Junjie Z STE

Experience Description

In 1998, when I was four years old, I was physically healthy and not in a life-threatening situation. I had no illnesses, injuries, or medications. I experienced a spontaneous transcendent experience that even I found strange and difficult to understand.

At first, I was completely enveloped in an intense white light. The white light then began to slowly contract, revealing a spherical outline and the endless dark space beyond it. The white light disappeared, and fragments of my life experiences began to appear.

At the end of each fragment, a bright light would emerge from the center of the scene and gradually expand until it overwhelmed everything. After a brief pause, the next fragment would begin. Throughout the entire life review, I did not hear a single sound.

The life review lasted approximately several minutes and contained more than the five fragments I describe here. I have selected these fragments only as examples. Most of the fragments involved experiences from before I was three years old.

The perspective within each life fragment was dynamic. Some perspectives remained constant, some changed once, and others shifted multiple times. Each fragment was like returning to the past and watching an event from a particular perspective. Sometimes the perspective would change without my control, allowing me to see different parts of the event. I was completely unable to control these changes.

During the life review, I wondered what was happening. I also wondered why the light was showing me these experiences from my life and why I was sometimes able to see my own body. Apart from these questions, I experienced little emotion. I remained still and watched as a neutral observer.

One of the most complex fragments involved a cleaver. The scene began with a large gathering of family members at my home, including my aunt and cousins. The perspective then shifted to one of my male cousins. He had only taken a few steps when the perspective changed again and focused on a cleaver lying on the floor. My cousin accidentally kicked the cleaver, causing it to spin across the floor toward me.

The perspective changed one final time and showed me as a young child walking forward without awareness of the danger. The cleaver struck my left big toe and injured it. That toenail later developed a fungal infection. During elementary and middle school, there was also visible blood beneath the toenail, accompanied by intermittent pain. More than twenty-eight years later, the blood residue is no longer visible, but the unexplained pain still recurs under certain conditions, such as pressure or fatigue. I looked up and cried bitterly. Then a powerful white light appeared in the center of the scene and expanded until it flooded and covered everything. After a brief pause, the next fragment began.

During the cleaver fragment, the perspective changed three times, creating a total of four successive perspectives. Each change in perspective revealed a different part of the event.

The fourth-to-last life fragment began with me seeing myself standing by a doorway. I did not know what I was looking at. From outside the doorway, I could see the back of my own body. The perspective then changed to first person. My father and mother were throwing objects at each other across a bed. My father was grinning, while my mother was angry and close to tears.

The third-to-last life fragment began with my mother standing in front of me. She quickly moved from a standing position into a half-squatting position and continued to cry. The perspective then shifted to first person. I awkwardly used my small hands to wipe away her tears because I did not know what else to do.

The second-to-last life fragment was viewed entirely from the doorway looking outward. Outside the door, my mother was holding a bicycle and tilting her head as she looked at me. I lifted my leg to sit on the back seat of the bicycle. This fragment was very short and contained no perspective changes. At the time, my mother was leaving home and wanted to take me with her.

In the final life fragment, everything in the world except my father and me, even the air itself, appeared as intense white light. There was no process of transformation. Everything, including the air, appeared as intense white light from the instant the fragment began.

I could see only my father and me walking hand in hand through the light. This fragment showed the real event in which my father found me and brought me home. We were walking along the road back to our home. The edges of our bodies were slightly permeated by the intense white light that was everywhere around us, making it impossible to see the complete outlines of our bodies clearly.

At first, the perspective was directly in front of us, and I could see the fronts of my father's body and my own body. The perspective then continuously moved farther away and higher. Eventually, I was viewing us from an altitude of several thousand meters. My father and I appeared as two tiny points, continuously walking through an ocean of white light.

The transformation of everything into light and the high-altitude perspective were both part of this final life-review fragment. They did not occur after the life review. This final fragment lasted approximately forty to fifty seconds and was the longest fragment in the life review.

After a flash of light, I suddenly found myself standing alone in my home. Other than knowing it was daytime, I knew nothing about what had just happened around me. My body was completely normal, and I had no unusual physical sensations.

Most of the life-review fragments involved events that occurred at my home or within a few meters of the doorway. The exception was the final fragment, which took place on a road several hundred meters from my home.

When I was very young, I also lived for a considerable period in another city approximately seventy kilometers away. My paternal aunts later confirmed that I had lived in Suzhou for an extended period as a toddler and that my mother frequently took me on outings before she disappeared from my life. I have no memory of living there or of those outings. Although experiences from that period could have appeared in the life review, none of them were shown. Instead, the life review remained focused almost entirely on events in or around my family home. Only the final three fragments included my parents, and apart from those, the life review featured me alone without other people present.

