Russell CB NDE

Experience Description

Ok so this is my second attempt at this because I erased it the first time, but the Knicks just won the championship and I'm feeling great. I haven't told a single soul in 20 years what happened that night. I'm just dead set that nobody is ever going to believe me if I told them. They're going to think I'm absolutely crazy! I have hinted at things to my on/off girlfriend/high school sweetheart, and she even guessed correctly once but it was so crazy she blew it off immediately because it wasn't possible. I didn't even say anything she was so fast to knock it down. That just verified to me that I was never going to tell anyone....Until recently, I'm sober these days and I found out about NDEs and also the NDERF website. I was fascinated by the stories and realized there were so many similarities with mine so here it goes.

The year was 2006 the worst year of my life. I'm from NYC but my parents moved my sister and I to PA, because they didn't want us raised in the city and all the temptations there. Well that backfired because it was in the middle of nowhere and all there was to do was party and get in trouble in PA. I was a very successful drug dealer at a young age. I was making too much money. I was traveling all over the world, had the nicest cars, and bought my first house at 24. I was living my best life. I had met this girl Danielle and we dated for 9 years, but I treated her bad. I lied, cheated, even got engaged just so she would stop asking for a ring, but wasn't planning on getting married. She loved me and the lifestyle though and was my tag team partner at that time. You could put just the 2 of us anywhere on earth and we would have the time of our life. She liked to party too. Just like me.

I never have dreams because I smoked lots of weed, and if I did, I can't remember any, but this one night was different for some reason. August 25th, 2006, I was busted by an undercover task force. One of my good friends since 6th grade and who actually sold me my first bag of weed I ever bought, set me up and snitched. The dream I had was the night before the cops did the first buy off me. I dreamt I finally got arrested for everything. Before I got busted, I was so paranoid after that dream, it felt so real for some reason, I changed everything I did, moved all my money, new phones, moved my product. But I had just picked up the day before I got busted and the cops found everything. I was relieved in a way but also freaking out. I was looking at mandatory minimums of 2 years plus more time. I bailed myself out with cash I had, and life just got worse.

I was out on strict bail conditions, one of them being absolutely no police contact or I violate bail and go right to jail. I was trying to lay low, but everything was different now. Friends started treating me different and I started getting heavy into opiates, specifically oxycontin. The one thing the cops didn't find was 180 oxys in an Aleve bottle I had on my dresser. When they searched my room, a cop opened the bottle looked in and then just closed it. Aleve is blue, so were the oxy 80s, that's why I had them in there, they looked similar. I took that whole bottle and that's when my addiction started. I was freaking out about my arrest and the unknown, I had no friends after being the most popular guy. I was just depressed and spiraling down quick. But there was something coming up that I was looking forward to.

I have always been a gamer. I still am to this day. November 17th, 2006, the PlayStation 3 was coming out. I told Danielle I wanted to go camp out at Walmart for 3 days to get one. She thought I was crazy, but it was the first time I wanted to do anything since my arrest, so she told me to go. It sucked spending 3 days there, but I came with a pocket full of drugs, so I made the best of it. Right before the midnight release, they told us they had extra consoles so I told Danielle to race up here so we could get 2 and I could sell 1. She came, we got them and I was feeling great. About 12:30am we left. I wanted to celebrate a little in the parking lot, so I said, hey, let's do a line of coke before we go home. She said of course and we did our thing. She had her own car, so she hopped out and started to follow behind me to go to her house.

I remember it like it was yesterday. A few miles down the road, I was driving, feeling great and I wanted to listen to some music. I went to turn up the volume, had my hand on the knob and then....black. I felt nothing, no pain, but I remember right up to the second it went dark. Now I'm no rookie when it comes to getting messed up. I grew up in the NYC underground rave scene and all I did was drugs. I could take 5 hits of ecstasy, snort special K, and smoke angel dust all at the same time while drinking and smoking weed. I know what it's like to feel like you took too much, and this is it, I'm going to overdose. But as close as I had come a few times I never did somehow. Just luck, I guess. That night however I was addicted to oxys and mixed it with coke, which is known as speed balling, and even though I only did 1 line of coke and wasn't even that messed up at all...I had finally overdosed.

