I cannot recall getting sick with pneumonia, the 911 response, emergency room visit, seven days in the Medical Intensive Care Unit at a major University, nor nine days of that time not being in the 'physical world'. The 'journey' seemed to last for days, but perhaps it was only minutes or hours. I found myself going through a tunnel, almost floating or swimming through this tunnel. I found myself in a dark space, yet there were bright primary colors seeming to form letters that I cannot recall. This space felt 'hard,' like work. I felt tired. It seemed chaotic and loud. The space was unpleasant and I remember disliking it. I then slipped through what seemed like the same tunnel and I arrived in a tunnel-like space with a soft white and somewhat golden or shimmering light. As I was moved toward the light, I was not aware of my physical body. I recall a tremendous feeling of peace, calm, quiet, beauty, and a simply 'letting go' of 'tension' for lack of a better word. I remember thinking that I preferred this space over the chaotic space. I was happy. I was moving, without any effort on my part, toward the soft glow. I continued feeling the most incredible peace, accompanied by a gentleness and softness. I recall feeling eager to reach the light. yet did not feel rushed. I was getting closer. I then noticed a very soft, yet worn-looking, flow and fold of a light blue and gold robe. I could only see the legs of the person wearing the robe. I knew He was God. I wanted to see His face as I moved closer, but I did not. During my travel toward the light, I recall hearing gently softly-spoken words. I somehow knew that I needed to remember the words. I recall feeling slight frustration that I was having difficulty remembering the words, but after a while, I had 'memorized' them and recall feeling relieved. The words I was told to memorize were: 'Seek not to understand so that you may believe, but seek to believe so that you may understand.' I then felt myself being pulled back and away from the light. I did not want to go and recall feeling sad. I tried to fight being pulling back. Yet, I continued moving backward. I somehow found myself turned away from the light and knew that I had to quickly take one last look back; it felt so important, and I knew there was not much time. I quickly turned my head over my shoulder and saw the soft glow and flowing 'robe' one last time. And there, walking into the light was my beloved soulmate; my precious little teacup poodle Coco. He had passed about a year before this experience, and I have missed him terribly. I only saw his back end as he entered the soft light. I remember smiling to myself, feeling tremendous relief that I saw him and that he was o.k.I was and am still happy that I remembered the words, yet I am confused. I did some research later and learned that these words were from the poet Pablo. I had NEVER heard these words NOR did I know anything about Pablo. Truly. I have gone over and over in my mind to try to remember hearing these words prior to this experience, but I believe they were new to me. Yet, as I think about it now, I was learning about so many different faiths before this experience, trying to understand, and trying to believe. The words simply told me to BELIEVE. I find that comforting.I heard another message when I was close to the soft light, 'There is something important you must do.' It seems I heard this over and over. I have no idea what the 'important' thing is at present but am trying to BELIEVE that it will be shown to me. I feel transformed. Things just don't seem to be that important here on Earth. I'm calmer. I'm not trying to 'figure it all out'. I'm just taking one day at a time. I miss that 'oh so comforting' peace I felt on my journey; and, frankly, I am sad about being pulled back. However, I now believe there is a place to which I'll return one day, and that brings a smile to my face.
Date NDE Occurred: 10/19/15
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes. Life threatening event, but not clinical death.
My bilateral pneumonia was severe requiring intubation and a ventilator to sustain life. I was comatose for about seven days. (Bilateral pneumonia, intubated on ventilator for five days; severe drug reaction)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I lost awareness of my body
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal This is difficult to answer. I was listening intently, trying to remember the words in the message; I felt very 'alert' and saw, felt, and heard very clearly. All my senses were heightened.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I think I was at my highest level of consciousness during the 'journey' when I was closest to the light.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
Moving toward the light seemed slow; being pulled away seemed very fast and made me sad.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Definitely more heightened. Though there were soft 'edges' of the images, I saw, this was very clear.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I keenly 'heard' the words/messages but they don't seem to be as if they were 'spoken' to me now; more like 'hearing them in my mind', but I'm not sure.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes The tunnel was soft, small but not tight; perhaps curved because it was not completely straight; and somewhat dark. I felt like I was floating or swimming through it with no effort on my part.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Soft white, pale golden, almost shimmering light, that was very soothing.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was a peaceful, gentle place
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt tremendous relief, peace, gratitude, calm, and love. BUT, I also felt very sad about being pulled back.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I knew there was something important I needed to do on Earth.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other faiths- Unitarian and other liberal faiths I have been on a spiritual journey for the past year, spending time with Buddhism, Hindu, Oneness, Unitarian, and 'traditional' God-based faiths. I grew up in a Methodist church and have 'weaved' in & out of Christianity all my life - sometimes believing, sometimes not.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Prayer and constant conversation with God
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian After my spiritual 'journey', I had come back to God and was very 'close' with Him.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had been searching for 'the truth'....trying to 'know'....trying to believe....I was uncertain but am now, without doubt, certain.....
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Belief in God
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I saw the flowing folds of a robe around the legs of someone. At the time, I 'felt' this was God. I 'heard' words/messages, but not sure if it was audible or 'heard' in my mind. I tend to think it was audible.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain Was the flowing 'robe' God? I so wanted to see His face but I never looked up. He seemed to be sitting.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I never imagined there would be such a complete feeling of peace......I have never felt so calm, so 'not worried', so 'easy', not hard......
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain simply not sure about the 'universal connection' or 'oneness'.....
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes The vision of the flowing soft 'robe' of a ?person sitting was God during my experience....I somehow knew this.....
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Definitely! The words / messages were meant for only me. I somehow knew this.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Just being 'told' there was something 'important for me to do'
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes There seemed to be something beyond the light...I wanted so desperately to see beyond....I believe I saw God.....
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Life feels so 'hard' here on Earth; the 'other' world I visited was 'easy & effortless'....
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt complete love and peace......as if I was bathed in it......
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I think I'll only spend time with those whose company I enjoy. I am worried about relationship with husband and our 'differences' about religion.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes …but only somewhat. It's difficult finding words for what appeared to be a 'robe' for example. It's difficult describing how the words 'sounded'. It seemed like a male voice, yet also seemed to not be audible, i.e. being 'heard' in my mind. I’m not sure about that.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I was unaware of the 'physicality' of my comatose state.....no recall....clearly recall the 'experience'....
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I have been a RN for 36 years and recently retired. There is something 'important' I am to do next. That will be revealed to me.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Having simply experienced, for a short time, that incredible peace.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Four weeks after, I shared with my husband. He seemed to not believe me, which makes me sad. I will choose very carefully, with whom I share my story.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Many stories told to me by patients as an RN of many years.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real Just too vivid. The words / messages and things I have not heard / known before were too 'real' to not be real.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I'm changed and I could not change myself before.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Believe.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? A little repetition but o.k.
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