The life-review fragments are also my earliest retrievable memories. Apart from them, I have no conscious episodic memories from before the age of four. I did not consciously recall the life-review content until I was in elementary school, when the recurring unexplained pain in my left big toe prompted me to search for its cause. As I repeatedly reflected on the source of the pain, the life-review fragments gradually resurfaced with remarkable clarity, including fine visual details such as my cousin's facial expression when he accidentally kicked the cleaver. Those details remain vivid to this day.

After the period depicted in these experiences, my mother was essentially absent from my life. I did not know where she was, and my father could not find her. If not for this experience, I fear I might have completely forgotten what she looked like. I have also never met any of my mother's blood relatives, including my maternal grandparents.

When I was in my twenties, I used my phone to write a simple description of this experience and searched for it using an internet browser. The search results introduced me to the term "near-death experience." Until then, I had never heard of near-death experiences.

The aftereffects of the experience have included disbelief and an inability to understand or explain what happened. The fact that I was only four years old and completely healthy makes the experience especially difficult for me to comprehend. Because I could not explain it, I began to wonder whether God or a Creator had somehow chosen me to undergo this experience.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 00/00/1998

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? I lost awareness of my body
Yes, I witnessed earthly events, but strictly through a visual life review. I saw specific past events (e.g., the knife injuring my toe, parents fighting, father taking me home). However, I experienced these events with complete absence of sound. It was like watching a silent high-definition recording of earthly life while in a disembodied state.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? During the life review segment involving the kitchen knife injuring my left big toe. While observing the knife spinning, perspective switching, and the impact, my consciousness reached peak clarity and alertness — although the event was traumatic, all perceptual details were absolute.
Although my body was still (a 4-year-old child standing still), my perceptual clarity sharply increased. I could observe subtle structural details normally invisible, such as the atmospheric medium dissolving into light and the light penetrating the edges of human figures. The logic of perspective switching (such as tracking a flying knife and switching viewpoints within a single scene) was extremely clear. It felt less like a dream or memory and more like accessing a high-definition data stream. Compared to normal waking life, my consciousness felt 'magnified' and extremely alert.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time was no longer linear. Due to 'light segmentation' and 'atmospheric dematerialization', causality collapsed. Past events (the knife injury) and the present consciousness occurred simultaneously in a static, timeless visual field.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience My vision was much clearer than when awake, with richer detail. After growing up, I became nearsighted. Looking back, the clarity of that experience was astonishing — it was an absolute, sharp clarity that defied physical optics. I could perceive the structure of light and the subtle edge diffusion of forms. It wasn't 'seeing' through eyes, but a direct perceptual clarity beyond biological limits.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Throughout the experience, sound was completely absent. It wasn't just silence, but an 'absolute stillness' that felt like a fundamental component of the event's essence. I witnessed dynamic actions (crying, throwing things, knife spinning) without any auditory input. This absence of sound made the visual phenomena — the light segmentation and atmospheric dematerialization — feel more vivid and real, like watching a silent high-definition film. It was a purely visual/perceptual phenomenon.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
Yes. I became aware of these living family members through the life review segment. Although I did not interact with them in real time, I visually perceived my father, mother, cousin, and aunt in the review. Dad and I were the only elements retaining human form, serving as 'selective anchors' in the process of everything turning into light.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Yes. However, this light was not merely illumination. It served as a medium replacing matter — a phenomenon I call 'atmospheric dematerialization' (air becoming light). It was structural and perceptual, not religious or symbolic.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
It was not a place I visited, but a state of existence where earthly physical laws dissolved. This realm was defined by 'atmospheric dematerialization' — air turning into light and segmenting reality. It was a structural, perceptual realm, not a geographical location.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Completely no emotions. It was a pure, objective state of observation — like a scientific instrument recording data. Whether witnessing the knife cut my toe or my parents fighting, emotional response was zero. It was a state of perception that transcended human emotion, non-binary, and elevated in dimension.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about the universe
I understood the fundamental structure of reality — how matter dissolves into light, and how perception operates independently of the body. It was not knowledge about humanity, but a direct, intuitive grasp of the visual and structural logic of the universe.

Did scenes from your past come back? My past flashed before me, out of my control
It was not psychological recall, but visual projection. Scenes appeared with cinematic clarity and dynamic perspective shifts. I was a passive observer forced to watch these events unfold, segmented by light, with no ability to intervene.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated - Nothing in particular - Secular unaffiliated

Have your religious practices changed? No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated - Nothing in particular - Secular unaffiliated

