Leslie E ADC

Experience Description

This strange experience happened just after my father took his last breath. My mother, my sister, and I were gathered around his bedside in a nursing home, where hospice nurses were caring for him. At the time, I understood that hospice provided care for people nearing the end of life, but I did not fully understand everything involved in that care.

My father had suffered from asthma throughout his life. Ironically, he had also smoked for 50 years, although he seemed to tolerate it remarkably well. He finally quit smoking about five years before his death. He always carried an inhaler because his asthma was often triggered by cold weather, artificial fragrances, or chemicals in cleaning products.

Three years before his death, he suffered a stroke that left him unable to walk and partially paralyzed. However, he could still move around in a wheelchair and communicate in short sentences.

Now he was approaching the end of his life. Family members had taken turns staying with him during his final weeks. When the nurses believed his death was imminent, my mother, sister, and I gathered at his bedside to spend what might be his last day together.

His breathing was labored, and a hospice nurse administered medication that she said would help calm his breathing. I was grateful that something might make him more comfortable. I sat on his right side, my mother sat on his left, and my sister was positioned near his feet.

About an hour later, the nurse returned to check on him. She seemed surprised that his breathing had improved. He looked more relaxed to me and was no longer struggling for air. I didn't think much about the nurse's reaction at the time. She administered a second dose of medication, and I assumed his breathing would improve even more.

What I didn't understand at the time was that the medication was morphine. I believed it was suppressing his ability to breathe rather than helping him recover.

About half an hour after the second dose, his breathing became labored again. I watched helplessly as he struggled for every breath, and anger began building inside me. The medication was supposed to help him! Instead, I was watching my father gasp for air.

Throughout my life, breathing had always been such an important concern for my father. Whenever he experienced an asthma attack, getting his medication and being able to breathe again was his highest priority. And now, at the end of his life, he couldn't breathe.

I was furious. I felt betrayed. My anger kept growing until it seemed to fill my entire body. With every increasingly shallow breath he took, my anger intensified. I wasn't feeling sadness. I was overwhelmed by anger at what I perceived as a terrible betrayal.

Then came his final few gasps, and his breathing stopped. My father had passed away.

The room became silent. I couldn't even cry. I was devastated, and my entire being felt consumed by anger.

Then, within moments of his death, something extraordinary happened.

Suddenly, I felt a strange fullness enter my physical body. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. It was as though something had entered me and instantly released all the anger I had been holding.

Just like that, the anger was gone!

I was startled by how completely and suddenly my emotions had changed. One moment, I had been filled with overwhelming rage, and the next, there was no anger left at all. I felt completely free of it.

I looked around the room, wondering whether someone else had entered. But there was no one there except my father, my mother, my sister, and me. I checked the air-conditioning vents, but the system wasn't running. There was no air moving through the room. The door was closed, so there was no airflow coming from the hallway.

I touched my shoulders, my stomach, and my chest, trying to understand what had happened. Everything felt physically normal, yet I knew something profound had just taken place.

Then I understood.

When my father passed away, he had given me one final gift. A hug.

I felt that his life essence, his soul, had entered my being and set me free from the anger that had consumed me. It was as though he was telling me, "It's okay. Everything is okay. Don't be angry. Be free."

I recognized the sensation intuitively. It was my father's love, surrounding me and releasing me from my pain.

I kept the entire experience to myself for years. I didn't tell anyone what I had felt that day.

Then, one day, my mother and I began talking about my father's death. He had been her soulmate, and we were remembering his final moments together. I wasn't sure how to bring up what had happened after he passed, so I cautiously mentioned the unusual sensation I had experienced in the room.

My mother looked at me with an expression that seemed to combine surprise and relief.

"I know," she said. "I felt it too."

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 05/08/2001

NDE Elements:

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Fully aware

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? Normal consciousness and alertness

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Normal

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Normal

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter another world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? From anger to calmness

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Catholic

Have your religious practices changed? No

What is your religion now? Christian - Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Life after death

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
One soul touching another

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
One soul touching another

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? No changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain
How to describe a life force, a soul, passing within

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Read description of event

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
A few years. They were pleased. No.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
It happened. No matter how long ago, it happened.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
It happened. No matter how long ago, it happened.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes