Vanessa S Probable NDE and ADC

Experience Description

I had been diagnosed with my first ectopic pregnancy after several weeks of bleeding and severe cramps. I asked my surgeon if I could fly to a better hospital. He said, "No, this is an emergency." I asked if he could save the fetus. He told me that he could not do so , because of the fragility of the fallopian tube.

As I was given anesthesia, my surgeon walked to a neighboring room to wash and prepare. I was aware that I could no longer open my eyes. My hearing remained, despite being affected. I was aware that my surgeon came back and was speaking to the nurses in a muffled way. I then felt him push down on my abdomen and I panicked, telling myself that he was about to cut me so I must try to fall asleep more. I believe I went down further under anesthesia at that point.

After some time, I woke up with excruciating pain. I wanted to scream, but I could not. I told myself, "It can't get worse." Then it did get worse and I lost consciousness.

This is when I began to have my experience. My first sensation was that I was traveling very quickly through a dark void of space. There was a beautiful white light far ahead. I was not afraid. I was in awe of the vastness and beauty of the space.

I then looked down at my chest and realized that there was only space where my chest should have been. I told myself, "I am like an egg!" I then saw a small light ahead of me that was also traveling toward the light. I knew it was my baby because I heard it say, "Save me!" I felt great distress and tried to explain that I could not save it and that I was so sorry. I then remembered the love I have for my husband and that he needed me. I managed to turn around and felt a very strong wind or force that pushed against me. I remember pushing with all my strength for a while to get back.

The next thing I experienced was being lifted onto my bed after the surgery by nurses. I could hear my husband's muffled voice as he assisted them. When my surgeon visited me the next day, I told him that I was aware when he was about to start his incision and suggested he may want to wait a little longer for the anesthesia to take effect. He said, "I'm sorry about that. The surgery was a success, though there were moments when you were definitely fighting on the table."

About five years later, I had another experience where I felt I was able to see and speak to my deceased child. I had been wishing for another baby, and my husband had recently taught me a special prayer for the blessing of children that I could repeat on my prayer beads. My husband was away on a conference trip. After a long day of teaching, I lay on my bed exhausted. But something told me to get up and do my last prayer. I performed ablution and then prayed on my prayer mat beside my bed.

After the prayer, I performed the additional prayer using my beads. Then I laid the beads down and just sat on my bended knees, looking at my palms. Suddenly, I felt something was in my room. Fearing a thief, I looked up at my bedroom door and saw that it was still closed. I laughed at my fear and decided to meditate once more, looking at my open hands. I then got an overwhelming sensation that I was not alone, and I looked up and saw an oval-shaped blackness appear in front of me, covering part of the door, which was still closed. I could still see my bed on the right and closet on the left. A bedside lamp was also still visible near my bed.

The oval had a soft edge but completely covered part of the door, about two feet across. I stared at it and saw a beautiful white light appear at the left of the oval. Then I clearly saw a robed figure walking toward me, holding the hand of a child. They were both silhouetted against the bright light, so I could not see their facial features. They took several steps along a path and then stopped. The path had ended, and there was a dark abyss separating my reality from where they stood. I knew I could not cross over. I began shaking and crying, overwhelmed by the image. I could only look down at my hands. I felt deeply that the child was the baby I had lost and that he needed me to speak to him. Through tears, I tried to tell him that I wished I could have saved him. I described what a good man his father has been and how he tries to help people in his work. I was so overcome, I found it hard to look up. But when I did, I saw the clearest image. The adult figure turned and gently put his hand on the child's back, then they both walked toward the light. Very quickly the black oval faded away and left only my door. I cried very hard and tried to bring them back. I then sat on my bed and wrote everything down so that I could share my experience with my husband and my parents.

