Experience Description

At that time I was a single mother of a daughter who was eight years old, trying to make a living any way I could. I was working one full time job and two part-time jobs. While working one of the part-time jobs as a clerk in a convenience store, one of my duties was to sweep the sidewalk and parking lot and that was what I was doing on this night around 9:00 pm. The store I worked in sat to the side of Highway 231, which was a four lane highway with lots of traffic, outside the city limits. Out of the night, a car came fast and furious from Highway 231, swerving around the gas pumps and headed right at me.

I felt like I had time to get out of the way and thinking surely they would stop soon as they were bearing down on me. But they didn't stop and no matter which way I ran the car kept coming. The impact happened so fast, only the concrete wall of the store stopped the car with me pinned between. In my position, bent over the hood of the car, I could see the female driver and listened in disbelief as she screamed over and over, 'Why me?' The male passenger was trying to push her from behind the wheel. He and ended up dumping her bottom first onto the parking lot after I kept repeating to get the car off me. I couldn't move and was very surprised to not be feeling anything, until the car was slowly reversed away.

Then the most awful pain flooded all throughout my broken body. I could not stand and just kept following the car as I lay across the hood. Then I threw up my left arm, kind of like in an arc, so that it lay beside me. There was not much left to my left hand and from seeing that and the overwhelming pain, I passed out. I came to when the two idiots had dragged me inside and dumped me on the counter. The pain was unbearable, but I fought to not lose consciousness again. Even though I pleaded with them to get me help, they refused. I could see that they were not in their right minds and later learned that they confessed to 'drinking and doing drugs for two days.' In essence, they told me I was going to die but they would not let me die alone.

They held me hostage for roughly forty-five minutes before a passer-by called the law and they could get there to get help for me. I kept telling myself that I was going to live long enough to tell the authorities what they had done and kept fighting to hold onto life. True to my thoughts, I gave the lawmen my story, while the emergency medical technicians were working on broken bones and tried to stop the bleeding. Once inside the ambulance, I begged for painkillers, only to be told 'no' since I had lost consciousness. I hurt so badly and I was so tired, I quit answering their questions and closed my eyes. I was ready to give up.

It seemed as though time was standing still but at the same time going by real fast. I don't know how, but slowly, I felt myself floating in total darkness. The darkness brought me relief from pain and I could no longer feel my earthly body. I floated in darkness that oddly felt comforting. No sound, no light, but most of all no pain. Thoughts of 'this is death' came to me and yet it didn't matter. I did not care about anyone or anything anymore. I was welcoming the feeling. Feelings that I had known as a human were replaced with an extreme nothing and still I was not concerned.

Suddenly, flashes as if I was seeing my entire life caught in Kodak moments, zipped past my conscious being, inside me. Faster and faster, they flew by, moments of my life. I felt neither happiness nor sadness as I watched. Then they slowed down, until I felt like I was inside a casket looking up, at my own funeral. I could see as if from that position and I saw in color, the image of my crying mother being held up by my father who looked so old and broken hearted. Each had a hand on my daughter's shoulders. Of my daughter, all I could see was from her nose up and eight little fingers holding onto the side of the casket. She was crying uncontrollably and shouting, 'Don't leave me Momma, Momma come back.' Repeatedly I heard her screaming through her tears.

I did not talk with anyone, I don't recall feeling anyone's presence with me, but someone or something had showed me all this in a matter of a few earthly minutes. In an instant, I felt like I was being given a choice. I knew I was to go back and do whatever I had to do, because of my daughter and parents. They needed me more than I needed to stay there without the pain.

