Jane CP NDE

Experience Description

A day or so after the surgery, I began to develop a fever. At the same time, I was suffering from extreme head pain. It felt exactly as if someone were taking an ice pick, jamming it into my skull, removing it, and then repeating the same action over and over again with precision in the exact same spot. The pain was so intense that I would shout aloud each time it occurred. Although the nurses tried to reduce the pain and lower my fever, nothing seemed to help.

The doctors on duty thought I might have developed spinal meningitis, so a spinal tap was ordered. Over a period of three days, I became increasingly ill and had my blood drawn more than 30 times. I felt like a pin cushion and could barely keep track of all the tests they were performing. As my temperature continued to rise, the pain in my head increased exponentially. The fever and chills became so severe that a nurse placed a rubber guard in my mouth because she was afraid the incessant chattering of my teeth would crack them.

That night seemed endless. I tossed and turned, writhing in pain and trying to find some position that would give me even a moment of relief. My husband and a dear friend stayed by my side into the early morning hours after turning over the care of our nine-month-old daughter to my in-laws for the night. Sometime around 1:00 in the morning, my nurse finally asked them to leave because my condition had become more serious.

When the spinal tap proved negative, the nurse called my doctor, who was asleep at home. Without hesitation, he instructed her to give me Ampicillin. On the front of my medical folder, in bold, bright neon letters, it stated that I was allergic to Penicillin and Ampicillin. Apparently, the nurse never looked at my folder and simply proceeded to follow his verbal order.

I was so incapacitated and out of it that I could barely function, yet somehow I felt it was important to ask what was in the syringe she had just given me. She replied, “Ampicillin.” In a soft, weak voice that took all of my remaining energy, I whispered, “You just killed me.” Then I closed my eyes.

Fortunately, the nurse heard me. She ran for a doctor, and I was immediately given epinephrine to counteract the medication. My fever rose to 108 degrees, and at some point my heart stopped.

From that moment, I remember feeling no more pain, chills, or fever. I entered a state of complete serenity, far more relaxing and comforting than anything I had ever experienced in my life. It was a utopian feeling of absolute peace.

Although I felt that I was moving from a horizontal position, I rose upward through the ceiling of my hospital room. I continued upward through a tree that was a shade of green unlike anything that exists here on Earth. The tree was filled with perfectly shaped leaves, similar to those of a birch tree, and every individual leaf was surrounded by a golden aura of light. I could somehow see all of the tree’s leaves at the same time. There was no sense of one leaf being behind another, and there were no shadows.

I continued rising toward the purest white light I could ever imagine. It seemed to pull me closer and closer like a magnet, yet I had no desire to resist it. I desperately wanted to reach it.

Around me, I sensed the presence of beings of light who seemed to possess a winged quality. They surrounded me with an overwhelming feeling of love and peace that was far beyond human comprehension. I felt that they were the female members of my family who had died during my lifetime. They began gently guiding me toward the light.

Following them, I traveled along a soft, grassy passageway lined with gardens filled with the most astonishing palette of colors I had ever seen. Once again, none of these colors seemed to exist within our ordinary vision of the universe. My attention became fixed upon flowers composed of what seemed like trillions of colors, colors I had never seen before and could never have imagined. They were brilliantly illuminated from every direction, as if the purity of the white light surrounding them enshrouded every individual petal.

My only desire was to continue down that path and reach the source of that extraordinary light. At the same time, I remember having no earthly wants, needs, or desires. I felt completely one with the universe and had the sense that I instantly possessed all knowledge.

I felt as though I were a particle of an atom within the universe while somehow also being part of the entire universe at the same time. It was as though I were floating within the aura of all living things. Everything knew everything else, and all existed in perfect harmony. I was surrounded by vertical, pulsating beams of living light, along with the overwhelming understanding that I was in the presence of God.

I opened my eyes wider, almost as though I could leap more completely into what I was experiencing. At that instant, I was suddenly ripped away from that heavenly environment in one enormous jolt and returned to earthly reality.

I found myself lying once again in my hospital bed. One of the doctors standing over me said, “I thought we’d lost you there for a while.”

The moment I realized where I was, I became enraged. I felt as though I had been violently yanked away from an overwhelmingly beautiful and peaceful dimension. I believed I had experienced a glimpse of heaven, and I was furious with God for returning me to Earth. I wanted desperately to find some way back, much like trying to return to a wonderful dream after suddenly awakening from it.

I was stunned and felt almost paralyzed by my inability to return to that state. My daughter was only nine months old, and I knew that I needed to return to her, yet I was still deeply upset that I had regained consciousness. I felt guilty for feeling that way, but I could not suppress my desire to return to what I had just experienced.

I later learned that I had spent five days in intensive care. The trauma of what had happened, together with the experience itself, had such a profound effect on me that it completely changed my perspective on life and shaped who I became. I no longer feared death because I believed I had experienced something extraordinarily beautiful beyond it.

When I have tried to describe the light and colors of that environment, the closest analogy I can provide is something I learned in science class: white light is made up of all colors. If the white light we see here is composed of the millions of colors found on Earth, I imagine the light I experienced as containing all of the trillions of colors that exist throughout the universe. The purity and intensity of that white light seemed to be beyond anything we could ordinarily imagine.

For years afterward, I struggled to understand why I had been returned to my body. I questioned my purpose in life and searched constantly for meaning. I wanted to know what my mission was here on Earth and what I was supposed to accomplish that had not yet been completed. I felt certain there had to be something more I was meant to do.

I gradually began moving toward a deeper spirituality and a stronger connection with nature and God. I spent weeks, and perhaps months, immersed in books written by people who had also experienced near-death experiences. I wanted to know what they had done afterward and how their experiences had changed their lives. I developed an intense desire to read these accounts, perhaps because I was trying in some way to reconnect with my own spiritual experience. It felt like desperately trying to return to a favorite dream just before waking.

Perhaps partly because of this need, I traveled to East Africa on two occasions and planned to return again. Africa came closest to evoking the peace, spirituality, and sense of oneness with nature that I had felt during my brush with death. Even many years later, I remained drawn to books about near-death experiences because my own “moment in heaven” never ceased to fascinate me.

I also continued questioning what part of my own life remained incomplete. I wondered whether there was something unfinished in my career or some work I had yet to accomplish. Eventually, one answer continued to reverberate within me, although for a long time I did not take it seriously because I did not believe I possessed all the tools necessary to accomplish such an overwhelming task.

The message I kept hearing deep within myself was that I should start a school using my training in Multiple Intelligences to help children who learn through nontraditional means. At the time, I had no idea that this line of thought would eventually become a catalyst for my spiritual and intellectual growth. More importantly, I could not yet have known that I would ultimately be provided with the means to pursue that extraordinary goal.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 08/04/1996

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
Allergic reaction to medicine.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Within the first night of my hospitalization
I felt as if I would never tire again ever again! My entire being was highly conscious of my surroundings!

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I felt no sense of time whatsoever.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience My sensory awareness was immeasurable during the time of my NDE for I could see colors that don't exist in our world, could hear sounds that humans cannot hear, saw a white light brighter than anything humans could ever create, and simply saw things in a state that no one could presently create even through a multi-media event. My senses prior to this experience were at the level of most individuals at my age. I had 20/20 vision, normal hearing, etc.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience During my NDE, the level of musical sophistication far exceeded any orchestral pieces I had ever heard. It was in perfect pitch, produced accompanying colorful imagery, and simultaneously created a serenity unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. I could never recreate this if I lived to be a thousand years old and had access to and knowledge of all musical instruments!

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain
I remember the feeling of being pulled upwards, but the light was so bright and enveloping that I did not feel like I was confined within a tunnel.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
I felt the presence of my deceased maternal grandmother, my deceased mother, my deceased aunt, and my deceased cousin.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
The white light was so bright that it exceeded any shade of white I have ever seen on Earth, yet I never felt the need to cover my eyes. If millions of shades of colors combined here on Earth create white light, then just imagine how white a light could be that was created by an infinite number of color shades!

