Que H Probable NDE

Experience Description

I was 15 and had experienced a lot of trauma in my life. I was depressed and miserable, searching for peace, and more than anything, I didn’t want to be here anymore. I stole a bottle of sleeping pills, wrote a goodbye letter, and took all of them one night. I fell asleep quickly, and then everything went black.

I’ve read *Embraced by the Light*, and now I believe I was in the tunnel she described, where souls that didn’t move on remain. But at the time, I had no understanding of any of this. All I knew was that I was in a void, and it wasn’t scary. I was more anxious to find the peace you’re always promised in death and confused about where I was.

A light appeared above me, like a spotlight. I couldn’t see beyond the edges of the light. But, I knew if I stepped out of the light, I would be lost forever. By being lost, this was not in the sense of being damned or punished for my suicide. I would simply be lost, as a matter of fact. Now, I’d say it was because I hadn’t evolved past my pain enough to open up to anything else, good or bad. I would have been stuck in a kind of limbo. At the time, I didn’t understand any of this.

I stayed still, and outside the light’s edge, where I couldn’t see, I sensed people. I don’t know how I sensed them because I couldn’t see anyone. It was like I saw them in my mind. There was a table of men who were judging. At the time, I thought they were judging me, but maybe they were debating how much help to give me. I’m not sure. I could hear them in my head. Sadly, that didn’t make their words any clearer. Then, suddenly, I heard a voice rise above the others, and when I did, I knew it was my grandfather, who had died when I was three months old. He said, "She has to go back. She has more to do."

Then it was like a gavel dropped. I woke up in my bed and was completely fine. I don’t know how. I should be dead. I took an entire bottle of pills that should have killed me. I had no medical intervention, yet I’m alive today.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 1993

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain
I'm not sure. I took an entire bottle of sleeping pills, so common sense would say, yes, there was a life-threatening event, but I wasn't taken to a hospital and did not have my stomach pumped. I just had my experience and woke up.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? The whole time
The only thing that stands out about my consciousness is that it wasn't my normal sleep consciousness. My consciousness felt like it feels when I'm awake.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? Normal consciousness and alertness

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
My experience was quick. Over in almost no time but when it was over and I woke up, hours had passed.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience My vision felt the same.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I didn't hear with my ears. I would hear with my mind.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
I was in darkness, surrounded by it. That's where my memory of the event starts.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
My grandfather died in a car accident when I was 3 months old but I 'heard' a voice and pictured him in my head. And somehow, knew it was him.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
It shone down on top of me. I think it saved me.

Did you seem to enter another world? Some unfamiliar and strange place
It was just a void. Just blackness.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Anxious, sad

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated
At the time, I was more angry with God than anything. I wasn't trying to kill myself to find God; I was simply looking for peace.

Have your religious practices changed? No

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths
I believe in God but don't subscribe to any religious organization.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I thought I would find peace and be free. Instead, I was told I had to go back and had more I had to do.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I knew I was here for a reason now.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
Only my grandfather saying I had to go back. I had more I had to do.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
I experienced my grandfather's voice and yet he'd been dead for 15 years at that point.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life
I'd always felt like there was something more beyond this existence. Afterward, I know there is.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
I've cut toxic people out of my life and I'm still trying to be more open with people.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain
Only in the sense I wasn't sure it was real.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
It's been 30 years, and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? No. It was all significant.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
It was years before I shared it with anyone. A shrink. She didn't seem impressed.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
Only seeing a tunnel of light and heaven.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably not real
I wasn't sure it was real. I thought it might have been a dream.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
After reading Embraced by the Light, and having her describe the things I experienced, what else could it be? I've also read other NDEs and the things they say, their experiences, they resonate.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Everything I've said gives as accurate a description as I could.

Anything else to add? No