On January 5, 1993 my husband to be 'T' slipped into a coma and high fever on the way to a doctor's appointment. We spent the following eight months with him coming out and going back into comas due to a brain tumor between the right and left brain lobes, going about one inch deep from the top down. Although the tumor was considered large, by the doctors. We had NO knowledge of its existence until 01/05/1993. My husband was a professional boxer. He worked out every single day, ran twice a day, and worked a daily job. The only noticeable physical change he exhibited at home, which prompted the doctor's visit in January, was his sleeping a little deeper than usual. We had attributed some stress to the fact that we had a new baby after ten years together; family issues; his considering retirement and his intention to go back to school in 1993; and my being an injured passenger in two separate auto accidents in 1992. The doctors could not confirm if the tumor was due to boxing or a terminal infection, which they later diagnosed.
On September 5, 1993, T was in the hospital awaiting release back home with full twenty-four hour nurse and home attendant care. His multiple medication had been changed again because of the toxic effects he was experiencing. On the Friday before his death in this life, the doctors suggested T stay in the hospital until Tuesday, September 6th just in case T had a bad reaction to the change of medication again. By staying the doctors could respond immediately instead of re-admitting him and delaying emergency care, during a holiday weekend.
The night before, T asked me (for the first and only time during his illness) to stay with him in his hospital room to keep him company. When he was cognizant, he would consistently ask me to go home or to my parents' home nearby before it became late. We would then keep in contact by telephone through the night. That Saturday, I stayed, with hospital permission, and we talked throughout the night. We reminisced about all the things we did together up to this point in our lives and in the morning we watched a televised minister we had developed a habit of watching. Both the conversations and television habit were a regular part of our relationship. I attended church physically; T had only started attending churches during the previous two years.
On Sunday morning between 8:00 and 9:00 am, the doctors and nurses began to come into his hospital room with increasing frequency, to monitor the machines he was hooked up to. Around 10:00 am the doctors, two, came into the room and with calm directness informed T and I that the machines showed a pattern of deterioration which would lead to coma and in their opinion probable death within twenty-four hours. I was flabbergasted that the doctors could diagnose, predict and tell us of his absolute death sentence. They matter-of-factly talked to us about his/our decision about DNR ('Do Not Resuscitate', or offer medical assistance). I was a life-long believer in 'Do Everything Under the Sun' to keep life going.
T did not believe in extreme measures and was in favor of DNR. He made the decision years prior due to his profession and past family experience. He never wanted to risk being a living 'vegetable'. In fact, because of a very abusive childhood, he truly believed he would not live past his thirtieth birthday. He was told this by his family his entire life. He accepted it as literal truth. He was stunned on his thirtieth birthday when he didn't die. On Sunday, September 5, 1993, T was thirty-two years old. Although the doctors asked T what his choice would be concerning DNR, I was told I could override his decision because of his medical condition and a medical proxy he had kept for years naming me as medical decision maker. T rationally chose DNR and no extreme measures. I honored his decision, and then excused myself for a few minutes to have an emotional breakdown further down the hall. Finally, a nurse who had worked with us every day for approximately six months helped me pull it together by asking me if I wanted to spend his last day with him or crying about it in the hall.
I pulled myself together as much as I could, called family asking them to come straight to the hospital after church at 1:00 pm (but not about the death sentence, except to his oldest child's mother, so that she could decide how and what was the best way to prepare her child and family). I then went back into the hospital room with the idea that he had until 5:00 pm that day. No one told me that he would die at precisely 5:00 pm. I was reacting emotionally to the situation at that point.
When I entered the room, T was beginning to have labored breathing. With the beginning of rattled breathing, T was concerned about how I was. He asked how I was feeling? He wanted to know if I would be okay? He even offered to change the medical DNR and risk being a vegetable if I wanted him to. I am, to this day, deeply moved that with his inevitable diagnosis he could be so focused and concerned with my emotional and physical welfare. I promised him that I would be fine. I would be alive later. I told him that I would honor his wishes. He said he wished to keep his choice, visibly accepting everything that was happening. I was sitting on the side of his leg on the bed, holding his hand as his breathing was rapidly getting worse, more rattled and strained. His eyes were calm. The medical staff was coming back and forth into the room, checking the machines. I thought to myself, if this were my last minutes, hours alive. I was holding T's right hand, and I reached for the Bible by his bed stand. I chose to let it fall open to wherever it opened to and I would just keeping reading God's Word. What could be better to hear - we had already shared everything the night before.
