Courtney H NDE

Experience Description

I had a bag of about one hundred pills. I drove to a truck stop and prayed a lot on the way there while singing to my music. I said a prayer and asked for forgiveness and asked that this not cause me any pain. I asked Jesus to be with me. I took all the pills with a Coca-Cola.

I began experiencing vision loss, and several hours went by. My husband eventually found my location and found me inside my vehicle. He got me out and laid me on the ground. My breathing would stop and continue off and on. I was suffocating and knew I was dying. The EMTs finally got there, and I remember hearing them for a little bit. I said, "Me die now," and that is when the death rattle began. It was very loud and long-lasting.

I was facing the sky and remember seeing a small glimpse of the golden gates up in the clouds, and then all of a sudden I began to hear the EMTs talking to me. Then after a little while it happened again, and I could hear myself making this horrible sound, and I could hear my husband's grandmother say that was the death rattle. After that, I just remember suffocating and realizing that I had never gone that long without oxygen before and thinking that it was worse than I had imagined. On top of that, I remember my eyes were stuck open, but I could not blink or close them. It was so uncomfortable to not be able to blink, almost worse than not breathing.

I began to pray and also wonder why I could still hear when I was not breathing anymore. Eventually, my struggles with my eyes and breathing ceased, but my mind did not. I was still thinking. Then suddenly I was hovering about nine or ten feet off the ground. My first thought was, "Wow, I'm floating." Then I realized I was looking at my own body lying on the ground. As soon as I realized that was me, I immediately went into a tunnel. It was like a tube or a rollercoaster. I could see outer space. I was moving extremely fast through this, and I was terrified because I was not expecting outer space; I was expecting Jesus Christ.

I went through this tunnel and got out at the end, and it was pitch black. There was absolutely nothing around. I still had a conscience. I knew I was not where I was supposed to be and could not settle for this darkness. I asked out loud, "What do I do?" A man’s voice replied, "Open the door." I was so confused by the answer because I could not see anything but black, so I asked again. I got the same answer. I reached my hand out and felt a doorknob. I turned the doorknob, opened the door, and walked right up to heaven. It was the whitest and brightest thing I have ever seen. There were white, fluffy clouds everywhere, but it looked like a room without walls, just clouds.

I looked down at my body and I was wearing the same outfit I had on when I tried to kill myself, which I thought was weird. I thought I would get a white robe or something special. I started looking around and saw the golden gate again, but this time I could see the whole thing. It was not super luxurious, but it was beautiful. I looked around for God or Jesus and did not see anyone, so I decided to run to the gate and go in to see everyone. I was running as fast as I could on these clouds. I forgot to mention that I had completely lost my vision before dying. Once I died, I got all my vision back.

I was running to the gate, and as I was running it was extending backward, getting farther away from me until I could not see it anymore. I quit running because I realized I would never catch up with it. I was so confused. Something was very wrong. I kneeled down and prayed because I could not find Jesus, and I asked him what was going on. I asked Jesus to please show up because I was in his domain and I did not know what to do.

As soon as I opened my eyes, I saw feet with rope sandals on them. I looked up slowly and saw a very pure white robe on a man that I would recognize only as Jesus Christ himself. The only thing different was that his face was so bright, with the sun directly in the center of his face. I could see his brown beard and brown shoulder-length hair. He appeared to be a white man. I was in complete shock. I had so much to say and ask but figured I would just ask him if I could go in the gate first and chat later. When I asked him that, he pointed his finger at me and boldly told me, "No." I asked again and said, "Please, can I come in?" Instead of answering me right away, he allowed me to hear my husband screaming my name. I told him, "Can I go anyway?" His reply was, "It is not your time. Go back now."

I was immediately sent back into my body. I began to hear the EMTs all around me. They had put an air mask on my face and then put me in an ambulance. I eventually made it to the ER and began to suffocate so badly that they put me on a ventilator. I woke up two days later. I was totally blind when I woke up. They handed me a writing tablet. I asked them why I was blind. They told me it was because I had overdosed.

I closed my eyes and said a prayer to please give me my sight back if I was going to be allowed to live. When I opened my eyes, I had tunnel vision and regained all of my sight by the end of the day. I continue to pray every day.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: March 19, 2024

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
Suicide attempt

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it
I could see my own body when my soul was floating in The air above myself. Also after I died I could hear emt and police say 'it’s a crime scene. Possible cardiac arrest. We need another narcan'

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? I may have went unconscious a few times during the overdose but other than that I felt conscious the entire time. I was talking to myself the whole time saying weird it is to still be thinking! The whole situation began to make more sense when I opened the door to heaven.
It was the same level of understanding as I normally have every day. I was just me.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? Normal consciousness and alertness

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
In the tube time went by really fast but I think that’s because I was going so fast. In the pitch black darkness time seemed to not exist but I was in a complete rush and panic to get out of there. In heaven I took my time until I noticed the gates were disappearing before my very eyes. Then when I met Jesus I knew I was in a rush because he was either going to let me in the gate in a sec or he was going to send me somewhere else. It was a nerve racking rush!

