In the fall of 1993, I designated forty days to abstain from food, sleep and human contact in preparation for a suicide attempt. At exactly my time of birth, I injected the element known as mercury using a 10cc syringe and an 18 gauge needle. Within three minutes, I began to suffer involuntary tremors and loss of physical control. Having thought myself unsuccessful, I set out for a high bridge from which to jump to my proposed death. However, seizures left me incapacitated and I couldn't walk or drive. I remember my mother's face (who had come to take me shopping for my birthday) and the frightened expression she had before unconsciousness.
I felt very alone and insignificant at this point, and had been contemplating what I was doing to my family by dying. I distinctly remember wanting to experience death, and miss no detail; yet I felt I could not escape my own spiritual awareness. I found myself leaning against a wall in my mother's home. I saw my own body in the bathtub, sweating in a pool of ice water. Blood was dried under my ears and nose. My mother was taking my blood pressure and interrogating my girlfriend who knew nothing.
Suddenly, the environment began to change, and I saw two worlds, dual dimensions. One dimension was merely physical, while the other had visual properties, yet unseen to the people crowding the little room. There were figures, some in motion, some affixed to their original position. The ones in motion seemed very busy, portraying a trace of energy (or heat) as they moved. The only representation they possessed were dark silhouettes that appeared as three-dimensional shadows. I gathered them as celestial beings with no true form. I was fighting a shift in consciousness and was concerned for my mother's feelings. I decided I would find a way back in to the dimension from which I had come.
With great concentration, I managed to open my own eyes -- although my girlfriend swears I was legally dead at the time. I was dragged to the couch where seizures continued and I slept for several hours, in and out of consciousness. By the next day, I had control of my physical properties and investigated the events that occurred while I was 'away'. The stories I heard matched what I saw from outside my body, and I concluded that the spiritual element of life was as real as the family dog.
Date NDE Occurred: 10-14-93
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attempt Clinical death
Toxic overdose, forced homelessness prompted plans of suicide.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I could not see myself, I believe I was shapeless and without visible form.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? On a scale from 1 to 10 - a HIGH 9.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I wasn't having trouble with my built-in sense of time.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard a sound like a nearby river or creek. I also heard whispered voices that only I seemed to hear. I felt expected, as if I were at the hospital.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain No passageway -- although this is what I refer to as re-birth. What some infants witness upon exiting the womb.
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The other beings were semi-human in form, but nearly invisible. They were active, but did not approach or make verbal/telepathic contact with me.
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see an unearthly light? No I saw no such light as described by near-death subjects.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I saw a parallel dimension within our own physical realm. It was very hard to separate from the physical dimension in terms of visibility.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear, exhilaration, anxiety, sorrow.
The experience included: Special Knowledge
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe When viewing the 'netherworld', I recall having a heightened awareness -- and for a moment, I even thought I had defined the purpose of mankind. Would you believe we have anything in common with ants?
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control There was a visual screenplay which showed a 'slideshow' of memory images. Most of these images were of people who had influenced my life; especially those I knew were endowed with a sense of love for fellow man. This lasted approximately four minutes -- very close to the time I lost physical control of myself.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will It was a conscious decision to return to the physical world.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Germanic Hexekroft
What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist Germanic (Teutonic) Hexekroft
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I regained a sense of value for human life and the feelings that can preserve or abolish it by social impact.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The lack of believable evidence.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes My sense of telepathy was enhanced greatly. So greatly, in fact, that others noticed its effects.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Best -- opening my eyes (physical). Worst -- the shame I felt when I realized what I had done to myself.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Most people have an idea I've been somewhere special by the way I relate to things that I should have no business knowing.
Call me psychic, but your conviction means little to me.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Two years later, I was found frozen in the snow along a country road. My friends took me home and I didn't return for two days. I will not describe to anyone what I saw then, because it may influence the course of another individual's life. And that is not my decision to make.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Suicide is NOT a way out. The same problems exist -- it is the concern of the individual in question that changes.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Ask the subject: 'Why did you decide to enter this information to our site?'