Gina L NDEs

Experience Description

I had two near-death experiences as a child; this is the first one, from 1980.

During my upbringing, I was subjected to serious abuse. In connection with this, I had two near-death experiences as a child.

The first time, I was five years old. I was in a situation that I didn't know how to escape. Suddenly, I left my body and found myself up in a corner of the room. I saw everything that was happening to me, but I felt no pain; nothing really. I saw everything that was happening from the perspective up being in the corner. I noticed that the people in the room became upset and terrified. There was screaming and shouting, and I saw myself stop breathing. In that same moment, I was drawn upward, backward, and away from the room.

Then I found myself in a light so bright it has no equal. And yet I was not blinded. Everything was alive. There were trees, flowers, and grass. Everything was so alive and it was as if everything was almost speaking to me. I could hear "nature," and I experienced it so intensely. At the same time, I was in a love without words. To just be in it, float around in it, be completely enveloped. A love without beginning and without end; so strong that it cannot be captured in words, or even human thought. It was a love that surpasses all understanding.

With me, very close and yet a slight distance between us, was a Being of light. I saw him, his face, and yet he was hidden in the light. He had always been there; and yet it was as if I was discovering him. He smiled invitingly and swept around in a 360-degree circle with his whole being, as if to show me all the amazing things; all that is alive, all that is, and all that exists.

A short distance away, I saw them as light; alive and near. They saw me, and everything was just love from them. It was like a current that one cannot escape.

And I knew that everything I wondered about was explained. I knew, and it was completely obvious. I knew everything.

With a voice that sounded so familiar, he began to talk to me. Wordlessly, I heard inside me, and yet it was like an echo throughout the surroundings.

"Come, I want to show you something," he said.

I felt a little confused.

"But I already know everything."

He giggled a little, a loving laugh and winked a little.

I felt as if he held a hand on my back and led me forward. Yet, it was as if we remained in the same place the whole time.

In front of me stood a gigantic cherry tree in full bloom. There were new flowers that were constantly growing. The branches swayed in a very alive way; and at the same time, white petals rained down upon us.

A short distance away was a darker area that was a little blurry. There I saw a woman sitting. She nodded at me, like a greeting. I recognized her and understood she was my grandmother.

We stood there for a long time (I experienced it as such, even though time did not exist), and I was given a review of parts of my life. It contained the past, present, and future. I met a person I didn't know then, but whom I got to know much later in life. I experienced the lives of relatives before I existed, my time in my mother's womb, the decision to be born, events that affected my life then and also going forward.

At the trunk of the tree, there was something like a circle of something glowing, a color like fire, but clearer and with stronger colors. The Being of light stood directly opposite me. He bent down and picked up a glowing orb. It crackled and shone. The orb looked like burning fire, but warm with love and not with fire. He handed me the orb, and I accepted it. He moved his and my hands toward me, and the orb took its place inside me.

"You need this. I will follow you back."

What? Back? Back to what? I don't understand.

I felt myself back in my body. I felt myself breathing. I felt pain. And I felt the orb inside me, burning with reality, presence, and indescribable love.

The orb has been constantly inside me ever since. And when I can be closest to myself, true to myself, near the truth, the orb becomes most active. This allows me to get in touch with what is the origin, the source. Then I am back there. I am here and at the same time visiting home.

My second NDE, as a child, 1982.

I had my first NDE when I was five, and it is connected to my second NDE. Not as a continuation, but more like an extended experience. Just as grand and amazing as the first, and at the same time, larger and deeper. Everything is deepened and enhanced.

I was seven years old. I felt unbearable tension was in the room, in the people who were in the room, and within me. I just wanted to get away, but I could not escape. This was one of the worst and most terrifying moments of my life. I was beyond terror. I felt tremendous pain and a feeling that life was draining out of me as I was getting weaker and weaker. Almost at the same time, I felt a strong force. It was like an insight that I could not take anymore. I just let go. And suddenly I was there. Home.

