Mason C STE

Experience Description

It started like any other workday. I was driving alone to work as a professional, but I was quietly very frustrated and angry about my career options. In retrospect, it makes little sense now, but at the time I was frustrated by what I perceived as obstacles and setbacks.

As I was driving, I became increasingly angry. I thought aloud and exclaimed in my car something to the effect of, "What a crappy world. What kind of a shi**y world did You (God) create? People are awful and mean to one another. They intentionally harm and destroy each other." I was angry, frustrated, and sad.

I continued on my way to work and forgot about it for the rest of the day, just as I would on any other workday. Later, I came home to my family, my wife, and our young child. I kept my thoughts to myself, and that night I went to sleep.

Then, in the middle of the night, around 3:00 a.m., I found myself standing in a dark place or void. It matched the scriptural description of outer darkness. I could faintly see into the distance in every direction for what appeared to be an infinite expanse. I was completely alone. The only source of light that allowed me to barely see into the vast distance may have been coming from me, but I am not sure. The darkness surrounded me like a very dark, low-lying fog. There was only the faintest amount of light.

I do not remember whether I felt afraid or at peace, but my thoughts were clear. I asked, "Where is the light?"

Suddenly, in the distance to my upper left, I saw a tiny pinpoint of white light. It came toward me, or perhaps I moved toward it. I am not sure which. The light grew larger. I do not recall being enveloped by the light. I still think the darkness surrounded me, but then I heard a male voice, as clear as a bell, say, as best as I can remember, "You don't like the world? This is the world without Me."

I am fairly certain that is what I heard. However, I personally do not believe I am so special that God would speak directly to me. Even so, that is what I remember.

There was nothingness. Darkness.

I suddenly felt very small, like a young child standing at a parent's knees. I felt ashamed, as though I was in trouble and being disciplined. I do not recall what happened next. I only remember abruptly waking up and sitting straight up in bed with a start.

For weeks afterward, I felt a deep and profound sadness that was difficult to shake. It was very distressing.

Do I appreciate life more now? Yes.

Do I personally see God in everything now and believe that everything is connected? Yes.

Whether this experience was an OBE or an NDE, it shook me deeply, and it still does whenever I think about it. I try to keep my faith and remain optimistic. I do not see the experience as entirely negative, but it worried me then, and at times it still does.

I have had other OBE experiences over the years. Some were very positive. In one, I felt as though I was catching a glimpse of the entrance to the heavenly realm. I remember enthusiastically exclaiming aloud, "This is how I pictured it! Bright and airy!" Then the vision, or perhaps the memory, was suddenly withdrawn or hidden.

On another occasion, as I was waking, I clearly heard a voice say, "Do what you were born to do."

There is more, including experiences of dual consciousness and a sense of seeing through other people's eyes or hearing what others were saying during dream states, but there is too much, and it is too varied, to describe here.

I believe we all have a mission.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 05/05/2010

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? In the void/darkness.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? Normal consciousness and alertness

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Same or similar in a dark place.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Same or similar in a dark place.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes

Did you seem to enter another world? Some unfamiliar and strange place
A dark void where I could see into the vast distance in every direction alone.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Unsure, it all happened so fast. But I felt confused in the darkness then sad.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Protestant

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
Well, I appreciate things more and I understand that I do not know all. More humility now.

What is your religion now? Christian - Protestant

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I always believed in God and had read about the outer darkness or void but did not know what that meant or looked like. I also did not know that we might as humans be connected to the divine Creator and that such a connection could be removed.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I feel we need to be respectful toward the Creator and appreciate all. I feel that everyone is God's child(ren) and so we must be respectful and kind to all.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify
I hear a male voice as clear as a bell.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
Only inferring from what was said to me, there would appear to be a deity or high power.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
It was a vivid experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain
I have had countless experiences or dreams or glimpses over decades and many that have confused me and yet later came to pass as true. My family thinks I am sensitive to such.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
The next day with family. They listened.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
Reading on the Internet and books etc. No, my knowledge did not affect my experience as it was quite different and unusual.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
It felt scary real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
I won't forget it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes