Ally NDE

Experience Description

I was 15 years old. On June 29, 1999, I lost my father to a violent death. It was suicide by firearm. I could not see his body, so for me, he was just gone and would eventually return. The holidays passed sadly, and then the school year began. I had to tell my friends what had happened, and inform my teachers. I think my mind finally became aware of his passing.

When I came home from school, I started vomiting and suffering from abdominal pain. My mother took me to the hospital, suspecting appendicitis. Once there, I was quickly taken care of and tests were done. Technically, they couldn't find anything wrong with me. As a precaution, they decided to keep me for observation at the university hospital a few kilometers away.

In the following days, I was still in physical pain. The doctors decided to operate on me, just in case they missed something more serious. The operation was scheduled for the next day. My mother left, and then I had a visit from my stepmother, my father's partner. She brought me a photo of him since I didn't have one yet.

During surgery, the doctors removed my appendix for analysis. Then my heart stopped.

The near-death experience seemed short to me, or perhaps I don't remember everything that happened before it. I saw a long black tunnel with a very bright, white light at the end. Yet I could easily look at it. I moved forward, floating and rising up slightly. I felt good; infinite peace and a gentle warmth. I didn't see anyone, but just keep moving forward. Suddenly, I heard someone calling me from 'down below' and far away. I ignored it and continue forward. Then I heard the voice calling me again. My body comes to a stop, and I am pulled backward and downward. Then, I return to life and wake up.

That voice belonged to the nurse in the room. I was cold and in pain. I told her that I had seen the white light. She tried to reassure me that it was nothing, by saying that it was probably the lamp over the operating table. She explained that my heart had stopped and the doctors had done everything necessary to bring me back.

I wanted to talk about what I had experienced, but everyone downplayed it by giving me explanations. One doctor, however, confided in me that perhaps my subconscious had let itself go to die in order to join my father, because the loss was too painful.

Did this experience change me? Yes, Undeniably! Although, I didn't see anyone during the near-death experience, I know that all the stories told about it are true. My subsequent experiences of contact with the deceased prove that there is indeed something we do not always perceive.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date of NDE: 09/1999

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain
I don't understand your question.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? In the tunnel

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness? Normal consciousness and alertness

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I was moving forward without any sense of time, except when I was pulled back. That happened incredibly fast.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Fairly similar, however it was a long time ago

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience Same

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
A long, dark tunnel with a light at the end. A sensation of infinite peace and gentle warmth.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased beings? No

Did you see or feel surrounded by a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
A very bright light, but one you could look at.

Did you seem to enter another world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I knew I had to go toward the light, that it was another world.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, knowing where to go

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain
The voice below calling me was the limit, I think. I wanted to continue, but it stopped me.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated - Atheist

Have your religious practices changed? Yes

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated - Atheist

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
I was 15 and did not yet know much about beliefs beyond what I had already read.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes
The certainty of the existence of an afterlife.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify
I heard a voice calling me from below during my ascent toward the light.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain
The atmosphere was bathed in love, I would say. It was truly a wonderful place, despite the fact that I didn't see anyone there.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
I remember all the sensations perceived during the experience and just after my return as if it were yesterday, even though the events happened 25 years ago.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain
I am sometimes aware of the presence of the deceased. I have premonitory dreams and know things that are going to happen, but I am not sure if that came after because I had already dreamed about my father's death before it happened.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
I told hospital staff about it immediately, and they found all sorts of different explanations to gently tell me I had imagined it. Other people later asked me questions about the experience.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain
The subject already interested me, like esotericism and all that, but I no longer remember if I had already read any books on it or not.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real
I was young and the adults I told about it seemed more experienced than me on the subject. So I long hesitated between a hallucination and a real experience.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
I've been able to research this over the years, and knowing I am not the only one to have lived through this experience is reassuring.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes