Margaret W STE

Experience Description

For complex emotional and physical reasons, I developed pain in my left shoulder. I saw various practitioners: naturopaths, acupuncturists, energy healers, sports therapists, osteopaths, chiropractors, doctors, and eventually an orthopedic surgeon. My shoulder was frozen because I had inflammation in the joint that was becoming increasingly painful.

One night, I took our dogs for a walk. They charged off in different directions at the same time with me in the middle holding their leashes. My shoulder was yanked hard in opposite directions, escalating the pain. Later that night, the pain was so excruciating, I couldn’t stay in bed any longer. I spent the rest of the night leaning on cushions and pillows on a mattress in the spare room. After a couple of painful nights like that, we bought a recliner rocker so I could sleep semi-upright.

Surgery was possible, but it was a long wait. The doctors prescribed painkillers every four hours. Most nights, I would take my painkillers and sit in the recliner. I might sleep for an hour and a half; then wake in pain. It would be another two and a half hours before I could take the next dose. Other nights, I only managed to get a couple of hours of sleep. On one such night, I was sitting up with a blanket wrapped around me and a hot water bottle on my lap. I was trying to manage the pain until it was time to take the next dose of medication. I think I was meditating because that made it easier for me to handle the pain.

Suddenly, I found myself in what I call "the golden place." It was a place that was not of this world and it was filled with beautiful golden light. I was completely free of pain. I was surrounded by radiant golden light in an immersive experience. The warm golden light permeating every part of my being. The light seemed warm, but this was not physical warmth. It was the heartfelt warmth of love wrapped in a golden embrace. Words fail to describe my experience because they do no justice to it. Light and love filled every part of me. I knew I was loved beyond any earthly experience of love. This love far surpassed anything I had ever felt and I was at peace.

I seemed to be at the edge of this golden place, with the light spreading out before me and into the distance. There were energetic beings moving around a little away from me, perhaps attending to their own matters. And there were presences there with me, caring for me, guiding me, and loving me. All was love. The word "divine" comes to mind, but it hardly describes the loving presence at the heart of that golden place. I felt deeply blessed to be taken from my painful earthly life into that sublime experience of love and joy. Trying to describe it, my words fall short of the reality of what I experienced.

In that place, I knew that all human beings go there eventually after death. Perhaps all the meditation, reading, and reflection I had done helped me go straight there. From what I’ve read, souls often "see" what they believe they will see when their earthly body dies. If you believe in Christ, Buddha, Mohammed, or another higher being, that is who you will "see." Maybe we all "see" the ultimate source of love and make sense of it through our religious expectations or earthly teachings. Some people may "see" hell because that is what they’ve been taught. In my church, hell was mentioned in the Bible, but it was never emphasized. People who describe hellish experiences after death often speak of reaching a point where they call for help, and help comes. The hell dissolves, and they find themselves in that beautiful golden place.

I had a spiritual experience when I was nine, hearing a spiritual being speak to me, a being who loved and accepted me without judgment or punishment. I did not believe in the heaven described in my church and had never imagined the afterlife visually until my experience. Writing about it does not capture how I "saw" the light or those beings. My earthly eyes were not with me; my soul "saw" the the beings. When I found myself in that golden place, I simply knew I had come home where my soul belonged.

There was emotional healing for me in that golden place. Love heals, and that is a truth I’ve known since my father lovingly held my foot when I was sick as a teenager. My experience confirmed the healing power of love, though I can’t explain how. I knew my physical pain wasn’t being healed, but that didn’t matter. Time was different there. I don’t know how long passed on earth while I was there. It felt like eternity and an instant at the same time.

As I absorbed that love and light, I knew I was being given the choice to stay or return to earthly life. My focus was simply on being there. It was so beautiful that I saw no reason to leave. Communication came from the spiritual beings caring for me, but no words were spoken. "Telepathy" is too limited a word. I simply knew what was being conveyed. Love and care flowed to me continually, and I was encouraged to look back at my earthly life and decide whether to stay or return.

Years earlier, when my sister died by suicide, I was angry with her. After recovering from the shock, I knew I could never inflict that pain on others. The option of voluntary death was closed to me. Now, in this golden place where my soul truly belonged, that option was presented again.

With loving encouragement, my focus turned to my earthly family. My husband had lost his first wife to cancer, and his children had suffered the loss of their mother at a young age. I couldn’t leave him, my stepchildren, or my teenage daughters to suffer that kind of pain again. My pain became less important when I thought about theirs. I also had clients who would grieve if I died. My decision was firm; I chose to return to earthly life.

Returning to my body was difficult, even though my choice was strong. I felt as though I climbed down a ladder. Later, I remembered Jacob’s ladder from the Bible and understood it as my mind’s way of helping me return to my body. I descended slowly, feeling more distant from the golden place but still surrounded by its love. When the tips of my spiritual toes touched my physical head, the pain returned. It was like plunging into a pool of agony. Fully back in my body, the pain remained, but my attitude had changed. It was okay to suffer, knowing that one day I would return to the golden place.

