Amber F Probable NDE

Experience Description

It was prom night, and alcohol was involved. I decided to drive to the location of a sober party. One other woman came with me. Another woman had to use the restroom and was left behind.

The drive there was uneventful. On the way home, we were traveling along a gravel road when I missed a T-intersection. During the first accident, I remember hitting my head on the windshield. I was terrified of damaging the vehicle and what the consequences would be. That fear pushed me into action, and we managed to get the vehicle out.

The next thing I remember is walking through a field with only one shoe on and several teeth missing.

My physical injuries were treated, but there was no counseling or discussion about what had happened. However, I felt different afterward.

It was not until much later, after I became sober and began doing spiritual work, that memories of that night began returning.

During a road trip to North Dakota, I found myself driving along a random gravel road. Suddenly, I became aware that I had caused a second accident that night.

After arriving in North Dakota, while I was in a state between waking and sleeping, I experienced something extraordinary.

I found myself sitting in that field with Jesus. I knew it was Jesus, although I tend to perceive spiritual beings as shadows or light rather than distinct physical figures.

We were looking at my dead body, with blood covering my face. I could feel the overwhelming grief of my family as though I were experiencing a different timeline in which I had died that night.

In this experience, my brother was still alive. In my present life, he died on December 24, 2000.

The grief of my family tore through me, but then it suddenly stopped.

I looked up and realized that I was carrying my own body through the field. I became emotional and asked Jesus why I was carrying myself. I felt unworthy of receiving help or love.

Jesus responded, "We can only show you what you are willing to see. Look again."

When I looked again, I saw that Jesus was carrying me.

An overwhelming feeling of love washed over me.

This year, I began revisiting these memories again. The other woman who had been with me has since passed away, and I have undergone surgeries related to injuries from that time.

I feel a deep pull to return to this experience and to other times in my life when I have had near-death experiences.

Of all these experiences, this one feels particularly important to revisit. The memories continue to return to my awareness.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 00/00/1995

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes
I was drinking a lot, had experienced a lot of trauma already, and knew I didn't want to be here. Deep longing for somewhere else, home. Did not know what that meant.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? I clearly left my body and existed outside it
Not sure.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? No. I knew nothing about what was happening. It seems the more I have studied in the past 10 years, different pieces have been revealed. The connection to Jesus feels important and I don't understand it. It doesn't seem like religion or rooted in a faith. Simply present.
I seemed to know where people were and how they were being impacted. My mom became overwhelmed and had to lay on the couch. She never wanted to talk about my experience. It was always about how she experienced it. My dad went into fix mode and took care of the physical. Nobody wanted to talk about the truth. I could feel them and often overrode the spiritual experience I was having to manage their emotions. I recall knowing I was different and hiding it, compensating and becoming very quiet. Also wanted to leave the planet. Nothing seemed to make sense any longer and I felt that everyone around me wanted me to just pretend it was okay.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
It depended. Some time was painfully slow, other times seemed to be on fast forward.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Certain details really stood out. I noticed watching people and things more closely, like witnessing. Also like a detachment from self. It became hard to see myself, and easier to see and feel people's intentions.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience At times voices became like nails on a chalkboard and spiked anxious feelings. I enjoyed even more times in silence, often staring at the wall in my room for hours, not thinking or feeling. I have a high pitched ringing in my head that shifts at times. I believe it began at this time, though I was not paying attention to it at the time. There have been other experiences that could also attribute to hearing shifts. I do recall seeming to be able to hear conversations or sounds that I was not aware of before. This has continued since the accident.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? Uncertain
Something guided me home. ND country roads are dark, and I still have no sense of direction.

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter another world? Some unfamiliar and strange place
Not at the time, though later I was shown a place where I can take the pieces of me that were still wandering around the field looking for my teeth. Through a cave to an opening where the water is of every color. On the other side is a beautiful space where my brother waits to receive those parts.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear, confusion, longing for the unseen.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did scenes from the future come? Again, later. There have been times since the incident I have connected strongly to something about to happen. Both for individuals or someone close or a larger universal level.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain
Again, not in the moment. It was as though when I got sober the experiences were waiting to be sorted through. Later I felt permission was being asked to show me things, for example, a Merkaba coming closer until it was internalized and showed me what it was for and how it worked.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life
Not in the moment. It was actually in January or February of this year. I was practicing yoga after my surgery and heard a female voice come in and say, 'You can die now.' A neutral voice, simply carrying a message. I recall becoming emotional and tears falling. Like I had a choice. I'm not suicidal. It was just like connecting to a beautiful reality in the moment.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian - Catholic
Grandmother had faith, beautiful. It did not resonate with me. It felt like there was something missing, hidden almost.

Have your religious practices changed? Yes
I have sought truth in so many ways. Taoism, Mayan studies, ceremonies, Ayurveda, yoga, etc. I keep coming back to this place in my heart that says there is something missing. Like all the pieces to the puzzle are there, they just aren't put together yet, or correctly. Unclear there ;)

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths
Resonate most with indigenous ceremonies and teachings, Mayans, Lakota in particular, though limited exposure.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I didn't believe in the Catholic Church or being there. I did believe in faith and the feeling of being in the presence of someone who believed. I wasn't sure at the time if my survival was a miracle or a curse. I could feel the impact it had on my family. I remember wanting to be away from them all and their experiences. The experiences of others felt louder than my own experiences, so I drank over all of it.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes
Later, Jesus.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes
I don't have words for this one.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes
The knowing there was no way both of us lived through the accident. Something was...off.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes
There was something I just couldn't place, something deep, unknown.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes
Mostly harder. For so long I walked this truth on my own. I've been told my experiences weren't real or there must have been some other explanation or the topic is simply changed. I may have almost joined a couple of cults along the way. They seemed pretty interested in me being there, though at the end of the day there was little help in understanding or navigating. I have a hard time trusting and it's hard for me to talk about with others.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
The experience was so powerful, as well as the aftermath. I was connected to all, yet there were no words. Everything seemed to be known and words were not required. I wrote about the experience and got to tell the story over and over. There was a 10 year lawsuit that came along with the event. I got better at talking about the details and better at hiding what my family advised me against saying. They struggled with truth and emotions and things that could not be explained.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Some things I knew to be true. It was challenging to verify, as my family had a hard time talking about it. My town had a hard time talking about it. I had a hard time finding the words to talk about it.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes
It's hard to tell if it increased sensitivity or I became aware. I noticed how my accident impacted others more than I felt my own impact. I felt distant and like I was able to read people. I began to feel more drawn to the whole picture and found the closest thing I could, vocational rehabilitation...lots of trauma. Veterans, people who have had spiritual experiences, homeless people, people with varying abilities seem to find me and approach me to share their own experiences. I still don't know what to do with it all, and helping others seems to be more and more drawing my attention.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? This was an interesting experience that seems to reveal myself more with time. Most of my spiritual experiences felt more profound in some ways. This experience feels different, and I keep being drawn back to it.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
Years. Most people got uncomfortable. Some thought I should take medication. I have found some groups that have been more supportive, though honestly that has been only somewhat helpful. Since the incident I seem interested in truth. My perspective seems different yet I often can't find my voice to talk about it. People who have gone through similar experiences express comfort when we talk. I tend to be able to find the words when these encounters happen. Lately women have been talking to me about Jesus, love, and entity visitation experiences.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably not real
I didn't have anyone to talk to, so I decided there was just something wrong with me.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real
My clinical head looks for reasons, excuses. My heart has been shown there are realities beyond what we see daily.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
Driving to do my amends. Being in ceremony. The surgeries I've had this year. The death of the woman who was in the accident with me.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes