I was going to a New Year Party with trouble on my mind, as I was having issues with a guy I was crazy about. I was not at the party with him, nor had I seen him in a while. I thought that at a time like New Year’s Eve most people would be with a lover at the party, and me with none. Though there were singles there they were not my type nor me theirs. Like most ‘Bring Your Own Alcohol’ parties I attended, I took a liter of vodka. Usually, when partying with friends we bring our own to share, drink and be merry. I started drinking at 7pm with a mix drink of one shot vodka and the rest cranberry juice. For the next five hours, there were many festivities, and I was feeling sorry for myself - I guess because I was not as happy as the couples there were. Yes, I was acting crazy I faintly remember, but at one point, I could even tell that my cranberry and vodka mix became lopsided. I did not care because it was dismissing my pain, and in a way, I was having fun. The next thing I remember was the neighbors asking some of us at our party to join them in their hot tub.
The next thing I remember was vomiting and gagging, spitting up bile, and I guess falling like a jolly green giant would - hitting the cement of the garage very hard. I could feel my body in pain and aching, my head hurt so badly and I could hear people saying ‘just take her to my bed and let her sleep it off, she'll be alright’. Well there were so many people trying to pick me up, even the strongest guy there, but I was such dead weight it took a couple of people to lift me up. For those moments that people were telling my best friend that I could sleep it off, I could hear someone telling them 'no, no, this is more serious, I have seen this before'. Those few moments of her trying to convince them I need to go to the emergency room are when I guess I blacked out/ lost consciousness.
All of a sudden, I was somehow normal and not drunk. I don't know if I was sitting, standing, or lying there. But I clearly realized someone (I don't really know if it was a person or a ghost, as I was looking forward at a slight right angle) in a slow, gentle, commanding voice asking 'Do you want to come (as if to sway his hand/palm open from forward to back) or do you want to stay (as if now motioning his hand from the position in back to where it started with hand and palm open)?’ Now I certainly heard it but I did not see it, although the motion I felt seemed clearly to be inviting. I paused for a moment (thinking to myself ‘I am being given a choice to live or die. WOW! This is crazy! This could really be it and it's really not painful at all. My death next time could be painful, should I take this?’). I said aloud 'Well, if I go I would not have to worry about bills, boys, debt or anything', then I said, 'but I'm too young to die', and then immediately 'but I couldn't let Amy live with the fact that she was the only one who tried to save me. I couldn't let her live with this on her conscience’, as I knew she'd been in a near fatal car accident when she was young and had recently lost her godfather. I realized she would live with this pain for the rest of her life.
In an instant, I was back to hearing everyone talk and someone trying to pick me up. I mumbled to them what had happened, and of course, they were saying ‘no, we were just talking to you’. No, no, no, this was not that way. I was 115 lb. with a blood alcohol level of .18, so the doctor told me after I woke up. I'd sucked up all the sugar water and was dehydrated. I needed to use the restroom badly. When the doctor finally came to check on me he told me that he was in shock as, with my tiny frame and not having eaten since lunch by this point yesterday, he was surprised I hadn't died. For four days straight, I was bed ridden. Amy took care of me at her place. For the first couple of days my body felt achy and like I could throw up any minute again, the entire time. It totally sucked.
