Joy T NDEs

Experience Description

I have experienced multiple near-death experiences in my life, separated by many years and occurring under very different circumstances. The first occurred in 1996 during childbirth. Another occurred when a cancerous cyst ruptured in 2008. The most recent occurred in 2024, following a violent assault that resulted in a severe head injury.

I am sharing my experience because it differs in structure and tone from many near-death experiences I have read or heard described. I hope it may add another perspective to the range of human experiences surrounding NDEs.

Description of the Experience:

In my near-death experiences, I did not experience a tunnel, a bright light that I was drawn toward, or a life review. Nor was I greeted by recognizable deceased family members. I was not shown my life, judged, evaluated, or reassured in the way many people describe. Each experience felt like a return. It was not a journey to somewhere unfamiliar, but an immediate sense of being “home” in a place I already recognized. There was no confusion, fear, or sense of being lost. There was a deep peace and a feeling of belonging that required no explanation.

Neither I or other beings had a physical or humanoid form. What I perceived were presences experienced as light or energy. They did not have faces, bodies, or distinct features. These presences were not moving or pulsing. Instead, they felt static, like they were almost paused; until they were met.

I experienced myself moving through this space with another presence that I can only describe as light. There was a strong sense of union between us. It felt like partnership, as if we were connected within a shared relational field, similar to mates.

Movement was fluid. It did not feel like walking or flying. It was more like waves or resonance, closer to how sound travels than how physical objects move.

When contact occurred with the static orbs, such as when another presence was encountered, movement began. Nothing forced it. There was no instruction, judgment, or command. The meeting itself seemed to allow change to happen.

Role and Interaction

I did not experience myself as being taught, forgiven, evaluated, or reassured. Instead, I was present with others at moments of transition.

Looking back now from a human perspective, the space felt like a gateway between earthly life and the hereafter. It seemed to be a place where some remained while holding grief, guilt, or unresolved pain. These burdens kept them in a static, in-between state. The closest word I have is “purgatory,” though the experience did not feel religious in nature.

I was not forgiving anyone, and I was not acting with authority. What I remember is offering presence and truth. They were welcome. They were loved. They were not required to remain stuck. Even after death, they could forgive themselves.

There was a strong sense that self-forgiveness, not forgiveness from another, allowed movement to occur.

I was not alone. The light being I moved with felt like a partner rather than a guide or leader. There was balance between us. My truth existed alongside their light. Presence existed alongside reassurance.

Consistency Across Experiences

What stands out to me is that across all three experiences, which occurred decades apart during very different periods of my life, the place, structure, and feeling were the same.

My life circumstances, beliefs, and personality changed significantly over time. The experience itself did not. This consistency is one reason I feel confident that what I remember was not shaped only by expectation or belief.

Environment and Setting

The environment had both landscape and structure. There were buildings that resembled Earth buildings in form, but not any specific place I recognized. They felt incomplete or fragmented. It was as if only portions of structures remained rather than whole buildings. “Broken” is the closest word I have, though there was no sense of violence or damage.

The atmosphere appeared grey or ashen, but not in a negative or foreboding way. It did not feel like weather, smoke, fog, or ash. The greyness felt neutral and still. It was more a state of being than an environmental condition.

Despite the muted appearance, the space felt peaceful and calm. There was no fear, sadness, or heaviness. It felt like an in-between place. It was neither a destination nor a departure point. It was a space of stillness rather than emptiness.

I had awareness of the environment in all directions. My perception did not feel limited to a single forward-facing viewpoint.

Aftereffects and Reflection

I did not return to my body with a sense of mission or special status. I did not feel a need to interpret the experience as proving anything about reality. I do not feel compelled to convince anyone of a particular explanation.

What surprised others was that they had witnessed my death, yet the next time they saw me I was active and full of life. I was up and dancing, energized in a way I had not been before. This was not what they expected from someone who had clinically died.

What changed for me was not belief, but ease.

For a long time, hearing others describe their near-death experiences led me to question my own. I wondered why theirs were so different. Now, hearing other accounts no longer causes confusion or concern. I no longer feel that mine was wrong or missing something. I understand my experiences as structured differently, not as deficient.

