Harry P STE

Experience Description

October 2, 2022 [updated 24 months later with addendums]

An angel awaits me.

Prelude: Back in 1977, I attended several workshops by a group called “Awareness, Inc.” and participated in a palm reading where the reader placed her palms over mine and gave me a reading. She asked me no questions that could be used to “scam” me, as palm readers are often reputed to do. Her viewing was so accurate, I looked for her a year later and had a repeat reading done. During this second reading, she paused, looked me in the eyes and said she saw something that she never saw in anyone before. She said I was a new soul on this earth and that I would meet aliens later in life, but I would not recognize the aliens until they revealed themselves to me. That may have come to pass in October 2022, but it was not an alien - it was an angel.

On the morning of Oct. 2, 2022, while sick with Covid-19, I had a beautiful encounter with an angelic being while asleep. She was not a winged angel from the Bible, not a dream figment, but an actual, real angel that visited me through a dream in my subconscious mind and gave me a profound message. I am now convinced that angels exist - outside our physical realm and they can communicate with us.

I am 67 years of age as of this writing. I’m not particularly religious, but I have childhood roots growing up as a Lutheran. I believe in a cosmic god force, a cosmic consciousness, but not in a god with human characteristics that has time to manage each of our lives individually. I do believe in a soul which comprises our being, and until now believed that “heaven” is within one’s own mind; and when we die, our dreamworld becomes our heaven. Until now, I dreaded the thought of my own eventual death, though I realize we all must pass. I have never believed in angels (in the biblical sense), and I have doubted their reported presence in peoples’ personal lives – until my experience. It makes me re-examine my thoughts about the “afterlife”.

I have been a vivid technicolor dreamer all my life and dream in full color with all physical senses active. I have experienced lucid dreams, wet dreams, movie-length dreams and nightmares (which I have learned to control). While sleeping with the Covid-19 virus during the am hours of Sunday, Oct. 2, I had the most profound spiritual experience of my lifetime, that went far beyond the usual dream state, into another realm. The vividness of this dream was accompanied by crystal clarity, as though I was fully awake. This was not a lucid dream; it was actual reality to my mind. While this started out as a typical dream, it took a dramatic turn into, well, it’s impossible to explain in human terms, but supernatural is close. Jumping ahead here, upon awakening from my dream and heading to my breakfast, I suddenly became quite nauseous, about to pass out, and my wife helped me take my blood pressure which was a dangerous 69/41 (pulse 46). Short of rushing to the hospital, we left a message with our doctor and in the meanwhile found a quick remedy (salt water) to bring the pressure back up. My doctor called and advised if the blood pressure did not go back up, to immediately get to the ER. He later told me the low-pressure reading was life threatening. My suspicion is that I was briefly near, or at death in my sleep that morning due to a dangerous drop in blood pressure, quite possibly much lower than the measured reading. I immediately documented details of this dream that morning, so I never forget the details, many of which are profoundly symbolic. I will cherish this experience forever.

My dream started as a normal dream, this time with several unfamiliar people in a dark living room. I believe I was in an apartment I once lived in. I walked past the kitchen entrance and saw that a girl was preparing food. I went to lay down in a bed in this living room, just outside the kitchen entrance. I might have been sick in the dream as well. The girl came to sit on the bed with me and fed me a small meal that she just prepared. We conversed a bit and she told me a story. After my meal, she shared some information with me but I do not recall the topic. For that brief time, we shared a deeply spiritual, loving bond that I cannot now explain with words. She was my soulmate! I then recall that she gently touched my hand and said “I have to leave now. I’ll return for you some day”. I can still hear those words clearly echoing in my head. Then she left the room - and I went into distress over her leaving. A friend from my past appeared and informed me that he will “send me pictures and updates of her whereabouts in the future”.

