Maria STE

Experience Description

I didn’t have to die for God to speak to me. I experienced a three-day JUDGMENT while fully alive and conscious.

My name is Maria. Right now, as I write this, I’m 25, but it all started four years ago. I was in deep depression because of my past. I won’t go into details, but here is a few words for context.

I was born into a poor family where all relationships were built on harshness and hatred. My mother beat me for any reason and psychologically terrorized me every day throughout my childhood. It was real psychological abuse. Sometimes I went to school with bruises and welts, hiding them under my clothes. My brothers drank alcohol constantly, along with my father, who practically lived on the stairwell of our apartment building. They were basically homeless together. Our home was always filled with shouting, fights, and physical and emotional pain. The neighbors and school knew about our family’s situation, but no one really did anything about it. Because of this, I was bullied by other kids and even sometimes by teachers. During my university years, I was stalked for several years by two strangers who each separately physically assaulted me. Then came my first intense love and the breakup. Around the same time, within a year of each other, both my brothers died. At some point, I couldn’t cope with that cruel reality anymore. I began smoking weed occasionally, dropped out of university in the middle of my fourth year (even though I was a straight-A student and the group leader), and was crushed by the image of the smiley, perfect girl who had it all together. I was good at hiding everything behind a smile, but inside, I was dying. I wanted to leave everything behind and escape my home country, and that’s what I did. I flew away with a young man who showed me more kindness than anyone I’d ever known. I fell in love with him.

At first, I felt euphoria. But when I was left alone with myself, I had nowhere left to run from what was happening inside me. The pain stopped being purely psychological. Physical symptoms appeared, constantly mimicking a heart attack with unbearable, aching chest pain.

Then it started happening. I thought a lot about death. I couldn’t see the meaning in life anymore. The only thing keeping me here was my love for my boyfriend, who later became my husband. The pain was unbearable, but I endured it for him. Then I drew a picture inspired by a song, symbolizing my inner pain and suffering. I added one detail of my own. It was a child looking through a small crack into the darkness. In that darkness, I drew a glowing lightbulb and labeled it simply: "God". That one random detail changed my entire life.

Up until then, I had been an atheist for years. That drawing was just a desperate cry for help, a final hope for saving my soul. I read every book on psychology and psychiatry I could find to help myself. Nothing worked.

At one point, I thought about killing myself in the bathroom, but something stopped me. Later, I went outside, and something in my mind *clicked*. I began perceiving everything around me as a mirror of my inner world. As I walked, everything I saw all formed a message for me. This included numbers, signs, words on ads, clothes of passersby, cars with writing on them, fragments of conversations, shapes, objects, nature, animals, random occurrences. Everything became trigger elements that aligned and spoke to me. And this was despite the fact that I was in a foreign country with a language I didn’t understand. The environment was communicating with me. It was showing me my inner world, and I didn’t like what I saw. I walked down the street in broad daylight, and wherever I passed, streetlights flickered on as if guiding me, just like in my drawing. It scared me, but I knew my life had to change. But it was only the beginning.

These spontaneous insights and synchronicities began manifesting differently. I could struggle with a question for a long time, read countless books. When I least expected it, it seemed as if it would speak to me again through images, symbols, and text. Sometimes entire paragraphs or pages would speak directly to me. It wasn’t like reading a book normally. I’d slip into a kind of trance. It was as if the book already knew what I would think. This started happening with music, movies, TV shows, even scientific articles. It it wasn’t random. Everything was talking to me. At times, my awareness would shift, and I’d receive a message. Occasionally, it would fade, and I’d convince myself it was all in my head. But, the harder I tried to forget, the louder the truth became.

Sometimes I gave up and tried to return to my old ways: weed, alcohol, suffering over the past, depression. I tried everything to stop seeing and hearing, because killing my ego and letting go of the illusions I’d lived with my entire life was painful. And I still suffered and the pain only grew.

Back then, I had a blog where I wrote a few posts days before returning home. The first post was simple: just a vomiting emoji. It symbolized how tired I was of dwelling on the past. I was physically sick of a certain person from my past. Many of my insights at the time revolved around them because, back then, my unrequited love and failed relationship were my deepest, bleeding wounds. I was shown the truth behind our relationship. I realized everything I’d believed was just a mask. I expressed my feelings through that simple emoji because I didn’t want to accept the truth because it hurt too much. I was exhausted, beyond words.

The second post was different. I made a drawing into a digital collage. It showed a cloudy sky, a crying eye, a white dove with an olive branch, and two people embracing. I captioned it: "Weather sensitivity is when the sky screams and cries with you."

I didn’t know my posts could materialize like the drawing with the lightbulb had.