It was a recognition in a way that I did not understand at first. I was there again. The realization came to me that I was back. And yet I did not understand. I felt happy beyond words as I was enveloped in the Love. There was no separate between the light and me. I am one with everything; and yet myself, at the same time. Everything is bathed in light, in a sort of eternal love that just is. I just am in that which is. I felt a belonging without separation. I am in the All. Together with, in, enveloped, and enclosed. I am everywhere, yet myself and with everything. And it is as if there is a song within me, vibrating with tones inside me, around me, and at the same time everything is so softly shimmering, quiet.

The Being of light was just there. As if he had never been separated from me. As if I had always been here. More self-evident than anything else.

Behind him were three other beings of light. And right next to them, almost indistinguishable, were three people. They belonged with their respective being of light, and at the same time it was as if all four—my being of light and I—belonged with everyone. We are one and yet separate. As if we all merge into the same band of light beyond us and yet are here in what we are in.

We talked without words, the Being of light and I.

I saw the cherry tree. It felt like it was my tree. It was there. I recognized it with my whole being. Right at the foot of the tree lay the "fire orbs." Many of them, in different sizes.

I asked a lot of questions. The being of light and I conversed. All questions were woven into each other, as were the answers. They could not be separated. We knew everything, and at the same time all questions existed simultaneously.

I asked who the other three were and the three people who "belonged" with them.

"You don't know it now, but you will understand it. In your future. Not here."

"What future? What is that?"

"The future that is yours."

We talked about everything. I knew and understood everything. He knew that I knew, and we existed. I told him that I could not handle what I had to do. That I had made many mistakes. That I was not succeeding. That I did not have the strength. As if I was shrinking and cowering at the same time.

"You are a human being. Straighten up. You are a child." "Play!"

I ran, jumped, and swung. There were lots of children. We had a fantastic time. We fell off the swings, yet no one got hurt. We climbed all the trees. We bathed, everyone swam. We dove in the most amazing waters. We flew. We swam. We danced. Everything was done in love. It all was greater than everything. We talked. We knew everything. We laughed and joked. All around were people as light who were observing us with warmth and care. Play more, we were encouraged. Some light-people were farther away. I knew they belonged to me, but not now. That was a long time ago, in other times.

Around the cherry tree, which was my tree, some children walked. They were not playing. They were just around the tree together with some Beings of light. I saw them receive fire orbs. And then they were gone.

I sat with the Being of light in the greenest, softest grass I have ever experienced. I knew about the past, the before, and we talked about things one must not forget. This included times before this life; about missions, truths and untruths. We talked of pains that do not exist; love that does not exist in certain spaces; and love that is all that exists in all spaces.

I did not say a word. The being of light said no words. Yet, the conversation was intense. We were in the space, the sacred, and the presence in an unlimited, infinite consciousness.

The Being of light showed me my fire orb. The one I had received. He made it become sharper, clearer, more shining, more crackling, and like glowing gold. It was as if it was getting more "energy." The orb became even more beautiful.

"Everything is here. In you is everything. Do not be afraid. In you, I am. Always. This is yours. For you."

I felt like I always want to be here. It was the only thing I wanted was to be able to stay there with him. I wanted to stay in the conversation, in the truth, and in the love.

He told me, "Later. Not now." He placed his hand on my fire orb and on me, as if sealing it.

And I was back in my body. I realize that I am alive. I cry. Shake. I see a shining hand over my heart. It remained there for a long time. I knew and breathed in the love that I will never be separated from. I can still see his hand when I am visiting home.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 1980

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
Subjected to sexual abuse.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? During the entire time there on both occasions.
Like I was outside of consciousness and alertness and at the same time in the middle of everything.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Much clearer and stronger than ever.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I heard everything clearly. Extremely clearly. But from a place inside me and at the same time like a huge echo.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
My grandmother. She had died the year before. Met a person I didn't know then, but got to know later in life. Ancestors I haven't met, but know have lived.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Brighter than any light I had ever seen or experienced. Surrounded everything. Was not blinding. Just light. Total absence of darkness.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love. Presence. Belonging. Incredible joy. Indescribable. More present. Incredibly real. And all of this incredibly stronger than words can describe.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back? I remembered many past events
Got information about my grandfather's father. About my grandmother. Got to experience her death in a collision with a truck. She you just like that the year before. Felt and experienced their emotions. However, be part of my time in my mother's womb. Feel her emotions and experiences.

