Sergei STE

Experience Description

In 2021, I lost someone very close to me and felt a constant sense of guilt, grief, regret, and endless sadness that I could not save them or that I did not do everything possible within my power.

My experience happened on an ordinary day when nothing hinted at anything unusual. It was one of the last sunny days of October, when the weather was still warm enough to enjoy the sunlight. I sat in a chair on the balcony with headphones, basking in the sun.

At some point, a bright point of light appeared in front of me. The light was not close, but as if existing beyond distance. It was as though it was both two meters and two kilometers away at the same time. I became sharply aware of its lack of dimension, scale, or definable distance. Then the light grew in size, expanding to human-like proportions.

The first thing I felt was kindness that was gentle, welcoming, and serene. I felt a sense of peace and warmth radiated from it; reassuring me not to worry. This understanding came to me wordlessly, as natural as a friend entering the room and asking, "How are you?" A moment later, I saw a being that defied human definition. No words could accurately capture its essence. A telepathic message reached me, "Hello, I'm so glad to see you again" in a simple and calm way. I watched without surprise, as if this were the most ordinary thing.

As he drew near, tears streamed from my eyes. The sight of him was indescribably perfect, beyond flaws. It was glowing bright with a golden, laser-like precision of form. Though I thought of him as male, he was truly a being of light, without gender. His face was radiant yet indistinct. He wore what might have been a robe or cloak made of light that shimmeringly extended over part of him.

His height surpassed human measure; likely over three meters if scaled proportionally. Behind him pulsed an immense, living source of light that radiated in all directions. That light seemed fundamental, like the essence of life itself. It was so profoundly beautiful, loving, and perfect that no earthly words could capture its majesty. To imagine or invent such splendor is impossible; this a encounter with the divine was beyond human comprehension.

Words fail me because anything I could say diminishes the purity of what I encountered. This sacred, untouchable presence would have brought me to my knees had I been standing. Its power was incomprehensible; its essence surpassing kindness, love, intelligence in all we know. It was knowing that was all-accepting, purer than anything conceivable. It understood me better than I ever could. No words were needed; knowledge was woven into the experience itself.

I turned away, not from brightness, but from the ache of my own imperfection in the face of such holiness. I wept, yet I felt forgiven, wholly embraced despite my flaws. His love was so overwhelming that he seemed to temper it, lest it destroy me. Had it lasted longer, I might have collapsed under its intensity.

Then, something shifted. My surroundings faded or I crossed some threshold. "I" became him, and "he" became me. It was a merging beyond description. I felt utter ecstasy, boundless joy, love so consuming it felt sacred. It was dissolving and all-encompassing. I also felt infinite warmth, purity, and openness. I longed to stay forever.

Rapidly, images flashed before me. I could barely grasp them. There were scenes of suffering: the impoverished, the oppressed, creatures and people society rejects. With impossible tenderness, he bound us together. "You, me, them; we are one whole." I felt his love that I should feel for them. A love so crushing and full of compassion, that I wept with the sheer force of it. The unity was profound; an existence higher than the sum of its parts. This was beauty.

More images sped through my mind, fading too quickly to grasp. Then, the images were over. For weeks afterwards, I glowed and brimmed with quiet joy. Every day, I remember and remain grateful for this gift.

We are all one. Separation is illusion. I would urge everyone to love, forgive, and embrace all as deeply as you can. Love and kindness are the truest things we have. Our nature is love, caged by human frailty; but the bars are not unbreakable.

This experience freed me from grief, from guilt. I feel forgiven.

Thank you for reading. May peace be with you.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 2021

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? During merging with the being and uniting with other people
It goes beyond human consciousness. The most elevated states of consciousness that can hardly be described in words

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience It was like you were sitting on a quiet summer day on a green lawn and suddenly a locomotive with a freight train flies in. It was so powerful in energy. I would have definitely died if I still felt his love. It was indescribable in its power. It was incredible power, literally might, but with such kindness and tenderness. It is difficult for a person to understand how to combine these concepts. We are used to the fact that strength and power are one thing, and kindness is another, but here it was there at once.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I had headphones on and music was playing, but I don't remember the sound during the experience. There were sensations, experiences, feelings, understanding, knowledge

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
This entity obscured the light. But the light seemed to me to be intelligent and now attention, - I cannot describe it to you exactly, because it is something beyond my understanding, something that I cannot understand. It should not be described by a person or perhaps there are no words to say that it exists. But ask me in one word I would answer - sacred. But it is still not that

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I can't say it was peace. Rather, it was a union with the being and a set of experiences of a very intense nature, as if I had become it and it had become me and we had merged into one. But I can never put into words exactly what I experienced. Magnificent, stunning, incredible, delightful, astounding - these are only pale descriptions of those sensations.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? The enormous power of love, acceptance of me by anyone. There was no concept of an evil or bad person. It was acceptance. No one had ever accepted me the way he did.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did scenes from the future come? A series of pictures that flew through my mind very quickly. They were very much sped up compared to what he showed me when he connected me with other people. Perhaps these were scenes from my life, but I don't know for sure whether it was the past or the future, I didn't record a single picture.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian
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Have your religious practices changed? Yes
He was very kind. So kind that I don't know how I feel about religion now. I think he would have told me, dude, it's ok, believe in what you want, I love you so much.

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian
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Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Perhaps I didn't quite understand the question. Before this I didn't live in categories of the spiritual world or God, but I can't say that I'm an atheist.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
To say that I was surprised after this experience is to say nothing. My entire understanding of the universe was turned upside down. I began to absorb information about near-death experiences, read books, reviews, watch films. Material and the world of people, things, cars, achievements, career, money - all this ceased to interest me. It is dust, vanity, unnecessary

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
This knowledge was the main message of the whole experience. I talk a lot about experiences, but he made the main emphasis on unity. Unity, love, kindness. This was the main thing that he conveyed to me.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
This is the light. He was very cool. I can't say the word God, because he is beyond words and concepts, but I can't not say it either, because he was alive, the source of life. He is very cool, I would like to become him, this is such a miracle, for which it is worth going through a million trials on earth

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
Yes. Kindness, love, compassion for each other and especially for animals and people who are rejected by society. He emphasized that these were minorities unloved by most people, as well as snakes and worms, who are feared and disliked, but they are part of the world.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
Oh, yes. Believe me, there is life there and it is more alive than we have here on Earth.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
Love, compassion, kindness to each other. That's the most important thing. I think that experience imprinted those concepts in me for the rest of my life.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life
I can't say that I became a different person. I am grateful that I was given such an experience. I was there and it is so wonderful.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
There were states and experiences that I do not understand and cannot explain. Literally another dimension of being. Not earthly existence but as if its opposite.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
Poetry started pouring out of me. I started thinking in verse, describing what I saw around me, several times I woke up with the understanding that I was thinking in verse in my sleep

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The union with the being of light and the unity with others was indescribably beautiful.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
The first time I shared this was after 2 years. I didn't tell my close relatives, I didn't want them to think that I was a saint or crazy. In general, the experience was so strong that I didn't want to ruin it with negative or indifferent reactions of other people.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
I think I watched a few videos on YouTube at one time and watched the movie Ghost, maybe I read something, but I wasn't interested in details

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
It was so real that I began to doubt my life on earth. We are here as if in a dream, in a veil or behind a screen.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes