James D NDE

Experience Description

"An encounter with the Great God Pan among the stars."

This was my introduction to the supernatural on February 6, 2011, in the Province of Québec.

I had attempted suicide because of a broken heart and a three-year-long depression by severing two of my arteries. My body was found almost six hours later. The police and paramedics essentially considered me dead at the scene because I had obviously bled out, even though they would normally wait until the body reached the hospital before making such a determination. It surprised them greatly when I suddenly started breathing again.

After a near-death experience that lasted approximately six hours, I very slowly began emerging from something similar to a coma. I experienced brief moments of consciousness here and there, but I did not remember any of them, and apparently I never said anything. My mother told me that the first time she visited me in the hospital, not long after surgery while I was still practically comatose, she clearly heard her sister's voice in the room with us. My aunt repeatedly told her, "I'm so sorry. I was so selfish. I'm so sorry." The experience frightened and disturbed my mother so much that she was still deeply affected by it a year later.

Naturally, I did not tell her about my entire experience on the other side. The very beginning of my NDE involved literally falling into darkness until there was nothing but what I can only describe as "negative existence." Then there were stars, followed by more and more stars, until I was able to see what was later perfectly represented in a picture I made. Compared with HIM, I felt like a speck of dust floating in space.

I entered a state of indescribable communion with the Great God Pan in his highest cosmic form. He appeared to be made of all the stars and galaxies in the universe. I had been raised Christian, but I had never possessed the faith. Before this experience, all I knew of Pan was the classical image of the god of shepherds playing the panpipes.

When I finally found myself there in front of HIM, at the boundary separating existence from negative existence, there was no need for words. I simply KNEW. It was almost like some form of spiritual osmosis. Pan looked at me from the corner of his eye and smiled knowingly. I then fell into his endlessly spiraling ram's horns, which were literally made from the fabric of the cosmos.

I eventually found myself walking down a spiral staircase made of black stone. It was not really a proper staircase, but rather individual steps, probably made of onyx, floating above oblivion. After walking down these onyx steps for what seemed like a long time, I found my aunt lying completely listless on the stairs. She had violently ended her own life five years earlier.

She told me, "I'm more lost than ever. This is the Abyss. I'm more lost than ever."

Without thinking, I took her hand and replied, "You're not lost anymore. I've found you."

She looked up at me, and her eyes were suddenly full of life again. That was the end of the experience. The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital days later.

About a month later, I was at the public library reading as much as I could about Pan, mythology, occultism, and near-death experiences. I was trying to understand the larger picture by comparing my experience with those of other people. While I was there, I noticed a tall, young, beautiful woman looking at me and smiling. She looked familiar, but at first I could not remember who she was.

Then it suddenly struck me that she was my aunt. She looked exactly as she had during my childhood, when she was in her twenties. When I turned around again, she had literally disappeared.

I eventually interpreted my experience as an unintentional version of the story of Orpheus traveling to the Underworld to rescue the soul of a loved one. The idea that something like this could happen in this day and age seemed extraordinary to me. I have not seen my aunt since. My life now, from the moment I wake until I go to sleep, is devoted to the mysteries of Pan.

I have found purpose in my life, and I feel a deep-seated need to be "evangelical" about the experience. I want to tell others and, ultimately, tell the whole world. Through the internet and various small niche publications, I have shared my story with nearly 22,000 people in several languages, especially within Pagan communities. I choose to remain anonymous, and I have never made any money from telling this story.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 02/06/2011

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
Heartbreak, depression, suicide.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? The whole time.
Some sort of "hyperreality", no longer three dimensional.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience There were no physical limitations.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience There was no difference, but it was mostly silence.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain
As related in my experience (read it), there was freefalling at the beginning and falling into a metaphysical portal of sorts. I already explained it perfectly.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
My aunt.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I'm sorry, but this is very redundant. I already described the whole thing.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Awe. Mostly "cosmic" awe.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about the universe
The Great God Pan as the Universe itself, also acting as the Gatekeeper of the Abyss beyond the Universe.

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain
I'm sorry, but this is very redundant. I already described the whole thing.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated - Nothing in particular - Religious unaffiliated

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths
Pagan.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Just read what I already wrote.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Already explained.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
The Great God Pan, made of stars. (Please just read the story I already gave you; it explains everything. There are way too many questions here.)

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes
The Great God Pan, made of stars.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes
Just read what I already wrote.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Just read what I already wrote.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
Pan, again.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Just read what I already wrote.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
Just read what I already wrote.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
I am "evangelical". My whole life now revolves around telling everyone about Pan. There is nothing else.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Hyperreality versus mundane reality. The 29 years before and the more than 15 years since are "less real" than the Other Side.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
Only a few weeks later. They were more worried about the suicide. Many people over the years have been very grateful to me for telling them.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
Just regular "light at the end of the tunnel" stuff that everyone knows. It did not influence my experience.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
I was euphoric. I had never experienced euphoria before or since. My heartbreak, depression, and physical pain were irrelevant.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
It's my whole life now. This physical world seems like a bad joke, but I must tell others. The Next World is all that matters.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes