Mike STE

Experience Description

I was a young drug addict and an IV user. Most of my close friends were, too. We all grew up together in the Bronx and got addicted to hard drugs pretty young. At the time of my experience, I had been trying to quit and get my life together, but I didn't have the coping skills, resources, or motivation.

It's important to note that I had done all the drugs every which way you could do them, consistently mixing and matching. I had bad experiences, like overdosing and other medical problems. I also have a very active imagination and dream life. I mention this to emphasize that this experience was unlike anything I had ever known.

Also at the time, I felt very alone and self-pitying. I had lost touch with my family and was working at a bar in Manhattan's Lower East Side. Every day was a struggle to get high, get to work, and pay rent.

The day of my experience, I spent the morning and afternoon getting high with a friend. We were smoking crack cocaine in his basement. The two of us were bad influences on each other. Eventually, it was time for me to go to work at the bar, and I got on the train. I was in my usual state of anxious highness from the drugs, feeling a mixture of paranoia, elation, and terror. In this state, I boarded my subway train for the hour-long trip to Lower Manhattan.

Halfway into my trip, I fell into a deep sleep. This is not something that happens when you're on the drugs I was on; it's nearly impossible. That's when the following experience happened.

I awoke in another place. I was fully conscious, as I would have been in waking life. Somehow I felt more conscious. It was like I was waking up to what reality must be like. My thoughts were clear. In this space, I saw pitch black. I could hear distant voices talking in a concerned way about something. It felt like when you're a kid falling asleep while there is a family party still going on in the kitchen and the adults are talking.

I lay there in the darkness and had a sense of my body. I was laying with my head in my lap. Then I realized that my eyes were closed. That was why it was dark. I kept them closed and just listened to the voices. It really seemed like they were talking about something very important and that they were deeply discussing it.

I got a sense from the voices that they were family and that I somehow knew them. I tried to listen to what they were saying. Then I realized that they were talking about me. They were discussing me with care and concern, like they were all worried about me. The moment I realized this, I was a bit frightened. At that exact moment, I heard one of the voices, a man's voice, say, "Wait. He's here. He's with us." Then all the voices stopped, and I heard the rushing sound of them coming to me, surrounding me.

At this point, I lifted my head up and opened my eyes. What I saw was a blinding light flickering and wavering. I've thought a lot about what that light looked like, and the only way I can describe it is like the sunlight shining on the bottom of a pool when you have goggles on underwater. It was bright white, yellow, and blue: wavering rays of varying intensity. It felt bright like sunlight, but the way sunlight would burn your eyes was replaced by love. Pure love. The love flooded in through my eyes and filled my whole body. It was shocking to feel that much love filling up my heart. It was like the feeling of laughing with friends and family but multiplied by a thousand.

The figures surrounded me, like they were rushing to look at me and be present with me. It was like they wanted to get a look and were so curious and excited to meet me.

I can only describe them as "beings of light." They were somehow both full of life and also silhouetted. They didn't seem to have facial features, but they had form and seemed to wear robes. I remember feeling crowded by them, but more love and joy from the light replaced any fear that I felt.

Then from within the group, a single one emerged. It was feminine. She was blonde, I think. She looked like an actual angel, like something you would see in a movie or a Renaissance painting. She appeared, towering over me and looking down. The light was flooding out of her.

She looked at me and smiled and said, "Michael, don't worry. Everything is going to be alright." Then she embraced me and kissed me on the forehead. I felt a love that I had never felt before. I have felt this love since when I found Jesus and felt the love of God in my heart.

The love was so overwhelming that I opened my eyes and came out of that place. My eyes opened in the real world, and I saw the subway train. There were seats in front of me where people sat. The screeching, rushing sound of the subway filled my ears. The noise was deafening compared to the other place I was. The subway was so ugly. My being awake only lasted a second or two. I wanted to go back to that place more than anything, so I closed my eyes and went back to sleep. I was able to instantly fall asleep, but I didn't go back to that place. I just fell asleep.

Maybe five or ten minutes later, I woke up. I knew how much time had passed because I knew that subway line like the back of my hand and knew I had slept between 110th Street and 86th Street.

When I woke up, I remembered my experience completely. The love was still in my heart. I started laughing and crying on the train. I hopped up and looked around at all the people like I expected them to know what I had experienced. It was so profound. They just stared blankly.

I remember thinking about just how dirty, loud, and sad this reality was compared to the other place I was, and also how unloving.

Also, when I woke up, I was completely sober. I did not feel the effects of any drugs. When I got to work at the bar, I told all my colleagues about my experience, but they didn't take it seriously. I can't blame them at all. I did a lot of research after my experience about vivid dreams because that's all I could think of that may have happened to me.

I didn't get sober from drugs and alcohol for another four months, but I was able to get help and have been sober since November 2005.

That angel wanted me to know the following: that I should not worry, that everything was going to be alright, and that I was loved and that people, or beings, cared about me.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: July 2004

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
At the time, I was addicted to life threatening narcotics and generally suicidal and depressed.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Throughout the whole thing I felt conscious but the beginning felt more concrete - listening to the voices was a familiar feeling.
It felt more present than my usual way of thinking at that time.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience My vision was the same but the colors and light were more vivid and indescribable that everyday life.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience It was very quiet and calm in the other place. I could hear the voices and no other sound. When I woke up, the subway was deafening and reality seemed much too loud for me

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Bright rays of light like the bottom of a swimming pool

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
A quiet place filled with beings and bright light rays that radiated love.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Initial confusion, then fear, then comfort and extreme love and relaxation.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic
I was religious (catholic) as a child but distanced myself at age 14 after I found drugs and alcohol.

Have your religious practices changed? Uncertain
I was deeply moved by experience but still did not subscribe to a particular religious or spiritual tradition afterwards

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian
I explored many different spiritual paths and now I am confidently Christian

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I seemed to show me that there was another plane of existence - something spiritual and not of this world - and that it’s full of beings who care about us deeply.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I felt like I was being observed by benevolent beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
A group of beings were heard - talking about my 'case' . A mother angel figure came to me out of the group to tell me I was going to be ok.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
Yes - I learned that we should not worry as much as we do about things in this life.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
My experience encouraged me to get help with my addiction

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain
Unsure

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
It was difficult to explain the beings of light

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
I will always remember this experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain
Since I got sober, I sometimes get premonitions that people will call me and they end up calling

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The strong sense when I met the beings that they really knew me - unlike anyone else in my life has known me (not even my mother or sisters or romantic partners)

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I told My friends immediately. They didn't seem impressed. I've since told many people with varying effect

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
I had seen movies and TV depictions but my experience was nothing like I can remember seeing

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
I was deeply impacted by it for months afterwards. It felt real and profound

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
I still believe it was real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
Very strong sunlight before sunset - it coats things in the kind of light. And also wearing goggles and looking at su light on bottom of pool. As far as the love I felt, the only thing that came close was accepting Jesus into my heart and feeling the unconditional love of God for the first time.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes

Anything else to add? No I think I covered everything