The day before my flight back home, I started reading a book about psychotherapy under altered states of consciousness. It felt like normal reading at first, but certain phrases, acted as triggers and stuck with me. I don’t remember them exactly, but the general idea was: "No matter what happens, stay calm and pretend everything is fine." Another trigger was having something to say, and I would have to speak. There was also an exercise about overcoming the fear of a plane crash.

The idea being, that I am not the pilot, I can’t control the plane, so panicking is pointless. Later, I understood why.

My husband and I arrived at the airport. It was an ordinary day. I had quit drinking, smoking, drugs, and hallucinogens. It was just a normal day. My husband rested his head in my lap, and I massaged his temples. Then, for no reason, tears started streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t stop them, thinking it might help reduce my cortisol levels. For 15 minutes straight, I cried non-stop with no obvious trigger. I should have calmed down quickly, but the tears wouldn’t stop. Then I noticed the weather was cloudy and drizzling. It was exactly like my post about weather sensitivity.

Two hours passed, and I still hadn’t stopped crying. I’d manage a short break before the tears resumed. We boarded the plane, and for the entire two-hour flight, I sobbed. Then, at our connecting airport, something unexplainable happened.

I was still crying. A thought crystallized, "It’s time to let myself cry out everything I’ve buried my whole life." I had always suppressed my pain, forced myself to be strong, run from my emotions. Now, I had to feel it all. And I did.

At the airport entrance, the security gate (the kind that scans for weapons) was beeping erratically, flashing and malfunctioning. All the computers in the airport were glitching; some frozen, some flickering. The machines were going haywire, pulsing like emergency lights. We were let through without a proper check. We tried storing luggage, but the locker kept opening and closing. This went on for 20 minutes. Then I remembered the book’s advice, "Stay calm, no matter what. Trust the process." And as I walked through the airport, my surroundings spoke to me.

My consciousness seemed to split—one part of me stayed with my husband, moving forward, while another part perceived everything beyond. It was like seeing not just the surface of reality, but its truth. It was a judgement review of my life. I was on trial, but not in an earthly sense. My life was on display, and I was judging myself through objects, words, ads, and random events. Everything was washed together in synchronicities. I saw my mistakes such as how I held onto old pain, hatred, resentment, guilt, and regret. Even in unrelated conversations between strangers, I received messages, as if their words were for me. I saw where I had hurt others, and where I had been hurt but never healed. I was shown my biggest mistakes; moments I could have acted out of love instead of ego.

The whole time, I kept crying. I couldn’t deny the truth—I didn’t even try. I accepted it, even through tears. And with each revelation, my body revolted. After the first wave, when my stomach was empty, I dry-heaved bile. It wasn’t food poisoning. I remembered the vomiting emoji post as purification. My body was expelling a lifetime of unprocessed pain, trauma, resentment. Every cell hurt. The deeper the insight, the more violent the purging.

That was just Day One of my judgment. All together there were three days.

Our next flight was overnight. Surprisingly, the plane was nearly empty, maybe 20 passengers plus the crew. I was still crying, still nauseous, and still aching. I felt a new sensation as my body was compressing from the plane’s speed. For the first hour, I kept running to the bathroom as insights hit me; each followed by retching. Hunched in my seat, clutching my knees, I wished for it all to end. But, it was far from over.

Then, I felt an urge to look out the window and froze. We were flying over cities at night; their streets lined with lights. Before my eyes, some lights turned off, while others turned on. They were forming pictures. The patterns shifted in real time, reacting to my thoughts by answering my unspoken questions. It was a continuation of my life review with my thoughts and my false beliefs displayed as moving light.

I turned to show my husband, but the entire plane was asleep. Even the crew wasn’t looking. I was alone, watching the lights draw my destiny.

Then I saw a man who looked like one of my late brothers. The feeling of grief hit hard. The lights showed me moments I’d been indifferent when I could’ve acted with love. Shame within burned me because now, I couldn’t make it right since he was gone.

Suddenly, the plane accelerated violently into turbulence. Still, everyone slept. The light-pattern showed my lifeline as becoming jagged and breaking. The plane tilted downward. I genuinely thought we were crashing. "Fine," I thought, "if I die, I die." But an invisible force turned my head to my husband, to the man resembling my brother, and to every person around me. A realization struck me that I was responsible for them, too. Our consciousnesses were connected, influencing each other. Silence hung heavy, as if the world was holding its breath just for me.

A phrase from the book echoed, "If your family doesn’t raise you, the tribe will." Strangers were my teachers. We’re all linked.

The plane kept speeding along. I remembered another line, "You’re not the pilot. You can’t control the crash." But what if we were crashing? My suicidal thoughts had never considered how my death would hurt others.

