Barbara NDE

Experience Description


WHEN I WAS 41YRS.OLD, I WAS DYING OF LIVER FAILURE AND SUDDEN GASTRIC HEMORRHAGE-REQUIRING 12UNITS OF BLOOD "STAT." I REMEMBER BEING HELPED TO MY BED AND AGONIZING PAIN THROUGH MY ENTIRE BODY AND PROFOUND WEAKNESS. I HAD BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL 2 MOS., AND BY NOW IN THE OPINION OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION--TERMINAL. I WAS COMPLETELY ORIENTED TO MY SURROUNDINGS AND THE GRAVE CONDITION OF MY BODY--DEPRESSED AND WORRIED. I HAD four CHILDREN AT HOME THAT NEEDED ME. SUDDENLY I BEGAN TO COMPLAIN ABOUT A PIERCING BRIGHT LIGHT IN MY EYES. NOBODY SEEMED TO HELP ME. IT INTENSIFIED. NEXT I NOTICED THAT MY PAIN WAS LEAVING ME--AND I PRESSED MY FINGERS INTO THE SIDE OF MY LEG. MEDICAL EQUIPMENT WAS ALL OVER MY BODY AND I COULD "SEE IT CLEARLY” AND THEN I FELT PARALYZED AND "COOL".


NEXT, I COULD SEE EVERY ONE IN THE ENTIRE ROOM--MANY DOCTORS AND OTHERS---AND I FELT "SORRY" FOR THEM. I FELT VERY INTELLIGENT AND MOBILE. I COULD SEE MY HUSBAND COMING INTO THE HOSPITAL ENTRANCE. I LOOKED DOWN AT MYSELF AND I LOOKED VERY SMALL AND UNRECOGNIZABLE. I WONDERED IF THAT WAS REALLY ME. I THAN SEEMED TO BE TRAVELING FEET FIRST AT A VERY FAST SPEED AND EACH TIME I RAISED MY HEAD, I COULD SEE NO END TO THE HALLWAY. SUDDENLY I WAS SURROUNDED BY PROFOUND PEACE, AND WARMTH AND LOVE. THE "SITUATION" WAS SO MAGNETIC AND THE FEELING OF LOVE INTENSE. I WAS NOT AFRAID--I FELT AT HOME AND AT PEACE. THE INTENSE PRESENCE OF LOVE SURROUNDED ME. I HAD SOME "SENSE OF DIRECTION"...IT SEEMED THAT I WAS UNDERSTANDING WHAT TO DO NEXT WITH OUT BEING TOLD. IT SEEMED THAT I HAD MORE "WORK" TO DO--WHICH I WAS GOING TO "CONTINUE ON" IN SOME WAY. I FELT TIRED...AND I HAD NO INTENTIONS OF LEAVING THERE. NEXT, I FELT MY PAIN RETURNING, THEN IT BECAME INTENSE AGAIN, AND I THOUGHT, "I'M BACK"...


MY NEXT THOUGHT WAS ---"I'M GOING TO GET BETTER AND THESE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW IT"---I TRIED, BUT I WAS TOO ILL TO SPEAK. LATER I WAS IN INTENSIVE CARE, AND I WAS RELUCTANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS EXPERIENCE...THEN AFTER DISCHARGE WEEKS LATER--I REALIZED THAT I COULDN'T TALK ABOUT THIS TO ANYONE WITHOUT CRYING. I SAW THE DOCTOR EVERY WEEK AND FINALLY GOT THE COURAGE TO TELL HIM. HE SHOOK HIS HEAD AND SAID, "WELL WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GONE TWICE". FOR A LONG TIME I FELT SO CHANGED--I WOULD THINK. "YOU KNOW I'M NOT "ME" ANYMORE. I SIMPLY FELT LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON--AND I COULDN'T EXPLAIN IT TO ANYONE. IT TOOK ME ONE YEAR TO RECUPERATE--AND DURING MY FIRST WEEK AT HOME, I SLEPT A LOT. I AWOKE LYING FLAT ON MY BED ON MY BACK. I WAS ALONE UPSTAIRS AND I GENERALLY WANTED TO BE WITH SOME ONE TO HELP ME GET OUT OF MY CHAIR ETC. BUT I SAT UPRIGHT ON THE BAD AND LOOKED OVER MY LEFT SHOULDER SUPPORTING MYSELF ON MY HANDS AND IT APPEARED THAT MY BODY WAS STILL LYING ON THE BED AND THAT I HAD "SEPARATED" FROM IT.{!} QUICKLY, I LAID BACK ON THE BED AND REMAINED VERY STILL. I WAS AFRAID TO TRY TO GET UP AND OUT OF BED AGAIN!! I KEEP THIS EPISODE TO MYSELF TOO!!!