I know that I was not dreaming, and the experience comforted me greatly, knowing that my child had a loving guardian. It also took away any fear of death that I may have had.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 6/1/1985

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Realizing that I had no body but that my soul was very much still me.
Looking down and only seeing space instead of my chest, as well as feeling the strong force or wind as I returned.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I couldn't be sure how long I had to fight the wind to get back

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Aware of my body's existence prior and then not being able to see my chest.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Telepathic communication with my child

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
My child from the ectopic pregnancy

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
A brilliant white light in the distance

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I travelled at great speed through a void of space with a bright light far away

What emotions did you feel during the experience? First, joy and awe at the experience of travelling through space without a body and then distress that I could not save my baby.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? I remembered many past events
I was aware that my baby was dying during the surgery. I also was very sure that it was the same child that I saw five years later.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
There was a clear difference travelling toward the light and returning back. I was not aware of the strong winds or force pushing me, only when I chose to turn back. Also in the later experience, there was a clear, dark abyss that separated me from the two figures on the pathway. I realized that neither of us could cross over.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life
I physically turned around and had to push against a strong wind with all my strength to get back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Muslim
I had converted to Islam two years prior, after a loving Presbyterian upbringing.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
I know God enabled me to experience the NDE and the vision of my child. I try to remember to be grateful for every single day and to comfort others.

What is your religion now? Muslim
I believe that people of all faiths have the opportunity to go to heaven and that God/Allah has His hand in all faiths.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I have always believed that there is life after death but I never expected to see such an image as my deceased child alive and well in the black oval.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I no longer fell into depression about not having a baby. I later went on to adopt, but I feel that I will be able to see my first child in heaven someday.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
My baby was also travelling ahead of me and called me to save it.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain
The adult figure in my later experience had a robe and was Jesus like but it could have been a guardian angel.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
The path the figures walked on was very clear, wide enough for them to walk comfortably on, coming from the bright light and stopping at the abyss.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
The guardian was so patient as he led the child away, and loving in the way he touched his back.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
That I had a special purpose to get back to my husband because he needed me. Also later that it was my duty to try to communicate with my child despite my tears.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
I had a strong feeling that my child need to connect with me almost as much as I needed the same.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
Yes, seeing my child and the guardian clearly confirmed my understanding that life exists in another realm.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
I realized that my dying fetus cried for help when I felt it say "Save me!"

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
I felt the love of my husband and later the need for my child to know me.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
I feel that it was a gift, one that not many receive. When I tell trusted family and friends, it is with the intention to ease their fears of dying.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
I continue to teach at age sixty-eight because I feel a strong purpose in giving love to my students. I teach more than four hundred kids a week and offer and receive about thirty hugs a day. Best job out there!

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
The struggle with the wind was something I have never experienced on Earth.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
I remember every detail to this day.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
After my father passed, I heard him sigh shortly after his death. I was awake in my parents' home and as I stretched my arms, I heard him sigh at the foot of my bed...with two notes. I felt he was letting me know that his soul lives on. A few years ago, as I became distraught at the possible separation from my husband, I felt the presence of my parents as I passed through the living room and looking down I said "I will be ok". I believe it was a faint vision because I remembered seeing my dad standing at the left of my mother.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Seeing my child receive the comforting hand as he walked away.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I initially only shared it with my husband. I waited to tell my parents until they came to Africa for a visit. My father said "That was quite an amazing thing you experienced." I was grateful that they believed me. I have since told my sisters and very close friends.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
Both of my experiences were different than any dream I ever experienced. I could see clearly that I had no body and I could feel myself fighting the strong wind. The black oval experience was also extremely real to me because I could still see objects in my bedroom around the oval. The image stayed with me for only a few minutes and as it faded, I knew that I had been awake the entire time.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
Both of those experiences were very real despite happening almost forty years ago. I feel like they were a gift from God that helped ease my heart that was aching for a child. It is hard to share the stories because I often get emotional, they were so overpowering. I once had a dear grandmother who expressed her fear of dying. She passed before my experiences. I share my story because I want others to not be fearful.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
I believe I may have a closer awareness of the deceased, when I heard my father and believed my parents were also there to comfort me. I don't try to pursue these connections because I believe we are meant to stay in this beautiful world for now.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Your questions helped me cover all bases...and it was good to recall it all again.

Anything else to add? If the black oval appears again, I will not resist it. It was an incredibly wonderful experience. But I think it may have been a single gift and I will be eternally grateful.