Not accepting her departure, I got out of the bed to try to follow her and suddenly found myself standing on the lower interior deck of a very crowded ferry boat, standing room only. I could feel the rocking of the boat, the damp ocean breeze and the smell of the ocean. [The boat ride comes from fond memories of my many travels on ferries where I grew up on Long Island.] My state of consciousness became wide-awake; my mind was no longer “asleep”. This was not a lucid dream. I was really there. I looked around. The crowd on the boat was eerily silent, everyone standing but seemingly lifeless. [I later, in retrospect, had the impression that these were souls that had just passed.] Looking out the window, I saw we were approaching land at night and the entire port was active with hundreds of flashing blue rescue vehicle lights. Something big was happening. They appeared to be awaiting arrival of the ferry that I was on. I looked around the ferry for my lady friend, and in back of the crowd, I saw her leaning against a post. Her head was cocked against the post, her eyes were closed, and she had the look of exhaustion. I pushed through the crowd and as I approached her, she opened her eyes and looked surprised to see me as though not expecting me to find her. She exclaimed with surprise: “How did you find me?” I immediately noticed that three well-dressed men [biblical symbolism of trinity?] were accompanying her, sitting next to where she was standing. They were apparently some sort of accompaniment or bodyguards for her protection and one was eyeing me intently. I asked her why she left and then we briefly spoke. She then moved around the post out of view of the three men, and as she looked at me, she projected a penetrating glow of intense love toward me. Love that I could feel as a physical sensation into my body.

This is where it got really strange and she revealed herself as an angel.

We spoke for a few more moments. She then said “You should not be here”. She then touched my arm and said: “It’s not your time. I’ll be back for you some day”. These words are now engrained in my mind. I reached out to embrace her and though she backed off slightly, we embraced. It was the most loving embrace I have ever experienced. In our embrace, I could feel an intense amount of love inside her. It radiated out of her. She was the physical embodiment of love! I suddenly came to realize this girl was an angel! She looked up at me, into my eyes, and out of compulsion I kissed her lovingly. She was not expecting that, and in her surprise, she looked back at me with a look of love that I could feel. I felt her soft hair and could feel her breath on my neck. Everything around us suddenly turned into a white glowing light. Reality dropped away and nothing else existed, just my angel and me in an embrace. That kiss unleashed something in the angel. [Oddly I noticed her face became pale, and then wet as though it was raining!] We held each other tightly, and in that embrace, I was suddenly overcome by a powerful, overwhelmingly beautiful spiritual rush or blast of pure love emanating from her into me. It was a feeling of boundless, devoted love at a cosmic level. At that moment, I felt that she has always loved me and will love me eternally. The rush of love was initially focused into my chest, akin to an orgasm but infinitely more intense and beautiful, intense beyond description (and now beyond my memory’s ability to recall that sensation), but this was felt deep into my very soul! I could “see” her soul, as well as mine. It was a bright light deep within her chest, while mine was not as bright. The feeling of love increased and then I felt as though our souls merged. The lights in her chest and mine unified into one light. I was united with my angel as one soul! It is impossible to describe the intensity and beauty of this experience; words cannot describe it. This feeling was out of the bounds of normal human comprehension, even within a dream. I made a direct, intimate, spiritual connection with an angelic being in my subconscious state. I was experiencing the love of an angel! A feeling of peace came upon me and the love consumed me. The rush of her love and the union of our souls took us into another realm. It felt like a roller coaster drop, thrilling, except I wasn’t moving. I entered a realm that cannot be described. There was nothing physical in that realm, just a beautiful light. There were no people or any religious figures there. My very existence, thoughts and memories were left behind and washed away, leaving my purified soul, and I was absorbed into the light; I no longer existed as an individual, and my angel and I were unified into a beautiful spiritual realm of pure love, peace, and absolute bliss at a cosmic level. I felt I was “home”! I had never imagined such a beautiful feeling. I must have gone beyond the usual NDE state to the final destination. Some might call it heaven but I felt this was the cosmic consciousness.

The rush lasted a short while and then we were pushed apart by the crowd lunging toward the exit of the boat upon docking. I was pulled out of that beautiful realm and could feel the spiritual connection between us stretching and then breaking - like a rubber band snapping; but I recall feeling as though a small piece of my angel’s soul remained attached inside me. I was swept along and lost her in the crowd, though I could still see that she wanted to remain connected spiritually before we lost each other. Thinking back, had this not happened, I might actually have passed.

