Collin S NDE

Experience Description

The light was everything and it was more than I could ever describe. It felt like pure love and total understanding all at once. I wasn't scared at all. It was the most peaceful I have ever felt.

I heard a voice, but it wasn't a sound you hear with your ears. It was more like a thought placed directly in my mind. It asked me if I was ready to go, and I said I didn't know. It told me it wasn't my time.

Suddenly, I was being pulled back, and it felt incredibly fast. The next thing I knew, I heard a loud beeping noise and I was back in my body in the hospital room. The feeling of that peace has stayed with me ever since. I used to be so afraid, but not anymore. I know there's nothing to fear.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 2002-2004 (ish)

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
I had hung myself using the leash for my dog at the time, Reznor.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? At the conclusion of the 'volume dial' description of my experience, I was completely aware, alert, and fully myself for the remainder of the experience.
I had a sense of... contentedness I guess? I was at the same time dumbfounded by what I was seeing—I remembered what had just happened with the suicide attempt—but it was like I was observing everything, and I knew I was 'supposed to' observe it, and I was in the state that I was 'supposed to' be in. I'm not sure if I'm communicating that well enough or not.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience It's hard to express exactly how different my level of 'vision' or 'hearing' was. I'm not sure if it was a result of my mind trying to process the fact that I still existed, maybe racing a little bit, or not. But yeah As I've previously stated I can remember the entire experience in vivid detail as though it happened only moments ago, and though I have a better than decent memory, experiences in my life being recalled so vividly are very limited, if not singular in this experience.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I'd say same as above, though I don't actually recall hearing any specific sounds during the entirety of the experience, not to say that sound wasn't present, just that nothing of import surfaces. So there may have, for example, been wind or breeze... but I don't recall it. Nothing of any significance transpired in regards to sound during the experience.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain
Some might describe the light that I saw, that eventually grew to encompass me, as a tunnel. I would not. It was more like a point of light that, as I said, grew to encompass me, or I was moved toward it or it toward me, at an incredible speed, I can't be sure exactly.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
The man standing before me, as described in my account of the NDE. I don't know if he's supposed to be included... ? I don't know if he was deceased or alive? But he seemed to be 'living' at the time, was animated, etc. though I don't know what it would mean to be alive or dead in a place such as that.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
I'm not sure if I'd necessarily describe the light as unearthly in and of itself, but the properties of it's growing and encompassing were like nothing I've ever experienced before, or since. Another thing I believe I left out of the description of the experience itself in this iteration, is that everything in the place with the mist had a blue hue to it. I'm not sure if it was the color of the light permeating through and over everything, or that everything was colored blue, but I assume it was the former. And the light emanating from where my body should have been was definitely of an unearthly tone or property.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
As described in my original account of the experience. The void, the place with the mist and (previously undescribed) blue light or blue hue. A place seemingly made of mist, with an assumedly blue colored light illuminating and coloring everything in a pale blue hue, and before that a seemingly endless expanse of nothingness, complete and utter void, until the appearance and/or discovery of the pixel of light. Also I'd include the transitional state between the two aforementioned.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Calm. wonder, awe, contentedness, dumbfoundedness, possibly purpose, in that I was doing what I was 'supposed to' as descried previously.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No
I knew who I was, knew what had just transpired, could probably recall other memories if I had attempted to, which I did not. As for being shown my life as a record or anything like that, no that did not happen.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
There was a sense of solidness to the place with the mist, the stone looked like stone, the ground did not give way under me while I was in the misty place. No 'limiting' structure as in, 'You cannot go this way' but that place definitely held me within it, contained my being, and was not ethereal or ghostly in any sense of physicality. I did not attempt to move in a direction at any point that I recall. If I had to put a timeframe to the experience as a whole, though the void part especially is harder to equate, I'd say the whole experience took less than a minute. So 30 seconds to 1 minute in total. Time was not on my mind at all though, so I could be mistaken.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
I was not in control of the process of regaining my consciousness, or awakening on my bedroom floor. I was either being pushed, or guided, or shown, or what have you. I did not freely make my own way through this process. When the man turned and looked at me, and I awoke on my floor, there was no whoosh, no transition at all. One moment I was in the place with the mist, and then instantly I was not, I was on my bedroom floor waking up.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic
While technically agnostic, I had convinced myself through what I considered logical means that there was nothing after this life. I despaired over it for a long time.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
Because some of the aspects of what I saw align with Gnostic thought or description of certain realms, as I've come to understand them. Specifically the description of the 'planes' or realms called 'The repentance' and 'the sojourn.'

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths
Currently leaning more toward Gnostic (Sethian) but still agnostic largely.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I wanted very badly for life to have meaning, and to make sense, and I wanted very badly for existence to continue on after death. But I had through various means convinced myself that nothing existed after death. I despaired over it for a long time, even after my experience, as I had for a while come to doubt that it was real even though it seemed very real at the time. I had allowed creeping doubt about brain death, etc. to enter my mind. What I encountered in my experience did not align with anything I believed at the time, or had previously believed, or had any image of in my own mind. (I was brought up Christian, Church of the Nazarene in Pittsfield, Maine.)

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I hope to do as little harm as I can before leaving this place. I can't say that before I HOPED to DO harm, but I definitely didn't care as much, and there were also definitely instances before where I wanted to harm certain people for perceived injustices against me.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
The man that I encountered didn't exhibit an unearthly appearance or characteristics, other than that he appeared in a place that was of unearthly description. He didn't levitate or wasn't shining with light, wasn't ghostly. Nothing of the sort. But I included him anyway because of the circumstances under which he was present.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain
I did not receive information on a specific God or deity. But as I stated previously, I was not in control of the process that unfolded. And it seemed to me, that care and thought was given to said process, in that it did not frighten me or jostle me in any manner. I had no fear at all during the entirety of the process. Not even the faintest amount.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
All of the information described previously would and did lead me to believe that existence does not end when our physical form dies here in the material. I did NOT receive specific directed information as in 'This is the afterlife.' I came to be myself again through the aforementioned process, and arrived in multiple places. The void, the mist.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
I try to be kinder, though I also generally try and avoid people but the latter is not because of my experience with my NDE.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain
Some parts seem like the words I'm using are lacking in describing exactly what the experience was like. An example is my emotional state during the experience, feeling 'dumbfounded' or having a sense of awe but simultaneously feeling calm or content.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
I can remember almost every detail of the experience vividly, more vividly than anything else that I can think of that transpired at the time of the event, prior to the time of the event, or after the time of the event, with the exception of normal things like what I was doing 10 seconds ago... and obviously all that I can remember is what I remember. If there are aspects of the experience that I forgot... I wouldn't know.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I mean... the whole thing. Yeah it's probably the most meaningful experience regarding spirituality that I've ever had, and I cherish it.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
Immediately afterward, and continuously for years, mostly from time to time, but more recently I think about it and discuss it quite often.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
I knew OF the term NDE, and had read about others experiences, or seen information regarding them in television shows, for example, in a very limited capacity. And no as far as I know nothing I had heard or read about affected me or the way I experienced what happened after leaving the material.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
I was convinced that it was a real, lived experience. As to why, because it seemed like it was. I was as myself as I am now typing this out, during the experience, and it seemed very solid, 'BEFORE' me. The experience was directed, not distorted or foggy in the mental sense of the word.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
Exactly as stated above, and now also because of how vividly I can recall it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Um... they do? I'm unsure how to answer this, given my response.

Anything else to add? No.