Tatjana H SDE

Experience Description

Circumstances of the Experience

My mother was dying of cancer in Germany while I was in Dubai, unable to travel to be with her. Although we were far apart, I felt deeply connected to her and believe I experienced her death as it happened. Afterward, I continued to feel her presence and received what I believe were communications from her soul.

Experience Description

My mother and I had always shared a very deep spiritual connection. I was a foster child, and she had taken me from an orphanage, but our bond was incredibly strong. I had not seen her for three years because of my travels, yet we always seemed to know when something was happening to the other. About a year before she died, I began having vivid dreams and visions. In one vision, I saw her sitting on a sofa with angels around her while Jesus Christ approached her. I was crying because I couldn't reach her. At the time, I believed the angels might be coming to heal her, but looking back, I believe I was being prepared for her death.

During her final weeks, my mother was seriously ill with cancer. She believed strongly that Jesus would heal her, although her condition continued to deteriorate. Eventually, she was admitted to palliative care and could no longer speak. I tried twice to travel to Germany, but restrictions prevented me from leaving the country. I was devastated that I couldn't be with her. Instead, I wrote poems for her, prayed constantly, and tried to connect with her spiritually. I told my sister that I was beginning a prayer watch, praying without ceasing for my mother.

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I was staying in a hotel in Dubai when I lit a yellow candle that was supposed to burn for 30 hours. I began praying Orthodox prayers for someone approaching death. I was physically and emotionally exhausted, but I continued. At approximately 9 p.m., I reached the prayer for the separation of the soul from the body. I sent my sister a screenshot of the prayer and told her I thought our mother might be dying. I didn't know why, but I felt it very strongly.

After finishing the prayers, I suddenly experienced terrible panic and a burning sensation in my chest. I felt as though I couldn't breathe. I sent messages to friends saying I was frightened and didn't feel well. I also sent my father a voice message, crying and telling him, "I can't let her go. I don't know how to let her go." I kept saying, "I think she's leaving now." I felt as though I was in a trance, experiencing something much deeper than an ordinary panic attack. Finally, I called the palliative care facility and asked whether my mother would survive the night. The person on the telephone told me she had just passed away.

I screamed and cried uncontrollably. A pastor who had been with her spoke to me and explained that she had taken one last breath and peacefully stopped breathing, almost as though she had fallen asleep. Later, my father told me that the moment I sent him the message saying my mother was leaving was the moment she died. Somehow, despite being so far away, I had felt her passing. I knew she was dying, even though I couldn't possibly have known.

The following morning, I woke up feeling deeply depressed, but something extraordinary happened. I felt my mother's soul around me. She was light, joyful, and alive, almost like a butterfly fluttering from place to place. I told my best friend and my father that my mother was alive and happy, although her physical body had died. Later, I stood at the window of my hotel room on the tenth floor, crying and calling, "Mommy, where are you? Please don't leave me!" Suddenly, a butterfly appeared outside my window. I had previously told my mother to imagine herself resting in a cocoon and emerging transformed, so the butterfly had a special meaning for me.

As I watched it, I felt my mother communicating with me through thoughts rather than spoken words. She seemed young, playful, and completely free from the suffering she had endured. She encouraged me to live, be beautiful, do whatever I wanted with my life, and smile. Her message was that she was alive and that I shouldn't surrender to grief or darkness. She seemed almost childlike, playing hide-and-seek with me as the butterfly moved around the window. I desperately wanted it to stay.

After the butterfly flew away, another insect appeared on the window. I continued to feel my mother's presence, and the message I received was, "Everything is different." I asked where she was, whether she was with Jesus, and whether she was in heaven. The answer I understood was, "Everybody is here. We're all here." I struggled to understand what she meant because it was so different from my religious expectations. She seemed to be telling me that the afterlife was a real and wonderful place, but that everything there was different from life on Earth. There was no suffering, no aging, and no need to worry about earthly possessions or responsibilities.

