Chris K ADC

Experience Description

Good evening. I sit here at 2 a.m. juggling my thoughts as to whether I should share my very personal story. It's a story I hold very dear.

My story dates back to when I was very young. I will try to give a brief synopsis of who I am and the details. To start, my name is Chris. I'm currently 44 years old, a husband and a father. I am married to an amazing person and have two young children. My wife is currently 16 weeks pregnant with our third child, due in August. I work as a prison officer and have for the last eighteen years. I am aware this website is primarily focused on NDEs. I want to make clear that what I experienced was not an NDE, but it is the only site where I feel I can explain my story. Maybe other readers have experienced something similar.

I would also like to add that at the time of my experience, I was born into a Catholic family. My father was very religious and I admired his belief. I was mystified by how he would pray daily on his own and was always happy to pop into any church, if only for a few minutes. He is the most amazing person I know, completely selfless and caring. He is now in his seventies and retired; he worked as a policeman all his life. My mother is another amazing woman. She is turning seventy in August and was a homemaker for the majority of her life. She is also retired, but her health has been in decline the last few years. My mother was a proper "Irish Mammy" and devoted her every waking minute to my two brothers and myself, ensuring we didn't fall behind in school. She spent endless hours covering our homework. Both my parents worked wonders with the three of us, growing up in Ireland in the 80s when most people didn't have very much.

My mother would regard herself as a Catholic, but would only attend mass at milestones like Christmas or our Holy Communions. I remember asking her why and she said she believed there was a God, but that "when I get up there I've a bone to pick with him." This was in relation to her losing her sister Angela years previously, and the devastating effect it had on her life and my grandparents. So that's a little background. I am the oldest of three boys. Looking back, I was very different from my brothers once I hit my teenage years. All I cared about was hanging out with my friends, drinking and smoking, playing football and chasing girls. I was expelled from secondary school for constantly skipping class. I caused endless arguments at home. I don't know why I acted out. The two people who were always there for me were constantly at the mercy of my outbursts. It's something I look back on now with regret. I did not care very much for anything. Religion never crossed my mind. The reason I am telling you this is that I don't want to come across as somebody who was devoted to God when I had my experience. There were many times I broke my poor parents' heart.

I would like to now get into my experience and try to explain as best I can. The words don't do it justice. I will take you back to my situation when this occurred. I would also like to add that the questionnaire asked for the date, but I honestly can't remember it, only the year. I'm nineteen years old and living about three miles away from my family home. For the last year, I'd been living with my girlfriend at the time. This was a huge worry for my parents, particularly my mother. She was anxious I would get my girlfriend pregnant, that we were so young, and that this was my "first love." Although they liked my girlfriend, they had the foresight to see it would probably not last long term. They were right.

At the time, I had one foot in the door and the other still at home. I worked at a monitoring station that dealt with alarm activations. My job consisted of twelve-hour shifts, five days a week. I would still always pop into my parents home two or three times a week, normally with my bag of washing for my mother and to get a home cooked dinner. Even though my parents worried, they always welcomed both me and my girlfriend. Many a night they would drive us home to ensure we got there safe. It was an amazing time for me. I was nineteen, living with my girlfriend in her parents’ house, paying no rent. When I wasn't in work, we'd be out drinking and partying. I was surely the envy of most young men my age, well that's what I thought. The house belonged to her parents. Both would spend months away at a time, as her dad worked in the army and was often abroad. My girlfriend was older than me by about two years and worked as a beautician part-time. She had grown up living abroad with her family. We broke up later on. Looking back she was a nice person. She has since moved on, married and has children. We seldom cross paths. My parents were right; it was "young love," but we lasted four years. Like all young teens, we couldn't be told.

The story really begins over a few days. I started one evening to feel a pressure and a heavy sensation on one side of my groin. I didn't pay it much attention. I probably figured I pulled something playing soccer. The days passed and I noticed the pain wasn't resolving. If anything, the sensation was getting more troublesome. One morning, whilst in the shower, I told myself I'd have a proper look. I was feeling around the groin area and my testicles. On feeling my right testicle I winced in agony. As I cupped it, I could feel what I can only describe as a very large swelling. I was terrified. I felt sick and was overcome with worry and fear. I can still remember the knots in my stomach. I couldn't even bring myself to feel the area again. I remember getting out of the shower and going straight into the bedroom to explain to my girlfriend what I discovered. I recall asking her how she had not felt that lump, saying it was the size of a golf ball. I remember sitting on the bed thinking my life was over. My girlfriend could see how worried I was and tried to give encouraging words, but I was overcome. Nothing anybody said helped.

I remember ringing my mother and she immediately booked me an appointment with my doctor for that evening. She tried to reassure me it was probably a cyst or an infection, but it was to no avail. I was scared. My mother told me to come home. The doctor’s office was only five houses up from the family home. Off I went, feeling totally alone and anxious on the way. Once home, my mother tried to calm me down. I was beset with fear. I was even afraid to go to the doctor. In a strange way, if I went and he confirmed my worst fears, then it was reality.

