Hermann H STE

Experience Description

I had my first full-on drunk episode when I was twelve. By the age of fourteen, the transition to daily drinking had already begun, along with a corresponding system of justifications I'd developed. Later, marijuana use was added. At twenty-one, I had that "awakening experience." My life revolved entirely around drinking; everything was geared toward it, especially my circle of friends. To avoid standing out, I quickly drifted into the punk scene, where drinking was just a given. I did manage to get my high school diploma, but afterwards I only took on occasional odd jobs and even ended up on the street for a few days after getting kicked out of my parents' home. At age twenty-one, because of this experience, I stopped drinking.

I began studying a year later. During that time, I attended AA meetings almost daily for five years. Afterwards, I worked for two years as a group and individual therapist in addiction clinics, and for over twenty-five years now I have worked as a self-employed entrepreneur.

What happened on that special day? It was November 30, 1989 (a date on which a well-known German banker, Alfred Herrhausen, was murdered). On that day, I got my driver's license back, which had been revoked ten months prior due to drunken driving. What did I do first? Right, buy booze, because drinking was the center of my life. That day, however, I caught myself hiding the beer behind my back from my then-girlfriend's mother. This was completely out of character for me as a punker.

In that moment, it happened. It was very quick. From one second to the next, three questions were posed to me from somewhere within: 1. Where do you come from? 2. Where are you now? and 3. Where are you going? That was it. I didn't open the next beer in my hand, and that was thirty-six years ago. That voice, that energy was so overwhelming that the thought of contradiction wasn't even remotely possible. In that moment, it was absolutely clear that I had to quit drinking. Nothing more was communicated to me, however.

I had to figure out the rest for myself. That's life.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 11/30/1989

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? It felt like only a fraction of a second.
It was like a wake-up call, a slap in the face. There was no chance of resisting it in any way.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no sense of time in that moment. It was somehow otherworldly, infinite, even though it was only a fraction of a second. But I knew instinctively that this, or that, was the truth.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience It felt like traveling at many times the speed of sound.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Clear, concise, and above all, compelling.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter another world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Speechlessness, surprise, disbelief, and above all, no idea how I could continue my life without drinking.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic
I went to a Christian boys' school. But I had no religious background, neither at home nor in my immediate circle. Quite the opposite, in fact. But belonging to a church was normal back then. Most people in our area were Catholic, some were Protestant.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
Yes, I left the church fairly soon after that. I don't feel truly supported by any religion and firmly believe in life after death.

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated
One of the first things I did after my spiritual awakening was to leave the Church. It was long overdue. At that time, there was another incredibly important religious pronouncement from Rome: that alcoholics would go to hell. I had just experienced the exact opposite. Faith and the Church are like oil and water to me. To this day, I can't relate to this authoritarian and organized form of faith. It contradicts my experiences and my sense of a higher level of consciousness.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
This experience confirmed the difference between the dry, prescriptive church and the true God, which is what the church is always about.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
There is a power, in a positive sense, that is greater than ourselves, a higher level of consciousness. There is an "afterlife" after death.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
It was a presence you instinctively listened to, where everything was clear. You wouldn't argue with the sun, after all.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain
There is a universal interconnectedness of all life, even if it may not seem so.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
There is a power greater than oneself.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain
Not at that moment, but later, life experience tells me that we live to have experiences, regardless of whether they are good or bad. It's about having experiences in this physical presence itself.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Uncertain
The concepts of death and life no longer mattered.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
I experienced a spiritual awakening, though I didn't initially recognize it as such. On the contrary, life became even worse without alcohol: withdrawal symptoms, anxiety, no joy in life, and a complete lack of perspective. This only changed when, a year later, Raymond Moody's book "Live After Death" practically jumped out at me at a flea market, even though I'm not a big reader. I devoured it in a day or two and found a completely new zest for life. From then on, things started looking up.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
My relationships have become fewer, but also less superficial.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
This incredible force, which completely turned my life upside down, was so pronounced that it's almost impossible to put into words. My friends and family thought I was going crazy, precisely because I'd stopped drinking. That was completely inconceivable.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
That was a real eye-opener. Such a grace is probably bestowed only once in a lifetime, and for it I am incredibly grateful. You either use it, or you don't. It was a catalyst, but after that, you have to take action yourself. No one tells you how life should be lived, nor is anything done for you. However, my awareness has shifted. What I always instinctively knew—that I couldn't continue living like this forever—suddenly and quite unequivocally surfaced.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
After ten years of working on myself, I "accidentally" stumbled upon the vast field of afterlife communication. I knew nothing about it before. I participated in training courses and developed my skills in afterlife communication and psychometry.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Well, I still consider it a blessing that apparently God himself "kicked me in the ass".

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I can't say for sure. But to this day, I have the feeling that no one cares, even though it was so significant and life-changing. Ultimately, though, that's not really important, although it's a shame. What's important is that I drew the right conclusions from it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
I lived for drinking. For me, there is no stronger proof that I perceived this experience as real: From one moment to the next, I stopped drinking – with all the consequences that were unknown to me at the time and in complete ignorance of how a life without alcohol is even supposed to work.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
I've been sober to this day.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
These questions guided me well through this experience and the time that followed. I can only encourage anyone else with similar experiences to document everything in this way.

Anything else to add? Thank you so much for your work and thank you for allowing me to share this experience here. It's as real as anything and maybe it will help someone at the right time.