Julie T NDE

Experience Description

I was trying to sit up in bed. I was having an asthma attack and couldn’t breathe. I suddenly found myself floating in absolute darkness. It was not scary; it was peaceful and comforting. The darkness was so black I couldn’t see anything around me or any part of myself, like my hands or feet. I felt like I was curled up in a ball and floating. Even though it was dark and I couldn’t see, it didn’t feel like empty nothingness. It felt all velvety and soft, like something was wrapping itself around me and holding me. I felt cradled and soothed.

Then I began to ‘hear’ words repeating over and over, “all is well.” There were no voices; it was more telepathic. I was ‘shown’ that behind me was the past and always had been, and in front of me was the future and it always had been. I was just here in the middle, and it didn’t matter what I did. Everything was as it should be.

I was asked to look down, and I saw far below me, to my right, something like a blue marble in the darkness. I was told that was my home, and I understood I was to go there. I don’t remember ‘coming back’ into my body, but suddenly my mum was there with the coal tar vaporiser.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 00/00/1964

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain
I had childhood asthma and several serious attacks. On occasions when I was unable to breathe, the only medicine available for use at home at the time was a coal tar vaporizer, kept burning at the side of my bed at night. I remember many times when my mum would hold it right in front of my face so I could breathe. My experience happened on one of these nights; I had just started school.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? What has stayed with me and is still crystal clear was the message from the 'voices' saying 'all is well' and when I saw the Earth.
I was a very young child, and it was such a long time ago that I have few memories of this period. However, this experience has never faded, so I presume my consciousness was in an enhanced state.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time felt slowed down, almost patient, waiting for me to understand.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Vision seemed the same, but it had feelings associated with it.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Hearing was inside my head, not of real voices, but with strong feelings.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter another world? Some unfamiliar and strange place
A dense blackness, utter velvety darkness in which I was floating. It was not frightening though; it was welcoming, as if happy to see me and holding me safe.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peaceful, awe, wonder

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about myself or others
I understood there was nothing to fear, everything just is as it’s supposed to be, before me and after me.

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain
I was told to look down, as that was where I had to go. Home.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Protestant
Church was just for special occasions and community events.

Have your religious practices changed? Uncertain
Not back then, of course, but since I fully remembered it, I've become interested in my spiritual growth and exploring altered states of consciousness through pure sound.

What is your religion now? Christian - Protestant
I am a cultural Christian who believes in Jesus Christ, but I don’t attend church.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I was a young child (the oldest of three) and often neglected by my busy parents. I didn’t know much; my world was small. This experience, I now see, expanded my consciousness. It opened a door to a source of divine nourishment that has sustained me during my biggest losses, creating resilience and buoyancy.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I knew I was not alone. I was part of something greater than me.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify
Like a telepathic voice, maybe many voices but all speaking together, making me understand what they were telling me.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes
I had always existed, and this is where I am now.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain
I understood that I was not just my physical body; I was in something bigger than me.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
That we are eternal beings. That Earth is our home, for now. That everything is happening as it should. There is nothing to fear.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
I understood I had always existed, and there was time existing behind me and in front of me, and that it was unaffected by me.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
I was told all is well, which I took to mean there’s no need to worry about life. I wonder now if that was given to me because I was quite an anxious child, hence the asthma.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
I felt an awareness of an intense love for me, a nurturing and patient love.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
I suppressed the experience and learned not to talk about it so I wouldn’t upset my mother, because I developed the capacity to leave my body at will and see many visions of the void. When I tried to talk about it, my family didn’t like it, so I let it go. It resurfaced in my late teens as hypersensitivity to people and environments, so I was put on tranquillisers and tried to fit in, but unsuccessfully. Then, in my 50s, I suffered a catastrophic loss of my home. In the depths of my despair, it re-emerged, redefined my life, and it carries me still.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain
Probably, I'm not close to my mother or siblings. I'm different from them.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
I remember I got into trouble with my parents a lot around that time because I went through a phase of saying 'I don't care' to people. I know I kept saying it and didn't think it was wrong. I think now it was my way of trying to express what I had understood to be true: that I shouldn't be worried, there's nothing to worry about, nothing to fear. 'All is well.'

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
It stands out because of the way it made me feel.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
As I grew older, I realized I have enhanced sensitivity to sound and vision, and can use them to easily enter altered states of consciousness. I see forms of light around me sometimes. There is also easy access to what I call a 'dynamic peace', a presence that has helped me to heal rapidly from major injuries and offer a healing space to others.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The knowing, or gnosis, that 'all is well' is priceless now that it's fully embodied, as it means living with an open heart and without fear of death. Thus, no external force can control or manipulate you. Also, the vision of home, the blue marble, which was the Earth, is interesting to me now because at that time (1964) we didn't have color photos of our planet from space.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
It took almost 50 years to talk about it! I was on a divine feminine leadership course, and during a module on mother energy, my tutor noticed that I couldn't have gotten much support from my mum during crises in my life as she was emotionally absent, yet I had demonstrated such cheerful resilience in the face of adversity. She asked where I got my nourishment from. She asked me to meditate upon it, which I did, and of course I knew it was the universe, but I understood for the first time the magnitude of the gifts I had been given in that experience. I shared it with the group, amidst tears, which became the catalyst for bringing it to full conscious awareness. I was heard and received support and acceptance from that group for the first time in my life. I was told I was inspirational.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
I think I just accepted it, but didn't want to think about it; I pushed it away. Probably because I was behaving differently, using a new phrase 'I don't care' often enough to get me into trouble, and so I didn't want to be questioned about it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
From what I've since learned, the energy of the divine feminine often appears as a black light, the nurturing darkness of the cosmic womb. This is all I saw: no white or golden light, just utter soft darkness. It makes sense to me that this was the nurturing aspect of God holding an undernourished child, as that is how I felt and what was probably needed. I forgot to say earlier that over the next few months my asthma got better, and I never had it again until my twenties.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
It was challenging and emotional, and it took me much longer than 45 minutes.

Anything else to add? I am in awe of how tiny the experience was in the context of a lifetime, yet the imprint still reverberates like thunder.