THIS ALL HAPPENED 20YRS. AGO AND TO THIS DAY I STILL FEEL "DIFFERENT". NOBODY HAS THE HUMAN WORDS TO MAKE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING GENUINELY UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS DOES TO ANOTHER PERSONS LIFE, OR THE DEEPNESS OF OUR FEELINGS. IN VOICING THIS ALL TO ANOTHER IS FRUSTRATING AND YOU ALWAYS KNOW THAT THEY CAN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND, AND ALSO THERE MAY BE SOME SANCTITY LOST. I FEEL MORE TOLERANCE TOWARD EVERY ONE I BELIEVE--BUT IN SOME WAYS, IT SEEMS THAT NO BODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND. YOU KNOW I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT DURING MY NDE--I SEEMED TO BE A "TOTAL PERSON"_____________I MEAN I DIDN'T SEEM TO BE MISSING AND PART OF MYSELF--I.E. BODY PARTS ETC.:}!--I WAS COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF BEING ANY THING EXCEPT MY TOTAL SELF.. BARBARA ANYMORE!!?? ALSO I THINK I PROTECT MY FEELINGS A LOT MORE THAN I EVER DID BEFORE---I HAVE AN ENTIRE NEW SET OF VALUES IN LIFE...THANKS FOR LISTENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM A REGISTERED NURSE, HAD HAD A 3YR.COMMERCIAL ART COURSE, BEFORE MY ILLNESS AND I WAS TAKING NO MEDICATION AT THE TIME OF MY NDE. THERE WAS NO "PREVIEW" OF MY LIFE---


IN FACT WHEN I FIRST PRIVATELY ALLOWED MYSELF TO THINK ABOUT WHAT I HAD EXPERIENCED AND BELIEVING THAT I DID INDEED IN FACT LEAVE MY BODY ETC.-I WAS IMMEDIATELY STRUCK BY THE FACT THAT I FELT COMPLETELY "GUILT FREE"!!!!I WAS RAISED A CATHOLIC, AND THE "YOU'LL BE JUDGED THREAT” AND WAS REMINDED DAILY OF EITHER A "MORTAL OR VENIAL" SIN. BEING GUILTY AND HAVING TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES AND GOD BEING ANGRY IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER, SO I FIGURED THIS WAS A HOPELESS PLIGHT IN LIFE!!!!BUT------------I WAS NOT GUILTY OF A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!!!!!!I HAD FELT AN EMBRACE AND INCREDIBLE LOVE BEYOND BELIEF!!! I SAW NO ONE BUT I FELT A "MASSIVE PRESENCE" OF WARMTH AND LOVE--A STRONG FEELING OF TOGETHERNESS AND JOY. ALSO I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT ALL MY BLOOD REPORTS {LIVER BLOOD TESTS} WERE COMPLETELY NORMAL THE NEXT DAY AND MY RENAL OUTPUT WAS NORMAL. ALL MY REPORTS CONTINUED TO BE NORMAL FROM THAT DAY ON .I HAD HAD KIDNEY SHUT DOWN BEFORE MY COLLAPSE--OUTPUT ONLY BEING 1CC PER DAY. NOW, MY WEIGHT HAD DROPPED FROM MY NORMAL 140LBS. TO 89LBS. DURING MY HOSPITAL STAY---


BUT I RETURNED TO WORK PART TIME AFTER ONE YEAR STILL THIN AND FRAIL AND HAVING SOME PAIN AS THE DOCTOR SAID I HAD "NARROWING OF MY BONES"-WHAT EVER THAT IS. BUT I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT TO YOU AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE--THAT WHEN I RETURNED TO WORK, IT ALWAYS SEEMED THAT MY PATIENTS SEEMED IMPROVED WHILE I WAS THERE!!!??? DOES THIS SOUND CRAZY?! HONESTLY, I WOULD BEGIN TO “TEST" IT---AFTER I NOTICED THIS HAPPENING. I WOULD BE ASSIGNED A LOT TO I.C.U., AND IT SEEMED EVEN THE WORST PATIENTS HAD LESS PAIN,-OR RESTED BETTER ETC. EVEN SOME OF MY WORKING FRIENDS WOULD COMMENT ON THIS--AND I WOULD JOKINGLY SAY, "OH, IT'S MY MAGICAL TOUCH"__!! THANK YOU AND I'M ONLY ADDING THESE COMMENTS AS I WANT TO BE HONEST AND COMPLETE WITH THE INFO THAT I OFFER AND WANT YOU TO FIND NEW SUCCESS IN YOUR STUDY OF NDE. THIS INFORMATION DOESN’T REALLY NEED TO BE ADDED TO MY FIRST INFO THAT I SENT YOU. I SIMPLY THOUGHT IT MAY BE OF VALUE TO YOUR RESEARCH.

Background Information:

Gender: Female