The bedroom was filled with the heat of my restlessness. The room was dark; windows were closed so tightly, that not enough fresh air could pass in, even by delusion. I felt the rush of emergency in the room. Struggling to open my eyes, seeing through the heavy air around, I saw my mom’s face wondering and fostering to comfort me. It was quite a relishing sight early in the morning. Struggling to breathe, I held her hand and asked her to take me home.
Unfortunately, I got an improper reaction and she left the room with tautness on her face. Recollecting the stages of my illness, I fell asleep in no time. Maybe I went unconscious due to fatigue. Waking with the urge to throw up, I ran to the bathroom with my fragile steps. The journey from my bed to the bathroom seemed electric. I could feel the death steps through each of my hurl. Holding to the nearby things, I just fell on the floor with blood spilled all over the floor and sink. My agonizing pain alarmed my hubby through the walls and the floor. He came rushing towards me. All the way through, I was just wavering from the fatality to life. I was torn apart due to my illness. The blood that was left in my food pipe and on my tongue could be felt with each and every inhale and exhale.
I was rushed to the hospital for a blood test. I could hardly feel the reality; all the vehicles were moving in slow motion for me, with very low volume. I was floating in the air. It felt, as if I was losing the connection with the reality. I was travelling to a different world altogether, the light was too bright for me to open my eyes fully. I was made to sit to draw blood for the test; though I could hardly see the pathologist, I could hear her trained words, which was trying to distract me from the needle prick. I wanted to make her aware that, I was way too ahead to be distracted, so that she can easily draw blood; which I didn't succeed in, unfortunately! I was dropped back into my body with the same un-felt feel of reality. I just dropped on the couch to overcome the most straining journey ever.
After the wake-up call from the hospital, people around me realized that I was on the verge of dying. I was soon rushed to the hospital and admitted. I was running out of the most important part of my blood platelets. It had come down to such a low level that, all my veins were collapsing. Nurses were struggling to get a vein to put me on IV. I was poked around at many places all at once. My blood pressure was running very low. My pulse had reached 30-34. I was hurried away for tests of electrocardiography, scanning, and x-ray within a span of 30 minutes. I was shocked with the treatment that my body was receiving. The doctor recommended an immediate transfusion, and advised the nurses to keep a closer eye on me. That moment, I felt like I was under the scanner to know even a minute change in me. This transition in just one hour put me into a state that scared me. I realized that I was on the deathbed and anything could happen now. I just wanted to hug my husband so tightly that all of my broken pieces would stick back together. I missed my mommy’s innocent, caring and lovely face. I was worried about my dad. I wanted to meet my best friends. I remembered that I had to meet my friends the next day for a get-together. With those eternal thoughts, wishes and memories, I felt like I was entering into the state of eternal rest. I just wanted say my last words to people who were dear to me. I was on the verge of death. I could feel the every nanosecond of life. I understood that Memories define us. Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives. I lived through it. I felt the verge of death.
Date NDE Occurred: 4-9-2013
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness. Life threatening event, but not clinical death.
I was low on platelet counts with severe fever for almost 5 days, i.e., 17,000.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes As my illness was during the famous Indian festival (Ganesh Chaturthi), there were guests and family friends from all over. I heard my co-sister, who is a doctor, come over and ask about me. I could hear their every word, though we were separated by a floor. I was crying inside for her to just come up and look at my once. All that I wanted is a person who could make out that I was going to die. I felt my aunt coming to see me. I felt the carelessness of my in-laws about my illness. I knew they wouldn't take me to the hospital until it was alarming. I could hear them through the walls and the floor, talking about my illness to others over phone like it was just a fever nothing serious. I lost awareness of my body.