Danielle was following me in her car, and she saw I was starting to slow down. Then I started to drift. I crossed lanes and crashed into a ditch. She pulled over and ran up to my car. As she got closer, she couldn't see anything because I had tinted windows. She opened the passenger door and she freaked out. I was shaking and convulsing, I had white foam coming out of my mouth and my eyes were rolled back in my head. She was never so scared in her life. Then I started to turn blue, stopped moving, and I looked lifeless she said. She called 911. Now Danielle knew I had drugs on me and that I was on bail and that if the cops found them, I was going right to jail for a long time. She tried to reach in my pockets to look for the drugs but she said my body was stiff as a board. It was like I weighed 1000 pounds. She couldn't even move my arm a tiny bit. There was nothing she could do. She sat there screaming at me smacking my lifeless body. She thought she had just watched me die right in front of her. That 4 minutes felt like days she said.

I'll always remember the minute the moment my soul entered back into my body. It was the most out of body experience you could ever imagine. It took 5 minutes for the cop to arrive on scene. I was motionless for 4 minutes. I had 1 minute to regain my composure and deal with the cop. When I came to Danielle freaked out. She said I didn't move an inch for 4 minutes and then all of a sudden, my body just shakes, my eyes slowly open and I take a big breath and start to slowly move a little. She was speechless. She didn't know what just happened. I didn't either. I was out of it bigtime. I had no clue what was going on and that I just overdosed. Now the first memory I have when I came to was, I was actually trying to stand up next to my car, because I was using it to balance myself because I couldn't stand up straight. My body felt so weird. Literally like it just left itself and came back. My legs were so wobbly it was like I was relearning how to walk again. No joke that's exactly what it felt like. I don't remember getting out of the car. But I do remember trying to stand up, and I look off and all I could make out was blue and red lights flashing. My vision was so blurry. My head foggy. I wasn't ready for no cop that's for darn sure.

There was nothing I could do. I was so out of it the cop just thought I was all messed up on something and put me in cuffs right away. He found the drugs I had and was off to the hospital to take my blood so he could charge me with a DUI and possession. Now because I came to right before the cop got on scene, he had never seen me in the state I was in and Danielle never told them anything, I had her trained well. So, I was never treated for an overdose. They just wanted my blood so they could add charges. Now my memory of that night started to get a lot better when I was in the hospital. I was starting to feel a lot better and realized what was going on and inside I was freaking out. All I could think about was oh my god I'm screwed, I'm going back to jail and it's for who knows how long until my sentencing. I gave zero care that I had just had some crazy out of body experience.

After the hospital it was off to the police station. I've dealt with plenty of cops and I've been screwed and framed by them before believe me or not. Some cops are crooked yes. I feel it's more than some, but whatever. Also that high school sweetheart of mine...Kerry, her mother was killed by an 18-year-old drunk driver whose dad was a cop in PA and tried to cover the fact his son was drunk when he killed her. I can provide more details and proof, but I want to respect Kerry and what she went through. Kerry sued the state cops and won because it all came out in court. She won $11 million. I'd rather her mother still be here because this still haunts us and our relationship to this day. So yes, I don't like cops that much and I'm first to admit it. I don't trust a single word out of their mouth. This cop was young and looking for busts to move up in life. I knew exactly how to deal with him. I fed him a bunch of lies and he ate it up. I told him I could get him a big bust. After stringing him along somehow after barely being able to form a sentence just earlier he goes, hey are you the kid they found 10 pounds of weed and drugs under his bed a few months ago? I was like yeah, but it wasn't under my bed. No joke, he laughs in my face and word for word goes, oh you're screwed already, your father is in the parking lot I'm going to ROR you. My jaw practically hit the floor. There was no freaking way. He bought my BS story? Now I don't know if he just didn't want to be bothered that night or if he was just lazy and didn't see I was out on bail. But he knew I had just got arrested, it was the talk of the town. Either way he released me to my dad in the parking lot and off I went. I was never going to give him anything, so I felt like I won the lottery. God had my back still.