The Bible opened to Matthew 28:1, about Mary and Mary Magdalene going to Jesus tomb. I could read and see T's face as his breathing now peacefully rattled. He consciously watched me until four breaths before his last exhale. By that breath I was TOTALLY aware of how perfectly calm everything was. As I sat there holding his hand I witnessed an unexpected sight. I SAW not with my natural sight, however I SAW what looked like a whitish, wispy, cloudy human form lift out of a lying down, to sitting, to lifting form leave his body. It went upward and diagonally across the ceiling corner. I even said aloud 'This is wild.' I KNEW he was no longer inside the shell of the human body. No question about it. I even felt like I was a part of it. Everything seen and unseen was connected in perfection, and a joyous peace. I am also positive that T and another presence were in the room, located in the corner of the ceiling behind my left shoulder. I felt like I could join them. I was connected I sensed, knew, that T needed to be sure that I was okay with his leaving before he could/would leave to go on. I needed to reassure him. I was amazingly okay with it all. It was more than okay, so I turned my body to the ceiling corner and said aloud, 'It's okay. I'm fine. The baby and I will be fine. It's okay if you go. I promise you it is fine.' Still with the atmosphere of wonderful peace, they were gone.
A nurse and doctor walked in, turned off the machine, called the time of death and quietly left the room. I was calmly aware of it all and amazed at the feeling of perfection in everything, as well as the removal of fear and loss I had dreaded.
A few minutes later (it felt like less than two minutes), his oldest daughter's mother walked into the room and my immediate response was, Oh, you just missed him. We spent at least thirty minutes at his bedside sharing jokes about who he was. It wasn't until we left the building about an hour later that we realized she had never stopped at the visitor's or nurse's desk to ask for his floor or room number. She had simply rushed out to come to the hospital (she knew I was alone that morning). In her haste, it never occurred to her that she hadn't asked for information.
I have never wanted or wished that he come back or question his leaving since. I have shared this experience as best I can with friends and family over the years. I am compelled to write about it tonight. I don't know why.
Date NDE Occurred: 'Sept. 5, 1993'
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Illness Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
A few hours before my husband left this world, the doctors came into the hospital room and told us (he and I) that the medical monitors showed that he would go into another lapse of consciousness / coma state which they did not believe he would ever wake up from, nor survive for more than twelve hours if that long.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal As above.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I was highly aware of the perfection of the beauty of the sunny day, the light of day, the sounds, the temperature, the air and my skin, the 'peace beyond understanding', the one-ness of the universe, and the wonder of what I saw with my eyes and without my natural sight. Total unearthly peace, calm and perfection that words cannot adequately express. The total absence of fear.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Unearthly peace. Perfection exist.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Everything was totally clear, perfect.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Perfect, peacefully, joyously. I seek and enjoy peaceful nature sounds outside, even though it can't compare to that unearthly describable peace. That peace was different from what we call peaceful. That peaceful is internal and external.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I sensed the other presence and saw without my natural sight the purity of my husband without his body at the time of his passing on.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Light of the day was unusually excellent.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
What emotions did you feel during the experience? PERFECT PEACE, PERFECT JOY, INTERNALLY AND EXTERNALLY.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Totally in the moment.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist 'Christian - Baptist, Strong belief in Jesus as The Son of God. Jesus is the savior of our lives. No one goes on to the Father in Heaven except through belief in Jesus.'
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes
What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist Baptist
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I view life, death and love and purpose for being born differently.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words do not adequately describe the peace and perfection of being with my husband as he passed on. I remain in awe of the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Love also passes all earthly understanding. I cannot explain this as well as I would like for lack of accurate words however I know that love is connected to The Brightness, the perfect aura, feeling. Every cell of everything is part of it.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I may have shared some of the experience with my family the evening of the passing. I definitely shared the experience by the time of the funeral service.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real The experience cannot be forgotten although the feeling of peace unmatchable unless you are worshipping God by fulfilling your purpose by God.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I experienced at least one other 'vision' two years ago, unexpectedly during a church service.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Not at this time.