My mom and I were very close for the first 13 years of my life. Then we drifted apart. And only really found each other again the last few years of my life, about 40 years later.
This was a year or two before she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just after Christmas 2013 and we were told she had a few weeks to live. She lived for almost a year, not only a few weeks.
Fortunately she had Altzheimer's so she never realised she had cancer or that she was in pain. We were fortunate she knew us the whole time. She also played a mean game of bridge three times a week right until she passed over!
Every time we'd ask her how she was feeling, she would say, 'My health is the one thing I can't complain about! I have a white bread under each arm.'
It was only the last month that she was bed ridden and the last day that she was on morphine.
She was home-nursed at my sister's house and I slept next to her again on her last night. It was the first day she was unable to communicate with us because of the morphine.
I lay next to her with my ear plugs in and my ear phones playing gentle music into my ears over the earplugs, desperately trying to cut out her chain-stokes breathing. But I gave up because the noise cut right through everything, I was unable to sleep. At one point, I decided to take out my ear plugs, turn off the music, and just BE with her in her dark hour.
Then I wondered if I could connect with her. I was unable to touch her hand as she had them clasped together under her chin. So I touched her arm. I don't know what I expected; maybe to hear her say, 'my child I am fine' or something like that. All I know is that I was blown away by what I experienced.
I saw the gentlest, deepest, richest light. It was white and silver but predominantly gold. The feeling of utter PEACE was so beautiful. There just aren't any words in this world to describe it.
I passed out and slept right through the night. The nurse woke me up the next morning and said 'Boy did you sleep! You snored all night! I probably snored louder than my mother's chain-stokes breathing and I am not a loud snorer.
I took the nurse home and my mom waited for me to come back before she passed over. I gonged the Tibetan Singing bowl, played music and washed her body, just as I washed my husband's after he died in 2012.
I could not really mourn my mom's death because of that experience. Of course, I miss her because she had become my best friend. But it is as if she climbed into my heart after that experience. And I feel that somehow our connection has opened up a bridge for a lot of ancestral healing that is busy happening now, which is another story.
And for the next year I experienced a miraculous year. Normally I attend one or two workshops for personal development. That year I attended thirteen workshops. Theyall came to me and somehow I just had time to do it all. They were all fun. I dived with the dolphins, attended dancing workshops and had a truly blessed year.
I saw a movie of Wayne Dyer explaining that as we step out of the way and become selfless, we open up for miracles to happen. Miracles are always:
1) Positive, 2) Intense,
Suddenly, I realised what had happened that night.
I needed to take out the earplugs, let go of MY need to sleep, and just be with my mom. Then I was unexpectedly hit with an intensely positive experience.
This opened up a life of miracles.
As Anita Moorjani says, it is an event that opens a door for ongoing realizations to happen.
At first, I was euphoric and tried to explain to everybody. Nobody understood.
Then I started withdrawing into a world of feeling more connected to the Other Side than here.
After reading Anita's book, I learned about this website and realized that maybe if I write about my indirect NDE experience, it might make a contribution to the NDE puzzle. I know here that I will be understood and heard.
For me a big message of encouragement in my experience was the fact that I was shown that people might sound to us as if they are suffering, but in reality they are already in a space of great peace.
Maybe my story helps somebody find peace who is assisting a loved one in the dying process.
Date NDE Occurred: 4 Nov 2014
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain My mother showed me the the other side during her passing. Other: I was helping my mom with her passing over. During her chain-stokes breathing while on morphine and unable to communicate.
It was not MY NDE as it was not me dying. It was more LIKE an NDE because I was shown by my mother where she was and it blew me away. But because of that experience I understand now when people talk about their NDEs. I found that nobody I tried to explain what I saw and felt could relate or understand what I was saying.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I am sure my SDE is probably not nearly as intense as other first hand ones. Yet, I found that once I entered that space, I was transported into another realm that was far more real and beautiful than anything I had ever known, experienced or imaged before.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? As I touched my mom's elbow.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning.
It was a void of bliss. As I passed out, I just remained there with my mother. Maybe something happened in my subconscious because now she is one with me.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. As explained above, I was tired and wanted to sleep. I was in a normal state of being my mom's caretaker. I was sad that we would never connect again. But I never thought that in her seemingly terrible last night she was actually at peace!