That ride with my dad sucked. I was so confused about everything and he's just yelling at me the whole way saying it's a miracle I'm not in jail right now. He wasn't wrong. I got dropped off at Danielle's house and she was just as shocked to see me not locked up. She was crying. She thought I was dead, then going to jail. It was a lot for her. All I wanted to do was hook up my shiny new PlayStation 3 I had just camped 3 days for. It was 5am when I finally got to play. It was the best I felt in a while. I had no clue what was going on or what was going to happen next. I crashed out and slept for 20 hours that night.

What happened over the next few weeks is still hard to imagine. My best friend wound up in a car accident while drunk. He died and also killed a single mother of 2. It was horrible and right before Christmas. I couldn't handle everything in my life, I kept doing more drugs every day. I was a mess, and I still didn't know I overdosed for sure. I was torn because when I had gotten busted the first time I passed out when on the phone with my dad from the jail. The officer said I had a seizure, but I didn't. Because of that I lost my license for 3 years. I had to go through all kinds of tests to prove I didn't have seizures and I did. So, I thought maybe I just passed out behind the wheel. But that didn't explain everything else that happened.

I was lost. About 5 days after the incident, I started to get these extremely vivid visions or flashbacks of what actually happened that night. It's like someone just came and inserted them right into my memory, except this was like no dream you ever had. This was REAL and I knew it somehow. It didn't all come back at once. It was in parts over about 2-3 weeks. The first one I was sitting there playing video games and I felt like I just stared off into space and had something literally planted in my brain.

It was dark, very dark and kind of cloudy or smokey. I couldn't see a thing. I was floating and slowly moving around. I could feel I was starting to be pulled in a certain direction. Then literally out of nowhere I start being pulled really fast. I'm talking warp speed. I turn to face the opposite way I was being pulled and all of a sudden I see this book like thing. You know those flip books they had a long time ago that would show motion or tell a short story when you thumbed through it? Exactly like that. Except it was showing me a bunch of great moments of my life. I saw myself sitting on a pool table when I was an infant, my mom told me about that, but she never showed me a picture, also when I was 5 and I rode my bike the farthest from my house I ever went and the stream I found that day, plus so many more. The pictures were more than that. It was like I relived that moment for a second. I could feel my emotions in each scene as it flashed by. This all happened so fast. I wanted to stop and enjoy the moment but before I could even think of that, 100 more memories flashed by. It was so fast but it's true for me, my life had just flashed before my eyes.

This next part is a little fuzzy. I want to be as accurate as possible. I don't remember how the rest of my journey came back to me those couple of weeks and it bothers me still. I have questions. Did it all come back at once? Did it just take me a while to put the pieces together over time? No answers. What I can recall clear as day is that as I was being pulled still, I could see a faint light off in the distance now. It kept growing bigger and fast. I wanted to go to the light. It was calling me. It was very bright now. I finally reached it and next, I recall opening my eyes. I was laying down looking up. It was super bright now. I was on a bed, but it was more like a cot. There were 4 wooden posts in the 4 corners of this big tent like area I was in. Picture almost like a circus tent with a white sheet or white cover for a roof, but the sides were all open. I remember saying to myself, what the heck where am I? I was so lost and confused, I was in a foreign place, but for some reason I was perfectly fine with it. Like everything was going to be okay. I had nothing to be worried about.

Now, I love drugs I think I made that apparent. This is the closest drug to what I felt when I was there and it still wasn't even remotely close. Now when I tell you about this feeling I had in my body when I was there, it was absolutely incredible!!! Like no drug I had ever taken before!!! If I could bottle this feeling up and sell it, I'd be the richest person on earth!!! I was so warm, calm and comfortable even though I'm in some place I've never been before. I was glowing and had this intense feeling of love love love!!!! It felt amazing!!! Right now, I can feel what it's like as I type this. All I want is to have that feeling again it's so good. Of all the things that affected me most of my experience, it was this overwhelming, calming love I felt. I think about it every day for 20 years, sometimes multiple times in a day.

