Polly F STE

Experience Description

I sometimes had to work away from home. On this occasion I was miles away from home, in a country town, working for a government department that had been relocated there. At the time of the event that I will describe, I was aged around 43. I was very sporty, not good at anything but usually competent and enjoyed having a go.

It was mid August. I arose about 5 a.m. almost with sunrise, gathered my stuff, collected my bicycle and prepared to go to the sports center, where I was a member. I sang at the top of my voice as I rode along. Beautiful Jay birds flew up in front of me and into the trees and bushes alongside the track. I loved this time of day. I was happy. The pool opened at 6 a.m. For people such as me. I always swam for at least an hour, before having a sauna, shower and dressing. I took extra strong hair conditioner with me as the chlorine in the swimming pool water turned my hair into stiff straw. I sat in the sauna, hair covered in hair conditioner clutching the plastic bottle and closed my eyes to meditate. I was aware that people were leaving but this passed over me. Soon after the manager of the sports centre tapped me on the shoulder and said "I have been told that your aerosol will explode in the heat." I unscrewed the top of the plastic bottle and showed her it was not an aerosol and she left. I heard her explain to the others . A man, a fellow sports centre member, then returned and started complaining very loudly to me about taking hair conditioner into the sauna. I told him that I"I didn't give a toss what he thought, I would do as I pleased." He continued shouting so I closed my eyes, laid back in the heat of the sauna and ignored him. He left and I heard him telling the other members what a dreadful person I was. I was neither bothered nor interested. I did not care what they thought as they were irrelevant to me. I did not see him again for over 30years.

Now in our mid 60's, my husband and I retired from work and we moved from the UK to Ireland. We became heavily involved in campaigning for animals against fur farming, hare coursing, the export of live animals in horrific conditions, the breeding of sheep that had bodies so heavy that they suffocated if they lay on their backs, against chickens that naturally, like all birds, laid a few eggs in spring, but that had been bred to lay eggs to exhaustion, 300 in one year, against the breeding and slaughter of animals, all of which have the same feelings that humans have and know the terror of their murder, the grief of the loss of their young.

I need much less sleep then my husband, sometimes less than 4 hours and he needs 8 or he is dead on his feet. I had my own bedroom so that I did not disturb him. One day, a year or two after we had moved, I went into my bedroom for a reason I no longer remember. The back wall of the bedroom had been replaced by a dark space, and standing in the space was the man who had shouted at me in the sauna over 30 years earlier. Somehow I realised that he had died. Then began a conversation that took place in my mind, as no actual words were spoken through our mouths. This seemed quite natural. He apologised for what he had done. Dissatisfied, I angrily laid into him telling him that what he had done was a disgusting way to behave and that I was sure I was not the only woman he had tried to bully and dominate. I instantly heard a commanding voice,

"If you want to be forgiven, you have to forgive."

I gasped in shock, realising that I had been reprimanded. At the same time, I saw a being wearing a thick brown cloak. The cloak hood opening was black so that no face or head were visible but there appeared to be pin prick holes in the cloak through which shone brilliant light. I could see that it was made of many, many colours that combined to create a startling white. It felt as though it was almost impossible for the cloaked being to contain so much light. The words "Being of Light" came into my mind and I knew he had brought my abuser to me.

By this time the man was crying, sobbing. I knew I had to forgive him and that it was important for him to be forgiven so I said "I forgive you."

Somehow it felt like a legal transaction to which we were both committed, a contract. He looked at me appearing to be very relieved and thankful and said,

"Can I have a hug?"

I could not face hugging him, I think I did not totally want to back down, I wanted to make the point that women are sometimes dominated by men so I said,

"No. But I will shake your hand."

I reached out my hand towards him and his hand came towards me. I felt nothing. As we shook hands, he and the cloaked figure disappeared and I was left puzzling, staring at the restored back wall of my bedroom, wondering what I had done that needed forgiveness. Up to that point I considered myself to be a good person.

During the experience, I had not felt any emotion except a desire to tell the man what I thought of him. I understood now that this was inappropriate and that I should look to my own errors, but, at that moment , I had no idea what this really meant.

I have become increasingly aware how difficult it is for us to accept when we are wrong and even more difficult to change, or even want to change. I learned what a brave step he took coming to me and began to admire him. I have also learned that some of the things we label and accept as part of our character, need to be recognised as faults and changed. I used and possibly still sometimes find it difficult to deal with people who take my time but from whom I get nothing in return, no interest no humour, no fun. I also still, from time to time get frustrated when people don't understand, or don't want to understand but I too have changed. I am learning to discard negative emotion. I am also learning patience, kindness and how to appreciate those that do the little kind actions that make my life so happy but that I have to make an effort to notice.

I feel really bad about the time I was contented that animals be killed for my dinner, to cover my furniture and provide waterproof cover for my feet. I feel as though I had been a "happy killer". This realisation led me to become vegan. I no longer eat animals or use animal products. I am ashamed that I ever was involved in the cruel abuse of farmed animals.

This was the first but not the only time I have had a visit from someone apologising, sometimes for things I did not even know they had done. I have learned how to hug them. I guess, when I die, I will be the one soliciting forgiveness from others, for my impatience, criticisms, grumpiness. The feelings of others are very important.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 2000

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? all the time
I felt very sharp, concentrated. I could take in everything that happened in detail.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience sharper

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience sharper

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
The man from the sauna.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
The light was emanating from the cloaked figure.

Did you seem to enter another world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Feelings developed with the experience, shock, anger, upset at what I had learned about myself

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No
described in the script

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths
brief stint into evangelical religion, abandoned as false.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
they have not changed. Could not click the correct button

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant
I meditate daiy and am in the habit of expalininhg to God all my queries and of asking not ofr help but to learn how to recognise my mistakes and to grow to be the sort of person who did not feel frustrated, angry, did not blame or criticise, etc etc and of asking for forgiveness when I recognised I had been wrong. I belongedd to no religion. I had also been campaigning for change to the way animals are treated, slaughhterd for food, denied thier young. I regularly workd hard in my meditations.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I did not have any beliefs at the time

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
people are more important

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
A cloaked figure as in the script

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
I met a person that had died

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life
I am kinder, more understanding

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
more appreciative

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
In detail

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
I sort of just know things now.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? as in the script

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
years

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
felt re

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
felt real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
they did

Anything else to add? no thank you