John R STE

Experience Description

It was an ordinary morning, probably Saturday or Sunday. Subtle, diffuse early morning light was shining through the east-facing bedroom window at our house in Fort Worth, TX. All was quiet as we slept soundly.

Quite unexpectedly, I found myself fully aware and looking at my own body as it lay motionless near my still sleeping pregnant wife Linda. I had no pain, panic, or fear, but I had a sensation of complete awareness.

I felt that I was positioned vertically, as though I were standing, but I had no sensation of my feet touching the ground from my position between the west side of the bed and the bedroom wall. It was not a sensation of 'floating', but just existing in an observer's position.

I tried to tell Linda that I was leaving and that she and the kids would be taken care of. She had no reason to fear for me nor any reason to feel sadness, though I knew that she would.

The study was behind me. I was able to see the still sleeping occupants of the bed. There was a sensation of complete awareness without having to turn my head or body.

As I looked towards the northeast corner of the study, I began to experience the room moving away from me. It was as if I were pushing away from the wall into the water of an immensely limitless warm swimming pool. There was no sense of friction or inertia. If it behaved like water, it should be resisting my motion. The difference was, I felt as though I was not moving, but everything was moving around me. Not dizziness. Not vertigo. Just moving.

I quickly became aware of a presence behind me and to my right. It seemed to envelop me with a sense of peace and love for which there are no words to describe.

Philippians 4:7 KJV became clear, 'And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.' I now wonder if Paul had a similar experience on the road to Damascus. It would allow him to be able to write those poignant words.

There was instant communication and understanding as a question was posed to me 'Do you want to stay here or go?' The question was not spoken like in a regular conversation, it simply appeared in my consciousness. There was no delay to comprehend the words. The exchange was instantaneous.

I wanted to leave Earth and be with God. The vivid sensations of this new existence were indescribable. No one would ever want to be apart from Him, even for an instant.

Yet, I hesitated for what must have been less than a millisecond. It was that tiny speck of regret for leaving Linda, our sons, and our future together. It was as if I felt that I was abandoning my duty post prematurely.

My thoughts returned and I wordlessly answered 'Yes, I want to go!' I was eager to leave and experience the wondrous paradise. The moment of hesitancy seemed to vanish as quickly as it had appeared.

I was starting to turn my head to the right to look behind me and see the face of the One who had asked me the question and wrapped me up in Their presence. I could feel His smile without actually seeing it.

Just as I felt like I was going to be free, He joyfully and laughingly told me 'Well, you're going back! Now is not your time.' I immediately understood this.

It was so disappointing to have to return after having ever so briefly experienced the other side of existence. It was unimaginably deeper than the sensation of being 'home' after an arduous journey.

Coming back happened much more quickly than I expected. It was almost like jumping off a diving platform and landing feet first into lukewarm water.

I next found myself back in bed as I gradually opened my eyes to see that I was back home. Somewhat startled, I tumbled out of bed to stand on the solid carpeted floor, looking back at where I had been laying, next to Linda.

The incredible sensation that I had had ended, but much of it remained, like the sweetest lingering fragrance.

I found myself speechless as I could not communicate to Linda what I had just experienced. There were no words to adequately describe it.

To this day some of it comes back to me when I think about it. It gives me comfort in the darkest of times, but I deeply want to return to His presence. I have had a tiny taste of what is yet to come.

I am a person of science, but also of faith. Logically, I think what happened was a hypoxemic event due to sleep apnea. Back then, I did not have a CPAP, or even an established diagnosis of sleep apnea. It was likely the hypoxemia that allowed me to temporarily leave my body and take a very brief dip in the healing waters of the Divine.

In the scientific world, it is easy to fall away from faith. Everything must have a reason. We find ourselves in an endless mission to know the answer to every question. Logic, reason, and understanding are essential to the scientific mind. For many, it is hard for that to coexist with faith.

Spiritually, we seem to rely on faith. Faith and wisdom that has been passed down to us from books of scripture, our parents, our peers, and our religious leaders.

I believe that I was given this experience as sort of a bridge to allow me to be both a person of science and of faith. It allowed me to add absolute certainty to faith. It is albeit a limited understanding of what comes next. This satisfies the scientist in me and gives me the assurance of what is to come.

Our bodies are merely the vessels that connect to our consciousness, our souls. When the body dies, we do not simply blink out like a light bulb. We will be embraced by the most powerful gentleness and love that we could never imagine or deserve. It simply is.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 00/00/1989

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
Suspected hypoxemia from untreated sleep apnea.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? In less than 5 seconds.
Complete awareness in all directions

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
After about the first 5 seconds, time became non-existent.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Limited to inside of the house, but aware of being enveloped by another place or reality.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Hearing was not needed. Thoughts were communicated instantaneously. I am largely deaf in my right ear, but that did not adversely impact the experience.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain
I mostly saw inside of my home. Near the end I could see some kind of yellow-gold steps to my right.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
Being encompassed by God and briefly saw yellow-gold steps.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Coming home after a long and arduous journey. Being enveloped by Jesus.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about the universe
Complete awareness and instantaneous comprehension.

Did scenes from your past come back? I remembered many past events
I was aware of my whole life up to that point.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
Very quickly sent back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Protestant
Lifelong Lutheran Church Missouri Synod (LCMS) with 1 year at Lutheran College

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
They have become stronger.

What is your religion now? Christian - Protestant
Still LCMS

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Awareness of a Triune God.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
The voice that briefly communicated with me.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes
Sensation of being in the presence of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (the Trinity).

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes
My sense of duty to my family.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Through God

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
Certainty that He does exist.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
To care for my family

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
To care for my family

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
Certainly that existence continues.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
Limitless love, peace, and understanding

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life
I am constantly aware of the spiritual warfare in my life and that of my family.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
Stronger connection to my family.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
It took years to digest and explain the experience.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
It took years to understand and speak about the event.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The instantaneous communication and complete comprehension. Enveloped by indescribable peace, love, and joy. The feeling of being "home".

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
It was not until years later. I would think about it often, but it really came flooding back around 2010. It was then that I began to share it, though initially I did not know what to call it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
It was undeniable and initially unexplainable.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
It was given to me to drive me to better serve my family and other people. I was near the end of medical school at the time.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
Concentrating on recall of the event.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Within the limits of language. Right now, it is indescribable.

Anything else to add? Mine was very brief, but very powerful. I was on a pretty good path, but ended up on a better one.