Toni J ADC

Experience Description

At age 18 I became pregnant with my first child. I asked a close friend to be godfather, but he refused on religious grounds as he was an atheist. I had just turned 19 and was heavily pregnant when this friend took his own life. I gave birth on the day of his funeral and was unable to attend and say my final farewell to him.

A little less than two years later, I had a dream unlike anything I have experienced before or since.

I was in a vast room. It was white marble floor to ceiling, with great pillars here and there and doorways around the edges of the room. There was a lot of people, just walking around and not paying attention to me or each other. I stopped and bent down to tie my shoelaces and I saw a pair of familiar shoes stop in front of me. I stood up slowly, and saw from feet to legs to torso and finally the face of my deceased friend. I asked him what he was doing here, and he replied "you know why I'm here". No more words were exchanged, but I hugged him so deeply and there was this quiet understanding between us. He knew I missed him so much, that I wished I'd been able to say goodbye, that I wished things had been different and he was still with us. I knew that he didn't mean to hurt anyone, that he missed us too, that he came to me so I could say goodbye. And I knew I would never see him again, but I was at peace with that.

Then I woke up, and I felt it must have been more than a dream. I still miss him, but I know he is ok and I am so grateful to have had the chance to say goodbye.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 00/00/2011

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? When he spoke to me, I knew I was asleep but felt that I was no longer dreaming.
I felt like I had transcended between worlds, that I was in a place that was in between the living, waking world and the world beyond life. In Catholicism this would be called purgatory, but it didn't quite fit with what I had been taught about purgatory. It was much more serene and felt like a place specifically for meeting or moving on, like a train station. I was very aware of this throughout the experience, and I am usually a bit absent minded.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience It was just like meeting a friend in a train station, the room was bright but my vision was completely normal. Usually in dreams my perspective is different to real life, but this was just like real life.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience It was completely normal, I could hear the murmur of the people walking around, their footsteps on the floor, a door softly closing in the background, and my friend's voice as clear and as accurate as the last time I spoke to him.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain
I don't remember getting to the room, just being in it. I closed my eyes when I hugged my friend and when I opened them again I was awake in my bed

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
My friend had been deceased for almost two years but he was there in the flesh. He was even wearing clothes that he wore often: black and white trainers, khaki cargo pants

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter another world? Some unfamiliar and strange place
It was a huge white room, bright but without an obvious light source, with big pillars and doors around the edges. It felt like an in between place, like a meeting place, like a train station or airport or some other place people come together and move on to other places

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Shock, grief, confusion, understanding/certainty, joy, calmness

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about myself or others
After my friend said, 'you know why I'm here,' there were no more words. I just knew everything I needed to know about his passing and where he was now

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain
The room was so big, I don't remember getting there, just being there, and walking, and stopping by a pillar to tie my shoelace. I was aware of doors but didn't go near them. When I closed my eyes in the experience, I opened them into reality

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Catholic
Raised catholic but leaning more agnostic at the time

Have your religious practices changed? No

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths
Pantheistic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I had never really believed in purgatory or a 'waiting room for heaven', and was not even sure I believed in heaven and hell. The place I was in was completely unexpected

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I believe death itself is nothing to fear, that hard work and struggles in life will eventually mean nothing and I will find lasting peace once I die. I believe death is only a bad thing for the people who still live, and it is a nice thing for the deceased

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
My friend had been deceased for almost two years, but he was standing as clear as day in front of me. I heard his voice and it was his voice. I can't explain how much it was really him and not just my memory of him

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
I felt he had come to me because I hadn't been able to say goodbye, and that it was not something that is ordinarily done, that it was a special sort of one-off, and that I was an outsider in that place

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
I was aware that the place I was in was just a passing through place, like a train station

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
I understood that no matter what happened or where you think you might end up after life, everyone comes to this particular place first. Like a first stop before the afterlife truly begins. I also understood that time was irrelevant. My friend may have been gone for almost two years by the time I saw him, but everything in this place was now. There was no time there

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
I knew that my friend loved me and he knew that I loved him. There was a general feeling of love and peace

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life
I believe that death is only scary and difficult for the people still left alive. I feel that life is somewhat insignificant, but that is a good thing and I don't have to worry so much about everything

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
Words cannot quite capture the scene. It was all feeling. It was a place completely new to me but felt so familiar. The white marble was sort of warm and comforting, not physically but emotionally. The encounter was a wave of feelings, surprise, then heartbreak, then confusion, then understanding, and the whole thing only lasted a few minutes but it was long enough and significant enough that it has stayed with me all these years.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
The memory is as clear as any other memory. I remember it as clearly as I remember giving birth to my children. It was a significant life experience and I feel I will remember it forever

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Getting to say goodbye to my friend meant a lot to me. I believe funerals are an important part of the grieving process which allow the living to move on. Until this experience, I was somewhat unable to move on from my friend's death.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I told other close friends about it. Some were sceptical and others fully believed my friend had come to me for one last farewell

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
I have read about NDEs as I was previously very scared of death. This experience was not an NDE and I did not know others had had these types of experiences until I found this website

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
I have never experienced anything like it before or since, I have had realistic dreams, I have had lucid dreams, I have never seen and heard someone who had died so clearly in any of these. Even after my father died, I dreamed of him often but I always knew they were definitely dreams. This experience was different

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
This experience was unlike anything else I have ever experienced. I know in my heart it was real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
This form was very thorough

Anything else to add? I have experienced a lot of deaths in my life, friends and family alike, some sudden and others drawn out. This friend was the only one who ever came to me like this, and I fully believe it is because I was unable to make it to his hospital bedside before he passed or to his funeral after.