Diana K NDE

Experience Description

Right before I died, I was at home. It was a regular evening. I was a high-functioning drug addict, and it was the year my partner at the time began to get take-home methadone. When we could not score heroin, he would share his methadone with me. That specific evening, I was feeling a creative streak. I always loved writing. I dreamt of being a writer, but I did not believe I could be one. So I wrote for myself, trying to make sense of my life, hoping the day I died would come soon. At the time, I knew I would not live past 30. In a way, I did not.

I decided I wanted to get high, and I knew I could do that from the methadone. I took the little plastic container out of the safe that contained his methadone and took a sip of the red, sticky, dense fluid. I went to my computer to write, but the words were not coming. The voice of creativity hadn’t awakened. I took one or two of my prescription meds and went back to the safe for one more sip of methadone. I went back to the computer, tried to write, and concluded I was not high enough. I took more sips of the cherry-flavored, dense liquid methadone. I did this process for a while until I had not just taken a couple tiny sips. I had drunk most of the little plastic bottle that contained 200mg of methadone.

Euphoria finally hit. I wrote. I pictured myself to be like Hemingway, and I felt his voice come through me. After I was done writing, I woke up my partner to make love. Everything felt good in this drug-induced psychosis. And then I thought I went to sleep. I remember the moment right before, how my Velcro pants felt so comfortable as I pulled them on right before dozing off to sleep.

For the next 10 years, I would deny to myself anything happened because it was not backed up by the science I knew. I was so scared that if I told anyone, they would assume I was schizophrenic and lock me up. I had previous traumatic experiences of abuse and sexual trauma at a mental facility. It stuck as a fear that if I shared anything with anyone, I would be placed in a similar facility.

This is what happened:

That moment when I died, I left my body. I can still see it all unfold as true reality. I saw myself sleeping and snuggled into the dark purple sheets covered by a black comforter. I was looking around the room and feeling such bliss and no pain. That is when my grandmothers appeared. I had not seen one of my grandmothers since 1993, when I left the former Soviet Union with my parents to come to the U.S. I craved her touch, her love, and in that instant, I got it. I felt that profound love. The other grandmother, my father’s mother, had visited us once in the U.S. in 1996, and I did not see her after that. To see them together and feel their love, it was something that I had only dreamt of. And, I was experiencing it again. We went through a tunnel together toward the light, where all my shame, guilt, self-hate, and fear were lifted. My mistakes were no longer heavy, but soul lessons unraveling, and making sense to me. I begged to stay. I felt like this is home. This is where I was meant to be as I had just woken up from a nightmare.

The next clear memory I have is of immense fear setting in as I opened my eyes to the fluorescent lights of the emergency room. Finding out I had died and come back to life, sent fear into me. I could not understand why I was brought back to life. I refused to believe I was brought back to life for a purpose.

I found out what happened to me in this reality from my partner. He said he woke up to me making noise and speaking in a different language. I began to foam at the mouth. He tried to help me, but there was no pulse. He called his mother, as he was too scared of being arrested if he had called 911. After all, it was his methadone I had taken. When his mother arrived, they loaded me into her Dodge Durango and brought me to the closest emergency room. I was clinically dead for five minutes. The doctors told me this and they informed me I was lucky to be alive. Consumed by fear that I would be sent to a mental hospital or prison, I signed myself out of the hospital as soon as I could, refusing further necessary medical assistance.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 2007

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
I was really playing with death at this point in my life. I hoped I would die. I was addicted to heroin and benzos, stuck in a codependent abuse relationship. I can’t say that my death lead me to lest the relationship, instead I fought with all my might to keep it. But that one event lead me to a slow transformation. The harder I tried to pursue my existence as a prostitute and a drug addict the more it would feel impossible. I married my abuser but six months after we wed he found someone else and everything I knew to be true just crumbled and somehow on my own I recovered from addiction, fixed my immigration situation (at one point in 2009, I was facing deportation). I know I experienced a divine intervention.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it
When I woke up and was able to talk, my first question to my partner was did you call 911? Was I placed in an ambulance? I wanted him to say yes, because what I saw was different. I saw him call his mom, her arrive, them pacing, him carry me into his mom’s dodge Durango, him placing me in the backseat. I knew my physical body was dead and I didn’t care I just wanted to stay where I was where I was whole in my NDE. I was terrified when I woke up in the hospital I so wanted that to be true, that yes he called 911. and even when I questioned him and he told me the story of what I already knew it broke my heart that he didn’t care enough about me to call 911. I didn’t care that it gave some validity to my experience. I didn’t want that validity.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? For me it was the moment I had left my body and my babushka’s where there, I felt myself be in my truest form. I was the most alert and aware I had ever been. It was like I had woken up from a nightmare and this was the truth. I think also that is why coming back to life from that existence was terrifying for me. Because coming back almost made my truth be hidden from me and I didn’t know how to find it. So I denied it to myself.
I was a functioning drug addict prostituting myself to pay rent and afford the habit, and as a day job cover I worked in retail and tried to go to college. I spent my twenties sedated by drugs living in constant survival mode. The truest experience I felt was being with my grandmothers in my NDE.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time as we know it was not linear. I felt and saw everything. There was so much feeling of love l, unity and returning to home.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience My vision improved in a sense that was outside of my body and I could see myself lying on the bed. I had full few of the room. My grandmothers and I gathered around me I felt them and saw them as clear as day. It really was like waking up from a nightmare and having this clarity.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I am really uncertain about the hearing per se I had conversations with my babushkas and I heard them clearly and just heard but felt their words and I was never really able to feel.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Yes I left my bedroom with my babushkas and we went into a tunnel or I should rather say flowed into the tunnel. There was no weight of body.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
I saw and felt and talked to my grandmothers both who had passed one recently in 2005 and the other in 1995. But I hadn’t physically seen either one of them since the 90s.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
I was in the tunnel with my grandmothers moving into the light. I wanted to continue going with them through the light. But I was sent back.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I was heading into the realm where my babushkas existed passed the light into the garden. But I was told it wasn’t my time yet. I had to go back. I didn’t want to.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Pure love, and unity. Being whole, and in the truest form of self.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about the universe
Yes, it felt like I woke up from a terribly nightmare into my truth. I felt belonging to the universe. Which I never felt before.