I arrived at the surgery. After taking a seat in the waiting room, I remember looking at the pictures on the wall, trying to compose myself. Deep down I was still terrified. I can remember reciting the only two prayers I knew over and over, a Hail Mary and an Our Father. In between, I would ask for help and make promises. After a while, the door swung open and the doctor popped his head around. I heard "next" as I looked up. I was the only one there. I followed him to the office. I remember sitting there explaining my situation. I was sick with worry. The doctor got me to lie on the bed and he felt the groin area. When he felt the testicle, the pain sent a shudder through my body. The whole time I lay there praying he would say it was nothing. This would not be the case. After examining me, I sat back down. He looked at me and I will always remember his words. He said he was very worried by what he felt and that I should go to the hospital to see a consultant. Any hope I had was gone.

If I remember correctly, this was a Friday. I had forgotten that Monday was a Bank Holiday. The nearest appointment was on Tuesday. I was even more sick with worry knowing I had days to wait. I arrived home and told my mother what the doctor said. My mother, again, was trying to reassure me that everything would be fine. I don’t know who she was trying to reassure more, her or myself. I could see in her face that she was worried. I remember sitting in the living room and hearing her on the phone to my dad, whispering my news. She contacted the hospital and made the appointment for first thing Tuesday morning. My dad arrived home not long after. I could sense his worry. He, like my mom, kept saying everything would be fine and that I shouldn't overthink. That evening my mother made dinner. They could see how anxious I was. They said I should go to my girlfriend's and try to forget about everything till Tuesday. They even drove me there later, hoping I would settle down. I remember going to bed that night. My girlfriend did her best to ease my worry. She could see I was a nervous wreck.

As the night went on, she drifted to sleep, but I stayed awake the whole night with thoughts of my demise. The next day was no better. My mom would ring me a few times checking up, but all I spoke about was my situation. I spent the remainder of that day sitting in front of the television. The thought of food was at the back of my mind. I may have been looking at the television, but had you asked me what was on, I couldn't have told you. I was terrified. That night, again we went to bed. All through the day, and even in bed, my girlfriend tried to change the topic. Again, this was to no avail.

I was mentally drained. For the last two days I didn't sleep a wink. Very soon my girlfriend was asleep and I was just lying there looking at the ceiling. At some stage through the night, I obviously nodded off, but this was different. I don't know if what I’m about to say explains what I experienced, but I’ll try. I mentioned I "nodded off," implying I was asleep, but as strange as it sounds, that’s not what happened.

I remember being instantly in my grandparents’ home, in their back room. It was the room as I remembered it as a young child of four or five. I instantly recognized it and felt comfortable, even though the room had changed over the years. I was sitting on a brown three-seater armchair. Across from me, sitting in a single seater chair, was my Aunt Angela. She was my mother’s sister who had passed away when I was two. I honestly can’t explain the feeling in that room. It was an abundance of love, a love I have never experienced. There was a safety, a happiness, a joy, a radiance. My aunt, who was my godmother, passed away at twenty three. I was only two and had no recollection of her, only from photographs. Yet here I am sitting with her and it’s as though there is no disconnect. It’s as though I have known her forever. I know this sounds strange, but there was no time in that space. I feel as though we talked and laughed forever. I was so comfortable. I have to say again, I have never experienced love like what I experienced in that room. I know that we spoke and laughed like I never laughed before.

I can’t remember a thing that we spoke about when I awoke the next morning, and even now I can’t recall a single topic. I know that sounds strange, but I have no recollection of us speaking about anything, yet we spoke for what seemed like an eternity. The thing I remember, and this is something I feel I was meant to remember, was what she was dressed in and her mannerisms. I remember her sitting on the chair with her legs bent underneath her. She was radiant, as if a glowing light was emerging from her. She was beautifully radiant. Her hands would run through her beautiful hair as we talked. I would also like to point out that we didn’t communicate the way we do here. We instantly knew each other’s thoughts as if we were telepathic. I use the word radiant, but this isn’t even a word that comes close. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I can remember in detail what she wore. She had a beautiful loose skirt that was a green-blue color, the most unusual color. She had a white blouse embroidered with a very unusual pattern along the neckline. The buttons were so unique. She literally embodied the essence of an angel. I remember not wanting to leave, not ever. I remember being the happiest I have ever been. I felt “at home.” I was in the presence of something far greater than I can put into words.

The next morning, I awoke in what I can only describe as an ecstatic frame of mind. I awoke with a feeling that something amazing had just happened. I was sad that I awoke. All the feelings of worry and anxiety from the last few days were gone, completely gone. I went to bed with the weight of the world on my shoulders and here I was smiling with euphoric joy. The weirdest part of all, I knew one hundred percent that I was fine. I had zero fear of anything being wrong. I remember thinking I have to tell my girlfriend, but also that she will think I’m crazy. To prove how confident I was, I thought I wouldn’t go to the appointment on Tuesday. I explained my experience to my girlfriend. She didn’t make fun of me, but I knew she thought I was rambling.