The dream continued a bit. The crowd surged toward the front of the boat, almost a stampede. I can still hear the noises and screams that some of those lifeless souls made. The boat started unloading passengers and an old uniformed guard at the port tried to stop the crowd and shouted: “You should not be here. Go back if you can.” Another woman, who I presume was another angel, with brilliant silver hair and a sparkling white gown at the front of the crowd flashed some kind of pass at him and he opened a huge worn green metal gate and waved the crowd through. I did not pass through the gate but found myself off to the side. I then found myself walking off into an incredibly beautiful field in brilliant, blinding daylight, somehow thinking my angel might be there. I was frantically trying to find her but the field was empty. The flowers in this field were beyond the spectrum of the rainbow. I had never seen so many colors before. I then noticed that there was no sun, just a blinding white sky. I had the strangest sensation that the sky was alive with a million voices, but I could not hear any of them. Alone in this field, I felt I was being judged by the sky. Was I looking up into the face of God? Was this the edge of the afterlife? In a panic, I wanted to find my angel. I saw a small building at the edge of the field and went inside. It was a beauty salon! Inside were three stylists and three clients. I looked at each in their face and noticed they all looked somewhat like my angel, but were not. Then, I suddenly awakened and felt quite nauseous.

My first thoughts were, what just happened? I sat at my computer for two hours to record the details of this experience. All elements of this NDE were clearly on my mind, so it was easy to remember everything.

This dream experience has had an extremely profound effect on me, and I might say it was the most profound spiritual encounter of my life. For the following days, I could not clear my mind of this experience, even as the residual effect on me slowly faded. I could still, for weeks, feel a part of my angel spiritually attached inside me. An odd feeling in my chest like I have never felt. In the following weeks, I missed this angelic girl more deeply than I’ve ever missed anyone, by far, even the passing of my parents. I miss her dearly and wished she would return in a dream. I teared up as I wrote this because I miss her so much, and tear up every time I reread this, or think of this encounter. She was my spiritual guide and she made contact with me. A piece of her is in me, and I feel I belong to her. She is firmly in my mind. I know that she awaits me on “the other side” someday, and I now have absolutely no fear of death, and will anxiously welcome the day when it is my time!

In retrospect:

My personal belief is that the angelic girl is my spirit guide to what lies beyond physical death. The fact that she mentioned twice that she would be back for me someday indicates to me that she will be waiting for me when I pass. I might have come close to dying with a bout of dangerously low blood pressure in my sleep, but it was not my time. Thus, I suspect I had a near-death experience in my sleep. I consulted with an online expert at UVA on this, Dr. Raymond Moody, who wrote a book on near-death, and he agreed that I had elements of a near-death experience.

Interestingly, my angel had no angel wings. Her outfit was a soft papery black jumpsuit, perhaps navy blue. I could tell this when I embraced her. Her face, with medium length wavy dark hair, is etched into my memory. Her eyes were beautiful, penetrating. Her gaze was powerful, she could see into me. For weeks, I could still see her face in my mind right in front of me when I was alone.

What is interesting about this encounter is that the feeling of “love” took on a powerful, physical characteristic, but cannot be accurately described in mortal terms. One normally does not feel love emanating from another person. The physical sensation of love in my near death was intensely beautiful, powerful, and went beyond what any human can comprehend or describe in words. Angelic love is beyond the abilities of the imagination. My soul, my very existence, was consumed by this love, while I was briefly one with the angel.

I have experienced lucid dreams in the past, where I know I am dreaming. However, this “dream” was not a lucid dream. I was really there. It was actual reality to me.

Addendum (November 2022):

She came back to visit in a dream and give me another profound message.

Several weeks later, in late November, I had another unusual dream experience, but nothing compared to the first encounter. This was a lucid dream. I dreamt that I was sitting in a dark pub with family and some friends. There was loud music and much noise. My wife got up to get something to drink. At that moment, while I was sitting at the table (looking forward) all of a sudden everything froze, time stood still, and there was deafening silence and the world was in black and white and shades of gray. The dream was on hold, with a strange silence. It felt like something out of the Twilight Zone. I knew this was a dream but never experienced a dream freezing up. Somebody to my left bumped me and as I turned to look, it was my angel sitting right next to me. She was wearing a beautiful white dress and her black hair was made up in a bouffant. Her dress appeared to be a bridal gown. She reached around and touched my upper abdomen, feeling around like she was looking for something. She stopped, then smiled, and said “you have a piece of me in you”. She then sat back and said “I am always by your side. I will never leave you”. My angel made a beautiful vow to me! After she said that, I momentarily looked away and then she was gone. The dream suddenly returned to normal; color, sound and time resumed. Then I woke up.