Then, my lifeline snapped. A skull-and-crossbones flashed in the lights. Genuine terror gripped me. "Alive, I could change. Dead, I couldn’t." For minutes, I endured sheer horror until I begged that "I want to LIVE." I sobbed, praying to God to stop this.

Instantly everything was calm and the stars reappeared. The lights formed a circled cross which I felt was God’s reassurance. The cross symbolized Christ’s sacrifice; the circle, His eternity. The plane’s ordeal had taught me, to trust Him like a passenger trusts the pilot.

Day Three:

We wandered a massive, crowded airport with nowhere to rest. For the first time, I confessing my regrets to my husband. With every "I forgive you," a weight lifted.

In a capsule hotel, sleep was impossible. In every sound, smell, or conversation my judgment continued. I saw how I neglected myself by skipping meals, drowning in coffee, and choosing distractions over peace. Even in sleep, the trial persisted.

Exhausted, we went to a mall. I saw a huge signs that read "FINISH LINE". Then I saw my university years, my ex-"everything" resurfaced. In a café, fate mirrored my fantasy. I had a final talk with the man who’d broken me. Lights, words, even the décor replayed our toxic dynamic reminding me of his gaslighting and my reaction of people-pleasing.

But I couldn’t leave. My body locked up, magnetized to the table. The pain, nausea, and tears multiplied a thousand-fold. A voice whispered, "He’s not here."

I tried to throw myself down the stairs, but couldn’t move. The book’s warning returned, "Even if you want to die, you won’t be able to." Time slowed. My thoughts pared down to one choice, I could choose to stay trapped or to move forward.

When ten strangers, who resembled my old friends filed in, I had to decide. My husband’s outstretched hand was my lifeline.

I took it.

Strength returned. The pain eased. I ate without vomiting, for the first time in days.

On the 12-hour bus ride home, I heard a whisper, "Jesus is near." Only I heard it. Repeat lullabies of peace.

In the post-judgment phase, God kept speaking softly now. Once, high, I saw my aura was damaged. Another time, my head turned toward an icon that represented

shame for my weakness.

Then, His love broke through. I saw a heart-shaped cloud in the sky. There were no conditions, nothing to earn, and no pretending. I just love.

Later, a door labeled "Staff Only" lit up. I felt this was God’s call for me to serve.

My drawings manifested, too. Months later, I drew a cross on a woman’s spine. I knew that she had chronic back pain exactly where cross was positioned. I realized that my window’s light formed that same cross.

I felt streetlights now follow me as they were guiding and affirming to me.

I talk to God daily.

Some things can’t be explained. Only lived.

This was my judgment before death.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 2021-2025

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain
I just wanted to die. I thought about death and the meaninglessness of my life.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No
This happened in lucid dreams, a couple of examples of which I gave in the description of the story. There were other incidents in dreams, but I did not write meticulously about each case.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? I was 100% conscious the entire time. I was literally connected to God's consciousness for all three days of the TRIAL. It was the largest and longest of all transcendental experiences.
There was a feeling of inner knowledge. Packages of knowledge seemed to be unpacked in my consciousness. The senses were sharpened many times over. Although everything that happened to me may seem crazy from the outside, but when it happened to me, I didn’t even have thoughts that something was supernatural. It was normal, I treated it as something self-evident, as if my soul knew something that I couldn’t understand with human logic.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
At different moments, time flowed either normally, or unimaginably sped up, or unimaginably slowed down, depending on the context of the situation and the specific insight.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I began to see the world around me more vividly, to notice many things that I had not paid attention to before. The world became richer in colors, sounds, sensations and even taste.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience What was not audible to other people in this reality, on the bus, was the constant repetition of the words 'Jesus is near' with background meditative noise.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
I had some worries about my brother who died on the plane. I felt the presence of living familiar people from the university in that cafe. But physically they were strangers, but they were there for a reason.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
The first time I saw an unusual bright warm light was in real life, when all this started happening to me for the first time. It was as if I saw photons, and an unusual brighter warm glow of the sun and objects that seemed to be bathed in it. The second time I saw light was not in real life, but in one of my dreams, in which it seemed that my heart was stopping. I went to this light, which was behind the door. It was a very pleasant bright warm light that did not blind. I knew that if I opened the door, the whole space would be filled with that light, but as soon as I began to open that door, I woke up.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I felt like I had one foot in that world and one foot in the spiritual world. My consciousness seemed to be in different places at the same time.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Very different. Specifically during the TRIAL, I mainly experienced disappointment in my life, shame and guilt. In other experiences that happened after that, there were also many positive emotions and spiritual trepidation.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about myself or others
I have described everything in sufficient detail in the history of my experiments.