It felt like I was hit with a tremendous force, the feeling of being slammed back into my body, back onto the gurney, and back into this world. Sounds of the female working on me saying, 'Jim, what's the ETA?' and Jim's reply of, 'About five minutes,' came from the front of the ambulance. I heard her say, 'We don't have five minutes.' There was something said about, blood pressure has bottomed out, before I opened my eyes and tried to smile at her. She drew a deep breath and told me she thought they were losing me. She told me how I needed to keep talking and not sleep. I cannot remember much more after that, except the pain and many people working on me at the hospital.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 11-13-83

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Criminal attack Life threatening event, but not clinical death I was dying, I know I was dying.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Mixed

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes
I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the end when the episode was winding down enough for me to start the experiencing part in the casket.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It seemed as though I experienced so much in such a small length of earthly time. Where my soul had traveled to knew nothing of time as we know time passing on earth.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? There was nothing to hear during the experience. It was total silence until I was back in my body.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I only felt myself rising or just being lifted upward, into total darkness. I cannot remember seeing any light except watching the scenes of my life experiences.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain I don't recall seeing anyone, or anything, but just knowing that I was in the presence of something that was offering me a chance to return to my family.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? It was almost a non-feeling, as I looked at the pictures/scenes, but I felt such total need when I perceived my family attending my funeral. I can't say I was blissful, maybe a great sadness, only like I needed to come back. But I do know that I liked it there. No worries, no burdens, no heaviness, no sadness, no despair, only contentment.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control Oh, yes. It was in the form of caught moments of different times in my life. But they were coming so fast that I was unable to glean anything from them. I only knew that they were about me. Until they slowed and then it seemed that I experienced the funeral scene.

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist Pentecostal

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes It has forced me to search for more than what I was taught in the church and by my parents. I still believe in God the Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost, but I have broadened my scope of life to listen to other people's beliefs and theories.

What is your religion now? Moderate Spiritual

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes It has forced me to search for more than what I was taught in the church and by my parents. I still believe in God the Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost, but I have broadened my scope of life to listen to other people's beliefs and theories.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I don't think of this very often, but lately, I think of it a lot more than ever I did in the past. I find myself saying aloud, I should know something. There is something that I should have learned and know by now. That's how I came across your site - I am looking to understand something from this experience - something I should have taken with me but somehow have misplaced or forgotten through all the pain, rehab and just plain doing my best to get my daughter raised. I pushed it all to the back of my mind and kind of wrote it off as nonsense. But it haunts me now.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I am currently wrestling with what I should have learned from my NDE. And maybe the only thing I took away was that I was not finished with whatever my task on earth was even if it was only to be a mother for my daughter. I later dated and married a man with two young boys, ten and thirteen at that time, when my daughter reached twenty-one. Until then she was my life and main concern. It was a rough go for the past ten years, but finally my husband and I raised the boys to manhood and they are now on their own. Maybe I learned the importance of being needed in their upbringing too.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared my experience with my parents about six months later. They smiled and said, 'Isn't God grand. He has been so good to us all.' They never said that I was foolish or looked at me any differently, nor did they question me past what I had told them that I had experienced. It was a couple of years later, when my daughter was about thirteen years old when I told her about it. She thought it was awesome and said she was glad that I had not left her. I told her she was my inspiration throughout the whole recovery and I can say truthfully, she is the reason that I live today.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had read some stories I believe in the 'Reader's Digest' or some magazine, but the ones I had heard of always included seeing a light and meeting loved ones who had crossed over. So unlike my experience.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definately not real Because I was aware that I was dying and that part of me wanted to die. I was so tired of life in general. Tired of the endless struggle and ignorant of my many blessings. Maybe it was just a dream, brought on by my excessive loss of blood that I had generated to give me a reason to hold on and keep fighting.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Things in my life have slowed down to a comfortable pace. I find myself reflecting on my past and trying to come to grip with my perception of 'God' and spirituality. I study the bible and I try to live by the commandments only to find myself wanting much more. In my reflections, I recall my very real experience where I hovered between life, death, and wonder if I have done what I came here to do. And I wonder if I forgot something important that I should have learned from the whole thing.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I think that the questionnaire is more than adequate.