How strange to have a dream like that, with such profound meaning and following up my earlier “dream”. I woke up, more assured that my angel friend is always close by, at least in spirit. Someone suggested that this was evidence of a spirit wedding. The fact that, in the first dream, we were forced apart by the ferry boat crowd lunging toward the exit, and I felt a piece of our spiritual connection break off inside me; then to experience this second dream with her returning to tell me I have a piece of her inside me. How does even a sleeping mind comprehend this? This is highly unusual, even in a dream. This tells me there is more to the “other side”, and more of a link to the afterlife than we understand. I am convinced that our dreams are a peek, a window view, a connection to that other side – our afterlife. And we can receive dream messages from that “other side”.

When my time comes to pass, I know that I am comfortable with the prospect of death, and will again be embraced by this angel. She will guide me to the afterlife. I belong to her, because a part of her is in me. [Almost two years later, in 2024, I still think of her several times daily, and fall asleep trying to relive the original dream.]

Addendum (December 2022):

I believe I kept a “connection” to this other realm in my sleep. In December 2022, she may have helped me overcome some recurrent nightmares. For the past few years, I have had nightly nightmares where I was either persecuted, taunted, chased, captured, imprisoned, demeaned, by different people, usually a small group. Some may refer to them as demons. One night, I dreamt that I was back in a high school classroom and was being taunted by a group of boys. One of them, their “leader” had a list in his hand, detailing things they planned to do to me after school. All of a sudden, into the room walks a woman and a man. He was a “lawyer”. He asked me what the problem was. He grabbed the list from the boy and examined it, then grabbed the boy by the arm and said to come with him. He looked at me and said “I’ll take care of this.” All the while, the woman never said a word, just observed us. They left with the boy. The dream then changed. I was walking home at night and a group of loud, rowdy boys in a pickup truck came over the hill and I could hear one shouting “There he is!” As the truck approached, the lawyer and the woman appeared out of the darkness and stood in the road ordering the truck to stop. The boys jumped down and the lawyer instructed them to go with him. The woman simply looked at me, smiled and walked off into the darkness. Was this my angel? Did she come to put a stop to the nightmares and rid me of those demons? After that night, I never had another nightmare with those demons again.

Increasingly, since 2022, my angel lives in my head. I can sense her presence daily. I joined souls with her in my NDE and have a part of her in me. I cannot see her or speak to her, but I know she is with me. A long-term effect of my encounter has been for me to do my own life review. Every day, I think about misdeeds or bad choices I made in my younger years and how I now would do them differently. I am clearing my conscience.

I recently remembered that I may have had another Near-Death Experience back in 1979, but never considered it an NDE because I didn’t know what that was. In a river rafting wipeout in a dangerous rapid, I was tossed about in the churning water, then trapped, and started breathing in water until my lungs filled with water. I believe I passed out. The sensation of the churning water faded away. A feeling of calm and a warm embrace of peace overcame me and I said to myself “so this is how I die”. Somehow, I was washed out and found myself laying on a rock slab, coughing up lungfuls of water. For a short while, I was seriously wondering if I was dead.

Addendum (March 2025):

I had another very strange dream. More akin to a visitation. My angel came back in a dream and once again showed me something rather profound. The dream was initially behind a thin veil and it took a few days for my memory to process this, to see through the veil and then I remembered the visuals with crystal clarity. I was asleep, dreaming nothing in particular, and all of a sudden, I saw my angel off to the side and she waved her hand upward in front of my eyes, revealing something. I saw a pregnant woman laying down. I could see into her abdomen and saw her unborn inside. There was a sort of light beam from above, that funneled into the baby. The beam had a golden hue and appeared to light up dust floating in the air within the beam. Suddenly, the dream went into fast forward and I saw the child grow up in a matter of seconds. Images just flashing by in front of my eyes. As the child entered adulthood, the images sped up much faster and I saw the person’s entire life flash by in seconds. Then, suddenly, I saw this person, a man, laying on his deathbed. Then I could see that light beam appear from above. It went into his abdomen, the solar plexus area. Again, I saw that “dust” in the air, rise up into the beam. Suddenly, his existence, his memories, thoughts, everything about him just exploded into multicolored fireworks and what I remember as glitter, filling the room and bouncing off the walls and floor. His soul rose into the beam, purified. The angel then again appeared and waved her hand downward in front of my eyes. Everything went black and I woke up. She is still with me! A friend suggested that the person I saw was probably me. I saw my own life flash before my eyes, though the images didn’t actually reveal events, just flashes of images.

