Experience Description

The first experience was out of curiosity after reading the Tao te Ching and the I Ching. I was studying Kung Fu just to get in shape and learn some self-discipline. I stood with my feet shoulder width apart, relaxing in the stance to work the stabilizer muscles. My arms were loose with the finger tips barely touching held in front of me as though resting on a ball. This was for muscle training and I didn't even believe in chi or any of that. I did kung fu for the exercise. I've always been a skeptic. I had music playing (weezer's blue album, like I said, I wasn't taking it seriously). My eyes were half closed. I was just planning to stand there and empty my mind and relax. My muscles naturally began to burn, so I tried to rise above it. Mind over matter was my only goal, push past the pain. Next thing I know I feel like I am moving up and backward. I try to open my eyes and see a blue chord leading down to the top of my head. I was startled and with a sudden rush, I see through my own eyes again. The album was almost over; I'd stopped paying attention to the music as I meditated, so the whole time of meditation was only forty minutes. From then on while training, I never felt fatigued. When I grew tired, I could visualize a well of energy to draw from, and therefore control my ‘second winds’.

After some time a girlfriend hung herself, I felt responsible and began to do drugs. This led me down a bad path. I took heroin, speed, ecstasy, just about anything. I later remembered that strength of will from the meditation and decided to quit. I was also jailed so I was forced to quit cold turkey. It was only a five month drug binge. I quit on July 7 2006. In August, I still felt horrible about the girlfriend and decided to take my own life. I took several bottles of antidepressants and pain killers went to bed. I was found and defibrillator paddles had to be used to revive me.

My experience was as follows: I became conscious of waves of energy washing over me. It was a feeling of total comfort. I feared nothing. I didn't know if I was alive or dead. This was first person as though I were still in my body. Time was muted. There was no sense of it at all. Next, I see my body lying in a pool of light like a spotlight shining on it, darkness is all around it, but still no fear, only comfort. I get the feeling I must return to it, but I don't want to. I look closer and see myself in white with an identification tag on my left wrist. I know my body is in a hospital. I still don't want to return. I become aware of a light but I don't go toward it, rather it seems to come to me. I am taken through time it seems, I see myself as an old man in my sixties dying with lung cancer. Something tells me I can change that and the white light comes over me. I open my eyes and am in a hospital room. I realize I need to breathe but can't then realize I already am. There is a tube in my throat. I'm on a respirator. I later find out I was in a coma for 2 days. The identification bracelet was on my left arm. Despite the warning I still currently smoke. However, after that I no longer feel responsible for my girlfriend's death, and while I have absolutely no fear of death I do want to experience life.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: February 14, 2003 and August 14, 2006

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Suicide attempt First time I experienced one I was in peak health. Clinical death Meditation Again, I'm cheating by fitting two on one form. The first time, no. The second time I was clinically dead, so yes.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Both times I had a feeling of being separated from my body.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The first time I was awake but meditative. The second time I was dead or in a coma. It may have been a dream, but there was a detail that was accurate when I awoke.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time was not there; even the pulsing rhythm of energy washing over me seemed to be beyond being a measure of time because there was no number to the waves just a feeling they were eternal.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. None that I can remember.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain It was close to an idea of purgatory, though it was comforting.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain In the experience of my death I had the feeling something was there. It communicated with me, but non-verbally.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was a small light that seemed to come closer, I didn't go to it but it eventually came down over me.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm No sense of touch. I could feel, though. Warmth, comfortably warm, not hellish in any way. Sight seemed limited to self. Everything else was dark. No sound, smell, or taste. I never even saw whatever was communicating with me. Even my timeline only showed my own death. I was a suicide, perhaps that has something to do with that emphasis.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? The first time I felt a blissful sense of absolutely nothing then got startled which was a mix of surprise and fear. The second time I felt complete bliss. Acceptance was irrelevant and I had a feeling of healing and well-being. Safety.

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I was shown that I will die another time when I am much older and of lung cancer, though I was told (telepathically) that if I quit smoking it could change.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future My own possible death.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No I did not want to return. I felt that I didn't have a choice, though.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Moderate Raised Christian (bma Baptist, a rather uptight fundamentalist sort)

What is your religion now? Liberal I know there is something out there, just maybe not what any particular secular religion prescribes to.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Cognitive awareness. Simply the understanding that we are connected and a shedding of more selfish ways of thought and a curiosity of knowledge.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I can explain the details but can't convey the emotions, that's what the second experience is all about.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? It was all positive. The only bad thing would be that I don't have any concrete evidence, it was like an exercise in faith.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes They seemed intrigued, I just told some family members. I don't know that they believe it was anything more than a dream, though the bracelet leaves a gap for possibility.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Severe fatigue triggered a sense that I could almost literally ‘summon the strength’ to not just face but overcome any obstacle.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Both episodes were very, very vivid and though they seem very different, they had the same core. The energy, the detachment. Though when I was alive I wasn't completely detached, there was a chord connecting my mind to my body.