After I got over my lovely high that I'm on I started to look around and there were 2 figures standing over me. Almost like a welcoming committee. A female and a male. They were floating off the ground a little. They had on like a white cloth or a robe. They told me everything was going to be alright, and they knew I was coming. Wait what did you just say? They didn't speak. It's like telepathy or something you just feel and hear what they're saying but there is no talking. You can feel their emotions too. They were so lovely. They said you have a decision to make. I asked what is it? Do you want to stay or go back? Go back where exactly? I'm kind of digging this right here. Not going to lie, I don't want to go anywhere right now. Then out of nowhere I saw something. I looked off in the near distance, and I just see this tall woman standing there staring at me. She looked so familiar, but I just couldn't figure out who it was. All I heard was it's not your time. It's like she chose for me, and just like that...It was all over so fast.

After some time, I came to the very hard realization that I indeed did overdose that night and I actually died for a few minutes, went to heaven, and then somehow came back. I knew it was 100% REAL but how can I ever tell someone about this. Not even Danielle. She was so freaked out about it she didn't like to talk about it. I don't know if she saw something she never told me about, but I could understand why if she did. We broke up eventually and she moved on, got married and had kids. I haven't spoken to her in 5 years now. Kerry and her don't get along well. Imagine that. That's why. It was going to have to be my biggest secret. For 20 years this is the most I've ever told. Feels relieving. Even if 1 person sees this, I'm happy. Maybe I'll be able to open up more now. We shall see I suppose. All I know is that I'm the luckiest person on earth. I'm not afraid of anything now, especially not death. I feel like I have the answer everyone wants to know....is God and heaven real? Well, I'm here to tell you it most certainly is and it's everything you heard of and more. You will see loved ones again. All you have to do is embrace God......it's really that easy I swear

Before I end this do you remember that tall woman I said I saw and felt like I knew her? My dad about 7-8 years ago sent me a text message. It was a bunch of pictures of his old family members. Cousins, uncles, aunts, and then this one picture had just one person in it. It hit me the second I laid eyes on that picture. I almost fell to the floor I was so overwhelmed. It was her. Just as tall and beautiful as I remembered. It was my father's mother. I never met her she died before I was ever born. She died on my father's birthday of a heart attack. His birthday is November 19th. I almost died on the same day, I missed it by a hair. Coincidence? I don't know, but it sure is weird and I think about it often. My dad also gave me a painting she made. It's okay, nothing special just a river with some trees and landscape. She painted it in 1967. The frame is old and from that time era. One day I got this sudden urge to paint the frame black and make it more modern looking. Now I feel like I'm attached to her somehow through the painting. If my place catches fire, it's the first thing I'm grabbing. She definitely had something to do with why I'm typing this and why I'm not somewhere else right now. I love her for that, and I can't wait to meet her and say hi, because I have so many questions for her.........

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 11/17/2006

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
I overdosed while driving. My girlfriend was following me in her car. She said I was shaking, convulsing, and I had white foam coming out of my mouth. Eyes rolled back, then turned blue and completely stiff for 4 minutes. She said it was like my body weighed 1,000 pounds. She couldn't even move my arm. She thought she just watched me die.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it
I didn't see the future, but I did see my life flash before my eyes and all the great memories I had made, including things I never knew about and people I never met.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? It came back to me over the next few days to weeks. When I actually overdosed, I don't remember anything except the moment I went out and then when I slowly started to come back to.
Way more alert than normal. My senses and vision were the best they have ever been.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
It's definitely way faster than normal. It seems like time isn't a thing. It's all no worries up there, man.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Night and day difference. You can see and feel everything like it's alive.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience It's definitely heightened but they don't talk up there.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
I don't know if it was a tunnel or black hole, but it was very similar to one.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
I met my father's mother, but I didn't know it at the time. She died before I was born. I found out years later when my dad sent a text message of some old photos, and one of the pictures turned out to be her, and I immediately knew who she was.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
At first, it was far off in the distance, but I was being pulled toward it fast. It kept growing and getting brighter until I finally reached it.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
It's just special. After going toward the white light, as I got really close, I just remember opening my eyes. I could see now. It was very bright. I was in a big tentlike structure with a white roof and just four corners to it. I was uneasy because I had never been here before, but I had this overwhelming feeling of calmness and love, and I instantly knew I was more than okay.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Calm, not scared of anything, warm and glowing, peaceful, and the big one is love.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about the universe
I did, but I didn't realize it until after my experience and I was back on earth for a little while. I got the answer to the question everyone on earth wants to know, but I haven't told a soul in 20 years.

