Jeffrey D STE

Experience Description

Fear Not

A message and experience that saved my life

Jeffrey S. Daniels

Copyright © 2024

### Story Summary

This story began in the fall of 1965, when I was 15 years old, and it was a new beginning for me. I hope it will be a beginning for as many other people as possible to benefit from and apply the message in their lives.

I had to confront the complete dissolution of my nuclear family and the reality that I would have to live with a paternal uncle’s family for at least 18 months. This confrontation culminated in an event that changed the course of my life and became a touchstone for courage thereafter. I have continued to explore and understand this experience from many perspectives. To this day, I am in awe of what it meant and means to me. I sincerely believe the message I received has deep meaning and value for every person, and I want to share it before I leave this world.

### Facing My Fear

When my fear of abandonment turned me to the point of utter despair, and in facing it, I received a message of astonishing beauty, deep affirmation, and great mystery. Fear is a terrible block to living in joy, wonder, and love. This experience saved me from giving up on life at age 15 and gave me an abiding hope and belief in myself. For me, the stakes are nothing less than finding meaning in oneself and the courage to face and overcome one’s fears, however life challenges them.

I am convinced that anyone who genuinely reflects on this story will find benefit and be able to apply the message in their lifetime.

This experience continues to challenge and empower me to this day, over 60 years later.

### How This Story Starts

In 1963, my parents separated and divorced. Shortly after, my mother left with my younger sister and brother to start a new life. I chose to stay with my father, who had to re-enlist in the Air Force to complete his 20 years of active duty and qualify for retirement.

I was age 13 and had to learn to take care of myself, as my father’s new command post required shift work as part of the 24-hour military schedule. We were on the same shift a third of the time, but often, he was simply not around. This lasted through 8th and 9th grades. When I was a high school sophomore, he was reassigned to Guam where no dependents were allowed. The Vietnam War was escalating then. I had to choose between living with my mother, now married to a man I did not respect, or with one of my uncles. I chose moving in with my uncle Bob, his wife, and my cousins. The choice seemed easy.

We sold what we could, briefly visited my mother and siblings, then drove to my uncle's place. After settling into a small room, the day came when my father had to leave for Guam, leaving me there for 18 months. That morning proved fateful and more difficult than I ever imagined.

### On the Morning of Departure

Everyone had breakfast in the kitchen. My father and I didn’t say much I can recall. Eventually, he said it was time to go. That October morning, we walked out to the Ford station wagon, and he put his bag in the back seat. We had a brief conversation about mundane things.

Then he shook my hand, perhaps embraced me, and said goodbye. These details I don’t recall well. He got in the car, backed out of the driveway, and drove away. I saw his arm wave at the stop sign, the right-turn signal activated, and the car disappeared behind houses, taking him away from me. I had never felt more alone.

### Into the Darkness

I went inside and locked myself in the bathroom. The dam broke; years of sorrow and loneliness poured out uncontrollably. Gripped by tremendous fear, I wept for what felt like hours.

In the depth of my grief, I lost all awareness of shared reality. There was no "Jeff"—no identity, no story, no history, no ego—just an existential awareness in an utterly black, vast, and empty space. Then, in my mind’s eye, a distant point of light below moved toward me at incredible speed. As it neared, it slowed, revealing itself. I saw a sphere emitting white light, within which lightning bolts in all the colors of the rainbow moved unceasingly. It was beautiful beyond words and something I could never have imagined.

It paused, floating level with my awareness, and then in a calm, clear, and utterly factual tone, a masculine voice spoke these words:

"Fear not: for we are with you always." It waited, as if for acknowledgment, and I must have nodded or agreed in some way. Then, it began to fall, slowly at first then rapidly picking up speed, back down into the black depths of space until it vanished.

Gradually, I became aware that I was sitting in a bathroom, a 15-year-old in a new home, unsure how much time had passed.

I washed my face and walked out. Waves of sorrow and tears continued until late afternoon. Passing the kitchen, my aunt simply said, "It’s real hard, isn’t it?" I could only nod and shed tears in agreement.

Later, I noticed two girls my age walking home from school, laughing. I felt awful, knowing I’d attend their school the next day. Incredibly, they were the first to speak to me in my first-period English class. I consider that an example of what C.G. Jung called "synchronicity."

One last and extraordinary detail: I completely blanked-out and forgot what had happened to me when I emerged from my grief and re-entered this world, on the very day that it occurred. I did not and would not recall any part of it for more than 7 years.

### Academic Interlude

I found my social group in high school and was a member of the marching and symphonic bands. My instrument was the trombone, and I was a good-enough player but never first chair. I played varsity basketball and was a starting guard for part of the season. I excelled academically and received a scholarship to a top notch college. I graduated from high school in 1968, went to college. In 1970, the Fall semester of my Junior year, I received a national draft number of 58. The next day I enlisted in ‘advanced’ ROTC along with other men who had low numbers.

