Jesse F STE

Experience Description

Traumatic Event Leading Up to the Experience

It was 1986, and I was 3 years old. My grandfather had recently purchased a cattle stud, what Americans would call a ranch, of over 3,000 acres in the Perth Hills. There were 12 houses on the property, so the entire family was moving into the various dwellings.

The house we were moving into was inhabited by an elderly couple, who were ranchers, and they were downsizing to a much smaller, more manageable home in the city. They owned a cattle dog, which they asked to leave on the property. This was not unusual, because cattle dogs are working animals and are not suited to city life. They are more like employees than family members.

The dog was a Blue Heeler, bred to be snappy and to nip cattle in order to move them through yards. My dad agreed to take the dog on, as we now had around 500 head of cattle to manage, and he was new to farming and out of his depth.

A couple of weeks after moving in, I was playing in the backyard with a foam ball and bat, along with the dog, whose name was Cobber, an Australian slang term for mate. My parents were nearby, staking tomatoes in the vegetable garden.

We had been out there for a while, and the dog had been happily fetching the ball. Even at 3 years old, I clearly remember the attack.

I went to pick up the ball, and as I bent over, the bat dropped near the dog’s face. The dog was startled and attacked. It bit the left side of my face twice, deeply, and then nipped my trachea.

The left side of my cheek was shredded. You could see my teeth through my face. I would have looked like Harvey Dent after his injuries in The Dark Knight.

The next thing I remember is about 10 to 15 seconds later, when I was in Dad’s arms as he ran up the garden path to the house. Then I remember being in the laundry seconds later, with Dad pressing a green towel against my face. I watched it quickly soak red.

Then my memory jumps again, and I am in his arms as they get into the car, with my uncle driving and flooring it as fast as possible to the hospital.

My memory of that day ends there.

I then recall, possibly a night or two later and likely after one of many surgeries, being alone in a hospital ward at night. I was vomiting repeatedly before drifting back to sleep.

That concludes my memories of the traumatic event itself.

The Experience

I need to be clear that I cannot recall the exact timing of this experience. It may have been during my hospital stay, or it may have happened months later during recovery. I only know that it occurred sometime around that period.

I remember what I thought at the time was a dream, using 3-year-old logic. I was lying on our large family sofa in the lounge room. There was big, solid wooden furniture and a huge stone open fireplace. It was unmistakably our home, not some random setting.

Lying behind me, like a big spoon to a little spoon, was what I refer to as the Blue Fairy. You can think of the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio, or even the one in Spielberg’s film A.I. for reference.

What made the experience so powerful was the feeling, something I still remember clearly to this day. I have since heard it described in many near-death experience accounts.

It was a form of unconditional love that we do not really have words for, at least not in English.

The closest I can come to describing it now is this:

- Warmth without physical heat.

- A deep knowing that everything was going to be okay.

- The feeling of a mother softly lulling her child to sleep.

- Pure, unexpected kindness from a stranger.

- The comfort of a warm blanket or bath on a cold, rainy day.

- A mother’s hug when a child is distressed.

I am speculating, because I have never experienced this myself, but I imagine it might feel like a Navy SEAL finding a shoreline. Basically, it feels like home.

There was no conversation. There was no exchange of words. There was only a silent, protective cradling by the Blue Fairy.

Reflection

At the time, I loved the movie Pinocchio. I would watch the entire film just to see the scenes with the Blue Fairy.

That is what makes me reflect on this experience. It would make sense that, during a traumatic and frightening period of my life, when I felt alone and scared, a comforting presence might appear in a form familiar to me.

I have since heard that this kind of personalized imagery is a common theme in these types of experiences.

Ever since then, I have often gone to sleep, even now, hoping to feel that same presence again and that same sense of emotional security.

There is also something else.

When I close my eyes, I can sometimes see what I can only describe as shimmering royal blue, purple, and crimson light. It looks like thousands of grains of sand swirling like a soft, drifting gas cloud.

That is all I see, but even that gives me the faintest trace of that same feeling. Maybe 0.00001 percent of it. But even that is enough to calm me completely.

I have always associated that with the Blue Fairy. Her dress shimmered in a similar way, and it makes me feel like she is still close by when I need her.

Postscript

The first thing I said when I got home from the hospital was:

“Where’s Cobber? I want to play with him.”

If you want, I can also make this a little smoother and more polished while keeping your voice.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 00/00/1986

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain
It occurred around the time of an extremely traumatic event that was both, physical and emotionally distressing.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? The same, the entire experience.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? Normal consciousness and alertness

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Can't recall; I feel this was an experience or visitation during a dream.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience The experience was silent.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
The Blue Fairy, I feel it was a light/spiritual being that was taking the form of a familiar, safe figure.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain
The gown of the Blue Fairy was shimmering like the skin of a vampire in twilight when exposed to the sun.

Did you seem to enter another world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? As per my main account: unconditional love and warmth.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Do not know
Too young to have any awareness of any religious ideals or even what they were. Upper-middle class family. Never christened or led to any religious teaching by family.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
It validated a trajectory I feel I was already on.

What is your religion now? Other faiths - New age
I wouldn't label my belief structure as a religion; the closest I could label would be metaphysical beliefs. I go with evidence of people's accounts and experiences, not indoctrinated teachings.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Was too young to have developed beliefs at that point.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Love is important to show, even if it is to those who have wronged us.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
It was the Blue Fairy, and her physical appearance was exactly as she appears in Pinocchio, including wings. This is why I feel it took on that imagery.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain
Uncertain of the true 'identity' of the Blue Fairy.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Yes, just that there is something more out there beyond this early life we have in this incarnation.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
Unconditional love, trying to explain unconditional love to someone that has not experienced it from a spiritual being, is like trying to explain an orgasm to someone that has never experienced one.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life
I was too young to have awareness of belief systems at the time of the experience.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
There are no words to articulate unconditional love in the purest sense.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
I remember the experience very clearly. Can't recall events immediately before and after.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain
Nothing I can say was as a result of the experience.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes, the entire experience, the archetype, the feeling of comfort. The way I was taught to manifest comfort by closing my eyes when rattled.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
It was 35 years later, and it was shrugged off.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
I have always remembered it, as I've been trying to have the full experience ever since.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
The universe provided a young, scared boy comfort when it was gravely needed.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Yes, good questions challenged me to reveal things that I wouldn't have thought to.

Anything else to add? It felt like home.