Angie D Probable NDE

Experience Description

There was always light. It was not a light from any particular source, but a steady illumination. Though I could see no person or object and could not tell where the light came from, it simply lit everything around me, always the same no matter where I went. I saw no walls, no ceiling, no floor. I moved within it, not upward, downward, or through anything, but always just inside space itself.

That light uncovered a sorrow and sadness deeper than anything I had ever known. I took in all of it. I felt sadness, regret, and pain. I was not merely a vessel through which these feelings passed. I became sadness itself. I became anguish. I sweated regret. I vibrated with pain. When it felt as if there had never been any other existence, she appeared. She let me know it was time to move on, so I followed. In life, it had always been the other way around, with me leading and her following, but now she was the one guiding me.

There was distance between us, yet we were still connected. Physical space did nothing to weaken our bond. I felt no surprise at seeing her, and it did not seem like fifteen years had passed since we were last together.

She was just as I remembered. Her shoulder-length hair curled naturally. Her ankle-length dress suggested her gentle curves. There was a sweet expression on her face. We traveled together without walking, riding, or gliding. We were simply wherever we needed to be, and then somewhere else when needed. I did not know if there was a destination, but I never hesitated to follow her.

Then she stood on one side of a river. Its current was strong and moved from right to left. I stood on the other side, and we looked at each other.

Suddenly, I felt my father’s presence with us. Unlike her, he had no form I could see, but I could still picture him completely. He had big brown eyes, a broad smile, dark hair, and deep dimples. His presence was overwhelming. His familiar energy was joyful and hopeful. He seemed excited and happy. I could almost hear him say, “I do believe this is the best,” a phrase he used for anything, whether it was a meal or a movie. He was an eternal optimist who still found reasons to hope, even with a childhood marked by hardship and loss. His spirit was everywhere, filling everything around us.

We did not need voices or words. We understood each other instantly. Our thoughts were separate, but our understanding was immediate and complete.

Then a voice came from beyond me. It was clear and certain and simply said, “He needs a mother.” This was the only statement I heard outside of our shared silent communication. The voice carried no anger or urgency. It was only pure clarity, an undeniable fact.

As I slowly came out of my coma, I thought perhaps one of my loved ones had spoken those words. When I was finally able to ask, neither of them had. In fact, they had avoided mentioning my children at all because they were worried about my recovery.

Losing conscious awareness had allowed me to exist beyond thought and beyond reasoning. In earlier years, my ego and logic had kept me from hearing divine guidance. But in that heightened state, I was finally able to listen.

Months later, I shared my despair with my loved one. I was nearly frantic when I asked, “Why did I go there? I tried to be good. What can I do now to keep it from happening again?” There was no answer.

I have found peace by remembering it was only a passage that led to complete joy with them. That moment taught me what true compassion means. Even now, it is the hardest part of my experience to explain. I still turn to scripture for understanding.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 2004

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain
Impossible for me to place a linear timeline on this event. My assumption is I was in the hospital ER, but it could have occurred before EMT's arrived on scene of accident.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Never
While comatose, the level of my consciousness continued, not below-- subconscious, but above--supra-conscious, existing and functioning above conscious, rational, or logical thought. There are medical scans and many ways of assessing different states of consciousness below ours, but none to determine states above ours. And yet that state is where I had been. An explanation of this state of consciousness has taken me more than a decade, and an adequate description still eludes me.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Suspended. But for descriptive purposes here there was a beginning and end...

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience same

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience same

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain
I would describe it more like a cave with endless pathways.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Yes
My father and sister

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
There was illumination but no obvious source.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
No definitive place, every place and no place?

What emotions did you feel during the experience? All of them

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life
The decision wasn't one i made but was made by God and i obeyed.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
More widely read about not only my religion but of other religions.

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
The passing through a painful and sorrowful moment before moving on.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Unity with my Dad and sister, unity of communication and understanding, telepathic.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
God's voice was outside my own awareness that i shared with my Dad and sister. I knew Dad and Amy's thoughts, I HEARD God.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Uncertain
Didn't have an awareness of this state being different from other states of existence.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
Possibly more patient with others, although this may be more a response to the impact of the TBI. There are times when what I believe I was to have learned from the experience has made operating in this life more difficult but which has increased my dependence on God's grace and strength.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
It's as if I have a secrete. And although my 'secrete' is known, there is still a part of it I can't communicate.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
It's still hard to use words because words begin and end something, like (), but these human words are always insufficient. A description is always accompanied by . . .

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
As I recallde the experience i wrote down the experisnce in journals

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? There was no sense of lack. I never felt there was a binary choice between one life or the other, or one place or the other. There was only the present moment with my dad and sister. But there was a startling difference between them and hearing God's voice.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I first shared this when writing my memoir ten years after. I recently shared it during a spiritual formation retreat at my church. Reactions to both were positive and enthusiastic. i have spoken in detail with close friends, but neither my children nor my husband have asked about it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes
Just normal curiosity and interest in the few stories I had heard about.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
It was clearly something I had experienced not dreamt. in fact i described it as an experience immediatly and was always careful to describe it that way and corrected anyone who commented.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
The more I delve into consciousness, the more assured I become. Even when medical science explains connections between neurons and matter, etc. the explanation never rationally explains the connection between the physical brain to the metaphysical mind. I describe my experience as supra-conscious...

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
In as much as it is possible...

Anything else to add? Always...