At the time of my first NDE my boyfriend and I had broken up and I was severely depressed (but not so much so that I was suicidal) and extremely distraught. I remember the first time it happened. I was in bed, could not sleep, and kept staring out my bedroom window, staring at the stars. I heard a slow roar, it almost sounded like a distant train coming closer and closer. Before I knew it, I could see a glorious light and a long, dark grey tunnel at the foot of my bed. It had the most wonderful glow. From this light, I could only feel peace and love emitting from it. The light was so intense and I remember thinking to myself: why doesn't the light hurt my eyes because I have such sensitivity to light. I was looking intently at this light when I saw an image slowly appearing from this light. I watched this image take shape and as it did, it was moving towards me in a sort of gliding, smooth motion. I could hear this grand voice that seemed to echo through my head and reverberate throughout my body, as the person took form in someone I knew: my sister in law. But I could hear a man's voice speaking to me through her, and as she placed her right hand on my left shoulder, she said: All will be okay.' I asked her, 'why can't I just go now?' Without moving her lips, she communicated, 'It's not time. You will be okay. It's not time.' I begged and pleaded; all this time I was sobbing because the love I felt was so immense I thought I'd burst. Slowly the image went back into the light.When I woke up it was morning. I was very confused. I didn't talk to anyone about this. I chalked it up as a dream, but a few weeks later, it happened again. The second time, I was in my room alone and it was just before dusk. I was still pretty heartbroken and really not doing anything but sitting in my room as I had been for the past few weeks. I sat on the edge of my bed crying with sobs that were unknown to me. I was truly grieving over my break-up. I missed my boyfriend so much and was so sad. I was actually in physical pain and truly prayed to die that night. I prayed for what seemed hours. I was so tired of questioning my life, my purpose and asking God himself, 'Why am I here? What purpose do I have?' I asked this over and over, still sobbing with so much pain in my heart. Then it happened, I heard a distant roar, slowly the roar became louder and louder like I was directly over a train. Suddenly as if I was sucked into a vacuum, I was transported to my boyfriend's condominium. I was at the base of the stairs and a thunderous voice spoke to me and said, 'SEE'. I understood. (It was not a 'questioning see?' but more like, 'see, this is what will happen if you die.) In one swift movement, I was taken to the top of the stairs. I could see my boyfriend's sons running past me and yelling out to each other. I heard one of his son's yell: 'CALL 911. Dad, what's wrong? DAD! The voice again said to me, 'SEE. Is this really what you want?' I said, 'No'. I felt myself being sucked into the vacuum again and I awoke.
Date NDE Occurred: 08/2005
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No 'Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening'
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? Uncertain
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I'd have to say the 2nd time. I was very aware and conscious of what had just happened and instantly associated.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Only during the experience was my vision 20/20. I wear glasses and for a split second remember saying: 'wow, everything is so clear'.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing was also very keen during the experience.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No I was not allowed to enter
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The image of God did not come through but I felt his presence, I heard the voice of God through the image of my sister-in-law who was incidentally still alive and well.
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? The first time I felt lots of love, and warmth that took over my entire being. The second time I just felt loss and anguish knowing that what I was praying for was not going to happen to me but the one I love.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from my personal future
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain I suppose it's been more of a slow churn to the point where I am today with my spirituality; changing for the positive.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Catholic WHILE I STILL HAVE MY CATHOLIC BASE SO TO SPEAK, RECENTLY I'VE BECOME VERY AWARE THAT THERE IS MORE THAN JUST NAMING MY RELIGION, I FEEL SPIRITUALITY IN TUNE WHICH SEEM SO MUCH MORE BROADER AND ALMOST A COMBINATION OF SEVERAL RELIGIOUS BACKGROUNDS.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain Honestly not until recently have I really questioned and started talking about it to someone. Values and my beliefs have certainly been altered and I am more aware of my own role in life, so to speak. I also feel like I'm just tapping into something even more profound.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes the image of GOD did not come through but i felt his presence, I heard the voice of god through the image of my sister inlaw who was incidently still alive and well.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes i felt his presence and heard his voice and i had no question in my mind that it was GOD.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I felt His presence and heard his voice; I had no question in my mind that it was GOD. During the first encounter, I felt immense love and the second time I was aware of love towards my boyfriend.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes during the first encounter i felt immense love and the second time i was aware of love towards my boyfriend
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life Slight changes in my life
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes Slowly I'm realizing changes in my faith, my life and those whom I love and deal with on a daily basis for the better. I'm not so self-conscious speaking of GOD, my spirituality, or faith.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I've started hearing voices and I thought I was going crazy. I started to feel strange energies around me. Just recently, I have spoken to someone who has dealt with the same and told me I have 'medium' capabilities.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes About 7 years later.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I was more in disbelief and would revisit the experience in my mind over and over.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I don't know what it was, but I almost had an epiphany a few months ago and realized that it was real. I don't know why it just came to me.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I remember the experiences as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experiences.
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