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I could hear each and everyone's conversation. Though I was in deep distress and eyes closed, I could see all the nurses and lab technicians and doctors around me. I was acting as if I was on a high. I was very happy and giggling. Normally, I would cry about so much pressure and tension. It was like, I didn't know that I was in such bad shape and I could have almost died until I regained my shape and energy, in-fact my life. This realization was almost a month after I was discharged from hospital.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During the stages of my severe fever: when I was lying in my bedroom. I could hear my co-sister talking to my mother-in-law about my illness, though they were seated below my room. I was fully aware when I first walked to the OPD (outpatient department) and all the attendees were on high alert.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
The last memory I had was the day I left my office, (i.e. on Thursday 26th September 2013). My colleague told me to go home and take some rest, as I had too much fever. I wore a blue dress and I was completely burning with the heat from the fever. After that memory, I do not remember anything real. It was like everything past that was an experience, which was different as if seen from a third person's perspective.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Normally, I have an eye to detail; I see things in a crowded place, which can’t be noticed by others. While travelling, I would see every passing vehicle, its number plate and people inside it. During the NDE stage, everything was blurred while I was talking to the hospital after my blood reports. Though my car was moving in rush, everything around me was in slow motion, extremely slow motion. The whole world was too bright. I couldn't open my eyes because of the bright light around me.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I am loner by birth. I am always lost in my thoughts. Artist by birth, I always see and hear art. My close one's always used to complain saying I never listen to them, and I am always lost somewhere. But during NDE I could hear every single word, uttered from the people around me and people on different floors of the same house or hospital in which I was reside.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No No tunnel, but a bright light, too bright, I cannot define the brightness here, brighter than a white light.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Much brighter than a white light.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Initially, when was at home, suffering and struggling to find my hubby and mother's care I was very upset. I was crying aloud inside, but couldn't say a word. I was saying so many things, but none came out in words so that others could listen to me. My conversation was limited to facial expressions. But after the blood was rushing out of my mouth and I found that bright light during my travel to the blood test. I was very happy, I never felt upset or distressed. I felt as I was smiling and experiencing the whole thing as if nothing had happened to me. Even after I was alarmed by the hospital about the emergency and my liver expansion and low pulse rate and others, I was not at all tensed. I wasn't upset that I would die, or leave everyone. I felt a relief from all the pain my body was going through. I could see my colleagues, friends, family's expressions; they were seeing me as if seeing a dead body. I waved my hand to my superiors, they all were like: don't even try to move your body. But I felt nothing, no pain, no emotion.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Hindu
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I meditate more; I have a strong belief in the positive spirits in the life. The message the universe is giving, it’s almost like my third eye is opened forever.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Hindu
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I moderately believed in the spiritual world and the subconscious world. After the NDE I believe more in the subconscious world, inner thoughts of a person. The purpose of life is to find out who you really are; it is not about your physical presence, your status in society, what others think of you. It is all about how much you are aware of yourself and the purpose of your life.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I could feel the every nano second of life.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I do not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I greatly feared death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I am more aware of myself, and I give more importance to my inner thoughts. I listen to myself more often. I know how important it is to believe in yourself and have a peaceful life rather than fighting with others over silly is Large changes in my life. I am more aware of myself, and I give more importance to my inner thoughts. I listen to myself more often. I know how important it is to believe in yourself and have a peaceful life rather than fighting with others over silly issues.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I could see who really cared for me and who didn’t. Still, I respect every person associated with my life. I love my life and people associated with me. I don't cry about past relationships. I live in the present life and enjoy it at the best.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It could be felt, and it was too good to be real. But when it comes down to writing I am wordless. It’s as if I don't know how to write to share my feelings.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It was a month after the discharge. I didn't share it with anyone, but I wrote a blog post to about it. Somehow, someone got a copy of the draft from my pen-drive and she read the whole thing, called me up, and started crying knowing what all I felt during that time. Only then did I realize it was not just a normal experience I had. It was something touching and something different.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably not real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I am not sure, as it’s been a year since I experienced it, I might have missed most of the details. I knew that it was real only after I read Anita Moorjani's book. I can try recalling more if needed. An afterlife definitely exists. I could feel every nanosecond of life. God definitely exists.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Questionnaire is too big for the first stage itself. You could split it into two sections