My thoughts then turned to telling my mother, but I was conscious about how to approach it as it’s her sister. I didn't want to upset her or have her think I was off the wall. I immediately went to the family home and told my mother everything. She believed me. She listened to every word and said that obviously Angela was looking down on me. She was actually glad I told her. However, when I said I was not going to the appointment, she wouldn’t take that for an answer.

I did end up going, but I literally danced into the hospital on Tuesday morning without a care in the world, already knowing I was fine. After meeting the consultant this was verified. My condition ended up being a cyst. After a course of antibiotics, within days the lump had completely gone. The only reminder I took from the hospital that morning is that when being checked, I was lying on a bed with a curtain drawn and my trousers around my ankles. The consultant walked in accompanied by three young nurses in training. He felt around my groin, explaining to them what he was checking for. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

The most important part of my story comes weeks after. I was visiting my grandparents’ home. After an evening of chatting, it was getting late. I told them to stay in their chairs and that I’d see myself out. On getting up, I had to go through the kitchen to reach the hall. When walking through, I was drawn to a picture on the wall. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. In the picture frame were about eight photographs that my grandmother had put there. I was immediately drawn to the one in the bottom left corner. In that picture was my aunt Angela with her siblings, a picture taken just before she passed. She was wearing the exact clothes from my experience. I could not believe it. I went back to my grandmother and asked about the picture. She informed me she had only put it up in the last few days. When I told her Angela was wearing that very outfit in my experience, her face looked completely shocked. I would be told that Angela was, in fact, buried in that outfit.

It is now 6:19 a.m. and I’m wide awake after spending the last four hours writing. I know many people over the years have probably thought I must have had a dream. I can honestly say that what I experienced that night was not a dream. I have never had an experience before or after. Over my 44 years I’ve had thousands of dreams, but none that I remember like this. This experience is as real today as it was all those years ago. I don’t want to say I’m a changed man, but I did change a lot since that experience. I didn't change straight away, but over many years. I have found that I’m more religious and I do pray. I have a belief of what’s good and bad and I try to be a better person. I don't always succeed, but I try. I have a wonderful relationship with my wife, children, brothers and family. I can honestly say that what awaits us after this life is beyond our wildest imagination. I have no doubt that our loved ones are still with us and that we will be reunited again. At least that’s my hope.

I thank you for taking the time to read my extract. Again, I know it’s not an NDE, but I can honestly say that what I experienced was real. It happened, and I am a better person for it.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date of NDE: 5/10/2000

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I lost awareness of my body
I can only say that I was fully aware the setting was my grandmother's back room, but I had no way of recalling it from when I was so young. Yet I instantly knew that was where I was.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? The whole time. It was as if I was transported to my grandmother's back room and that's where I was seated with Angela. I was fully conscious and alert of everything that was happening.
Everything from my surroundings, colors (it felt as though colors were different from here on Earth; they were alive. I know it sounds crazy, but that's the best analogy I can give), the feeling of euphoria, and the feeling of love. I say love as that's the only word I can describe in our language, but there is no word for what I want to convey.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
There was no time.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience There is no comparison that can even come near. Earth feels flat, grey, non-vivid, cold even, hard ...

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience I struggle with this part, as it was as if everything was telepathic and I knew everything in my experience. I don't recall hearing, I know it probably makes no sense.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
My aunt and godmother, Angela.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
I saw a radiance emitting from my aunt.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
Again, my grandmother's room from when I was only a young child.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I've never felt love or joy like that, both before and after my experience.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly understand everything? Everything about the universe
I had full knowledge. If I wanted to know anything, it felt like I could, but I don't recall wanting to know anything. I was immersed with my aunt and remember just feeling an abundance of joy and love that nothing else concerned me. But I think if I so wanted, I knew everything.

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Catholic

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
I am now religious. When people question or mock religion, I laugh to myself and almost feel sorry for them, wishing they had experienced even a tiny part of what I did.

What is your religion now? Christian - Catholic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I was born into a Catholic family, but didn't give it a lot of thought before my experience. After my experience, I know with 100 percent certainty that God and Love exist.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
I became much more spiritual.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes
My aunt and godmother, Angela.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
My aunt knew everything about every facet of my being.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
I felt it was a foregone conclusion that God existed, even though I did not see him.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes
Love, basically.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes
I was speaking to my aunt, and I saw her as real to me as if I were speaking to someone who is alive today.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes
Love was everywhere, like I had never experienced before or after. The word 'love' doesn't begin to describe the feeling; it was beyond magical.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
I am more religious and spiritual, and I have much greater compassion and understanding about life. I feel we are here for the blink of an eye before we return home.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
I am far more understanding and loving.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
I feel my words, even earthly words, don't come near what I'm trying to describe.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
I remember the experience and can even feel it like it was yesterday.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I now know with 100% certainty that life exists after this earthly existence.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I shared it with my family and girlfriend immediately, with certain friends much later over the years, and some people I have never told.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
It's the most real thing I've ever experienced.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
I am honored to have experienced what I did. It literally changed my life for the better.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain
My experience was personal and I cherish the gift I experienced. I don't know if the way I worded my experience did it justice.

Anything else to add? No, that's pretty much it.