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I was simply part of the never-ending universe.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Pure peace and joy

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about the universe
I felt I knew all there was to ever know in the universe; therefore, I had no questions to ask. It brought about an intense feeling of calm and serenity in the all-knowing.

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
I did not want to leave this "place," but I felt I was being pushed back into my previous "world."

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Catholic
I do not feel my religious background had any effect on what I experienced.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
I no longer attend a church.

What is your religion now? Christian - Other Christian
I now consider myself to be spiritual, and a Christian, but am no longer affiliated with a church.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I had been raised in the Catholic religion, but never believed in the patriarchal hierarchy of the church. My NDE only confirmed in my mind that religion is a man-made entity, and God is a universal entity of light and love. All humans need to understand that all life matters and all human beings need to learn to love one another in order to coexist in their world.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I do not believe that God is a man with a beard, nor do I believe you need to attend a church to be a good human being. I believe that kindness matters more than religion.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I heard "Go back," "It's not your time," and "You're not supposed to be here."

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain
I felt like I was in the presence of God, but God was the pure white light that enveloped me.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes
I cannot remember specifics, but I remember feeling that I was omnipotent when I was in the presence of this God/Light.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Yes, I felt one with the universe during the entire NDE. I felt I was a part of every single living cell in the universe and it was in turn a part of me.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
As I mentioned earlier, I felt I was in the presence of God, and that God is a constant: light and love.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
I was left feeling I had a reason to still be here on earth, and I tried my best to accomplish my goals to help others, especially children.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
I came away from this experience feeling I had work left yet to do, especially in a way that would help others.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
Because I felt I was among beings of light that had been my relatives who had passed before me, I felt they would continue in that form in eternal peace.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain
I cannot recall this type of awareness at this time, but I may have immediately following my NDE.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
Love is all that matters! God is love and light!

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
Throughout my adult life, I have come to believe that there is indeed no such thing as coincidence; but rather these little miraculous events become the tiny pieces of thread with which we are destined to create a lasting tapestry of our life story. Each color and line adds texture and clarity to who we are and what we will leave to those whose lives we may have touched. It is not enough to finally hear the voice within us as individuals, but rather far more important, to hear those of others and act upon them with compassion and moral vigor. I believe that 'Divine intervention' can assist us towards the completion of our unique goals to help one another and to let God work in his/her own way to lead us down the path of life we were meant to travel.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
I now have more patience, especially with children, and with those in need.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
I have struggled to write a memoir of my NDE, for earthly words do not exist that would sufficiently describe what I experienced in the way of sights, sounds, colors, and mental capabilities. I had all of the knowledge of the universe and became one with everything in the universe. We (the universe) were one entity. I was part of it, within it, and it was part of me. (Again, here lies the difficulty in expressing that state of consciousness.)

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Once you have had an NDE, there is simply nothing anyone can say or do that will change what you experienced at that time. It never leaves you, and many of us spend our lives trying to find ways to 'get back' that experience here on earth in order to feel a tiny piece of that overwhelming serenity!

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
On several occasions, I have felt the presence of relatives of friends of mine who had died. They gave me messages of peace to pass along to them during times when they were experiencing profound grief.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes, the seeing, hearing, and feeling of colors, sounds, and beings that one cannot witness or experience here on Earth.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
It has been about a month since I shared my experience with someone who has lost a loved one.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain
I was initially unsure of how to categorize what I had experienced, so I wrote it all down. Later, I learned that those types of experiences were called Near-Death Experiences.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
I believed this was real because I had never felt anything as powerful, moving, and transforming!

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
Because there is nothing on Earth that can provide me with a similar experience. Humans simply cannot create it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes

Anything else to add? Although I do not wish to die (because I love my family and friends), I look forward to being in the light and love of God one day.