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
It was extremely inconsistent, because a 4-year-old secular child witnessed the dematerialization of matter and the collapse of spacetime — completely beyond my comprehension. However, it was also consistent, because it exhibited extreme objectivity and visual clarity; there were no religious dogmas, only structural truth, which resonated with my innate pure 'observer mode'.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Yes. Although I remain secular and non-religious, my beliefs shifted from naive assumptions to rational agnosticism. I went from 'not knowing' to 'knowing that I cannot know'. My values transformed from instinctive living to a profound recognition of 'life as a canvas of consciousness'. These changes were entirely driven by the structural revelations during this experience.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Yes. However, it was not an emotional or love-based fusion. It was a structural awareness of oneness: witnessing firsthand 'atmospheric dematerialization' (air turning into light) and light's segmentation of reality. All things are composed of the same fundamental medium. It was a unity of structure and perception, devoid of emotional coloring.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain
Uncertain. Although the complexity and order of the universe's structure hinted at a potential intelligence, I did not encounter a specific deity or receive a declaration about God's existence. It was a perception of supreme structure, not an encounter with a supreme being.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Yes. I acquired special knowledge about 'structural logic' — understanding that matter dissolves into light and reality is thereby segmented. The purpose is cognitive: to realize that existence is inherently perceptual, unified, and transcends material constraints.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
Yes. The meaning revealed was structural, not moral. Witnessing 'atmospheric dematerialization' (air turning into light) and the segmentation of reality indicated that the physical world is a mutable medium. The meaning of earthly life lies in realizing that existence is inherently perceptual and united in light, transcending material constraints.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Uncertain
Uncertain. Although I grasped the structural logic of the universe and the process of matter dissolving into light, I did not encounter specific information confirming or disproving life after death. It was a perception of 'existence', not a confirmation of what happens after earthly life.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes
Yes. The core revelation is 'the dematerialization of matter'. I witnessed air transforming into light and reality segmenting itself through light. This structural logic reveals that the physical world is a mutable medium, not a fixed absolute. It is the fundamental principle governing the entire experience.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
Yes. I directly observed harsh realities: a knife cutting a toe, parental conflict, mother crying. However, my perception was structural: these hardships were part of the 'atmospheric dematerialization'. They were transient and mutable appearances within a unified, luminous reality.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
This experience fundamentally reshaped my cognition, not my beliefs. It gave me a lifelong 'structural lens' through which I view reality. I see the physical world as a mutable medium, not a fixed absolute existence, which dissolved my fear of death and anchored my sense of meaning in consciousness itself. It taught me objective observation — witnessing suffering and conflict without being consumed by emotion. Although it allowed me to rationally speculate on the possible existence of a creator, it did not lead to religious adherence; my spirituality remains secular, rooted in awe of the structure of the universe and the unity of existence.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
It is extremely difficult because these visual phenomena have no counterpart in everyday language or physical reality. How to describe 'air turned into light' or 'body edges diffused into surrounding radiance'? As a 4-year-old, I lacked vocabulary. Even as an adult, I struggle to convey the structural essence of light segmentation and the feeling of atmospheric dematerialization without sounding like I'm describing visual effects. Language cannot capture the logic of perspective switching.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
The contrast is absolute. My memories of other events at age 4 are vague fragments. However, this experience was recorded with extreme clarity of structural detail (such as atmospheric dematerialization). It is not a memory recalled, but a continuous, high-fidelity perceptual record.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The most meaningful part is the 'atmospheric dematerialization' — witnessing air transform into light and segment reality. This structural logic is key. It revealed that the physical world is a mutable medium, not a fixed absolute existence. This insight — that matter dissolves into light and existence is essentially perceptual — became the cornerstone of my entire cognitive restructuring. It was not an emotional epiphany but a structural one.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
Yes, I have briefly mentioned it online but never detailed it. Due to its structural and non-emotional nature, I find it difficult to express fully. I have selectively shared fragments, avoiding religious or emotional interpretations to preserve its cognitive integrity.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
As a 4-year-old child, my sense of reality was absolute. Because this experience was 'extremely alert' — sharper and clearer than waking life — it was registered as an undeniable fact. I had no framework of 'hallucination' or 'dream' at that time; it just happened. The structural clarity and the transformation of matter into light were perceived as objectively real events, leaving no room for doubt.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
This experience remains absolutely real to me. Unlike dreams that fade and distort over time, its structural details — the atmospheric dematerialization, the segmentation of light, and the extreme clarity — have become sharper with age, not like hallucinations. It is an unshakable cognitive anchor in my life.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
Yes. Although that specific supernatural light has never literally reappeared, the structural logic and cognitive understanding derived from it continue to surface. It is not a visual flashback, but a recurring resonance at intellectual and philosophical levels, constantly reminding me of the reality behind matter.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? No
No. The questionnaire is heavily constructed around emotional and religious frameworks (love, fear, deities, existence). My experience was strictly structural, cognitive, and visual — lacking emotional and religious content. Although the questions captured the factual sequence, they failed to cover the 'structural logic' and 'atmospheric dematerialization' that define my experience. This is an NDE questionnaire attempting to measure STE events.

Anything else to add? Since that experience, I have been in a single-parent family and never saw my mother again (whereabouts unknown). It was not until my 20s that I wrote this memory down and searched it on my phone, first finding the term 'near-death experience' and learning about the concept. In China in 1998, there was no internet at home, and I had never been exposed to any books, films, or religious teachings about such phenomena.