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I could see everything just as if I could see on earth. It was totally normal seeing everything.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience My hearing was not affected. I could hear when Jesus spoke to me. I could also hear my husband screaming for me when I was in heaven.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
In was a small tube. I felt as though I was laying down like in a water slide. It was very fast and clear. I could see right through it. And the colors I was were coming from the galaxy passing me by while traveling through the tube at speeds so high I had to close my eyes because I was terrified and I’m not a fan of space.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
The light inside of heaven was so bright! Not bright enough to hurt your eyes but super bright and white!

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
In my experience I was in 4 different locations total. #1 I went to was when I was floating above my body on earth but in the air. #2 I was in a tunnel/tube in outspace. #3 I was in pitch black darkness. No stars. No nothing. #4 I was at the entrance of heaven on clouds in front of the gold gate.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Scared, lost, confused, mind blown, shocked, sad, accepting, excited, worried, humbled, peace, satisfied,

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about the universe
I began to understand religion and that we have been wasting a lot of time fighting over wether or not Jesus and his story is real or not and I was totally proven that he is 100 % real.

Did scenes from your past come back? No
I may be misunderstanding this question but as soon as I got to heaven I was sad because I knew for sure that I was dead and had killed myself and I missed my family. I’m so I was aware of what I had done.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain
I don’t understand the question. I knew that in each location that I was in I had no control over and was being placed in all these strange locations.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
When I saw the gate and ran torwards it in heaven it began to move away from me and shrink and disappear. And after meeting Jesus he forced me to return to earth.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian
I believed in Jesus but rarely went to church. Prayed a lot.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
I now I’m have 100% confirmation about the afterlife so I’m pretty excited to die when it’s my time. Now when I pray there is no doubt whatsoever and honestly never will be. I will be one of those Christians that is willing to be beheaded instead of converting religions because I have seen the truth and don’t want to ever dishonor my lord.

What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian
I still don’t go to church hardly ever. Still pray a lot.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I just believed that I would possibly go to heaven and meet Jesus. I didn’t beleive I was going to float above my body or go through a tunnel in outer space. I didn’t think I was going to end up in total darkness either.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I used to beleive that it didn’t matter what I did because no one was watching but now I feel like I’m being watched one hundred percent of the time. I feel judged for everything but not me in a negative way just more aware that I should be a good person because I know now that I will be held accountable.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Before I was Jesus I heard a voice telling me to 'open the door'. I now understand that was either Jesus or god telling me to do that. And then when I prayed in heaven Jesus appeared in front of me and spoke to me telling me I couldn’t go in the gate because it was not my time after telling me no the first time I asked him.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes
I saw Jesus. He was wearing a white robe that went all the way down his ankles. He was wearing rope sandels . He had a long hanging sleeves on his robe. His face had sunshine coming from the center. He had brown wavy hair that was a little past his shoulders. He also had a short brown beard. He appeared young maybe 25-35 years of age if I had to guess.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes
I did not know for sure that Jesus or heaven existed but I do now. I have witnessed both.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Yes when I was sent through several locations through space to get to heaven.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
Yes Jesus appeared in front of me as soon as I finished praying for him while I was up in heaven.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
Well when I opened the door to heaven I immediately realized I discovered a true secret to that people on earth really don’t know for sure exists. And then when I met Jesus I felt like I knew an even bigger secret that I could not wait to share if given the opportunity because I knew there was a possibility that I might not get to stay in heaven.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
I was told by Jesus that my family still needs me leading me to beleive that is my purpose for life.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
I literally met Jesus Christ in heaven. I saw him and heaven with my very own eyes! After dying my soul came out of my body and rose above myself. I then went into a tube where I could see outspace. It spit me out into darkness where a voice told me to open a door and when I did I saw heaven and walked inside. There was a gold gate. I tried to go inside of it but it disappeared as I got close to it and so I prayed and Jesus appeared and spoke to me. He stood right before my very eyes and spoke directly to me.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life
I was able to quit smoking cigarettes after praying about it. My mental health has been improving. I’m closer to Jesus now. I’m much more aware of what I say and do and how I treat people. I see everyone as a soul now. I see people different and now I worry about their souls.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
I hardly remember anything else besides my NDE. It has completely taken over my thoughts and memory. I replay it everyday, multiple times a day. I’m trying to understand it everyday.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? When my prayers were immediately answered both times. First time when I prayed for Jesus to appear in heaven and the second time when I prayed for my sight back.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I shared it as soon as I got off the ventilator. As soon as I could speak. The nurses didn’t beleive me. They tried to argue that it didn’t happen at the hospital but I explained it happened at the truck stop I was at. I told my husband and he believes me. He now truly believes in Jesus. I have shared my story on TikTok and a lot of people believe me. It went viral. I share my story whenever I find it appropriate. It can be a hard story to share because it’s a bout suicide.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
I have heard of people floating above their bodies before so when it happened to me I was not surprised at all. It was pretty reassuring to understand kinda what was happening. I have heard other NDE when I was in high school but hardly believed these people. I thought most people were making it up for attention and I still think that about a lot of them.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
I was in complete shock because I knew the experience was real because it happened to me. I am honestly still in complete shock. I have tried to speak to a councilor about it but that was weird. He didn’t know what to think and he’s Christian.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
I feel very blessed that it happened to me! It is also kind of a lonely experience because you want to share and talk about it and relate with a lot people but it’s such a unique experience that a lot of people may think you are crazy or just making it up for attention.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
The questions aligned with my experience.

Anything else to add? Not other than just thinking about it constantly.