Did scenes from your past come back? I remembered many past events
I remembered a lot of things that I had forgotten long ago and never remembered, but which were real. The experience I received healed me and the wounds from the past.

Did scenes from the future come? There was a lot of foreknowledge about events ahead or my relationships with loved ones. I didn't know what exactly would happen and how, but I understood everything when it was already happening. Signs and warnings told me about people's betrayals and crumbling relationships. Later, this happened, and I already understood what exactly the signs were warning about. There were also good omens, they also came true.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist
I used to be a believer, but by the time all these events started, I had already been an atheist for several years.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
Now I even, in a sense, look forward to death as a return home. But now I will never again force this moment closer.

What is your religion now? Christian- Jehovahs Witness

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I felt the validity and necessity of what was happening. Even though it was hard, it was exactly what pierced my consciousness. I needed a 'push' from the outside, otherwise I would never have changed anything in my life, although I tried to do so many times.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I became more empathetic, I began to help more (without sacrificing my health or compromising my values), I began to try more to understand other people, I began to value myself.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify
I heard the phrase 'Jesus is near' repeated for hours on the bus, and background meditative noise.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
There was a moment on the plane with the realization of unity, there was another experience that showed me the interconnectedness of people. There were also experiences with prayers, when my prayers influenced other people.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
Yes, I communicated with Him. It was Him, I am 100% sure.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain
Every life is important, even if we don't realize now what impact we have on other people, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Even a small random word spoken to another person can change the lives of thousands of people.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
I have gained awareness of my life goals. To learn to love and help others. To learn to forgive other people and even ourselves, even when it is unbearably hard. To carry this light that God lit in me to other people, because it is important. And to pray for myself, and if possible for other people. And what is very important, for the dead too.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
The signs from the lanterns during the flight showed me after the sign of death signs associated with God. At this point I can no longer remember everything specifically, but this part ended with drawings associated with God. I'm not sure, it's a vague memory, but it seems there was also a drawing of a flower, something like a lotus, symbolizing paradise for me. It was like a promise of eternal life, if you choose during life, you also choose God. That's why I was led to repentance, albeit in such an unusual way.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
All things work together for good.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
In any life situation. you need to learn to act out of love.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
My drawings come to life, even if not always literally. Sometimes it happens with my words that I have written. Sometimes my dreams and intentions materialize, sometimes even instantly. I began to feel a constant connection with God, frequent communication with him, I began to understand his will for me. Dreams changed a lot. They became connected with my spiritual growth. I did not have such dreams before. I became a believer. No, that's not it. I became knowledgeable. Now I not only believe in God, I know that He exists and he leads me. Relationships with people have also changed, everything unnecessary has gone, what is necessary has come. I began to feel the degree of sincerity of people and their intentions. Much of the old has become alien to me. I began to leave people who drag me down, use me or distance me from God. Even if it is a friendship that has lasted for years, even if these are family members whom I have known all my life. It became much easier. All my friends said that something had changed in me, something that they did not understand and could not explain. Some friends simply stopped even looking me in the eye, my presence began to embarrass them, an awkwardness appeared that was not there before. I began to pray often, sometimes spontaneously, at an inner call. God showed me the effect of prayer. I began to study the experience of people who had experienced something similar. This further completed the picture and allowed me to further deepen my understanding of what had happened and was happening to me. I changed jobs, began to listen more often to my intuition and inner call, to understand what was useful to me and what was not. I began to defend my beliefs, boundaries and leave if I was not welcome. Many beliefs changed, as did life values.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
Almost all connections with people were destroyed, but some, on the contrary, were strengthened.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
No words can convey the fullness of what is experienced. There are no such suitable words.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
All my transcendental experiences actually completely eclipsed real life. I don't remember anything in such detail and vivid colors as everything that happened in such experiences, as if what I experienced was more real than my whole life.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
Pictures and words became prophetic, dreams became spiritual.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
It's been a year since the TRIAL. Up until that point, I tried to tell my loved ones, but no one believed me. So I swore off the idea, but now in a dream, God called me to tell about this experience. And I am sharing it, even though it's hard for me, but I believe my message can help someone.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain
I've heard about the existence of light at the end of the tunnel. And that's all, I think.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
Supernatural events continue to happen to me, which increasingly complement the knowledge, understanding and feelings that have opened up to me. They do not contradict them, but on the contrary, open my eyes to what I have not fully understood or give me new knowledge based on the previous ones.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
Same reason. God keeps talking to me.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain
I just continue to have moments of communication with God, sometimes spontaneously, sometimes I purposefully turn to Him.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes

Anything else to add? Love.