I began researching near-death experiences, and one account seemed to describe the kind of place my mother was showing me. I came to believe that her soul could be young again, that she could travel freely, and that time did not exist there as it does here. She seemed extraordinarily happy and busy, as though she had discovered an exciting new life. My serious questions about religion and death seemed almost unimportant to her. She wanted me to understand one simple thing: she was alive.

In the days that followed, I spent long periods in prayer and meditation. During one experience lasting approximately 90 minutes, I felt myself traveling through darkness at tremendous speed, sometimes without any sense of having a physical body. I experienced a spiraling descent as though I were riding in an old mining wagon, with my mother on one side and Jesus Christ on the other. I then moved rapidly through memories of my childhood, seeing familiar places, conversations, and experiences with my mother. Some memories were happy, while others involved arguments, fear, shame, or painful events. Yet as we revisited them, I felt no judgment from her. There was only understanding and forgiveness. It seemed that where she was, people understood one another completely, without the anger and misunderstandings we experience here.

My mother's presence continued in ordinary daily life. I felt her encouraging me to clean my room, take care of my appearance, exercise, eat different foods, and enjoy being alive. She wanted me to stop carrying so much emotional pain and to live more lightly. I also felt guided to make a small memorial for her using elements of nature, including water, earth, wind, and fire. Through these experiences, I began to understand her message that everything is connected and that love continues beyond physical death.

My Christian faith remains important to me, but my understanding of heaven and religion has changed. I now feel that religion is a path toward God, while the afterlife is a state of being where the soul experiences a greater unity and understanding. My mother still feels like my mother, but without the pain, illness, fear, and burdens she carried in her earthly life. She seems joyful, youthful, and full of love.

I realize that some of what I am experiencing could be connected to grief or my subconscious mind. I have considered those possibilities. Yet the connection feels more real to me than anything I have previously experienced. I cannot explain how I knew the moment of my mother's death or why I continue to feel that she is communicating with me. I only know what I experienced.

Before this happened, I feared losing my mother because she was such an important part of my life. Now I believe I understand something that I could never fully understand before. Her body died, but the soul I have always loved is still alive. The most important message she has given me is that there is no death of the soul, that love continues, and that I should live my life with joy rather than fear.

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Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 11/04/2026

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? I lost awareness of my body
It was a mix. I never lost full control. I was in my body, but my spirit, soul, and mind were moving very fast. I was always aware that I was in my room, but at times I lost slight awareness of my senses and the feeling of being in my body. I did not notice surrounding sounds anymore, only faintly, and it did not distract me to hear hotel staff and traffic. I did at times reconnect to my senses and then felt it again while staying in the experience simultaneously. So I must have had full control over how deep I wanted to go.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? The death of my mother and the moments after. The animals and a direct voice speaking to me very unexpectedly, for example saying "everything is different." It alerted me a lot because I was panicked about whether Jesus was with her. And when she said, "Everybody is here, we are all here," I was very alert because I panicked about whether she was reborn or what it meant.
I think a certain hyperfocus is activated. I am always sensitive to spiritual realms, but since it was my mother after her death I was hyper alert.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Both. The memory part was all at once with no time present. The journey was super fast and sped up but took time. Hard to explain.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Strong hyperfocus.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Intense inner hearing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
Mother.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
There was repeated light that came up from the darkness, but not like a tunnel, more like a focal point.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
The time above the clouds or the flying through heavy space and spiraling down. It seemed more like an in between state or a journey.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? A mix, but mostly positive. I was pushing through something scary in my imagination, but it did not really scare me eventually. It seemed like a forest to run through, like a sort of distraction, not real danger. It seemed as if I was watched, which seemed real and somehow exciting as well.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about myself or others
Not everything, but a lot of sudden inner knowledge that was in harmony.