Did scenes from your past come back? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Like I said, the first memory I have is the darkness and then my life flashing before my eyes like a flipbook. But it went by so fast it was crazy. There is no time to sit and reminisce.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
I was asked if I wanted to stay or go back. But I didn't answer. I really wanted to stay. It was incredible where I was. It felt amazing there. But someone else answered for me and said, "It's not your time." Then it was over. Years later I found out it was my father's mother who died before I was born. I never knew her, but I sure felt like I did.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Catholic
I believed in God. My mom took us to church all the time. I got away from it as I got older but have my own way of speaking to Him now.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
I'm definitely closer to God, but I realized you don't have to go to a church on Sunday or pray all the time to be close to Him. He is always around, always listening, and always there to help you up when you are at your lowest, whether you know it or not. He gets those prayers, people. Sometimes they are answered in different ways than you imagined, though.

What is your religion now? Christian - Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
It's pretty much exactly how it's described in church and the Bible. That's real talk that they are talking.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Instead of wondering if everything I was taught and told was real or not... now I knew for real that it's all that and then some. They left some parts out in my opinion, but that's okay; the message is real and clear. It's whether you choose to believe or not. I actually know for real now. Just be a good person and have faith in God, and you're all good. He loves all that love Him, even murderers and really messed up people who did bad things here on earth. He is easy to forgive. Earth is not meant to be an easy journey, and everyone's is different.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I met two, I assume them to be angels, sort of like a welcoming committee. A man and a woman both floating, tall, and wearing a white cloth or robe.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes
Just the first memory that flashed by. I was way too young to remember anything like that. Later I found out it was true, through my mother who randomly mentioned a picture she had taken but lost the photo. She described it exactly how I saw it. Oh, and the whole meeting my grandmother who died before I was born thing.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Just awareness. You can tell this is a special place and you feel like you don't want to leave. The message is love. Everything is connected in some way and it's all alive.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
The bright white light is like nothing on earth. You can't replicate that here. And the feeling in your body when you're there tells you everything you need to know instantly. You're safe, and whatever this bright light is... it's a good thing. It loves you more than anything.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Yes, I just feel like I came back with answers to the most sought-after questions in life.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
Life's meaning is simple. We are here to go through trials and tribulations to make us stronger. Some of us make it through, some don't. But I'm pretty sure you get more than one shot at it. The purpose is to love and make memories. It's that simple, actually. Just be a good person and have faith in God, and He will lead you.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
Well, it's just a feeling you get when you're there. You just know. And then the whole meeting my grandmother who I never saw or met. As soon as I saw her, I just knew immediately. They don't talk; everything you need to know hits you all at once and everything is answered. Life on earth is a trial and a lesson to make us better in the end, and it's apparent right away.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain
The only other thing I can think of is you will see loved ones again, and I'm pretty sure any animals or pets and any stuff that you had a connection with or loved.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain
No specific information, but I instantly knew the deal. We are here to learn and grow and love. Earth is not easy at all, and I believe it is designed this way to help us learn the hard way. But it's also beautiful and meant for us to enjoy as well.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
I mean, the thing that sticks with me the most is the feeling you have when you are there. It's the best drug in existence. Now if only I could replicate it here on earth. It's the most reassuring, calming, loving feeling ever. No worries. I think about it every day, multiple times a day for 20 years now. I can't wait to go back.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
I pray every day now. Doesn't matter where or when. He will get the message, I'm certain of that. I was addicted to drugs for 20 years straight. My health declined. I recently got sober within the last year. When I got sober, that's when all my problems came. You would think after an overdose and experience like mine that would be enough to stop forever. But no, not me. I was confused for a very long time. I self-medicated to make it go away temporarily. I can't help but think that maybe this was my punishment for being able to come back. Like I needed to prove myself or something. I was so scared to get sober for the longest time. Afraid of detox and the physical and mental pain that comes with it. Then one day I got fired from my job. I said to myself, this is a blessing in disguise. I have the time to get sober now. So that's what I did. And while it sucked and I'm still recovering months and months later, it wasn't even that bad as I thought it would be. I got into my own head. But God had other plans for me. I feel invincible now. I'm not afraid of anything anymore, and it's an incredible feeling to have finally, and I know who to thank for it when I get back there. I'm at peace now and just want to live, love, and make memories. I could care less about money. Yes, you need it to survive here. But you can't take it with you, so take full advantage of your time here because it is very short...

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
When I love, I love hard, even though it's not as often as I'd like. I don't sweat the small stuff at all anymore. I'm very laid back now. Life is too short, man. But because of my bad addiction, when I got sober at first, I felt very angry. As more time goes by, that dissipates. I still feel it from time to time, but I'm not worried. I went to heaven and came back and went through hell with God by my side. Whenever this all ends for me... that's when the fun begins. I promise you that.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
I know people will say, "Oh, he was just high and overdosed and imagined everything," but that's the farthest thing from the truth, if that's believable. I know what a dream and a nightmare is like. This is nothing like it. It's unexplainable, magical, but most of all the realest thing I've ever experienced. I never felt more alive than I did in those 4ish minutes I was there. It has bothered me for 20 years. Only until recently when I saw Dr. Long on a podcast did my attitude change. Maybe I'm not crazy. These stories I read, they are very similar to mine, which blew my mind and gave me the confidence I needed to maybe finally start to share my story.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain
Not really. The only things that stick out are the time my mom told me about the picture of me as a baby that flashed by, and then the day I got the picture of my grandmother who died before I was born. The feeling I had in my body those two times was an overwhelming rush of energy that went through my whole body. Almost takes your breath away and makes you feel like you're going to pass out. I don't know what it was, but I will never forget it.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The whole experience was. But the part that sticks with me the most is that almost drug-like feeling of superior calmness, comfort, and love. It's all I want to feel again. Oh, and my grandmother who I never met. That really stuck with me hard too. It's still hard to wrap my head around even to this day. Like how any of this is actually possible and how I am so certain that I didn't make this up and it's all real. All I can say is you just know that you're right, and there is no explanation for it. That's just how it is. It will all be explained later. I feel like I won the lottery of life and I couldn't be happier about it.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real
I was confused for a very long time. It wasn't until after I realized that it was on my mind every day for years that it finally set in that what I went through actually happened. I believed it was true, I just needed something to push me over the edge to fully believe. And then when my mom told me about the picture of me on a pool table, and when my dad texted me a photo of my grandmother who died before I was born... I instantly knew I wasn't crazy and it really happened, and everything I suspected and believed for years was absolutely true.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
It's just more reassurance after finding out about NDEs and this site. After going down the rabbit hole, the first thing I realized was that there were a lot of similarities to my story. If thousands of people claim something similar, maybe I'm not crazy. It was real. I already knew it was, but this gave me the confidence to finally share my story, and it actually feels great after not saying anything for 20 long, and I mean long, years. I'm still coming out of my shell, but I feel like this is the first step, and if even one person reads this and gets something out of it, my job is complete.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
Just that crazy rush and feeling I had when I heard about and saw those pictures I never knew about. It's like I relived that moment for a second and then it was gone. But that's all that I needed was that second, because up there everything happens a lot faster than here, and that's exactly what it felt like. And I'm more than okay with it, because it gave me the reassurance I needed and was looking for for all those years.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
I tried to be as accurate as possible to the best of my memory, and I apologize if I wrote too much and the story was long, but I wanted to give the full picture as best I could because this is actually really important to me, to at least tell one person this crazy, unbelievable journey I went on. I have no reason to lie, and in fact, since my journey, I don't lie anymore. I hate it now. It actually took me over 8 hours to fill all of this out. And it's my second time because I erased it all after the first time I did this about a month ago. So, yes, to say that this is important to me is an understatement. It means more to me than anything, and the relief I feel right now is kind of amazing. I feel great about this, and I wish I knew about this site, I don't know... about 20 years ago.

Anything else to add? I know people will doubt me, and today at this moment I'm finally okay with it after 20 years. I'm not like anyone else you will ever meet. I get told that often. I'm one of a kind. And it couldn't be truer than it is. I feel like I won the lottery of life and I just want to enjoy my time here the best that I can, however long that is.