Sarah S Probable NDE

Experience Description

I had become addicted to a drug for a year and, determined to stop, I had my first and last relapse a few months later. The day that I relapsed, I became dissociative. The "self", got kicked to the back seat, as I watched my body drive my car around looking for poles or buildings to crash into. I was so mentally out of it that I am surprised I didn't accidentally get into a car crash. Even now, I am grateful that I didn't harm anyone. My body and brain were in so much pain and just didn't want to suffer anymore. The pain wasn't caused by the drug use but did contribute to using drugs in the first place. The part of me that is the self, I guess the conscious self, was able to negotiate a deal with the part of me that wanted to commit suicide. I remember the part of me that wanted to commit suicide could hear muffled words from the back seat that was the "self" speaking. Somehow, I was able to get words through to suggest it to end the pain rather than end the pain by suicide. I remember calling my drug source and telling him a little bit about what was going on and asking if he can give me the tiniest amount possible. I was telling him that I had been so good and don't want to use again, but I didn't have a choice. This was life or death. So, he agreed and I went over there.

After being dosed up, I lay on the couch face down with arms tucked in under my chest. Relief washed over my body and my mind. I knew I had fallen asleep, but it was the most relaxed deep sleep that I've ever had in my life. I felt like I had been asleep for ages and then my body began to float up above the couch. Then it kept drifting upwards, like a boat drifting out into the vast sea except there were no waves, currents, water, and no more body. There were only air, space, and ether. I remember the couch got smaller and smaller until I couldn't see it anymore. The space that I was leaving was dark. I realized I had drifted into an ethereal space. The space that was near me was clear and further away. It was foggy and white. It felt like I was above the earth in the stratosphere. The foggy, white, etherealness stretched on forever. If I kept going, I could tell that it got brighter and denser. I stayed and played in the space where I was at. Not only did I feel serenity, I was serenity at the same time. I realized I was finally home. I was in the doorway of home.

Then something spoke to me. It was the Universe or the Oneness. It spoke to me in the language of knowing. It didn't show in detail what was on the other side of that door, but I knew it was everything that is good. Home was of pure peace and pure love. The Oneness was giving me a choice to keep going through the doorway or to go back to my Earthly life. It explained that no matter what pain I feel when I am on Earth or even if I experienced the worst of the worst things that could ever happen, at the end of this life, it will all seem like the tiniest blimp. At the end, all of home will be waiting for me. And "all this" that I am currently experiencing, is just the energy emitting off of the actual "this" that exists through the other side of that metaphorical doorway. If I decide to wait and go back until I lived a full life on Earth, I will definitely be going home afterwards. It continued to explain that I could miss out on some very important experiences if I skipped the rest of my earthly journey and that I would not be able to get the same chance again. If I kept going, there would be no return to my body.

Reluctantly, I communicate to the Oneness that if it really thinks it's best I go back, then I don't want to miss out on whatever I am supposed to do on Earth. I will choose to go back, even though I didn't really want to do so. When I came back into my body, I woke up in an ambulance. I felt so grouchy and grumpy. I remember thinking, "No, why did you wake me up?" towards the EMT. I was so aggravated that I felt like punching him in the face. I knew that wasn't me and it was the medicine they gave me that made me feel so aggressive towards this stranger. The lights were so bright that I shut my eyes tight. I just wanted to curl into a ball and bury myself into bed. In that moment, I didn't realize what had happened. Just that this guy in a bright room was bugging the heck out of me. I heard what he was saying but it took a while for my brain to register it. Later on, I recalled the experience I had when I nearly died or maybe I did fully die, I don't really know. But I felt like the experience was a gift. I felt lighter than before. The pain I had was still there, but it was quieter now. I was more peaceful.

I am now a full believer that death is not an end but a transition into another vibration of existence. There is a heaven, but it is more like a state of being and expansiveness rather than a place like we experience here on Earth. That place of pure peace and pure love is our core nature, our natural state of being. It already exists in each of us as we walk through our Earthly journey. "Home" is a direction we are growing towards. While at the same time, it is something that exists within us or it is something that we are which we have the ability to tap into while we live our lives on Earth. Most of all, whatever happens, everything is going to be okay.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 2006

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain
Non sure how to answer or if my answer would qualify. Need more of an explanation of the question.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? When I was drifting around in the ethereal realm.
Highest level felt expansive and limitless while everyday level felt more constraint and on certain days contracting.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time lost all meaning. There was no time.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I didn't have vision like a body has vision. My vision was consciousness that expanded in all directions.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I don't recall any particular difference in hearing or any hearing at all really, just a knowing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain
I passed through space that was dark and then light. There were no walls. Just space that kept going and going.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain
I saw light kind of like how the sky is brighter at dusk or dawn. The only difference is that in the sky there is a singular point where this light comes from which is the Sun. The light I saw was never-ending and there wasn't a specific singular point but it existed all over and was expanded. It's not easy to describe.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
Mystical and unearthly aren't appropriate words for the space or realm I was in. I feel like ethereal is better.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Serenity and bliss.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life
I definitely came to a metaphorical threshold in which if I crossed it there would be no return. I was given a choice to cross or to return back to my Earthly life. There was no actually physical threshold, just ethereal space that got brighter and denser if I chose to cross the threshold.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated
At time of experience, I was curious spiritually and open to non-spirituality.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
My spirituality has grown.

What is your religion now? Other faiths- Unitarian and other liberal faiths
I am currently very spiritual.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Before my experience I was open to many different ideas about life, spirituality, and death without fully conforming to any one. For example, I was more agnostic. Neither denying or claiming the existence of God. After the experience, I still don't claim many people's definition of God but rather a Oneness and I say that I am very spiritual.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I became more spiritual.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I encountered a Oneness that spoke to me in the language of knowing. There's not a word for it but I would not describe it as mystical or unearthly.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain
I didn't receive any specific information but after the fact and reflecting back on the experience, I sense that my Earthly journey isn't my first experience. I recall sensing that I was kinda worn out, like old and ready to retire when the Oneness was suggesting for me to go back.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Yes, a Universal Oneness does exist.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain
A Oneness spoke to me through the language of knowing but I would not call it a supreme being. Supreme being would be a very limited word for the Oneness. So would most people's definition of God.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain
NA

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain
That it is an experience. And that there is an importance to it.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
I definitely was aware that existence across the threshold was of pure peace and pure love and everything that is of good.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
Yes, life's difficulties will seem like a blimp when this Earth experience is over. Like a tiny bug bite that you had when you were a little kid and don't remember anymore. Except 'don't remember' isn't exactly right but remembering that a bug bite itched isn't correct either.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain
I was aware of pure love, like we and everything is loved very much and is also love but the pure kind of love.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life
NA

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain
For a long time I didn't have all the words to fully express

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
NA

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain
No, but I do recall the expansiveness I felt and connection to Oneness was something that I felt when I was little but at a different vibration.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? NA

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Uncertain
Not in such detail and only with very limited number of people but I will probably share it more as time goes.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
NA

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
NA

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Some of the words in the questions were limiting or not exactly on point.

Anything else to add? No