Date NDE Occurred: January 1 1997
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Alcohol Related incident Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I had of choice of living or dying, but those around me were saying I could have just slept it off. Instead, one person chose to take me to the emergency room, against everyone else’s recommendations, so I don't really know if I could have died. I'm not sure how to really answer this without explaining it in person more eloquently.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Unlike immediately prior to this experience, I was not drunk at all during it, as I was clearly able to rationalize out loud for him to hear me. I helped him make the decision for me, I guess because he weighed out my will to live against my just giving up on life and having no more problems on this Earth ever. There was no more time with him to rationalize more. I probably could have come up with more reasons to stay, but maybe they were not good enough. I guess he believed I still had a reason to live.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Just in those few minutes that most were trying to convince my friend that I could sleep it off. In reality that probably only took a minute and to everyone it was probably like I had just fallen asleep or something.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. A part of me wanted to look back, but some aura or something kept me focused forward and rationalizing my thoughts. I felt as if I was not allowed to look back for fear that, I don't know maybe out of respect for something, my core would not allow me to look back.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It sounded like those audio tapes that you hear when you are receiving instructions to do something, kind of like that.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I was really calm. As soon as I heard that commanding voice, there was nothing for me to be afraid of. It was very soothing and pleasing. I felt very privileged and honored that I would be given such a choice, after having drank too much alcohol because I was trying to drown out some pain of a guy I wanted to be with. There were other various events that lead to me passing out like this - I think it came down to having a low self-esteem about myself.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I think God wants me to only call out to him when I absolutely must. I mean, he is busy, busy, busy, right? I surely cannot be in so much trouble or dire straits to have to call out to him. It was time that I stopped being a big baby and deal with this world that can sometimes be harsh and cruel.
What is your religion now? Moderate 'Well I know there is a God, but I try not to ask him for help anymore. At least not as much as I used to up until about a year or two ago. I think he wants me to rely on my own defenses and only call for him in real time of despair, like real despair such as a life or death situation for someone else or me if I want it, or maybe even during a time of catastrophe that I somehow happen to be in the realm of. Gees I have subconsciously thought of this but never really wrote it out or said it all the way. Wholly cow this seems really really strange for me to think this way what I must come across as ''Who do I think I am, right''? Anyhow I have come to this conclusion because of my life experiences so far.'
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I think God wants me to only call out to him when I absolutely must. I mean, he is busy, busy, busy, right? I surely cannot be in so much trouble or dire straits to have to call out to him. It was time that I stopped being a big baby and deal with this world that can sometimes be harsh and cruel.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I think maybe he believed I had still not fulfilled my reason for living, I don't know, but when times get tough for me now I wonder what really is it that I am supposed to be living for. Being in the Marine Corps I have to be tough sometimes (mean) and the environment can be pretty sexist in my opinion, but I have to bite my tongue a lot and be patient. I did not used to be this way, but I stopped asking God for help a year or so ago, because of something that happened to me that has changed my perspective.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain As I have got older, as with getting older comes confidence about why I just still need to keep my head up, even at times of adversity. I might get my ego crushed from time to time, but I bounce back because it is what I am supposed to do.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The privilege and honor I was given to be in the presence, it was surreal.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes They said they were the ones talking to me - no, not really. Most do not know how to respond to it. One church lady said it could have been the devil tricking me. That sure is a scary thought. She told me it was a good thing I still had the will to live. Nothing more of it.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I was not really NDE, but I had pinworms when I was young and it is really a pretty gross story. In the end, my family went to fetch a priest who was preparing for a service at the time. They told him it was an emergency. When he came, they put olive oil somewhere and he started called out to the devil spirits to go away. He starting calling out to Jesus to fight the demons off. I'd been in serious stress and as he kept shouting out all this I started to feel better, then finally I was. I could not believe what had just happened to me, it was incredible. This man had some kind of power. He kept asking me to believe, to believe and help call out with him. I'd been screaming too, he kept telling me to shout it out like I believed. WOW!
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I felt lucky to be one of the few people on Earth to feel what I felt. I truly believe where some come from when they say they have had a sort of paranormal experience.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Because other people still experience situations like the one I had.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I am just not sure you know. Let’s say there is a newspaper stand that sells magazine etc. etc. on a sidewalk, and usually you just walk past it and do not buy anything. One day, however, you do decide to stop and buy something, and you happen to make small conversation with the person. The person said or did something that profoundly changed your way of thinking or doing. So, you go to that stand to talk to him or her again and they are not there - there is someone else. You start to describe the person you were talking to who had been standing there selling you the paper. The current person there says ‘I don't know who you are talking about; we don't sell papers that early or that late’. It's like ‘WHAT!? The place was open when I came to buy this and I spoke with him/her, and now it's like I am losing my mind or something’. Well, something like this happened to me when I was in Iraq. It is like there are angels that God sends down to Earth to relay a message, even if it is simple enough that it profoundly help you make a decision.