Kathleen K NDE

Experience Description

My boyfriend broke up with me. I had met him when I was ten and he was eleven. I was devastated and didn't want to live. My dad was military and was overseas. My mom was getting ready to go out with friends. She noticed I was putting on makeup as if I was planning to go out and asked me my plans. I told her that I wanted to be pretty when they saw me. She said goodbye and left.

I took all my parents' medications I could find. I just wanted to go to sleep. I didn't leave any notes of why I wanted to go. Mom later told me she had an unsettling feeling and rushed home to find me unconscious. She was a nurse and worked at our local hospital. She called an ambulance.

I saw my body. I was on a flat table with my head hanging off the table and a tube down my throat. I could hear everything my mom (who was assisting the doctor) was saying. I realized I was actually looking down on them working on my body from the corner of the ceiling. I remember Mom telling the doctor my daddy would kill her if I didn't make it. Each time the doctor said I was gone, Mom would frantically try to revive me. Three times this happened.

I was drawn to a bright light coming from the end of a dark tunnel. I flew to enter the tunnel. I could see hands and arms reaching for me. I was comforted knowing they were family and friends wanting to get to me. I persisted toward the indescribable bright light that was getting closer and bigger until I reached what seemed to be the bottom of a white glowing robe. I could barely recognize the person because their hand was positioned palm up. I knew it was telling me to stop coming any further. A voice entered my mind to say, "it wasn't time" and "I had to go back." I was very upset that I had to leave that place. It was the most amazing comfort I had ever felt.

I returned to my body to hear my mom and the doctor discussing a mental hospital that was experimenting with electric shock treatments. They felt it would erase my memory of why I wanted to die. The sad truth was that after three treatments, I didn't know my own mother. But, I never forgot my boyfriend or that he had broken up with me.

I had strange and awkward experiences in the hospital. I had a roommate who was there because she OD'd on pain medication trying suicide herself. I didn't like the feeling from the drugs they were giving me. The drugs kept me sluggish unable to think clearly. So, I pretended to take them and then gave them to my roommate. After an extended stay and many therapists, I was released to go home.

I had to relearn my home, mother, siblings, and friends. Yet, I never forgot my boyfriend. About two years later he asked me to marry him. I wish I could say it was happy ever after, but the reason he had broken up was that he realized he was gay. In 1969, I had never heard of that and didn't know what it he was talking about. We married and if I hadn't gotten pregnant on my honeymoon, I probably never would have had children. It lasted six years before ending in divorce. I endured many emotions from those years especially at an age when I should have been learning how to mature into adulthood. But, I was often defending my own sanity. My attempt was in 1969. My daddy committed suicide in 1987. That was another emotionally trying experience in that he reached out to me in a dream the night before he did it.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 09/12/1969

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
At 17 it felt like my life was over because my boyfriend broke up with me. I didn't want to live without him.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it
The fact that I was witnessing what the doctor and my mom were doing to revive me and their conversation.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? When I was watching and listening from the corner of the ceiling as my body was lying on the table.
I was astonished at what was happening.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I was thinking about time. Time had nothing to do with what I was experiencing.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Prior to that experience I had peace about leaving and going to heaven in my understanding.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Prior to it, I was numb, didn't care to talk or be talked to. I was uninterested in my life to even think about anything.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Dark long tunnel with hands and arms reaching for me. I was comfortable knowing they loved me and wanted to hold me, welcoming me there.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Words can't describe the brightness, the feeling it gave.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
Again, I knew it was entering the heavenly realm, however I was stopped before I was allowed to enter.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Nothing I've ever felt before or after that can compare to that perfect peace.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
His hand stopped me from entering.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
His voice told me it wasn't time, that I had to go back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Other Christian

Have your religious practices changed? No

What is your religion now? Christian - Other Christian
Baptist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I was ready to go to heaven. I didn't know what, if anything, I expected to experience until it happened.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Understanding that God is in control of my every thought, my every move.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I knew it was Jesus. The most perfect loving feeling I've ever known.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
I don't like to use the word 'mystical' because I was always aware that it was Jesus, heaven, and God. There was no mystery about that.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
The perfect peace. Love that is indescribable, total comfort.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
I knew those reaching out to welcome me were family and friends without me ever seeing their faces or bodies.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
The perfect love of God.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
I am aware that God has a purpose and a plan for my life.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
I am more aware of how people are, how they talk, what they believe. I have a deeper appreciation for others.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
I wasn't sure if it was really happening or if I was dreaming.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
I have no fear of dying because I know the feeling of leaving this world to enter Heaven.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The closeness I have to God/Jesus.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I don't remember how soon after I shared it now; too many years ago. However, I remember not being believed.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
I felt invincible like I couldn't die. I took risks and didn't think of consequences.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
I've learned much over the vast years. I am blessed and happy. At 74, I am experiencing the loss of many friends and family, which does affect me. I know they are far better off than the living here are. I'm very curious as to what God has me waiting for, but very excited to see.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
It was helpful to go through the questions.

Anything else to add? I would share my experience of my daddy's suicide from 1987.