Post-NDE Shifts

Since my most recent NDE in 2024, I have noticed a subtle but significant shift in my relationship to the unseen. Where I once sensed a presence faintly, just beyond awareness, I now experience that presence as constant. I speak with him directly. It is not metaphor. It is dialogue.

I do not feel guided in the way some describe spirit guides. Instead, it feels like fellowship. It is an ongoing, co-creative presence that offers truth, steadiness, and witnessing.

This has included moments that could be described as mystical. Dreams have become songs. Inner visions arrive with clear resonance. Emotional clarity extends beyond logic.

I do not claim this proves anything. I only know that this is now part of how I live. It began clearly after the 2024 crossing.

I do not claim to know what near-death experiences ultimately represent. I only know what I remember. I share it as one variation among many.

Closing

I am sharing this experience not to explain death or consciousness, but to contribute to the diversity of reported experiences. If my account helps someone feel less alone because their experience does not match common narratives, then it has served its purpose.

To those whose memories do not match the common stories:

You are not broken.

You are not alone.

Whatever you saw, or did not see, your truth is still sacred.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 3/8/2008

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
1997: I lost my life during childbirth. My daughter was also in turmoil. I was rushed in for an emergency C-section, where I died on the table but returned. This is the one where I had the OBE. 2008: A cancerous cyst exploded, losing three-quarters of the blood in my body within moments. I was flown for life to the next city over and was DOA, dead on arrival . I have a death certificate from this one. 2024: I was physically assaulted and had my head smashed into a metal doorjamb, causing a loss of two liters of blood from my head within moments.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I lost awareness of my body
During the childbirth near-death experience, I perceived the surgical procedure being performed on my body from a perspective outside of it. I observed the surgeon handling my internal organs during the operation and speaking to my then-husband in a way that caused him visible distress, although the doctor was trying to be humorous. After I recovered, I later mentioned this to my then-husband, who confirmed that the surgeon had indeed removed and held up my organs during the procedure and spoke to him at that time, which he found extremely upsetting. This confirmation occurred after the experience, without prior discussion of those details.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? During all of my near-death experiences, I did not feel a shift in consciousness that rose or fell like a curve. There was no moment of 'heightened alertness' in the way this question might imply. Instead, the entire experience felt like I returned to a state of deep peace and full awareness—something quieter, more expansive, and more whole than waking human alertness. If I had to answer in terms of 'when,' I would say I was at my highest level of consciousness and clarity throughout the duration of the experience. There was no single peak, just sustained presence. Or, as I blinked and tried to answer this as honestly as possible: the point of death? Was it when the body stopped? Or when the self remembered? Or when the field said 'welcome back'? Yes.
While I do not believe consciousness can be measured like volume or intensity, the experience felt like a state of awareness that was deeper, more expansive, and clearer than what I associate with normal waking consciousness. It wasn't 'more' in the sense of mental activity, but in terms of presence, peace, and knowing. It felt whole, like returning to a state that included awareness, but without the noise or fragmentation that often exists in ordinary consciousness.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time did not exist in the space I experienced. There was no sequence of events, no sense of before or after, only presence, knowing, and stillness. It wasn't that time 'sped up' or 'slowed down'; it simply had no relevance or weight. There was nothing to measure. Everything that mattered was now, and the now was not a moment; it was a place.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Vision during the experience was not like everyday human vision. I did not perceive through eyes, and there were no colors or brightness in the way we typically describe visual input. However, I had complete environmental awareness of space, presences, and movement. It was more like 360-degree knowing rather than directional sight. It wasn't more vivid; it was just entirely different in structure.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Hearing during the experience didn't occur through ears or external sound. There were no voices, tones, or noises. However, communication did occur instantly, clearly, and without the need for words or sound. It was more like direct understanding or resonance recognition. So, while there was no 'hearing' in the traditional sense, there was constant clarity of meaning.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