Did scenes from your past come back? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Yes, past life at extreme speed. I was walking through myself.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
Physically I was not supposed to stay that long and was asked to return so I would not exhaust my body. I was at my physical limit and woke up extremely exhausted and unwell.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Protestant
Born and raised Protestant but visited nondenominational and free churches in my youth.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
Everything is different. I continue to learn. I thought I knew it all or had come far and to the perfect place, but I was wrong. I need to stay open and keep learning. It is 200 percent lighter and more joyful.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths
Russian Orthodox. I also previously studied the Catholic faith and was in communion with Catholics.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Extremely inconsistent, but retrospectively I can connect it to the teachings of Christ, just in a more supernatural way than I would ever have assumed, and at a very unexpected time in my life.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
A lightness. A more universal belief in God. Greater love toward other religions and people who hurt me. Ease in dealing with my mother's death.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
My mother's voice. Jesus Christ, whom I prayed to before.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes
Jesus, my mother.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Oneness. I never encountered that prior and was never educated about it.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
Yes. Jesus Christ is alive and God is one. All is one, whatever that means. The cross as part of one but one as in a circle. I do not fully understand it myself. It is not comprehensible.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain
I do not know. Learning and not giving up and sharing what I learn and just being very joyous, happy, and beautiful. To do whatever I want in life, job wise or in terms of a calling or mission or purpose. But not to grieve or be in despair about my mother's death, but to know that she is alive and that I should be as alive as I possibly can, which for me meant first to leave my depression. So only slowly I am becoming this extremely happy, joyful person, as I was depressed for many years.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain
I do not know. Maybe elements. Everything is one. Death does not exist. Life after death.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
Yes, there is life after death. There is no death. The soul lives on. The soul does not die, it only separates from the body.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes
How perfect the afterlife is for my mother. How religion is not present, how everything is different and extremely light. We can remove all our burdens from this life and follow the teachings of Christ quite literally. He spoke the truth.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
Yes, by how they were not present with my mother I could reflect back and mirror myself, and it was an inner knowing. Also, John J. Davis speaks about it in his view, and it was in harmony with what I felt.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
All happens via love. Love is the currency. Love gives the direction and orientation.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
I was always spiritual and religious, but it shifted the direction, temperature, or tool. I was guided to a less religious path but a more spiritual path of finding the truth within and meeting with the Divine in spirit and truth. I still attend church but do not seek validation or truth there as an ultimatum. I know the afterlife is extremely different, more vibrant, and much lighter than any present religion. Prior to this I would have followed Christ more heavily, depressed, sad, and confused. Now I have found new joy in his realness and want to see him in spirit and want to wait on him in prayer, while wanting and needing some elements of church life, not a full religious doctrine, but a more universal understanding of people seeking God in truth and that this can have many colors. Jesus is a central point, and I cannot judge anymore what that means. I am less judgmental, rejuvenated, healed, grateful, joyful, energetic, and spiritual.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
Relationship with myself. With work, with money, with church. With relationships, with goals and dreams, et cetera, a long list. Everything is different for me now.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
It is very hard to find any words that really come close to the experience. I sound like a freak. I am fully aware of that.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Yes, strong hyperfocus on anything unusual.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
Definitely aware of spiritual gifts by knowing the exact time of my mother's death. Feeling and hearing her with ease. I am a foster child. My sisters and biological children of my mother have not mentioned that they have the same experiences.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? My mother's soul being alive, young, and vibrant.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain
No, not in full.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain
I have a shared death experience. I had no prior knowledge of that. NDE maybe, and that was the only thing I thought of as to where my mother might be. I did not first directly connect it to me. I did not die myself but shared in my mother's experience.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
It was at the exact time of her death when I deeply felt her, and there was a massive buildup and follow up before and after. I continued feeling her. It is too real to be unreal. Even if it was unreal, the results are extremely real to me. My life and thinking have changed drastically.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
I can only ask others and die myself. But for me it is so real that my life has changed. I would not make any changes to my life otherwise. I am also proud. I was just baptized Russian Orthodox and planned a Russian Orthodox wedding. Now I see this is not the center point. Death and life after death have a very different focus.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
Constantly, I return to it.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Yes, I tried to be very accurate and did not alter or edit anything.