Did scenes from your past come back? My past flashed before me, out of my control
I became aware of past events pertaining to my life in the physical realm, the painful parts where shown to me all of it was shown to me. But I wasn’t triggered it was something that gave me clarity and understanding.

Did scenes from the future come? I was told I had a purpose of healing and unity. That I would write and share my story. I didn’t believe any of it. I just wanted to stay, I used to pray for this. I felt shame in coming back to life.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
Yes I reached a boundary where I couldn’t go further with them. I had to go back. My babushka’s told me they loved me but I had to go back. I couldn’t go further with them and I really wanted to.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
I was told I had to go back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated
I have had very minimal religious background, my parents themselves weren’t religious. After sustaining my first trauma to heal my self I would escape into into religions that existed before Christ. I was drawn to Egyptian mythology, to Roman and Greek gods.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
I am very spiritual. It helps me as a creative.

What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age
Currently I am still finding myself, I am not called to any one religion in particular I have formed my own set of views and beliefs that are quite different from established religions. I believe in the spirit and the oneness with the universe.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I had no beliefs, I had prayers and not even to God but to my grandmothers. Prior to my NDE I was at the lowest point of my life. I was a drug addicted prostitute, college drop out with no future, my future was to marry my partner earn his love and continue to get high. And hope for death.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
My whole belief system change it didn’t happen overnight. But it was a slow process of unraveling and becoming whole as whole as I felt in my NDE.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Yes we are one. It was felt and it is the truth. Something I never believed in prior to the experience and then tried to refute it for a long time.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
Yes we are all one. We are connected to the universe. God lives within us and god is the universe. We are one.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
I just knew I had to return and I had a purpose. I couldn’t believe that because I never believed I had a purpose.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
I was told I had a purpose to fulfill. I didn’t believe it I didn’t think I could accomplish anything. When this happened I believed myself to be worthless scum.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
There is definitely life after death, being with my grandmothers confirms that for me. I have a completely different understanding of death now. I can say I do fear death but in the sense that I fear not fulfilling my ultimate purpose in time. The more human fear of death is leaving my daughter without a mother and her struggle that she will face.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes
I felt it that we pick the soul experience we want and my soul was not done growing there is more I need to do for the greater good of humanity.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
I felt love love was the only truth. The self hate I felt prior was gone. Love was the only universal truth, well I should say love is the only universal truth that should be uniting us.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
Today my life is completely different. There was so much transformation and healing that I did on my own that I can only credit it to being a true divine intervention.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
I have healthy relationships now. I am a different person.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
It is very difficult to put in words because so much of it was just felt, through it all it felt like a seed of light was implanted in me that was ultimately going to change my life completely. I didn’t want the change that was about to come and tried to fight it the best I could. But there was divine healing intervention place inside me that was going to slowly unravel and heal me.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
It is a very vivid memory that doesn’t detour, it doesn’t change. It is a same memory as when I went into labor with my daughter. It is as vivid if not more so.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
I feel and know things before they happen. The more I trust myself the more I am in tune with my whole self the more I can see clearly the steps I need to take. Everything I have created so far has been in guidance with my spirit voice and voices by those who have passed.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Being with my babushkas. That is so potent to me. Knowing that I was with them and knowing now they are still with me guiding me cheering me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I just began sharing my NDE in 2025. I have never really dug into my NDE I feared if I shared what I saw what I went through I would be institutionalized. In 2024 I began writing my memoir and it poured out of me, and I touched upon my NDE in the memoir , which ultimately unleashed it for me and to have the comfort in sharing my story. But my NDE occurred in 2007, I was 23 years old. But it was the experience that forever transformed my life. I understand it now and I embrace it now.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely not real
I just wanted to deny the experience. I didn’t even tackle that experience and understanding it until last year. I had never met anyone who had an NDE.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
It is my truth, the experience my death and what I learned within my death. I can back with special abilities, which I denied myself for so long but they keep proving themselves to be true.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
My purpose began to unfold in front me.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
I believe so.

Anything else to add? No I don’t believe so.