### How and When I Recalled This Experience

I graduated in May 1972, attended ROTC summer camp. After engineer officer training, I was assigned in the United States. Less than three weeks later, I was in Germany on a NATO exercise as an engineer liaison officer. In the Army, I read voraciously about philosophy, religion, psychology, yoga, and metaphysics. Edgar Cayce fascinated me. One night, reading his work, I encountered the phrase:

"...the Creative Forces of the Universe."

Instantly, my experience when I was age 15 returned in full force. I exclaimed aloud, "So that’s what I saw!" It was the first time I’d remembered it in over seven years. Stunned, I revisited the details in wonder. For years, I told no one. Later, I shared it only with trusted people. Now, I offer it widely, hoping others may benefit as I have.

### How This Story Continues

Carl Jung would call this a "mysterium tremendum" or a great mystery. It was a genuine encounter with an aspect of consciousness that was and still is the single most important event in my lifetime.

My research into consciousness includes training and experience in meditation, yoga, biofeedback, neurofeedback, human anatomy, human neuroanatomy, and non-ordinary states of consciousness. To this day, I have no satisfying explanation nor complete understanding of what I experienced at the age of 15.

What I do know is that this event provided me with an inner foundation and source of strength that I have called upon more than once. Given the situation humanity now faces, other people may find this message inspiring.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: October 1965

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? When I was in the utter darkness and was approached by the Creative Forces, and simultaneously I was unaware of anything else.
I was completely unaware of who I was, where I was, what I was, or when the experience occurred. I was in a highly altered state of deep grief bordering on despair.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience My everyday vision has been very good, and the 'vision' I experienced was of another order or dimension. I was not "seeing" with my eyes.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Hearing was essentially 'normal'.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Yes: as I described earlier, a radiant ball of Light comprised of all the colors of the rainbow moving like lightning.

Did you seem to enter another world? Some unfamiliar and strange place
I was in an enormous utterly black void.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I was in a state of deep grief bordering on despair. I was felt like 'giving up' on this world. I felt abandoned, even though I hadn't been.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant
I was not indoctrinated into a specific christian denomination.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
Yes, I have a certainty within that others do not. We are in essence fragments of the One Being that is fundamental to all of existence.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths
I am inclined to describe myself as a scientific zen mystic.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
My beliefs as a 15 year old were - in retrospect - naive and primitive, and they were essentially based on prior familial and societal conditioning. The experience was completely outside of any beliefs or experiences I knew of.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I definitely believe that the human experience or plane of existence is only a small part of Infinite levels of Being.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
As it approached me, it began to slow down, and the details of its structure became apparent: a sphere emitting white light within which lightning bolts in all the colors of the rainbow moved unceasingly. It was beautiful beyond words and something I could never have imagined.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
I was told with absolute conviction and clarity that a transcendental presence/being was with me - ALWAYS.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
A transcendent Being that described itself in the plural sense i.e. 'WE' that would best be described as godlike.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain
Inasmuch as I completely forgot the experience after returning to ordinary awareness, no. It was only after recovering the memory of the experience did I feel I had something unique or special to share with others.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
That I should FEAR NOT, given this internal Presence that had been, was, and always will be with me.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
The Experience - even though it was 'lost' for seven years - was foundational in continuing on in this lifetime. There are many changes that I can attribute to the Experience, in particular, a life-long interest in consciousness, psychology, metaphysics, and philosophy.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
Over time, I have become far more empathetic and realize that service to others - in all of its forms - is the greatest role we can play on this planet.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
It's impossible to express the profound impact on me and the incredible beauty of the Lights that comprised the Creative Forces.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
After I recovered the experience and its contents, my memories of the time spent in Colorado were comparable in terms of accuracy, details, and impact on my life. The Experience stands iconically as the most important moment in this lifetime for me.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The message of 'Fear Not...' itself was definitely the most significant part of the experience.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I estimate that my first description of this experience was written-up and shared with others about 17 years after it occurred. Nearly everyone - except for some exceptionally interesting people - had no idea what to make of it, including my immediate and extended family. They were puzzled at best and apparently had no idea what I was talking about.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely not real
I had ABSOLUTELY NO awareness or recollection of the experience for seven years after it occurred.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
My experience occurred in the Subjective Individual mode of experience. Its reality can be measured by its impact on my life. I have had other essentially transcendental experiences with certain psychedelic substances. However, the FEAR NOT message remains a core experience and belief in my being.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
It's impossible to capture all of the nuances and state of being that I experienced.

Anything else to add? I believe that some people could and will benefit from these attempts to convey a transcendental message that lives within themselves.