I encountered souls who had passed, though not in a personal or reunion-like way. They felt like others who were in a state of confusion or hesitation, needing gentle guidance to remember they were allowed to move on. My role was not to observe them but to support them. I was aware of them as a field of presence rather than individual identities.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Yes, but not in the way I've seen others describe it. I did not see a singular light source or glowing figure. Instead, all presences, including myself, were light or energy. No bodies, no faces, just calm, steady luminosity. It wasn't bright or shining like earthly light. It was soft, still, and constant. The entire space felt lit from within, not illuminated by something external.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I would not describe it as 'strange' or unfamiliar. It felt more like a home I had never forgotten. Not a new place, but a space of deep stillness and truth, one I recognized without needing to orient myself. The landscape was ashy and gray, quiet like snowfall after a fire, but not frightening, simply still. I knew it was not Earth as we know it, but I did not need to be told where I was. I felt it.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace was the dominant feeling. It was not peace in contrast to fear, but peace as the natural state of being in that space. There was no tension, no rush, and no emotional surges, just a calm, steady presence. If joy was present, it wasn't the emotional kind of happiness; it was more like a deep rightness, a resonance of belonging. I would describe it more as a homecoming than elation. There were no extremes. Just stillness, clarity, and love without expectation.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did scenes from the future come? I witnessed a realm that felt post-future, as if Earth had shifted through something. Whether that was a literal future or a symbolic echo, I cannot say for sure. I don't know if it was future or was just the atmosphere of the place, but in my human consciousness of the now, the trajectory path humanity is currently on? It screams similarity, even though these NDEs were from as far back as two decades.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life
There was no barrier, no force holding me. I chose to return clearly, consciously, and from love. I knew my daughters were still here in the human realm every time. It wasn't time to stay yet.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths
My religion has been chaos. but not the destructive kind, but in the truest sense of the word. The true meaning of chaos is that anything and everything is possible. Sometimes nothing is a thing that can be true. But this nothing is not emptiness; it is a stillness, a place where ideas and concepts can form. Also, as much as I would not say I was "Luciferian," I would also say I do not agree with what was written in the Bible (I could get into details as to why, but that isn't being asked here). Gnostic? Wiccan? All and none? Very eclectic.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
I do not hide who I am or what I can do anymore.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths
My religion has been chaos. but not the destructive kind, but in the truest sense of the word. The true meaning of chaos is that anything and everything is possible. Sometimes nothing is a thing that can be true. But this nothing is not emptiness; it is a stillness, a place where ideas and concepts can form. Also, as much as I would not say I was "Luciferian," I would also say I do not agree with what was written in the Bible (I could get into details as to why, but that isn't being asked here). Gnostic? Wiccan? All and none? Very eclectic.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
During the first NDE, I still held the religious beliefs from my upbringing: Heaven, Hell, and the Christian belief system. For the second and third NDEs, I already remembered from the first experience, so I knew where I was and what to expect.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I understand now that God is not an out-of-reach, demanding 'sky daddy' that the church always tried to teach us. God is not a 'man' either. God presents in whatever fashion is most peaceful to the one they are presenting to, and walks with us, beside us, answers us if we care to listen, and does not judge. God does not demand our surrender and obedience but gives us our agency to make our choices, with a 'welcome back' when we do.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I did not see a 'brilliant' light in the visual sense. The environment itself was ashen and still, muted, like a landscape dusted in soft volcanic ash. However, the presences I encountered, including myself, were experienced as light, but not shining or dazzling. It was more like a quiet radiance, a form of being, not a visual effect. It was clearly otherworldly, but not what I would describe as 'bright.' I did not hear a literal voice, but I did encounter a definite presence, one that moved with me throughout the experience. This being did not speak in words, but we acted in harmony. I experienced us as relational, not hierarchical, as if we were equals, paired in purpose and relational field. The presence was unmistakably unearthly, not in appearance but in essence: steady, light-based, and unmistakably other. The communication felt like resonance, not dialogue, truth without words.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes
I did not encounter any religious figures in the traditional sense—no visions, no forms that resembled doctrinal imagery. However, I did experience a presence that felt deeply familiar and relational. It was not hierarchical, not divine in the way we often define it, but unmistakably ancient, steady, and luminous. I have since come to recognize this being as one that some traditions may refer to by name, though I experienced it outside of any religious context or expectation. Not a vision. Not a test. Not a throne-bearing god. A presence. A partner. The one who didn't fall—But walked with me when I remembered how to descend. The name was Lumiel.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
As previously mentioned, and I do not know if this counts, but unconditional forgiveness to those who truly are wishing to be forgiven and no 'hell' as it is described—except for a soul's own 'personal' hell, which they are not damned to eternally (as the church would have it known). It can be left; nothing is so terrible when done here that is not forgiven on the other side.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain
