I realized after the experience that I somehow had foreknowledge of my heart attack because while I had no symptoms of heart problems, I was feverish in the week before my heart attack to prepare a list of important numbers, accounts, etc., for my ex-husband in the event something happened to me. I even woke him up one night to retrieve the list I had given him because I realized I had forgotten to add an important bit of information. In addition, several months prior to my heart attack I was visiting my medical doctor (a rare occasion simply to get medication) and he was lecturing me about the hazards of smoking. When I told him I was not afraid of death, he warned that cancer was not a nice way to die. I almost said aloud what I was thinking, a new thought for me, that I would not get cancer but would die of a heart attack. While I did not die of my heart attack, I feel that this is how I will die. I read over my earlier submission to you and find it surprising that the way I now remember the event and the way I remembered the event apparently not long after my submission to you, differs from the way I reported it initially. Now I recall that a very, very large woman, huge even, appeared in the room and crossed silently from my left to my right and stood in the background waiting to see whether I would need to be accompanied across the veil. Her face was white, like the old paper dolls that had white faces, but the outline of her hair, short, was familiar to me. I also recall the tension/excitement of the physician when my heart stopped. He seemed to relish the additional challenge to get my heart going again. My time in the CCU was truly remarkable. It was as though I brought some light (which I do not recall seeing) back with I because everyone who entered my room seemed blessed somehow. I was euphoric and felt love like I have never previously felt it.
Date NDE Occurred: October 2010
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Heart attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
My heart stopped beating as the physician was in the process of inserting the stent.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The experience must have been very brief but my experience is circumscribed by the time my heart stopped. I was apparently very alert then. I felt no emotions at all.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I saw normally during the experience.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Normal
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain Deceased mother-in-law.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? None
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe After the event, back in the CCU, I felt at one with everybody alive. I was filled with love and people seemed to feel it even though of course I did not express this in any way. They seemed to just pick up on my feelings of love for them.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic Because I have spent years studying nde's, and because of several experiences where I stopped breathing and went from panic to a calm acceptance of my likely death but then started breathing again, I had come to believe, over the last decade, that there is no death, that we are all energy and that we are here having a human experience. I was at the time of this experience hostile to the word god in that so much pain has been inflicted on mankind in the name of the various gods. From what I deduce now and at the time of this experience, we are all a part of god.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Subtle but real change. I have extreme sensitivity now as compared to before. I hurt when I see anyone hurt, even a bug!
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I am much more sensitive to other people's pain. I can't sleep after seeing an animal hurt. It is almost unbearable at times, seeing people and animals hurt.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin A very, very tall female who was there to see if she was needed to accompany me across the veil. She never spoke and was in the background.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain It is possible the being was my deceased mother-in-law. I loved her very much. The outline of the being's hair made me think that she was, in fact, possibly the being.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain When the being appeared, I knew instantly why she was there and this confirmed my belief that we are all a part of God.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife probably exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain Actually, the experience was not just when my heart stopped but seemed to include the days I spent in CCU. And it was when in the CCU that I was overwhelmed with feelings of love for everyone.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I am more at peace in some ways but I suffer much more when I see, for example, an animal abused. The pain is almost beyond endurance. My fear is that I will die while people are counting on me. I am much more tolerant of people's foibles. When my patience is exhausted, I relax and am able to become patient once more. I am now very, very reluctant to induce pain in anyone, any kind of pain.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I am a much kinder person, more loving and considerate. I suffer when I see suffering. This is really hard to live with because there is so much suffering in our world. I suffer from bouts of depression after experiencing the pain of others.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It seems I am not recalling everything even now, like I was not meant to recall everything in that experience.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at time My recollection of the event changed over time. And I have a feeling that much more happened that I am not permitted to remember.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I knew the heart attack was coming, but not on a conscious level. I have had precognitive experiences prior to this experience.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I now cannot rest if I hurt someone's feelings even slightly. I have to try to make amends. It hurts not to do so.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I was believed by the people I shared my experience with or they were too nice to share their doubts with me.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Your website and several books. Of course, everything influences everything else but I believe that my experience was not the result of my beliefs because at first I thought my recollection was a fact that occurred while I was awake. Then I realized I had been put to sleep so this all occurred while unconscious and then I was told my heart had stopped beating and that added another dimension to the experience.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I thought the experience occurred while I was awake, so was absolutely real. Then remembered being put to sleep. Then was told my heart had stopped. So my take on the experience went through stages based on my increasing knowledge of the event.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real We have, I believe, the ability to truly detect what is real, finally.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Your website has had a huge influence on my life, my thinking. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your labor on behalf of all of us.
Even though my son-in-law told me this while I was still in CCCU, it was not until a couple of weeks later, at home, that I recognized that they had put me to sleep to make the incision in the artery. And I realized that what I viewed was something I saw while I was asleep, namely, the physician standing at a console with a screen above it operating levers. He was very intense. The screen was blurry to me and I had the feeling that I could not understand what was on the screen, that it was like looking at one of the photos they take where they view the child in the mother's womb (can't remember what it is called). The doctor, unlike the screen, was standing and very clear. I felt no emotions at all. I had a sense of myself as being larger than I was, in reality. I was upright, not lying down. Strange, however, is that the entire hospital experience (which lasted five days because of a hematoma which did not want to quit bleeding), was beautiful, charmed. It was as though everyone at the hospital was an angel. Not one negative moment. I have been in many hospitals (post-polio surgery) and have very realistic expectations of life in a hospital. This was different. This feeling of being in a state of grace, rather, lasted for several weeks after the heart attack and slowly faded to the point where I now feel pretty much as I did before my heart attack. This state was observed by one of the nurses BEFORE THE ANGIOGRAM, while I was being prepped for the angiogram. I had just arrived by ambulance to the emergency room. He happened to come to my room a few days later. He said that I was the calmest, most serene person, very different from most people in that situation. I had NO fear, he was right. I felt that if it is my time, they cannot save me and if it is not my time, they cannot kill me. NO FEAR. I would have expected myself to be fearful under the circumstances but felt totally serene and accepting.
Date NDE Occurred: October 3, 2010
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack Clinical death
I had no blood pressure or heartbeat.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Well, my body was asleep but I was watching the surgeon, I assume at the point when my heart stopped. I see the surgeon in a couple of weeks and will try to get more specifics.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Totally alert until in the room where the angiogram was to be performed when I was given something in an IV and knocked out.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm My sight was clear except when viewing the screen the surgeon was working from.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? None. I felt calm.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes For a couple of months this sense of calm and serenity stayed with me.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Only in that I was not aware that the experience occurred while I was out of my body and unconscious. I thought I was conscious during this very brief experience. Then it hit me that I was asleep when it happened. Later, I was told by my son-in-law that the physician who did the intervention told him that I had died just as they were preparing to put the splint in; I had no blood pressure or heartbeat.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Just an extreme sense of calm, totally free of any trace of anxiety.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The experience was wonderful. Even the heart attack, other than the pain, was not bad. Strange experience. No worst part.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Those in my family and one friend. All believed me, they said, but I have the feeling that they simply cannot imagine the feeling of being bigger than you are and unattached to anything. It was very different.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No I have had one other NDE as a child.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Great form. Thank you for the opportunity to relive the experience, in part, at least.
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