Did scenes from the future come? I got to experience part of what will happen on Earth. Part of what my own future will hold.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant
I was only five years old. But I feel like I had contact with God even before the experience.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
As a priest, there is a constant reflection on this. I need to evaluate what and how I want to express myself and what is important. Privately, I have an incredibly much larger and richer spiritual life.

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I was a child, 5 and 7 years old. Much of what I experienced is difficult to understand from a child's perspective. At the same time, it is clear how I really understood in relation to my perceptions of the world. And how I, with the conditions of a child, took it for granted and did not think that it was something different or that not everyone had these experiences. I understood much later that not everyone shares the experience and the consequence of the reality that I experienced in my NDEs.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain
Big changes, which I understand in retrospect. At the same time that I have lived with my experiences my whole life and it has been a matter of course. It has become more transformative since I consciously understood and started talking about it.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Met a figure of light. Recognized the voice but not from a human on earth. The figure of light was a man. Saw his face and yet not because of the light.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes
I, as a human in a human body, did not encounter it. But an experience that was about me deeply realizing that my consciousness had existed before and had experienced and developed in other times and contexts on Earth.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Everything is connected. Nothing is separate. There is no separation. Only unity. Everything, truly EVERYTHING, exists in the same source, source of love, creative power.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
I met a figure of light. The one who knew everything about me. And I knew that we belong together. I experienced a greater consciousness, an all-encompassing love, a primordial force from which we all emanate.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Absolutely. This is still being integrated and I need to find the words to describe this.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
That our task, as humans, is to live in love and truth. That we should be helped to understand and develop in love. And to receive love. That is development here on earth.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
In my experience there was no time. Time ceases to exist. In this non-time everything exists, everything exists simultaneously. I now live in my earthly body. My consciousness continues to exist. I met, among others, my grandmother, who died the year before my experience. I met people who have existed on earth and who now exist, not in your bodies, but in the greater consciousness, our common origin, the source, the creative power, love.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes
Lots. But it's not yet clear enough for me to describe in words. My experience is constantly evolving within me and I'm getting more and more information and details.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
I understood a little WHAT I would have to deal with here on earth. But in an all-encompassing conviction that I am always in love in all difficulties. That I received a 'fireball' was a clarity in that I needed to get it so clearly in order to handle and endure the difficult.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
EVERYTHING was bathed in love. Nothing was outside. A love that is the prerequisite for everything. Everything difficult and my experience of inadequacy and stupid things I had done was met with love. There was no judgment. Just loving care that could not be avoided or missed. That I need to see myself in such a way that I am also part of that love and give myself exactly as much love as I give others. Neither more nor less.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
I have, since the time in my mother's womb, known that I belonged to something bigger, something more. Always felt different. And always had an open contact with the greater consciousness. Felt that I didn't really fit in. Now it is clear to me that it has been positive and that I have survived many difficulties thanks to every single inner contact and the strength it has entailed. I have always had the ability to feel and understand beyond what is said and to feel other people's feelings and thoughts in a way that is beyond earthly life. I have received and still receive information about people that they often may not 'know' themselves. Through that I can also find ways to walk a little bit of the path in love.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? People don't understand me. Others wonder why I've changed. Become strange. A little annoying when I 'know' and sense things that involve them. Others find me in a shared experience.
Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
I was five and seven years old. I had no words or deeper understanding then.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Difficult, almost impossible based on age.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain
Big changes, which I understand in retrospect. At the same time that I have lived with my experiences my whole life and it has been a matter of course. It has become more transformative since I consciously understood and started talking about it.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
45 years. Some become silent and do not understand. Experience me as different and strange. But many positive reactions. Incredibly loving. Some get a hold of their own experiences. Curiosity. In some cases experience a contact and a togetherness that is a unity in the origin, love.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
Read a lot. Been interested and absorbed other people's stories.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
It was a more real reality than the one I lived in. A place to 'escape' to. It was clearly with me and I felt like I was there even after the experience.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
It is real. Self-evident. Incredibly clear. Clear. Pure.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain
Not that I can think of right now.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? No
Clear. But not exhaustive. There is more to discover and I am constantly doing so based on my NDEs.