It was both okay and not okay. The pain was unchanged, but I accepted my earthly journey as a small step for my soul. I knew I would die someday and return to that golden home. My pain became an opportunity for soul growth, and I valued that. Eventually, I had surgery, and most of the pain eased, but another painful journey lay ahead.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: July 1999

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? When I was in the golden place being communicated with by those spiritual entitities
Words are not enough, it is so hard to convey what I experienced to people on earth, it was way beyond my earthly consciousness. I felt so loved and held and so alive, with no struggle, no pain, all was well at every level and I knew I was one with love

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time had no meaning, I have no idea how long I was there, that just had no meaning at all

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience My vision was so vibrant, colors were more vivid and I think my vision was more global, not restricted by the perspective of eyes

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Hearing wasn't with ears, it was through my heart

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Everything was golden, an unearthly gold, all was gold

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
This place was golden and filled with love, it was more real than any place on earth yet it was misty in a way, I didn't need to focus on exactly who was there but I felt held by one loving entity, perhaps the supreme source. The word divine is the right word.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Bliss, absolute bliss of being loved and being at one with love

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
It's hard to name this, I felt I was on the edge of the golden place and there was no real boundary but I knew I wasn't right in there, I was on the edge and looking into the centre

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life
It was suggested to me that I look back at my earth life before I chose whether to stay or go back. When this was suggested I was so happy there that I didn't really consider coming back, but when I looked back at how my experience would impact my loved ones and my clients, the choice was clear.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths
I was aware of being a spiritual being apart from religion

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
I meditate much more regularly, I occasionally visit a spiritual organization locally, I love talking about my beliefs now but also understand I must respect where other people are at in their own journey and not force knowledge of my experience on them.

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant
Spiritual consciousness still developing

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
My experience confirmed for me what I had learnt about spirituality in some ways. I am not my physical body. I felt myself as so much bigger than my spiritual self and that was new to me I think but it was as though I had always known that. Hard to express these things. My experience of love was consistent to some degree with what I had dimly felt at times sitting in church, but the love I felt in my NDE was so much more, so much brighter: much more real and much more beautiful. I think there may been a sense that the entities I was seeing were known to me or at least some of them were, but that is not clear now.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
My beliefs were confirmed so strongly and also I think many beliefs were subtly altered to something more true. For many years I had 'felt' when someone I knew died, but that year this sense of someone's death escalated enormously.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
The voice was in my heart, direct communication, clearly from an entity from the golden place, so loving and caring and understanding, absolutely free of judgement, no pressure, a beautiful presence communing with me through my heart

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes
I just knew and I have no idea how I knew that I was way bigger than my earth identity and earth life was just one step along the way for my soul.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
I absolutely felt a oneness there, no question, no separateness, we are one

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
That voice and the entities I saw moving around in the golden place were clearly spiritual beings and there was a sense that the love that was holding me which seemed to come from behind me and wrap totally around me and also embrace all of the golden place was the ultimate source of all love, what I was taught to call God but I knew was Source, All, Divine Oneness, Ultimate Being

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Being spiritual and being love seemed a purpose of itself, and when I looked back at my earth life I also knew there was purpose there for me in that my death would create so much pain for others so my purpose in going back was largely to save others from pain.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
Only when I looked back at my earthly life from that divine place and realized the impact my death would have on others in earth life. It was quite clear to me that my purpose is a spiritual one always

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
It was my awareness as soon as I was there, that earth life is just one small facet of my soul experience and that we all are very much alive after our human body dies. My sense of aliveness was there in that golden place and my human body did not factor into it

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes
There was a strong sense of learning whilst I was there, like I was enthralled with the process of learning but I have no idea of any specifics that I was learning, just that learning was a joy for me

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
I knew it would be so hard going back into my pain filled body

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
I was loved absolutely and I was love absolutely, love is what is, that is all that matters. I felt that and knew that without doubt

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life
My experience of love was within me and I can always call on that now even when times are very hard. My attitude to pain is so different. Back then I had severe pain, so much that those entities said it would be ok to leave my body because of the pain. A few years later pain reached a whole new level and right now I am going through a massive pain journey, but even though it is horrible, it is ok.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
My understanding of being in that golden place has been part of my work with clients. While writing my book I have started telling people about this experience. In particular I share this experience with clients who are getting towards the end of their life, or clients who have lost loved ones or who are traumatized by their fear of death.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
Words are pale in comparison to the experience, my heart wants to speak the experience and words are too narrow

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
This was such a real experience and it stays with me today vividly, no questions, no doubts, it just was and still is within me. The memory is as clear as if it is happening now, in fact it is more clear even than what is happening now at some amazing almost super level. I can't really explain that.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
My sensitivity to those whose earth body has died is much stronger. That had been with me from a young age, but it escalated and became part of my work with clients.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The whole thing!!!! The experience of being loved and of being love has been at the core of my being ever since. I have absolutely no fear of death, in fact, death will be a blessed relief, however I am happy stay here even if that means I am in pain as I just know my earth life has meaning and my love connection with those on earth is a significant factor in my soul development and also the development of other souls.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I started writing a book about my spiritual experiences in 2023 and that meant I started talking about my experiience. I had not spoken to anyone about it prior to that time as far as I remember.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
I had read Raymond Moody when I was searching for meaning after my sister suicided. Hi books gave me hope but I wasn't sure.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
No question it was real, but I compartmentalized it so it wasn't part of my daily living experience at first.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
There is a difference between memory and reality of the moment, but that experience still has 'reality of the moment' feel to it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
In my work I now take my clients on guided meditations that are directly linked to what I learnt and I sometimes feel quite similar when I am doing this. My heart is filled with love and joy and I know that is radiating out and helping my client.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
You have covered so much, I think I have told you all I can.

Anything else to add? I want to learn more, I think the student in me has been fascinated by this.