt off. Each of my friends that I encountered did a double take and looked at me as if I was a ghost, and ran off. I couldn't at the time understand why they were acting so funny. When they stopped freaking out, they told me what they had witnessed, and told me that they thought for certain I had died because they left me when I had no pulse, after watching the violent seizures not knowing what to do about it in such a remote area.

About a week later, the memory of what happened came back so clearly. It was like an alternate reality unfolded before me. In this alternate reality, I had entered the tent, laid down, and closed my eyes.

The same sequence kept repeating itself. It was like a tape being replayed repeatedly, followed by a gunshot. I knew it was a puzzle I had to figure out before I could go on. Time lost all meaning. The odd thing was I had clear vision. I am legally blind without my glasses. I also was able to see in many directions at once. I was looking down on my body and out of my body's eyes simultaneously, as well as behind me and outside of the tent doors. Finally, I realized the sound of the gunshot was the sound of my last heartbeat. That I had died from a drug overdose, of a heart attack. I was dead. Eventually, medical personnel arrived and put my dead body on a stretcher. I watched all this unfold outside of my body. My mother wept as she cradled my dead body in her arms. I had a funeral service and was buried. I was buried in the earth and still bound to my physical body. Somehow, instinctively I knew that I was bound to it until my entire body disintegrated and became part of the earth. I pondered whether this was some kind of punishment, being bound to my body, because overdose is sort of like a suicide. Thousands of years elapsed as I lay in the earth, but it seemed like only a few hours. I could sense that freedom was near, as I felt the last particle of what used to be my physical being dissipate. What happened next was incredible.

All of a sudden, I was without any physical form. Everything was only lights, colors, music, and patterns but indescribable in words. I was part of a collective consciousness. The universe and everything in it was connected. I felt the true essence of my spirit. I had no form but was only a pinpoint of free energy connected to thousands of other energies of other consciousnesses that were the perfect balance of the universe. I can't describe this in words. Words do no justice to describe how it felt to be only energy, and only a speck of consciousness connected to everything in the universe. Time had no meaning. Everything was one and everything and was so awe inspiring. I had no realization of who I was humanly anymore. Everything was me and I was everything and everything was all connected. I heard musical notes but not of human tone, and not through human ears. I had lost all comprehension of humanity and physical form. Then suddenly, through the light, cut a voice that somehow found my particular point of consciousness among the connection of everything. It spoke directly to me. It was my own voice. I heard it say, ‘Oh my. You died. You're really dead. But hey, you’re not supposed to die yet’. And like that, bam. Everything turned into darkness. And that's when I found myself back in my body, feeling totally refreshed.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: July of 1997

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Intense seizures/heart attack symptoms from cocaine/alcohol overdose (no medical personnel around - this was in the middle of nowhere camping w/ friends) Clinical death . I overdosed.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes In the early stage of my death, when I was still attached to my human form, I felt like I was outside of my body. Because of what happened, I believe that we have to accept and understand our own deaths before we can move on to a higher level. I believe that ‘ghosts’ are spirits who have not yet understood this. I was probably a ghost for a brief period of time before I could figure out the puzzle. But after I had passed, I lost all comprehension of human form entirely.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I can't find words to explain it.

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? Hearing was more like a perception of sorts since I had no ears as I knew them. There were a lot of vibrations and feelings of pure electricity and energy.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No Now that I've done some more research, I've found a lot of similarities that are a part of my new ideas on spirituality, but at the time I didn't know these things.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I felt I was connected to the universe and that the other beings, like me, were forms of energy and pure consciousness. Communication was not humanlike. It was an automatic telepathic understanding. We were all one.

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain It was more like patterns and waves of energy than one particular light source.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? In the early stage, I felt regret that I had died so early, and guilt for the way I died, especially seeing my mother mourn me. That made me feel deep regret. Overall, I was calmer upon realizing my death than I could have imagined, though. I can’t describe the feelings I had once I became totally separated from this dimension, because there are no words for it, but I remember the feeling clear as day.

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

The experience included: Vision of the future

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

God, Spiritual and Religion:

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I stayed away from drugs and started researching the out of body experiences and near death experiences of others. I think I became a lot more spiritual as well.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The first stage of the experience was easy to express in words. The latter portion was extremely difficult because there are no words in the human language that can adequately describe the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Since then, I've had a lot of ‘vibration state’ experiences and sleep paralysis, but have been too afraid to go to an out of body experience from there, although I really would like to. I don't know why these sleep paralysis states resulted from my death experience.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best part was being a part of something as vast and as beautiful as the universe connected. The worst part was seeing my mom in pain upon my death, and knowing that I died because of my irresponsible choices.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes A few people I trusted to tell this to found it very interesting and some even opened up to tell me similar experiences of their own.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes It came to me in dreams sometimes.