The traditional view is that we see our life flashing before our eyes when we are dying. If that was me, then I experienced that as “catch up” to my earlier NDE. As for life review, same. I have been undergoing my life review daily, after my NDE.

Addendum (August 2025):

I had another very strange dream. Again, another visitation. I dreamt I died and found myself in a pearly blue void. My angel came out of the blue mist, approached me and said: “Honey, it’s still not your time. But if you want, we can leave now.” I responded: “Take me”, then woke up.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 10/2/2022

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain
I was sick with Covid for a week. On Oct. 2, after I awakened from this near death experience, we checked my blood pressure and it was dangerously low. Doctor believed it was likely much lower during my sleep, and possibly a 'cardiac event'.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? During the NDE state, up until my journey into the cosmic consciousness.
The experience had crystal clarity. I was more aware, more 'awake', more alert than my normal waking state. I had full senses and was actually there, in my mind.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Colors more vivid, seemingly alive. More colors than seen with the human eye.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Hearing felt normal. I could hear the droning of the boat motor and the splashing of the boat's wake. I could clearly hear my angel's words when we conversed during the experience.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
On my ferry boat ride, the deck was full of colorless, gray people, most standing. I knew none of them. These were deceased souls on the voyage to heaven.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
During my ascent into the cosmic consciousness, I became part of a realm of light. Not an earthly light. It was a pearly light.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
The initial dream was in an apartment I once lived in. The experience happened aboard a ferry boat, which was not unearthly. The travel into the cosmic consciousness was other-dimensional. No human words or imagination can describe it. It was an other-dimensional state of being.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Incredible love, bliss, peace at a cosmic scale. These consumed my soul.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
I passed the boundary from the STE state into actual death, being absorbed into the cosmic consciousness.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
When I entered the cosmic consciousness, I was no longer aware of my earthly existence. I had no awareness of self. I was one with the cosmic consciousness, but circumstances in the experience pulled me out. I had no choice in the matter.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic
Grew up Lutheran as child. Became aetheist in college, later in life agnostic, up to my NDE. NDE made me a spiritualist.

Have your religious practices changed? No

What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age
My own 'religious' belief. There is a God force in everything, but humans are incapable of understanding God.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
The experience was nothing like I ever would have imagined. Religion had no place in my experience.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
Yes, that death is a beautiful experience.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
An angel. My spirit guide.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
When I entered the cosmic consciousness, I felt that ALL souls get absorbed and lose their self. (The drop of water into the ocean theory)

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain
After I was pulled out of the cosmic consciousness, I was alone in a field. The sky was alive and I felt I was being judged by the sky. But I had no impression of a physical God (i.e. old man in robes). I felt God was a state of being.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain
My angel told me 'It's not your time' indicating a higher power has a purpose for each of us to complete before passing.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
There is no 'life' after death. Life is associated with the earthly existence. Once I entered the cosmic consciousness, it was a timeless state of being. No time, no dimension, no features or people, just everlasting cosmic-level bliss.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
Unbelievable cosmic-level love that consumed me. Very unlike human love. This was an unearthly, other-dimensional love.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life
A door was opened through which my angel visits me. Angelic visitations. Not only am I NOT afraid of death, but I will welcome it with joy when the time comes.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Immediately upon gaining consciousness after the experience, I documented the entire experience while it was fresh on my mind.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
I have had four angelic visitations in my sleep that tied in to my experience.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? When my angel merged our souls. She returned in a lucid dream visitation to confirm part of her soul is in me. She is my twin-flame. Now, I know she is waiting for me when I finally pass.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I did not know what had just happened to me. Never heard of NDE. Contacted Dr. Moody at UVA and he responded that I had elements of an NDE, and also mentioned that he'd received other NDE reports from people with Covid.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
We are capable of travelling into the subconscious realm, into alternate realities.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
As my memory of the experience fades, I refer back to my documented record to remind myself of how real it was.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
In my younger years, I believe I almost drowned during a whitewater rafting wipeout. I felt the calm, the peace, the surrender to an event beyond my control. I did not know what happened to me until my recent experience.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? No
My written document better explains what happened. I had a three-stage experience: dream, NDE, and actual death states. I now believe the visions, cities of light, deceased relatives, and religious figures are not what we experience in the actual death stage. I was in there. Actual death is a realm of light, love, peace, and bliss beyond comprehension. It is other-dimensional.

Anything else to add? See the subsequent angelic visitations that I documented.