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was no sound in the experience. Just sight and a sensory feeling of the light and peace. Just before the experience I was trying to block out the sound of her breath cutting right through my earplugs and music. But once I touched her, I never heard her breath or my snoring, all night long.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes. It was a GOLD color that does not exist on earth. There was a feeling of white and silver, but mainly it was a yellow-gold, soft colour.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. Not much more to add than already mentioned.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Total and utter peace and bliss.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I grew up Christian but am seriously anti-religious. However, I am very spiritual and have my own connection with God.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant. I was a Christian missionary at one stage, giving up my house and earthly possessions. I left my family and country to serve God with my 4 year-old and being 4 months pregnant. Then, I realised it was a cult and I got out of it. That freed me from religion, even though it took about 6 years to find my own feet. The next 20 years I grew into my own spirituality. I am very secure and happy in my faith and myself now, as I was at the time of my mother's passing two years ago.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I believe in Spirit/God/afterlife, not in heaven and hell. But I could never have imagined that Light and Peace.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Absolutely. It was One Ultimate Light.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain Yes, I felt it was Heaven. The feeling of Bliss/Love.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists. Yes, I knew my mom was on the Other Side. Death is only a doorway. I immediately knew this was The Other Side.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love was Everything/All that is.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I opened up to joy more. Did many fun workshop over the next year.
I had a real mystical love relationship and drew a soul mate into my space. Pity it did not last.
I started becoming more focussed and directed in getting my life sorted out, house and rental space organized.
I started writing my life stories; this is one of about fifty. Maybe I will publish it one day?
I want to get my income from house and my paperwork organised this year so that I can be freed up to do my passions more. I want to write my stories, do astrology, DO less, and BE more. I want to spend more time in nature.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain. My relationships with the Other Side have been more real and is becoming increasingly so. I have altars all over my house, honouring my late husband, mom and dad, and ancestors.
My relationships with many people on this side have possibly become more estranged as I cannot talk nonsense and prefer my own company.
Yet, my meaningful encounters with learners in my groups have deepened.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes. No words in the earthly language can pen the experience.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I spent a lot of time with my mom during her last year. We spent many hours in the Tokai forest, at coffee shops, doing Sudoku, colouring books, massaging her feet, doing her nails, taking afternoon naps together. lt was all so precious, but nothing can compare to that experience she shared with me.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain. I have always been tuned into my dreams. I don't know if it is more intense now because of the SDE experience or just because of time speeding up and us aligning with the galactic center this year?
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Answered above.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes. The next day I shared the experience. They looked at me as if I was mad. They tried to tolerate me and to listen but my family has always thought me the weird one. They cannot understand.
But my friend Liz understood. She is my ex-sister in law who was with me when my mom died. She helped me wash her body. She works with people passing over and understands NDE.
I still sometimes still share it with people in my groups as it opens up deep conversation for people who are perhaps grieving.
But mostly I keep it to myself these days and only share it with people who will listen respectfully and honor the experience.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes. I have read about NDE in books but it meant nothing until I felt it. Until the experience, the books were only words.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely rea. I will forever KNOW it was more real than anything else I have ever experienced. I will never doubt it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. When you know, you know.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I would like to thank Anita Moorjani for her courage to come back and to write her book. Her dad's words on page 73 saying, 'You have always been here and always will be' shook me to the core.
Later in the book, many other doors opened up in my mind and heart.
Her book has made me realise that the veil between the worlds is not just thin, it is in fact translucent and penetrable.
My husband, mom, and dad are still here. And I am there. We are all One. Here. Now. Not just this side, but both sides.
My ancestral awakening is probably bringing about healing in a way that is far beyond my understanding now.
I must continue with my morning rituals because they are good for me to love me, enjoy life and myself, and be happy. As I am happy, I contribute to the happiness of the planet.
Although, it's o.k. to also sometimes be depressed, not always happy. It's o.k. to just allow the experience to be, with not knowing and to flow with uncertainty.
I start creating a life where I have more time to just BE, not busy DOING so much.
Anita's description of her reaction after her NDE, her euphoria and then her withdrawal from people, made me feel 'YES!' I know what you are talking about.
It made me realise that my experience was like an NDE.
I never knew about this website before reading about it in her book. I never though of my experience as a NDE and something to share with the world.
It made me feel that maybe I was given that experience by my mom to share it with others (here) and not just keep it to myself as a comforting thought of where she was on that that night.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? For me, it was very thorough and well done. Thank you for listening.