Experience Description

I had been hiking all day, thirty-five miles and less than half-way my water ran out. I spent ten to eleven hours in a hundred and eight degree heat, hiking with no water. I had been hiking regularly in that heat for weeks and thought I could handle it. By the time I got back into town, I had been many hours past the time when I stopped sweating. My head was blurry and I could barely walk. I guess I went down in town. I don't know how long I lay there, but the nurse who gave me CPR said that my heart had stopped and I wasn't breathing. I was out for about two minutes after she got to me, and an unknown amount of time before she got to me.

As for the experience itself, it was initially like my thoughts clearing up. At the same time, it was like the world got all misty and disappeared. There was no sensation of leaving my body or of viewing any of this world. My senses were gone in a traditional sense. Instead, it felt like all my senses merged into a single sense. I couldn't see, hear, smell, or touch but I could feel. (I assume I couldn't taste either but I didn't get a chance to experiment with that one.) I remember very explicitly that I first went to the misty place. The sense of beauty, love, peace, and most of all completion still makes me cry whenever I remember it. I somehow felt that I was 'allowed' to say goodbye to those still on earth. I envisioned my kids and was instantly in a void. My kids were there, but without seeing, hearing, or touching. I could sense them and I knew they could sense me. I wanted to tell them that I loved them and say goodbye, but couldn't. Then I knew they understood and I turned back to the mist. Back in the mist, I was ready to let go, but suddenly the mist was retreating. I was back in the void. Then I was in pain. I didn't understand pain at first. I knew I didn't like it. Then I realized I could hear, then touch, then smell, then I opened my eyes and I could see. I heard the ambulance coming and then the trip to the hospital, the needles, and the fluids. It all sucked. When the pain left me, probably they gave me some meds, this world hurt. It was as if my very existence here is wrong. It hurt inside where no drugs could ever touch. It still does. I've been in the psychiatric hospital and on drugs, but that's just a way to get through the day. I was ready to move on and was wrenched out of there against my will. I'm scared that if I kill myself, I will go somewhere worse than here. So I suffer each day until someone kills me and I can go back.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 22 August 2008

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes 'Heat stroke resulting in loss of consciousness, breathing, and heartbeat.' Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) Advanced heat stroke.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal As above.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I don't really understand. You are asking about alertness like seeing, and hearing, and whatnot. It wasn't like that at all. I wasn't aware of lots of others at all. Just a sense of belonging.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It felt like I was there for days, but I was only out for a few minutes.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I couldn't use my vision.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I didn't 'hear' anything.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I was in the misty light. I was 'asked' what I wanted. I asked to see my kids. Then I was in the void. There was no sensation of 'passing' a point.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes The mist itself was a 'being' of sorts. I also visited with my children. They met me in the void. We 'hugged' and I turned back to the mist.

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was a misty light. But it really wasn't light. It was - emotion, peace, love, everything combined to form a 'mist.'

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Two. There was the place with the mist and there was the place with the void. Based on what I experienced, the void was more closely related to this world and the mist was more closely related to the final stages of reintegration to the universe.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, peace, belonging, completion.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal Atheist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Liberal Atheist

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Interconnectedness. Everything is actually one, we just cannot tell with the senses we use in this world.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I have not had a personal relationship with anyone since. It's like they just don't understand. Can't understand what real feeling is.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It is difficult to explain the feelings involved. It's like an external feeling merging/replacing the feelings I had. The external feelings were mine too. It's not like someone else's feelings invading, but my own feelings coming from 'without' to replace the feelings 'within'.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain It's not really psychic or paranormal, but that ability to sense things without using any of my primary senses lingered.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? When in the void I was allowed to say goodbye to the people I loved before moving back into the mist. Then back in the mist, I felt completion. I was ready and able to move on.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I had heard about them in a passing sense, like in a movie I watched when I was a kid. But I had never dealt directly with them.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew it was real from the time I was brought awake. It is extremely emotionally sensitive and I have a tough time talking about it. It's taken me three years to talk about it and I still cry.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real See above.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No