Peggy K NDE

Experience Description

About a year before my NDE, I attempted to end my life. It was unsuccessful but now I have lifelong chronic pain. My attempt was a true attempt and I messed myself up for life.

Pain meds are hard to get and I ended up turning to the streets. Things were okay using heroin daily for my pain. Things were as good as they could be for the situation I was in. It was a late August night, a little after midnight. I met my friend who was dating a new dealer and got my usual dose. No one told me they put fentanyl in it. I got back home in about 10 minutes. I was in my bedroom, sitting next to my husband. I took the heroine in the usual amount. Then was dead; lights out, nothing. My husband said I was still holding the straw to my nose when I slumped over.

At this point in time, I believed that I couldn't overdose if I didn't shoot up. I know stupid, but I really didn't know. My goal was pain relief.

My husband said I had no pulse and wasn't breathing. I don't know how much time had passed. I was in the upper corner of the room watching my husband give me CPR on the floor. He had moved me from the bed as he screamed for help.

Then I remember seeing my dad in the doorway of our room. I was lying in the doorway being worked on by paramedics. I left the scene. It was dark but that didn't matter. No senses existed, but I know my grandma was with me. Light didn't exist, emotions didn't exist, pain didn't exist, nothing existed. But, at the same time, absolutely everything made sense. It was like I was 4-years old again before the abuse started in my life. To this day, I struggle with what I experienced. I want to go back so badly to that place with no pain. It also gave me a different outlook on life. None of this life matters because nothing came with me when I died, not even the bad memories. It was a truly peaceful experience.

While I was experiencing this, paramedics were working on me for around 30 minutes. My husband and family kept me alive with CPR till the paramedics arrived. EMS started breathing for me while giving me Narcan to bring me back. If I was alone this wouldn't be written. It was almost painful coming back to this life. The flood of emotions from the entire thing is still very much here today, 10 years later.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 08/10/2016

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain
I'm not sure. This question confuses me. The overdose was a life-threatening event, but it happened so quickly it was never a thought or worry of mine.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Like the dead me? The level of consciousness is indescribable.
I don't know how.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time doesn't exist outside of our realm of existence. We observe something we created; it's not real.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I don't understand. My vision while dead was like an out-of-body thing; I didn't see things with my eyes.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience No hearing while dead.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
I 100% knew my grandma was there.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
No emotions, no feelings, no pain, no past, no nothing, no senses, but you understand everything. You know who's around you. Time isn't real.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, calm.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about the universe
I don't know how to put it into words. Just everything made sense and nothing mattered.

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated - Atheist

Have your religious practices changed? No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated - Atheist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Talking about being dead is hard to put into words.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
I feel like understanding there's more after death, and knowing this for sure has brought me some peace.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
There's absolutely something more after death. I wasn't there long enough to understand.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? No changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
There are no words to express what you experience once you leave your body.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
N/A

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
N/A

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
N/A

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain
I don't know.