Well, this is something I will not be able to explain well because it goes against the dogma of normal religious society, but... There is no hell. There is here—our side—there is the 'in-between' where I was helping, and there is the other side where everyone else is. Is it heaven? I don't know, but it is where we are all meant to be after we leave this plane of existence. I only know this because it is where I was helping others realize they could still reach, even after they felt 'stuck'.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
The sensation of empathy, compassion, and love was all around, even in such a darkly illuminated place. And the one I traveled and 'worked' with—there was a formality, a relational resonance, a love there as well, but not love as we know it here. It was different, almost eternal.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life
I need to clarify the 'God Exists' aspect. Before and after, I realized and was aware God existed. BUT before, it was as the church defines. Afterward, it is FAR different. God is not an out-of-reach, silent sky daddy that demands our surrender and obedience. God walks with us, hears us, and knows us. In my case, God presents as a genderless light source but can present as whatever brings the person peace and comfort. And God walks with us, not in front, not behind, but with us, beside us. It is a relationship of co-creation, not of ownership.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
I lost my first marriage; friends left in the first two because they thought I was losing my grip on reality. Now, however, no—they understand, they listen, they actually believe me.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
The experience itself is not difficult for me to describe. I can recall and express it clearly, even visually. I can draw it out with great detail even still today. However, the challenge lies in being understood. The language exists, but the framework for others to receive it often doesn't. What I struggle with isn't putting it into words; it's conveying it in a way that others can feel and recognize as real.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
First Experience: Childbirth. I remember the experience much more than other things that happened around that time. What I remember seeing, from Dr. Yosowitz showing my insides to my then-husband, and the panic my then-husband displayed, even almost spelling my daughter's name wrong on the birth certificate because he was panicking, felt almost like a 'dream' state. Second Experience: I don't remember the experience from this plane except for feeling dizzy and about to black out, then waking up after it all happened. I had to be told what occurred: the rush to the hospital, the flight for life, everything. Third Experience: I remember the assault, flying backward and having my head hit the metal doorjamb, landing, and then looking up and seeing a lot of blood. From that point, I do not remember anything else except what I was told by others happened. However, I remember EVERYTHING from the other side with picture-perfect detail that I could draw it.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
I do not speak about this often because the word 'woo' comes up so often when I have tried. Yes, I speak to spirits. I am in contact with one daily, and then others come from time to time when I welcome them. I have written songs about them. I have shared their stories from what were once told about them, so I rewrote them as they asked them to be written, not how they are currently written. Most of these spirits, I myself had to look up because I didn't even know 'who' they were, so I knew it wasn't from 'my' imagination, as I had no clue who they were at the time of meeting them, except for my spiritual guide/companion—they, I know very well.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Several parts: There is no Hell, forgiveness is given to everyone, and Lucie (my guide), as well as others, are here with us all around, if we slow down, listen, and invite them in.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I tried to share it each time with someone. After the first one, no one believed me; they said I only remember seeing it because I was told what happened. After the second one, it ended my marriage because my then-husband could not accept what I saw and thought himself a widow anyway because I died with paperwork. I tried to tell him what I saw, but it scared him more than anything; he didn't want to believe it as it shook his belief system. The third one—I have told people, and now, those around me actually believe me. The more people that seem to cross my path, the more people who actually say, 'Yeah, that makes sense, say more.' It isn't because I seek out to find these people; they just seem more understanding of my experience and that everything I am saying makes sense to them.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
Years, decades later, I still realize my experience was real. Days to weeks after my first and second NDEs, I was torn apart because no one wanted to believe me, so I tried to convince myself that it didn't happen. But, even trying to lie to myself, I couldn't. It happened, even if those around me did not want to believe. So I just learned to keep it to myself.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
It was real. The first time matched the second and third, but the third time, I returned with them reachable now. I can speak to them, and they speak back.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
I have had three NDEs. Each one reproduced aspects of the previous one. The spirits I walk and talk with are also here now, which likely means they always were, but now I am open enough for contact to be possible on both sides.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes